There are some conversations that at the beginning sound like a good idea but the more you get into it, the more you realize that you’re going places you never intended. Take, for instance, explaining the rules of Clue to a five year old.
“Mommy, why is there a crooked stick in here?”
“It’s a lead pipe, honey.”
“Why is there a lead pipe in here?”
“Well, see it’s a weapon.”
“What’s a weapon?”
“Something you use to kill people.”
“How do you kill people with a lead pipe?” (Oh google search is gonna love this post!)
“Ummm… you hit them really hard with it.”
“Where?”
“Probably their head.”
“In their face?”
“I suppose that would do.”
“How many times do you have to hit them?”
Gasp. Choke. Cough.
“Mommy, what’s this wrench doing in here?”
Who knew Clue was such a moral minefield? Maybe we should play a different game. Anyone up for Battleship? “What’s a nuclear submarine, mommy?”
Anyhow, today’s post is going to be one of those conversations is what I’m saying. Reader Mackenzie started it all when she asked me in the comments of one of my Bodily Functions & Fitness 101 posts how exercise affects your sex life. She then added helpfully that her sex drive went down when she was overexercising. You know I love me a good overshare! Thanks Mackenzie!
Without asking too many personal questions, let’s take a look at the research (because you know somebody somewhere got grant money to study this!):
How Exercise Improves Your Sex Life
1. Stamina. Sex is a fitness endeavor after all, as Men’s Health is fond of reminding us on every single page. So it only follows that if you improve your overall fitness level that your endurance in other areas would also benefit. Increased cardio capacity leads to increased blood flow – always helpful. Besides, you really don’t want to be one of those people who dies from heart attack during sex do you? On second thought, never mind, maybe you do.
2. Body Confidence. As anyone who has lost weight or toned up – or both – can tell you, once you start feeling better about yourself and how you look, you’re more eager to shed the clothing. Even without losing any pounds or bulking any muscles, exercise has a way of making you feel more confident and sexy!
3. Strength. I won’t elaborate too much on this one except to say that being strong has its advantages in and out of the gym. If you need ideas of which exercises to do to improve your horizontal hip hop skillz, WebMD has a video for you. Yeah, WebMD. I know. It might be like walking in on your parents but I’m pretty sure it’s SFW (safe for work).
4. Body Knowledge. There is something about exercise that helps you understand your body and how it works better. Whether it’s the coordination required to do a step aerobics class or the knowledge that bent-over rows work your upper back better than reverse pec-dec flys, knowing how your body responds to different things is a great tool.
5. Stress Relief. Everything from yoga to weights to a good long run can get those endorphins flowing and the stress hormone cortisol crashing down. Less stress is better for everyone involved, right?
How Exercise Hurts Your Sex Life
1. Steroids. Remember this guy? Don’t be this guy. Besides the cosmetic issues, messing with your hormones can certainly impact your reproductive capabilities.
2. Overexercising. Like Mackenzie pointed out, sometimes you can reach a point where you exercise to the exclusion of everything else. Not only do you not mentally have the space to care about another person but physically you’re so spent that sex doesn’t even show up on your radar.
3. Injury. A rolled ankle probably won’t put you out of business but a pulled groin or a sprained back sure will!
4. Training schedules. Often a new athlete is like someone who just found religion. They eat, sleep and breathe their newfound sport. This single-minded devotion makes them universally admired by magazine editors. It also makes them despised on bulletin boards but I digress. Sometimes people get so enthused about their new healthy lifestyle that they lose all interest in other pursuits. Who can fit in nookie when you wake up at 4, go to bed at 8 and have to eat every 2 hours in between?
Conclusion
I think it’s pretty obvious what the conclusions here are: never mix sex with lead pipes. Oops. I mean, fitness has the capacity to increase your enjoyment in the bedroom and your skills as a lovah – as long as you don’t take it to the extreme.
Normally this is the part where I ask you your experiences but in the interest of keeping this a family site, I have created this comprehensive poll (although do feel free to chime in with a comment – just keep it PG!):
LOVE the board game conundrum!
Back when I was young, single, and utterly dateless, I went to the gym ALL THE TIME. I looked pretty darn good, but still couldn't get a date. Or any…you know.
Now, as I'm creeping toward middle age (yikes!) and am married, I work out at home more often and have regular…you know.
So, yes, exercise has improved that area, but it's no guarantee. You gotta work on your inside, too. Especially the brain.
it's all about the balance and varying one's cardio 🙂
lol at watching and weighting.
and Id say YES it improves it—only so long as your bod confidence matches your partners.
been in some weird pairings before I got married.
with NONexercisers.
