bodily functions – Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Eggsplosion: The “other” time of the month [Ovulation syndrome and how to deal with it]

by Charlottebodily functions June 3, 2014June 3, 201437 Comments

Women ovulate. Sometimes we do it while walking down the street, during meetings, talking on the phone and even while we sleep. Oh hi mom! I’m good. You? Oh nothing much, just sitting here spontaneously popping out an egg and thinking fondly of you! In fact some of us are probably doing it rightthisverysecond and you wouldn’t …

My Great Pee Experiment [The surprising answer to how much water we should really be drinking]

by Charlottebodily functions May 26, 2014May 26, 201432 Comments

This is so so true for me. Colorado is a desert. A high plains desert, but a desert nonetheless. So why are we having this geography discussion (on a holiday, no less)? Not because I doubt your eremological skillz but because apparently I forgot where I live. It turns out deserts are known for being dry …

Oil Pulling Experiment Results! [My Teeth Are Not Whiter But I’ve Gotten Really Awesome At Charades]

by Charlottebodily functions April 13, 2014April 13, 201427 Comments

A month ago I set out on a quest – a quest to find healthier teeth, a brighter smile and who my real parents are. (Kidding, mom and dad! I love you!) So I jumped on the oil pulling internet bandwagon and rode that baby into the sunset! Thirty days and hours of swishing later, …

Should I Have Just Taken the Tamiflu? [New meta-analysis says anti-virals don’t work, we were duped]

by Charlottebodily functions April 10, 2014April 10, 201414 Comments

Bad flu shot marketing or genius way to sell Airborne? “Well, if you want to stick around for a flu test, I can give you some Tamiflu.” “No thank you,” I shook my head. “Okay, at least let me write you a scrip for cough syrup with codeine so you can sleep.” “Again, thank you …

The Five Stages of Grief… for My Huge Pus-Spewing Zit [Anyone have a good blemish remedy?]

by Charlottebodily functions, humor April 1, 2014April 1, 201444 Comments

Bounding into my room this morning at still-too-early-o’thirty (official Kid Standard Time), Jelly Bean threw herself across my slumbering back and did a perfect imitation of wee Princess Anna in Frozen, proclaiming, “The sky’s awake! So I am awake! So we have to play!” My crabbiness was overcome by her cuteness and I cracked a …

Why Do I Snot So Much When I Work Out? [5 Reasons You May Have a Lot of Phlegm When You Exercise and What To Do About It]

by Charlottebodily functions, Uncategorized January 21, 2014January 21, 201413 Comments

Let’s be honest: These are disgusting and I’d still eat them. Because they look like jelly beans. Sigh. Runners are a strange breed and as such they do lots of stuff you wouldn’t find normal people doing. For instance, they have their own code of hand signs. (Some other day we’ll have to discuss the …

Reader Dilemma: What do you do when you have to poot in public? [Can holding in gas hurt you?]

by Charlottebodily functions, reader questions December 17, 2013December 17, 201341 Comments

During a fitness class a couple of weeks ago, a noxious odor seeped through the room, eventually hanging over all of us like a smog inversion, thanks to the poor air circulation of the studio. It was bad but even though my eyes were a watering I couldn’t find it in me to be upset. …

Do You Sit or Squat? Potty Training For Grownups! [How to solve every poop problem and even some non poop problems with one little trick]

by Charlottebodily functions December 3, 2013December 3, 201340 Comments

Pooping: You’re doing it wrong. What if someone told you there was a simple device that would solve every poo problem you’ve ever had? Constipation, hemorrhoids, UTIs, appendicitis, chilly cheeks (that is so a real problem) – all solved! You’d want to try it like rightthisverysecond, right? Which is how I found myself in the …

Craggy Pits: The #1 Downside to Lifting Weights [All I want for Christmas is laser hair removal]

by Charlottebodily functions, weight lifting November 20, 2013November 20, 201332 Comments

This will be my next option. As I get older I’ll just call it Bride of Frankenstein. Weight lifting builds bone density. Weight lifting increases strength and power. Weight lifting burns fat all day long. Weight lifting makes you look tougher than Chuck Norris at Comic Con. Oh sure, everyone always talks about the benefits …

Adventures in PMS: My Glowing Green Smoothie Debacle [The sheen of nausea counts as glowing, right??]

by Charlottebodily functions, food, recipes November 11, 2013November 11, 201332 Comments

A honeycrisp apple approximately the size of Jelly Bean’s head. Surely if any piece of produce could imbue me with super bloat-repelling powers it would be this magnificent beast! Truth: I have one of those period tracker apps on my phone. I’d like to say it’s just more evidence of my hysterical white lady hypochondriac …