A first for me at the gym today: I actually got off my treadmill and moved to another one because of the person next to me.
For some this might not be a big deal but I pride myself on being very tolerant of all different kinds of weird human afflictions. Bad gas, stinky sweat, singing loudly to a tune only they can hear, talking on their cell phone, heavy breathing, clouds of cologne and even, on occasion, leering. I’m not saying I enjoy any of these things (especially not the leering and especially not when you consider that at the time of day I work out the only men around to be doing the staring are over 70) but we’re all people, right? I’m not going to switch my ‘mill off and start over just because you sneezed into the fan and crop dusted the gym with your germs. In addition to my tolerance, I’m also pretty tough in the ol’ immune system. It takes a lot to get me off my equipment. So what, for the first time in 3 years, drove me across the room quicker than you can say “Which one of these brightly colored buttons is the emergency stop?”?
Cigarette smoke.
And not just a little bit. I can handle a whiff of Marlboro reds – takes me right back to high school where that was the cig of choice for my underage friends – but this was different. It was like the gentleman had chain smoked three packs and then dutch-ovened himself so he could marinate in it all night long. (True story: this past weekend the Turbo girls introduced me to the concepts of a “dutch oven” – where you fart in bed and then hurry and pull the blanket over your bedmate’s head – and a “Conestoga” – where you fart in bed and then flap the covers until they resemble a covered wagon. How have I lived all my 31 years on this planet and never known that bed-farts have names?! I’ve been dying to throw that into a conversation ever since but oddly there hasn’t been much occasion for new fart nomenclature lately so you guys get it instead. You’re welcome!)
I noticed the stench when he got on but I had less than a mile to go so I tried to brush it off – think of happier things, you know, like my grandmother who used to chain smoke with her oxygen tank next to her. And I say “used to” not because she blew herself up (that would NOT be a happy memory) but because at 80+ years she finally kicked her pack-a-day habit! Woo hoo! One of the upsides of Alzheimer’s Disease – probably the only upside – is that you can’t remember where you put your lighter. But back to Cigarette Man. The problem really started when he finished his warm-up, peeled off his sweatshirt (smokeshirt?) and started running. The nicotine sweat started rolling off of him in waves. For the first time since we did Lindsey’s barf circuits last month, I thought I was going to hurl. I threw my sweat towel over my face, grabbed my stuff and high-tailed it to the farthest possible treadmill.
I suppose I should have been happy that he was trying to negate some of that smoking-induced lung damage by getting in some good heart-pumping cardio but instead all I could do was try and think of creative ways to tell him to quit the cancer sticks. Oh and be bitter that he was polluting my hard-earned pink lungs with his toxic sweat gas. In the end I didn’t say anything to him but I kind of hope he got the message when I ran away.
And while I’m on this subject, my second pet gym peeve: tons of cologne or perfume! If I can taste your Drakkar Noir then I cannot be held responsible for tripping you while you run past the toilets (oh yes, at my Y the toilets are right on the track) in the hope that you will fall in and wash some of it off. I’d rather smell your sweaty stank any day of the week.
Was that terribly rude of me? Would you have said something? What’s your pet gym peeve? Anyone have any other bed-fart stories for me?? (I’m puerile. Duly noted.)
Cigarette smoking in general is a huge pet peeve of me. If there's one thing I want to smell less than stale smoke is actual smoke. Like the stuff that comes through my vents when my neighbor needs a fix. I actually do laundry every time he smokes just to cover the scent with dryer sheets. It's so horrible even second hand and it makes my allergies go psycho. My opinion: If you want to kill yourself, do it in a way that doesn't bother other people.
Of course you're puerile, think of your household composition. I mean, let's be fair, fart jokes are the bread and butter of humour for boys until they're at least 25? Probably older even!
Also, the perfume at the gym irritates me to no end. Smoking is actually not all that common here…or at least compared to Montreal. I usually try to stare the person down, then trip in some way, then mutter curses under my breath.
Realistically, I have a pretty bad reaction to all fake scents- I do well with Lush products, since they're all natural, but otherwise, I use entirely unscented products.
