Inhibitions are funny things. I have one friend who says she could never do a hip-hop dance class with me because she’s “not sexy like that” and yet has no problem asking the male cashier at Walgreens if the temporary tattoo she is buying would look better on her left ta-ta or her right. It’s all about how much discomfort we can stand.
Tonight my friend A wanted to try Zumba, the latin dance aerobic class that I love so passionately I’ve been known to whip it out in grocery stores, so she met me at the Y and we giggled all the way to the back row of the crowded class. Maybe it was because we had a new instructor – an unnervingly hot hombre – or maybe it was all the crazy hip shaking they do but suddenly A was turning pinker than her shirt. And while some of it could be chalked up to sweat, she did look rather uncomfortable.
“Too slutty?” I whispered as we did a move that involved zig-zagging our arms like an Egyptian and simultaneously wiggling our hips.
She shook her head, then nodded, then shook her head again.
I know where she’s coming from. The first time I took TurboKick and learned the “pump” – one of the core moves that involves crunching your abdomen and then popping it back out in a very Beyonce kind of way – I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean, do nice contributing members of society really do that? I stared around the room at the dozens of other women working their thang and nobody seemed the least bit fazed. That’s probably because they knew what was coming next.
The stripper squat. The first time I saw that move done in a group fitness class, my friend A and I quite literally fell to floor giggling. I felt like I’d inadvertently stepped into a b-level rap video. We were too silly to do the move and instead did an awkward sort of squat-jump thing.
Enter Hip Hop Hustle. TurboKick, being mostly Muay Thai style kick boxing, makes it easy enough to get around any particular move that might be uncomfortable but HHH forced me to confront my inner sexpot in a big way.
On the one hand it is really fun, especially in a girls-with-hips-rock kind of way. Turbo Jennie even turns off the lights to make everyone less self-conscious. But on the other hand you have Gym Buddy Allison faced off with T, the Lone Man in Our Class whilst doing a “streamer grab” involving hip thrusting. “Yeah, it was definitely awkward,” she said after class. “Neither of us looked at each other.” I bet. Especially since his wife is also in our class.
Either way, it really makes you realize how comfortable (or not, in my case) you are with your body.
“Get low, people!” Turbo/Hustler Jennie yelled one night. “Unless you’re T, I should be able to see cleavage!”
“I don’t have any!” I yelled back.
“Then buy a smaller bra and make some!” she retorted, marking the only time a gym instructor has told me I need cleavage to work out.
Does sexiness have a place in group fitness? I have to admit some unease in this matter. For me it has been both liberating as it helps me to embrace my feminine side and unnerving as it forces me outside my comfort zone. And where does one draw the line between fun sexy and amateur-night-at-Sugar’s?
One HHH newbie made that point the other night when, on impulse, she freaked on the girl next to her. Everyone stared. “Too provocative?” she asked.
Allison quipped, “I’m bringing dollar bills next time.”
What’s your comfort zone? You willing to give anything a try in the name of a good sweat or are the 6 counts of “cha-cha” in step class enough flavor for you? Would you do this class?
Photo Credit: XKCD
That class looks amazing!!!
Personally, I LOVE all that kind of stuff. First of all I openly admit that any other time I’m at the gym I am soaked through, bright red and stinky AKA The Antithesis Of Sexy and that’s OK. But this kind of class can be so much fun. Anything that gets you moving and feeling good about your body cannot be wrong.
Personally I have no self-consciousness issues about going to classes like that providing I can take a friend (so everybody’s clear that I’m not taking myself too seriously). And once I’m there? I’m a machine! I think twenty years of playing in bands helps. I have an internal “ACT!” button that means I’m automatically not myself, so the shyness just goes.
As a normally very quiet, thoughtful girl, it’s a VERY liberating feeling!
