April 2010

Everything You Know About Dietary Fat is Wrong

April 30, 2010

Nothing says health food like meat in a can. But look – it even has one of those little key thingies to help you open it!! The Internet teaches many strange lessons. For instance, courtesy of Facebook I now know more of my girl friends’ maiden names than I did when we were in high school and they were still using them. Just today I learned that millions of baby cribs are being recalled (sending me creeping into Jelly Bean’s nursery with a flashlight like the stalker mom I am), that I can use oil-based exterior paint to spruce up [...]

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Confessions of a Celebrity Blogger

April 29, 2010

It all started with a dubious website for underemployed writers and a post that can best be described as the Internet equivalent of a casting call for a Valtrex ad. “Writer wanted for popular celebrity blog. Style must match exactly. I need to take a break for personal reasons and want to keep posting continuous for the readers. You will post under my name only. Send two sample posts to xxxxx@hotmail.com. Pay good.” It was the last bit that snagged me. I needed money and I don’t have a lot of pride. I also don’t have a lot of knowledge [...]

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The Flaw I Refuse to Apologize For

April 27, 2010

I love it – the artist even gave her a little orange-peel bum hole! You might not know it due to the lack of red circles drawn around my thighs or arrows pointing at my butt but I have cellulite worthy of an US cover, In Touch at the very least. It’s cottage cheese-y or orange peel-y or any other bumpy food analogy you might care to apply but you know what it’s not? Embarrassing. At least to me. I wear a swimsuit with no sarong tied around my waist. I run in my Nike tempo track shorts. And when [...]

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Don’t Forget – the Arm & Hammer Sweepstakes Ends Friday!

April 27, 2010

Be sure to enter on everyone’s blog – you have 7 more chances to win that $200 gift card!

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Pregnancy: Attack of the Body Snatchers, Jillian Michaels Edition

April 26, 2010

Tiger Lady. That’s what my oldest son christened me as soon as he could talk, thanks to my knees-to-navel stretch marks. (Note: that proud day was also the day I decided he was too old to shower with mommy anymore.) So I will be the last person to tell you that you can have a baby and bounce back to exactly the same shape you were in before having a human erupt from your loins. Even if you do get down to your pre-pregnancy weight – a touchy enough subject – most likely things will settle into new positions. (We [...]

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Tag You’re It! Contest Winner!

April 26, 2010

Some of you asked to see my beautiful Tag! You’re It! necklace, so here you go! All 5 of my kiddos near to my heart and setting off metal detectors, just as they should be. (Sorry for the bad pic – I’m not good at the whole MySpace self photography thing. Maybe if I stood in my bathroom in my underwear and pouted….) With no further adieu, the winner of the Tag You’re It! necklace giveaway is….Sarah Lewis! (Sorry, no random number generator picture this time – the sponsor opted to choose the winner themselves.)

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Selling Out My Health Principles

April 23, 2010

I can be bought. For the low, low price of $80. You’d think my morals would be a bit pricier than that and honestly I myself was surprised but there you have it. Last night and tonight found me parking around back of a large building, sneaking in a door left cracked open, and then jogging up six flights of stairs to arrive sweaty and breathless in a tiny room full of… Pizza. I don’t eat white flour, sugar, processed foods, meat with nitrates or even meat at all. I am repelled by foods with words like “lite” and “tasti” [...]

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Offensive Ads Just Giving Women What They Want?

April 22, 2010

Here’s one mild example. I was too horrified to post the worst offenders. Feel free to click through and check out others if you are so inclined. Be ready to wish for your retinas to detach. One model in a ball gown stabbing another through the neck. A gang bang of a man perpetrated by other men clad in haute couture. A woman fishing a Jimmy Choo bag out of a pool… wherein lies a floating male corpse. If you’ve skimmed the ads in any fashion mag recently then you probably already know the ads I’m talking about. They’re bizarre, [...]

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Body Fascism: Why I Hate Food

April 20, 2010

I’m just going to warn you straight out. This post is crazy. And if you are one of those people who gets crazy reading about my crazy then you probably want to skip all the crazy and go straight to your therapist (do not pass Go, do not collect 200 xanax). Which is where I would be venting this nonsense if she hadn’t abandoned me for the prison system (sure, like people in prison need excellent therapists… oh, um, right.) I hate food. If there was a pill that I could take every day and never have to deal with [...]

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Your Insurance Company is Trying to Kill You… With Fast Food

April 19, 2010

image credit No matter where you fall on the spectrum of personal responsibility versus our obesogenic environment as the primary factor in the obesity crisis, there is one thing we all seem to agree on: Fast food is awful. Whether you think it’s your fault for choosing to eat it or the companies’ faults for engineering such addictive concoctions of fat, salt and sugar, everyone knows that fast food will kill you by inches. That’s not up for debate. And yet there’s a reason there is a McD’s, Burger King, Taco Bell or any other edifice with a drive through [...]

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