On an interesting note, the health services at my university is a 'scent free' zone, which I admit I quite like, and I can't wait until it's implemented all over campus.
My problem is going up in the elevator with people who are smokers or perfume-ridden. Ever since I developed asthma, I cannot stand being near them. I think I've offended that (probably very nice) woman from Marketing because every time she comes near, I make an excuse to run away.
I'm not sure which is worse: running away or telling her the truth. I seem to recall some study that showed that woman who drenched themselves in scent were depressed to the point where the depression chemicals in the brain had impaired their sense of smell. They truly have no idea how much fragrance they're putting out into the environment.
hotrow — Mr. Word Verification seems in tune with this subject, and the perfumer's reaction to it.
Crop dusting germs, fart nomenclature & the upside of alzheimers. Omg I burst out laughing through this whole post!
I would have moved too. Right after I let a really stinky S.B.D. rip.
You did the right thing by moving. Personally, I would have asked him to move instead.
I am a yoga teacher and just tonight as I am rolling up to my 5:30p class, it's 5:22 in the parking lot and there's some lady with a child in the carseat, smoking in full workout attire, flicks her butt, grabs her kid and heads into the gym. I was like did i just really see that?! I smelled it first though as i was sitting in my parked car and these fumes started wafting in and i was like no way this is the parking lot of a gym! after work! where people are coming to "get healthy"…hey, I have to touch people in my yoga classes as they are detoxing their fried food, garlic, transfats, and it's dripping all over the floor. How's that for a lovely thought 🙂 and I can't move..I am trapped with it, and the smoker's who are detoxing, too.
Tracey! That is brilliant! I am so going to pack a dryer sheet or two in my gym purse!
M- a scent free zone sounds like a dream to me!
The Merry – Your explanation of depression just told me more about my mother-in-law than I've been able to figure out on my own in 10 years!
Oh Deb! If only I COULD S.B.D. on command, the world would be my oyster!!
Averie – I've always wondered what yoga teachers thought of all the nasty smells being detoxed out! You all are such a polite lot:)
dragonmamma/naomi
The guy must be rich; ciggies cost a fortune these days. He should be able to afford a private gym.
I generally have a fairly bad sense of smell, so MOST odors don't bother me very much, but I have to agree that really strong cologne/perfume makes me want to wretch, especially at the gym where the wearer is also sweating. Generally, chemicalized, manufactured scents give me headaches. But Cigarette smell bothers me much less, probably because it's more of an "earthy" smell than perfume is. But I'd rather smell farts/poo/dirt/etc. than either.
Oh, also — I wouldn't have said anything to the person about their bad smell. If it were really bothering me, I probably would have done what you did and just moved away from him.
We have two beagles who snort, fart and snore while in bed – therefore, there's no reason for any human in our household to ever own up – it's ALWAYS the dog 😉
Cigarettes & strong perfume (and household cleaners) make my eyes water and my nose run – I would've been in tears next to your treadmill guy. I've explained my allergy to some of the offenders, and they're usually surprised and apologetic. I've bolted from many, without explaining, and I'm usually not tempted to tell them that they're toxic and smelly – too socially fraught. At the gym, you always have the option of complaining about him . . .
Thanks for pointing me to your primal posts. I read them while stuffing my face with flatbread crackers and felt so relieved — from the wash of crabs flooding my system and the gratefulness that you blogged about your not-so-great experience. And that line about toting your kids National Geographic style was hilarious – it's how I'll picture you from now on, supermom.
Thanks Julia! Yeah, my Primal experiment was an Epic Fail. BOTH times I tried it. So you're in good company if it didn't work well for you either:)
Pet peeve: women at the gym in full eye makeup, including multicolored eye shadow.
Pet peeve: men with fur bellies wearing crop tops. Please, HIIT makes me nauseated as it is; I don't need to see that.
Yes I totally agree with Allie (Protein Girl)! Women at the gym that come with full theater makeup on is just beyond me. But, my real pet peeve is people who show up late, like 20 minutes into a 60 min class,that's already packed and then impinge on someone's personal space.