TA x
TA x
We had a Zumba sample class at our Y last week. So fun! Near the end, though, the instuctor (a petite latina with hair far to gorgeous to be working out in) yelled out, “Work it girls! Make it sexy!” Like a knee jerk reaction I responded, “I don’t even know what that is anymore!” All the chicks around me laughed so hard they lost their rhythm for a minute. For me there’s something fun and interesting about latin dance. It’s sexy but it’s not stripper-sexy so I didn’t mind Zumba. That video though, hmm, the first seemed way too much for me! If there’s anything I’ve learned from SYTYCD it’s that YOUR intentions and facial expressions determine whether or not something is TOO sexy.
You are TOO FUNNY!!
and Im so not the one to ask in that theoretically Im up for anything (eh, in actuality—Ive taken some odd Nia-Type classes with friends) Im not a big group exercise person.
(only the time thing—needing to be at gym at specific time)
but Im with TA.
I know Im awkward.
I know Im SLOW to pick up ‘moves’
it took years but I own that sh*t now 🙂 so Id just go and have fun!
If I were ever to take a group fitness class, it would be one like HHH.
I love to dance, I am aware that I am pretty good but not fantastic, and I care more about having a good time than looking good. And I don’t have too many reservations.
I have to laugh because while I love to move to music, the whole “make it sexy” thing is so NOT me.
This is gonna sound weird and all uptight-lesbian-feminist-party pooper, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t understand why the desire to be “sexy” is so omnipresent for most women.
From what I can tell, to be “feminine” and “girly” seems to mean to be “sexy” i.e.– sexually desirable to someone else. Guys are different: they don’t take the “object” role, they take the “subject” one. They don’t care so much if they’re “sexy” themselves, they want to surround themselves with sexy women. Because they look at the world through their OWN eyes, not the eyes of an imagined audience. What do they want? Sexy women. They don’t spend nearly as much time viewing themselves as desirable or not from some hypothetical women’s point of view.
So there’s something about the whole thing that makes me uncomfortable–not from a lewdness perspective, but from a “will things ever change or will it always be a man’s world” perspective.
Anyway, sorry to get so heavy on what is a very fun post! Notice I don’t say this grumpy-ass feminist shit on my own blog?
Wow, what Crabby said really made me think!
I definitely concede, on reflection, that it must somehow be a deep-rooted female impulse to be objectified that prompted me to participate in Street Dance type classes in the past, and continue to do these kind of routines at home with a DVD – why else would I want to gyrate in a provocative manner? Because I like the sensation of getting dizzy??
BUT I only ever do this kind of thing in the safety of an all-girl class or, better yet, on my own at home in front of the DVD player. The thought of doing it in front of a guy makes me feel really REALLY uncomfortable. Even my own boyfriend. I just wouldn’t EVER.
Maybe these classes are a “safe” environment to play out a kind of fantasy role we have?
Sorry I appear to be getting all socioanalytical in your faces today :0)
TA x
When I read your first line, I immediately thought of our Zumba class! I just can’t stop smiling and laughing when THAT class is happening! It’s gotten quite popular at our gym.
yeah … no thanks. I get way too embarrassed, I have a rhythm deficiency and my coordination is not up to scratch. In short, these classes are a sure-fire way to get a natural blusher effect all over.
I want to try a dance type workout class but haven’t managed to make it there. IF I went, it would have to be sans friends cos I feel more self-conscious in front of people I know. Strange but true.
Ah, we have established that I am Turbo fanatic right? Well, for me, being a dancer, the whole “shake it” not a problem… what took me some time was the whole punching/kicking thing without looking like a dangley ballet girl. I think the instructor plays a large part in feeling comfortable doing the body roll or letting loose in class. If I step in a class where everyone’s spine seems to have been fused… I am much more likely to keep it tame.
Now Crabby,
I hear what you are saying, but I think it also depends on the person. You might want to add some sexy to your qorkout without seeking to be objectified. I remember having a boyfriend who, if I voiced any complaints about my body, would say “I think you are beautiful and very attractive”. Totally nice, I know, but my reply always was “Well, I want to feel attractive to me!” So narcisistic… But that’s how I feel, yes it’s great to be attractive to other people but really, do you like yourself? When I let loose in TK class, or on a dance floor, it’s all about having fun, experiencing my inner sexy, and really, be humorous about it too.
