January 2009

Women Exercise To Get Male Attention

January 30, 2009

Tagline: “It’s all about men.” This is exactly the type of idiotic advertising that companies do just to get a rise out of people so we’ll all post it on our blogs and natter about it and give them lots of viral publicity and attention. Sadly, I am unable to resist the bait and so I’m giving it to them. (“That’s what SHE said!” ba-dum-bum.) Men’s Health magazine has launched a new advertising initiative ostensibly targeted at men but really aimed at getting the women folk up in arms. Probably because we’re so cute when we make that little scrunchy [...]

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Experiment Results Shocker: I Did Not Lose 10 Pounds In One Month

January 28, 2009

Although this elephant probably just lost 10 pounds in 10 seconds. There’s just something about doing handstand push-ups on the weight floor that brings it out in people. Brings what out, you ask? Eye rolls, high fives, stares, giggles… wedgies – trust me, we got it all today! But before we get to our crazy behavior*, you probably have a second question (if you’ve been paying attention): “But Charlotte why were you doing handstand push-ups at the gym? The Self Magazine January Fitness Experiment has zero handstand push-ups in it.” My answer: Exactly. The Shape Magazine “Lose 10 Pounds in [...]

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Does Your Birth Control Make You Gain Weight?

January 28, 2009

Does birth control make you gain weight? The research says no. And that, my friends, is the sound of a million women screaming and throwing things at their monitors. Occasionally I read a piece of research that makes me wonder if the researcher has ever met an actual live human specimen and this is one of them. Despite the findings of the German Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care (quality and efficiency – how very German!), every woman I know has her own anecdotal evidence that she would like to shove, er, show Herr Sawicki. Hormones Are Wacky [...]

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No Fat, No Sugar, No Flour Chocolate Cookies – That Actually Taste Good!

January 27, 2009

You’ve all had a “healthy” cookie before, right? “Healthy” cookies are what happens when some well-intentioned person tries to adapt a perfectly decadent recipe and ruins it. My response to these, ahem, treats is usually along the lines of “Wow. Not bad! But you know what I’m really craving now? A cookie.” It almost like a tease: here’s something that vaguely resembles a cookie and yet will not taste good like a cookie. The cookie conundrum, as I have just now dubbed it, will show you that there are exactly two types of people in the world. No, not men [...]

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Mini-Experiment: Community Supported Agriculture

January 26, 2009

Pop quiz: what do stinging nettles, horseradish whips and burdock clubs all have in common? They may all sound like instruments of torture but actually they are foods my CSA (community supported agriculture) farm considers edible. I, on the other hand, consider them… instruments of torture. Did you even know that you can eat stinging nettles? Indeed, the noxious weed that you spent most of girl scout camp trying to avoid, is considered a delicacy by some people. The only problem is, well, the stinging part. According to the directions that came in the handy-dandy CSA member newsletter, if you [...]

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Friday Fun: The New Body Image Woe Plaguing Young Girls

January 23, 2009

Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. That’s why The Onion was invented, folks. (Anyone else not know they’d branched out into film?) And if that did not amuse you, then perhaps this will: Someone (who I can’t be bothered to look up because it’s Friday and I’m lazy) invented the “Light Girl” – a toilet seat aimed at women that will weigh you before and after you go. You all know I’ve done this, albeit without the fancy scale. So if anyone is looking to buy me [...]

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The Bad Side Effect of Exercise That No One Talks About

January 22, 2009

Sweat. Expended energy. Stress relief. Weight loss. Heart health. Friend time. Or alone time. An excuse to wear the ridiculously cute new workout duds from Nike Dance Line. I mean, really, what’s not to love about working out? Well, there is one part of you that doesn’t appreciate your dedication to exercise – and I’m not talking about your butt after an hour of Spin class. I’ll give you a hint: it’s the largest organ in your body. (Bonus are-you-smarter-than-a-fifth-grader question: What is the closest star to earth?) Your Skin in the GymNot only is your skin great for showing [...]

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The Maintenance Myth

January 21, 2009

The caption reads: “‘Better not take that fudge sundae,’ this customer muses when she sees the reading on the dial set in the counter.” My favorite part though is the look on the soda jerk’s face. Talk about public shaming. So you’ve finally dropped all the weight you wanted to. You hit your goal weight, had a party and rocked the skinny jeans. You posted your before and after pics and even wrote a testimonial in your favorite fitness magazine. You threw out your fat clothes and bought a sexy wardrobe of classic pieces to last you a lifetime in [...]

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Your Health Food Can Kill You

January 20, 2009

“Pumpkin!” That was the final word that I needed to win Mrs. Julkunen’s second-grade Fall Festival bingo game. The stakes were high: winning meant not only bragging rights on the playground but also a beautiful package of scented pencils that I lusted over and begged my mom endlessly for quarters so I could buy some out of the vending machines at my school. Cinnamon, bubblegum, even rootbeer! I needed those pencils. And Mrs. J just said “pumpkin!” I was the second-grade Bingo Star! Except… except that we were using pinto beans as bingo markers and I’d, um, eaten all my [...]

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Mandatory Airbrush Labeling: Next Trend in Magazines?

January 19, 2009

Do you think they got this model on a half price sale? If you lived in Australia not only would you have 24/7 access to Hugh Jackman (or Nicole Kidman for the gents) but you’d have something even better. What could be better than a shirtless Wolverine, you ask? Mandatory airbrush labeling on magazine photos. I’m serious. I’d take truth in advertising over glistening pecs any day of the week. (Rhetorical question: does that make me old??) Apparently Australia has a law, “the National Media and Industry Code of Conduct on Body Image, which demands labeling of airbrushed images in [...]

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