I don't mind a faint whiff of perfume or cologne, it can be quite pleasant, but too much makes me sneeze.
Really hate it when I end up walking down the sidewalk behind someone who is smoking. If I can cross to the other side of the street or take an alternate route to avoid it, I will. So I probably would have switched treadmills too.
I've never understood the people coming to the gym and working out, then going out to have a smoke. Sorta seems like the smoking would cancel out the health benefits from working out.
My hubby smokes (as do most of my in-laws) and even after 8 years together, I still can't stand the smell of it. It reeks. It's gross. It's ridiculously expensive. It's ridiculously bad for you.
I don't think you were rude at all by moving. I would have done the same.
As someone who knows a lot of smokers, saying something will usually only cause a confrontation–they don't think they smell that bad (their olfactory senses are usually dulled due to smoking) and they will likely get highly offended. I've mentioned to my hubby before we go out that he needs to Febreze himself/his clothes or take a shower, and he can barely handle that from his WIFE, let alone a stranger in the gym.
Many people are highly critical of smokers these days (trust me, not that I blame them!) and aren't afraid to say it, so unless the guy was actually blowing smoke at you or threw a cigarette butt on the ground, it probably is best to forget it rather than *potentially* cause a scene.
–As a side note, this kind of goes back to the whole idea of strangers telling someone they are fat. Smokers know it smells, smokers know non-smokers hate it, most smokers would rather not smoke (just like many fat people would rather not be fat) and smokers know how bad it is for them. But they are still addicted.
Wow…when you sweat smoke…you smoke too much.
I don't get how people can workout and smoke at the same time…it just…well…it's totally illogical. And my stomach churned at the description…it's like people when they've drank too much. They smell like alcohol. Yuck.
I have issues with the smelling like smoke and cologne problems. I have become sensitive to it over the last few years and seem to be becoming moreso all the time (lately my asthma has a fit and I start squeaking like a 90 year old with emphysema). Where I work is a scent free zone and I've become accustomed to it, so when I go elsewhere and peple are scented (good and bad) it sort of irks me…I like a slight scent of something. But if you practically bathed in it?Yuk.
My personal peeve is people who smoke AND wear cologne. It's utterly overwhelming. In university I had a classmate who did that and I would have to move to another seat if she was near me or I couldn't breathe. She thought I was the rudest person in the world but when she finally asked me why I would move and I told her she had no idea (she couldn't smell the cologne and thought she was wearing very little) and cut the cologne for me- how nice is that? 🙂
I'd also go all crazy germophobe if someone sneezed int he gym fan. Blech…:)
omg cigarette smoke is a huge pet peeve of mine outside of the gym too! i don't say anything but i'm such an ass and cough A LOT and look around as if i don't know where the smell is coming from while covering my nose haha
Getting a huge whiff of cigarette smoke while working out is horrible. Just this past Monday I was running outside with my running group and we ran through a cloud of cigarette smoke on the sidewalk. "Ewww," someone said. "Cigarette smoke! Gross!" Then we ran past the people who were puffing away. I'm sure they heard us but they didn't say anything.
Also, I tend to feel smothered when the person on the treadmill next to me is exuding certain spices. There is some kind of spice that I find tends to emanate from people who cook Indian food a lot and I can't stand it. Also, sandalwood and patchouli make me want to barf. Sorry, hippies 🙂
Getting a huge whiff of cigarette smoke while working out is horrible. Just this past Monday I was running outside with my running group and we ran through a cloud of cigarette smoke on the sidewalk. "Ewww," someone said. "Cigarette smoke! Gross!" Then we ran past the people who were puffing away. I'm sure they heard us but they didn't say anything.