TMI,
MizFit
I totally cracked up over the WebMD/parents bedroom comparison.
As part of a long-time-married couple, I gotta be honest… we get plenty of exercise but it's almost always G rated.
O.M.G. I'm a newer reader, so didn't have the pleasure of seeing the roids guy the first time. Wow. It's almost unbelievable…people are so clueless (my new word of the week).
Clue is my favorite game, but I'll remember that when kiddos are around.
Okay, when azusmom mentioned working your inside, I totally thought of something else.
And it may have made my day better.
I remember one time in my residency when with my new love, "it" went south with my total lack of sleep. Fortunately, before she gave up on me, I made a full recovery 🙂
Too funny & with the Clue game in there!!!! Well, I can say that improved body confidence certainly is a plus for me. I think many of us have some issues with body confidence & whether the lights need to be on or off! 🙂
Sleep, I have weird workout hours but thankfully it works for my hubby's schedule too!
i like azusmom's point abou thow when we;re single, we spend so much time at the gym and look great but have no one to strip for. I'm married and I suppose am still at the gym all the time, but the goal is different – i wanna look good, of course, but it's for stress relief and does, like you mentioned, make me feel more confident and in the mood. tho it's hard when I've just finished a hardcore workout and am sore and tired and love is, um, in the air. I just think of it as a bonus workout!
Sex, a subject near and dear to my her.. On second though after improving physique and stamina I may be closer to the lead pipe analogy.
I was listening to a comic last night who made the profound statement that the reason we have an orgasm was so that we'd know when to stop. Of course without it we would just spontaneously combust.
I think I get too much exercise, or maybe I work too much, or go to school too much. Must work on that… GAH!
Thankfully my hubby does all the above things too, so honestly we're just too pooped most of the time.
Should I really press that "Publish Your Comment" button?
I like balance.
Fitness improves the stamina in the bedroom for sure — and strength and flexiblity do too!
I think more than that having both in your life is good as they both release endorphins and help you feel better, relax and destress. Plus it helps with depression!
Too much focus on either though and other things in your life are bound to take a hit.
I think azusmom has it right… the brain is the most important organ you use during sex. Without your head in the game, it's just not the same.
As a victim of over-exercising and under-fueling (by my own black & white, obsessive-thinking brain), I am STILL searching for my completely absent sex drive. I have been period-less for some time, and am hoping to gain about 10 pounds to help both those facts – being underweight & therefore without a period, as well as not being interested in sex.
Children ask the darndest things 🙂
Fitness improves sex life, sure, but the overexercising leads to fatigue leads to a lack of a sex life. And then if you don't get your period, your sex drive just takes a nosedive. So I guess, in a Michael Pollan style statement, one might say: Get exercising. Not too much. Have sex.
I'd say improved overall, the whole body confidence is a big thing, just because when you don't feel sexy, you don't really wanna do anything about it. Stamina, strength, all that other stuff is a bonus, and not having to be mindful of big ol' bellies is major too, but body confidence is key.
I have had to put the stop to it sometimes if it's a morning I have to get up for a run, which is like every day now, I swear. And I've been there with the "tired all the time" stuff. So it goes both ways, but I think there is much more pro than con. 🙂
Sex? I vaguely remember that……
Oh how the mind and body like to go to battle!
I think it's both–the exercise definitely helps with decreasing stress and feeling good about one's body. However, our mind also likes to play tricks on us–the kind that whispers the negative talk and beats up our self-esteem.
With exercise, I can get to a happier place though. I've known the extreme too–for me it had more to do with getting down to a too low body fat % temporarily (kind of what Marie alluded to). Luckily, I was able to fix that pretty quickly and eased up a bit.
Anyway, good topic!
One point about exercise and sex that has not been mentioned. Regular resistance training encourages your body to make testosterone and hgh (yes, even women…). Two hormones that act to make us feel better, help us heal and increase the libido.
And, damn it, now I'm horny as hell!!!
Someone gave my child Clue Jr. as a birthday gift once. It's actually one of the kids favorite games and I like it for brain exercises for the kids. The difference between Clue and Clue Jr.? You have to figure out who stole a piece of someone else's cake, what they had to drink with it and what time they did it. Could people have a problem with it because it has to do with sneaking food? Some probably will, but I haven't seen any adverse affects and after playing several years of Candyland, you have to move on to keep sanity.