The Gym Vigilante

There’s a grunter in my Spin class. There’s also a loud iPod singer on the track, a yeller on the weight floor, a toilet-seat sprayer in the bathroom, a gaseous runner on the treadmill, a beanie baby collector in my yoga class (who actually sets her collection up around her mat) and the girl who …

Functional Anorexia

(photo removed by request)Elite Development model /Elite Models, New York Anorexia is bad. It ruins your teeth, destroys your heart muscle, makes you forgetful, anxious, tired, paranoid, angry and depressed. It gives you chronically low blood pressure which leads to fainting and hypoglycemia which can lead to seizures. It leads to osteoporosis, fertility problems, hair …

Poo Sniffing

Due to a tragic laundering error involving a potty-training toddler’s underwear and the family’s general laundry comingling in the dark recesses of my washing machine, I went to the gym today smelling like… At first I couldn’t figure it out as the scent of fecal matter was faint and sporadic. I checked my kids’ diapers …

Hot or Not?

No, don’t answer that question about me. I’m just going to live in la-la land and assume that all of you think I am the human equivalent of Fancy Feast and leave it at that. (No I don’t know what that analogy means either, shut up.) Since starting the Jillian Michaels Experiment (which oddly has …

Um, Awkward!

Dear Shape Magazine,Normally I read your pages with lukewarm interest and divided attention. I rarely get excited about an article – although it does happen sometimes – and am not the letter-to-the-editor type. That is, until I got your July issue in the mail a few days ago (never mind that it was May). There …