I hope this all makes sense.
I want to take a sexy dance class, but haven’t gotten up the nerve. I’ve seen your HHH video, and it looks like so much fun. I don’t think my gym offers a hip hop class, but they do have salsa.
One day I will cowboy up and get my butt in there. I guess I better wear my push up bra.
I’m not sexy and I know it! Hubby thinks it hilarious when I do my cardio cabaret moves. That said, I’ve never really felt the need to be sexy. I would rather be viewed as smart or kind. There have been times where I “felt” sexy but I was probably too enebriated to know the difference. Plus, when it matters, I can be sexy for my husband, and that’s good enough for me.
But now…I’m going to develop a complex – should I be trying to be sexy? I get embarrassed when someone comments on my looks (besides family). The other day some old lady told my husband I was dignified and elegant! I almost fell off my chair, but it really made my day!
Laura – I really need to start watching SYTYCD! Good point.
Crabby – you make such an interesting point and one that I've struggled with extensively. Esp. since my sexual assault. After that I didn't want to be sexy ever again. Not for myself and certainly not for anyone else. And yet, something feels healing about using my body in that way. I haven't figured it all out yet and your comment gave me a lot to think about!
To answer your question as to why women would perpetuate the patriarchal system as it stands: sex is power.
Tokaiangel & Alice – your responses to crabby's comment fascinate me. I think a lot of girls like the "sexy for myself" idea. Except I have two issues with that 1) all of the classes I described contain at least a few men so it isn't a women-only class and 2) what does "sexy for me" really mean? One can't have sex with themselves. It is a confidence building thing? And if so, why do we need to be sexy to be confident?
Hmm..almost anything. I have to draw the line with dancing! 🙂
Maybe you answered your own question Charlotte!
Q“What does “sexy for me” really mean? One can’t have sex with themselves. It is a confidence building thing? And if so, why do we need to be sexy to be confident?”
A“Sex is power”
Is this our way of reclaiming control? By taking ownership of the very things that men have historically used to objectify and sexualise women and making them our own?
I’ll definitely be posting on this topic soon, it’s definitely set my cogs turning….
TA x
Coming from a Brazilian/Puerto Rican/Italian family, sexuality is just part of who you are. It's not about being objectified or vulgar, its about the body being beautiful. Despite my past ED/body image issues, I've always loved dancing salsa, lambada, merengue & tango because it makes ME feel sexy. I'm not worried about what someone thinks of how I look when I'm doing it, I just know that I feel GOOD doing it. For me, its a self-power, not something that I am trying to get from someone else.
I don't need an audience to do my dance on the pole, just watching myself in the mirror while doing it makes me feel sexy, confident & powerful enough about myself.
I’ve taken zumba, and it’s hard for me to feel sexy while wearing sneakers and workout gear, though it’s fine when I’m out salsa dancing. I don’t have any moves in hip hop, I’m all step-aerobics stiff.
I have done urban striptease, which is basically a bunch of stripper moves without taking off clothes (imagine, for instance, bending over with legs straight and “pulling up nylons”). It was really fun, though it did feel a little awkward, because normally we don’t break out those moves in a room full of people (they might have a place in a bedroom, but in a studio? ack!)
Crabby, I can totally see what you’re saying. And I think there are a couple schools of feminist thought. I consider myself a modern feminist in that I embrace my femininity and sexiness, but I expect to be treated equally to men. So if I want to dress sexy or act sexy, then it’s more an embracing of my feminine side than it is an objectification. And sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with the guys at all. Feeling sexy can make me feel more confident, it’s all for myself. Or sometimes it’s in comparison to other women too (why is it, anyway, that women make sure their hair and makeup is all in place in a women’s gym?)
I did a “Pole Dancing” class for my the part of my birthday this year. We had 11 girls and my best friend (who happens to be male and very open minded) attend. At first it weirded out the instructor, because she’d never taught a guy before. Then she got over it and the class was a riot because we all looked silly and in all looking silly no one was uncomfortable with their personal silliness. That and the instructor was elated to have someone with “significantly more upper body strength” to show really hard/crafty moves to. Oh gosh. It was the funniest class ever.