Also, I tend to feel smothered when the person on the treadmill next to me is exuding certain spices. There is some kind of spice that I find tends to emanate from people who cook Indian food a lot and I can't stand it. Also, sandalwood and patchouli make me want to barf. Sorry, hippies 🙂
Getting a huge whiff of cigarette smoke while working out is horrible. Just this past Monday I was running outside with my running group and we ran through a cloud of cigarette smoke on the sidewalk. "Ewww," someone said. "Cigarette smoke! Gross!" Then we ran past the people who were puffing away. I'm sure they heard us but they didn't say anything.
Also, I tend to feel smothered when the person on the treadmill next to me is exuding certain spices. There is some kind of spice that I find tends to emanate from people who cook Indian food a lot and I can't stand it. Also, sandalwood and patchouli make me want to barf. Sorry, hippies 🙂
I'm with Erin, I'd make a TERRIBLE hippie!
And, as others have pointed out, that fella next to you probably has no idea how much he reeks. Kinda like people who don't bathe regularly then wonder why others pass out when they walk by.
Our gym has asked that members refrain from wearing perfume and/or cologne. (And there's actually a sign in the lobby begging people not to come in if they have the flu. You'd think that would be obvious, but…)
Sorry, no good fart names. Just the fact that I regress to a 12 year-old boy every time one of my kids lets one rip, and laugh hysterically.
Cigarette smoke is my biggest pet peeve as well. I have a strong sniffer and it gags me. I would have moved and given him a sideways nasty look. But, as others have said, I doubt he even knew he stinked. Smokers never know how bad they smell.
OMG, I was just thinking about this because the "kids" smoke right outside the gym door. They have one before & after the work out… now ain't that just grand! Not only can I smell the smoke coming in the gym from this BUT on them too. I hate it! I am very sensitive to cig smoke. I hate when I even smell it from a car that is next to or behind me on the road! This bothers me more than cologne!
Oh wow. I 100% agree. Yesterday, at the gym someone had decided to eat some form of bologna or other processed meat product before working out and they were either burping or farting it out. Ugh, it was terrible. There were a whole bunch of newbies in the gym yesterday so I couldn't pin point the offender but I put my status on facebook today as:
Dear New Guys at the Gym,
I'm not sure which of you decided it was a good idea to eat bologna before working out. Trust me, it wasn't. Maybe next time you could avoid eating overly processed meat until after you workout.
Thanks,
Jody
I did this knowing full well many of the gym goers are my FB friends, they got a kick out of it. Guarantted it'll be a topic of conversation at the gym this evening and I've even decided to call the suspected bologna eaters by "Oscar".
I can't stand cigarette smoke either … we were staying at families house a while back and I was using their basement to work out. My family swears they never smoke in the house, and generally I believe them. Anyhow, I was in the basement doing some modified exercises since they didn't have the weights I needed and when I got on the floor to do pushups I about lost it. The cigarette smell from the carpet about ended me. It was the same putrid smell you described but it was everywhere on the floor … AND MY HANDS then. I had to stop, wash my hands, and then just do exercises that kept me at least 3 feet from the floor, aka Jumping Jacks etc.
Great posting, really nailed it on the head!
Cigarette smoke smell would make me want to leave too.
In yoga this week a woman showed up late (20-30 minutes into the class.) Then proceeded to ask the instructor a bunch of questions (while we were all holding some pose that seemed way difficult at the time), then she decided she would join the class (yippee) and set up next to me (fine, I'll make room) and proceeded to make a lot of grunts and moans. Ugh, I would be mortified to show up that late and would NEVER bother the instructor.
LW
Ugh – cigarette smoke is the worst!!! There are a few people at my gym that stand outside of the entrance and smoke. What? Why are you smoking, and why are you smoking there!?!??! And I must say, I don't understand putting perfume/cologne or makeup on before you work out… Sweat happens!
I totally agree with this, Charlotte!! Don't get me started on this one. I've blogged about it, put articles in the paper on this, and would imprison or worse the CEOs of cigarette companies if I could for selling weapons of mass distruction if I could!
Lately as I've stopped eating sugary stuff and processed foods my sniffer has gotten VERY sensitive. I work in cubicles, and one of the girls I work with always eats this brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast– i swear it's so sickeningly sweet I have to get up and take a breather because I get nauseous!!
