The Worst Exercise Move Ever, Male Edition [Plus: workout challenge!]

Remember when we made fun of a certain ladymag for suggesting we should tie our ankles to the cable machine and spread our legs wide open as if the gym were our gynecologist? They promised it would work our inner thighs. And I promised to never molest a weight bench. In public. Needless to say the Gym Buddies and I have never done that move.

But! Lest you think that humiliating cable machine moves (What is it with the cable machine? Do workout gurus have some kind of bondage fetish?) are only for women, Reader Andrea sent me this picture she found that is equally as awful for the gentlemen:

Questions:

1. Where did they find a fitness model who could do this move with a straight face?

2. Will he wipe down the rope after he’s finished? Because no one wants to use it after it’s been all up in his sweaty man business.

Lesson:

If an exercise move involves the danger of castration it’s not worth it. I don’t care how great it works your back. Try a deadlift. Jeez.

Challenge: Because I haven’t used enough colons for one day!

Last week the army rolled out a new fitness test that all recruits have to pass. Being who we are, the Gym Buddies and I love anything with “test” or “challenge” or “puketastic” in the title (seriously, if you ever find a workout like this – send it to me, please!). Gym Buddy Allison and I did the old test a few years back (we passed, like dudes) and so we are dying to try the new one.

Unfortunately the new test requires a bunch of equipment we don’t have and even if we did I’m pretty sure our Y would frown upon us bring a rifle in. But Mark Sisson at Mark’s Daily Apple kindly adapted the new army test to a workout all of us modern-day neanderthals can do. So today in the gym, the Gym Buddies and I will be tackling the Primal Blueprint Workout of the Week, Army Edition. Weighted sprints! Farmer carries! Drag races!! (Hmm, wherever will I find a weight to pull… Come back, Katie!)

Who’s in with us for this mini workout challenge? Anyone have a better name for the above unfortunate exercise? What’s your fave embarrassing workout move?