Gym Buddy Paul found this out the hard way the other day at a TurboKick social gathering (that’s right – we’re all such TurboFans that we get together outside of Turbo to talk about Turbo. Sometimes we even bust out our moves together. Think line dancing. But louder. And with violence. It’s hawt.) Paul noticed that I was the only one in our raucus group sans beverage and in an effort to be chivalrous, offered to buy me a drink.
For most people – make that normal people – this would be a no-brainer. But we all know by now that I am not normal. And so I declined. “Are you sure?” He looked worried, perhaps wondering if I might pass out from dehydration like I did once before in TurboKick when he happened to save the day with a VitaWater. I am not known for my common sense.
But this time I was not just being boneheaded about my (in)ability to do fasted-state cardio. Let’s start with my religious beliefs. I’m LDS and so that rules out anything alcoholic. (Side note: I may be the only person you’ve ever met that has never, not even once, tasted alcohol. Don’t worry, I’m still fun at parties – I’ve prepped an impressive list of stupid human tricks that I can whip out at a moment’s notice. ) We also choose not to drink coffee or tea. (Additional side note: but hot chocolate is okay. You know that decadent Stephen’s gourmet cocoa? Invented by an LDS person, natch. I think we account for 75% of the world’s hot chocolate consumption.) All of which might be well and good – many LDS folks manage to have perfectly lovely social lives, even in a liquid setting – until you add my personal neuroses on top of it.
I don’t like drinking my calories. This eliminates 90% of beverages. I also don’t like artificial sweeteners. And that eliminates the last 10%. I haven’t had soda in years. So what do I drink? Ice water with lemon. Unsweetened herbal teas. Maybe milk if I’m feeling really kicky. In case anyone is wondering, smoothies, with their numberless calorie-laden ingredients and dubious supplements and faux-health foods and fruit stripped of all fiber, are my own personal hell. Welcome to the wide wonderful world of Charlotte’s mind.
And yet there are a select few beverages that I will drink if the stars are aligned just right and my meds have kicked in, my favorite being pomegranate juice. I love pomegranates. Persephone is my favorite of all the Greek mistresses. And the juice? Is a tart-n-tangy antioxidant cocktail that has the added bonus of turning your lips a really awesome shade of red. (Seriously, I would kill for a lip gloss in that color!) I will break my no-calorie beverage rule for good pomegranate juice.
And the good folks at POM Wonderful decided to help me spread the stained love. One thing that has always got me about pomegranate juice is the wide disparity in taste and price among “100% pomegranate juice.” POM Wonderful cleared that up for me. Apparently most of the other brands are manufactured in countries that do not check the contents of what they sell, allowing things marked as 100% juice to actually be cut with a variety of other, cheaper juices. The POM juice is the only brand guaranteed to be 100% pomegranate juice and nothing else. And come on, nobody likes their drugs – nutraceutical or otherwise – cut with cheap fillers! I tried out a bottle of POM next to a glass of a cheap frozen brand. I could a difference in the juice even before drinking it and the tastes were completely different.
You up for the health-nut version of the Pepsi challenge? The POM Wonderful people are giving five of you a free bottle to try it out and see if you can’t tell the difference. Just leave me a comment below telling me what your favorite beverage of choice is to be entered into the contest! Winners to be announced Monday, contest NOT limited to the U.S. Wahoo!
So, anyone else out there nutty about drinking their calories? Also, big question of the day: do you call it “soda” or “pop”? (If you answer “coke”, you just outed yourself as a Southerner and will be forced to show off your adorable accent every time I talk to you!)
PS> Gym Buddy Paul: Your kind gesture was very much appreciated! Thanks for being my friend even though I’m certifiable;)