Today someone decided to spray some sort of baby fresh scent something or other on themselves (I assume). It started wafting over and about made me pass out. Blyeah.
I'm never quite sure what to say in these instances. I know there's probably a smart way to go about it. Standing up and saying "Ew. Ick. What is that nasty smell?" probably isn't it. So until I think of something better… I silently suffer…
gross! you weren't being rude at all. you totally did the right thing. i bet you are not the first person who ran away from this smoker. i don't think i would have had the guts to say anything either, except maybe muttering under my breath that the smoke STINKS.
I'm just shocked that someone at the GYM would reek of smoke. So they're healthy enough to go to the gym but not to quit smoking like a chimney? Odd.
Yesterday I was sitting on the subway and someone who reeked of smoke came and sat right next to me. I wanted to move but was afraid of being SUPER rude if I just got up after they sat down.
Since I am a manager at a gym I see everything! First off smoking people before and after the gym are totally crazy. There is one guy who is so bad that I actually started talking to him about quitting. He was smoking 12 packs a week! What the heck! He is down to 5, but I don't really see him quitting in the future. Second, you would be amazed at how many people smoke pot before they come in to work out! I KNOW! WHAT?? And I am not shy about saying things, so I ask them how that works for them being stoned and working out! They always look at me amazed that I can smell it on them, but I have a very good nose and ahem, went to college too.
And last, one of my biggest pet peeves is the old man who does the elliptical for an hour and smells like garlic!! It is SO gross! No person in their right mind could eat that much to sweat it out, so I assume he takes garlic pills to ward off the vampires! It is so horrific, I would rather be by the cigarette dude.
I could go on with stories since I live in the gym….but will save some for later!
This happens to me all the time: I'm swimming and some old lady who must have washed her hair with perfume gets in the lane next to me – she's just water-walking so she never gets her hair wet. I'm sucking a lot of air when I swim, so it feels like all that tainted air goes straight into my lungs – it's suffocating. I'm so tempted to splash her or grab her foot and drag her under the water – just to get rid of the noxious cloud. But I never do.
I had to quit my last gym because I was swimming in the afternoon – it was so great, I almost always had the pool to myself – but the pool manager decided that it would be a good time to scrub all around the pool. So the same thing, except cleaner fumes. I mentioned it to the front desk a couple of times, but it didn't help.
This was a 24 hour gym so I don't know why they couldn't clean the pool at night when there really wasn't anyone around and the splash-back into the pool would have time to dilute.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they were trying to keep the pool nice and clean, but is it really necessary to scrub the outside of the pool so vigorously when there's floating hair balls and band-aids IN the pool?
Hmmm. You could have summed this all up in a sentence but rambled a bit. But I enjoyed the read. I find it funny when people come to the gym right after a cig. Doesn’t make sense to me. Then again they may be trying to quit so who knows. Live and let live. Try running outside sometime. Nothing better than all that free cig free air outside instead of alll that stinky recycled gym air.
I ended up on this site because a few days ago, I was told by my yoga studio’s director that she noticed I smelled like smoke and I was not “permitted” to smoke before class, and should quit.
Firstly, I can do whatever legal activity I want before class. Second, everyone knows they “should” quit if they smoke. Thirdly, I don’t smoke.
I live with a cigar smoker. It’s not a simple as telling him to quit. I have the right to live with someone participating in a legal activity.
What’s odd in my case is that I’ve been faithfully attending class at this studio for well over a year. If my odor was so offensive, I should have been notified prior to signing a year contract 3 months ago.
I don’t want to both fellow yogis. I will try to change my clothes prior to coming to class, even though I prefer to put on my yoga clothes when I first wake up. But, I’m annoyed by how smoking is singled out. The hardcore yogis that don’t wear deodorant and aren’t hassled.
I’m also in the “morbidly obese” category (though I can rock some fierce yoga moves for someone of any size), so I am sensitive to the plight of a marginalized group.
Living in society means putting up with some things you don’t necessarily do. Tolerance.