What a great discussion and thanks, all, for not being offended by my whole grumpy retro-feminist take!
To me, it’s part of a broader issue, and I don’t mean to sound anti-sex or sensuality ’cause I’m totally not! But I guess it’s the imbalance of it: women put a lot of mental energy into being sexy and attractive, and I can’t help but believe that a lot of it is to be desirable to OTHERS so they feel better about themselves. Men tend to look out for their own interests more, and spend less time worried about their physical appearance or how they come off to other people.
I can’t help noticing that when you look at what movies people watch, for the most part we might as well be back in the 50’s. Men have the “lead” roles and women are the “supporting” roles or the love interest. Because most women seem to still prefer to identify with women who are admired and desired, and content to let the men take charge. There are obviously some exceptions, but this seems to remain the more universally prefered model for how things should work.
I know that’s a big leap from sexy dancing in an exercise class, but I think it’s part of the same issue–women are willing to give up their point of view and see the world through men’s eyes; men aren’t too interested in doing that. And so as a culture, we treat the male view as “normal” and “universal” and women’s as “other”–even though we’re half the freakin’ population.
Now TokaiAngels comment about sexuality and power puts a whole different spin on it! I’m eager to hear more about that.
I would love to try that class! I’d try just about anything. I’m really comfortable with my body when it comes to things like that though- I’ll dance just about anywhere and have loads of fun while doing it. I think that the more sexy the activity is the more you can just think of it as pure fun, and the more comfortable you can become with your body which then leads to a more confident attitude. It’s all win win!
I tried to do one of those classes as well. Did a pelvic thrust and must have changed something inside where an “Oh no, not now feeling” and a particular sound came from behind me. This coincided with a break in the music and head turns from about 40 in the room. I retreated to the back of the room and tried to press myself into the wall so that no one would be able to remember me again.
Fun and games for all!
as much as i have no rhythm or coordination, i’ve enjoyed taking those sorts of dance classes in the past at my gym. the only problem is, they’re usually at the same time when you can’t get NEAR the gym thanks to the post-work crowd, so i’ve sort of given it up. boo.
i’ve taken 24 hour’s answer to the cardio striptease class – 24tease – and thought it was more silly than sexy. however, a girl i took it with, almost walked out due to being uncomfortable. i guess a lot of it depends on you personally.
that being said, i so want to try one of those pole dancing classes like seabreeze mentioned!
I signed up with a friend to take “Strip Aerobics” next week at a place in DC that specializes in strip and pole-dancing classes. We’re both pretty nervous but we really want to get out of our comfort zones and try something different. Well, this will certainly be “different!” 🙂
Well, I actually spent 4 years of my life as a stripper (not nude, no contact, just to get that part out of the way). But I just can’t imagine taking that kind of class. I would be so embarrassed and just want to hide.
I’ve never taken any sort of group exercise class though, so I might want to hide in any class.
Ignoring the feminist part of the discussion, because I have my own views there, and having said I was a stripper will bring up all kinds of other issues. (The best job I ever had, and I had way more self-respect when I was doing that than when I was working as a cashier at Wal-Mart or even as a teller at a university.)
I have no problem with these kinds of classes as an idea, just not something I think I could do.
Char – you are a hoot!! What I love about reading your blog is that you are so funny! When you talk about the classes at the Y, I think it’s so much fun cause I’m taking those same classes with you!
When I’m in class, I just let go and have fun with it. Everyone is there, working out, not really paying attention to you, they are trying to follow-along to Jennie’s routine! Shakin’ it is really freeing and burns up those calories too! You know how Jennie’s always shouting at us!
What I have found lately is people are coming up to me, you included, and are telling me that they love to watch me dance and shake what my Momma gave me. I think that the sexy side of me is finally coming out and at 32, I feel pretty damn good! I’m not the most trim or in shape, I’m not the prettiest but I feel good about what I can bring to the class. And if it’s energy, enthusiasm and stripper squats, I’m there!!
See ya at the Y!
Wow, look at the can of worms that has been opened! In a good way though…
Charlotte, I was going to say that personally, I tend to let go a bit more if there is no guy in my class (or if they are totally oblivious to women 😉
If there are heterosexual males, I tend to tone it down. I think for me it comes down to maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable “finding my sexy” and maybe being watched by someone who has a sexual apetite for that sort of thing?
I have taken pole dacing classes, and they were way, way fun (and once you start to learn tricks, they are actually quite the work out).
It was all women, and that’s what made it fun: not having to worry about being preyed upon.
I too feel there is something healing about being able to own your body, to inhabit it with all its sexuality, to do something completely outrageous, just for the sake of doing it… for no one else but you. Maybe because sex has been used as a mean of power for but more often against women..
And all of a sudden, you are in the driver seat.
To me, this is the liberating part, this is empowering. I am using something that has been used and could be viewed as objectifying but I am exploring how it feels just for me. Again, I am a dancer, so maybe for me this path is easier done through my body than say, intellectually.
just take her to a strippaerobics class, and she’ll be zumba-ing in no time.
Im not gunna lie- I probably sweat the most when I go dancing (which isnt very often.) and damn my thighs are sore the nezt day from “gettin’ low.”
see? i can be gangster. yo.
http://www.everygymsnightmare.com
That video reminds me of the cheerleading/ dance team routines from my high school. It’s very uncomfortable to watch other girls dance that way I must add- in fact for the most part you just look away because it is so degrading.
Now I’m analyzing my own relatively recent reactions to Hip Hop and my decision to forego the pole dance class with my girl friends. I started dancing when I was four. All tame: ballet never gets very crazy. Although, ballet, could arguably be as sexy a mode of dance there is. In junior high I started jazz–liberating!–then continued to dance all through high school and college, mostly on performing dance teams. I loved performing. Loved it. But I think I have some sort of deep seeded subconscious connection between dancing and body image stress. I always felt people were scrutinizing my body as much as the choreography (maybe because we were forced to get on scales all the time). Now I “perform” athleticially, on a race course versus a stage and even though my bod doesn’t measure up to what it looked like 20 years ago, I’m much much much much more content with it. So enter the hip hop class. On the surface I loved it. What I loved most about it was how hard all these move got. I sort of expected to walk in there and own the class. Hardly. I really had to concentrate, lose whatever else was on my mind to pick up the moves. But, unlike the days of yesteryear, I planted myself in the back of class. I didn’t even want to see myself in a mirror. And not that I didn’t want to see my body. I didn’t want to see myself in that “way” and I was self-conscious about being seen in that “way.” I’ve always wanted and said I’d like to go back, but I haven’t. And when the girls were going to a pole dancing class I didn’t go. I can’t even remember why I didn’t go, but I don’t think I wanted to go bad enough to make it happen. Now, after becoming part of this discussion I think I just didn’t want to put myself back in that role. That video link is about how I danced (in high school even, all the more horrifying!) Those women look like they are having a blast. I’d love to say it would be fun to do it again, but it’s just not “me” anymore. Done that already. And I do think it’s great to do–to own, see how it feels, enjoy it. Life is short, right? I do agree with Charlotte about the power/sexy connection. To add to that point I think we can be sexy from being powerful as much as we can have power from being sexy.
” For me it has been both liberating as it helps me to embrace my feminine side and unnerving as it forces me outside my comfort zone.”
oh yeah, that’s me.
I can handle hip hop. It feels like dancing, learning moves, having fun, with a little “sexy” thrown in. however, I TOTALLY can’t handle the Dirty Dancing class at the gym. Really. I can’t even be an observer. I feel like at any moment any one of those girls might start making out with themselves in the mirror.
the smaller bra comment = hilar.
(p.s. love the crab’s take too.)
Posted further exploration on the sex/power/women as object issue here. Thanks for the brain-food, really thought provoking stuff!
TA x
Nice. Thanks.
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