On the way to Target at nine o’clock on Friday night (that’s what you do with your Friday nights too, right?), I heard one of the most outrageous commercials to ever grace the FM airwaves. I might’ve missed some of it because I had one arm out the window trying to hold the antenna up to get better reception (shut up) but the gist of it was this:
“Scientists have discovered that the best source of vitamin D is sunlight! Vitamin D helps you feel better, live longer, and even lose weight! Come into GenericTan, our light is even more concentrated than springtime sunlight to make sure you’re getting your recommended dose.”
Wowweeee! What a public service! GenericTan just wants to make sure there are no vitamin D deficiencies in the world. Oh yeah, they want your money too. And try not to think about dying from melanoma.
But Wait!
Seattle Sun Tan – billed as the “best tan east of Maui” because, um, there’s so much east of Maui – has a cure for you. Well, not a cure for cancer, sillies. A cure for being afraid of tanning! They list 5 helpful tips for “tanning smart”:
1. Get a base tan. Everyone knows that a base tan is actually like protection right? I mean, that’s why only pale people get skin cancer.
2. Use tanning lotion every time. No, not sunscreen. We’re talking about the coconut smelly stuff that we just happen to have handy here for 12.95$ a bottle. No, no problem, we’re here to serve.
3. Take care of your skin. Tanning is one of the best ways to take care of your skin. Everyone’s going to wrinkle sometime so you might as well look good doing it!
4. Wear eyewear every time. Because if you’re blind then you might not be able to find us again and we really really like your money.
5. Know the basics. They don’t explain what the basics are but I’m assuming they don’t include a recommendation from the American Cancer Association.
But hey, at least you won’t be deficient. Ahem.
PS> Have you ever noticed that the major difference between the “before” and “after” pics for every weight loss pill/drug/program/scam is a TAN? I swear half those girls are just putting on heels, turning sideways to the camera and smiling their tan selves “thin”.
And of course, after your 10th visit you’ll be addicted (research at my school published this a few years ago)!
A lot of the gals in my high school would start tanning right before prom, and they’d always cover up their faces. So they’d have these really dark bodies with ghostly pale faces. Man, I just laughed at them because they paid a lot of money to look pretty stupid.
I spent a couple years in my early 20s tanning periodically. Not terribly regularly, and really it was just a few months if I think about it, but I got an awful burn once, and that’s always scared me.
The woman who worked at the place I went raved about how safe it was, how much better for you than the sun, and how she had been tanning for years and was healthy and looked so young (she really did look younger than she was). 5 years later I ran into her, running her new business, and overheard her talking to someone else. She was dying of skin cancer, and speaking to everyone she saw about how dangerous tanning beds are. I don’t think she made it to her 40th birthday.
I’d never go to a tanning bed again, and can’t believe I ever wasted my money on it.
I was actually ranting about this last night as well, as I was passing my friendly neighborhood tanning place teeming with tweens and teenagers lining up …for melanoma, basically.
I know people do all sorts of things known to be bad for you, but this seems so irrational it pisses me off!
I’m sorry – I can’t read the screen. What with my safety goggles and all.
My father just (successfully) battled skin cancer, so I think I’ll skip the tanning beds.
I was watching “Sunset Tan” once on E! (I was washing dishes and there was nothing else on! OK, I could have turned on the radio, but I didn’t.) and a woman brought her 4th grader in for a spray tan for her SCHOOL PICTURES! Because the year before, apparently, she looked TOO PALE! The poor girl was crying, saying she didn’t want to do it, and her mom was all, “Come on, you have to. You want to look like Lindsey Lohan, don’t you?”
I was about to call child protective services!
My body temp went up about 3 degrees reading that. thankfully not more due to you saying every single thing I was thinking. I can’t stand the “safer” than the sun thing, base tans before holidays, and hating pale. What’s wrong with pale? (says the girl who just bought a self tanning lotion to look better in her “after” pictures….)
I swear half those girls are just putting on heels, turning sideways to the camera and smiling their tan selves “thin”
*rolling eyes*
totally.
(and I really WAS at Target last Friday night, LOL)
I especially like the dirty hair and lack of make-up on the before pics and the pro styles on the after shots.
I have to admit though that there’s something about the rich nutty hue of a tan that’s so much more appealing to the eyes than this milk-white skin of mine with red undertones. Then, again, my choices are: pretty tan for three months a year with the risk of repeated incidences of melanoma or milky-white skin forever with no additional scarring – a no-brainer!
1st time I went tanning I wasted $15 and 1/2 an hour of my life because it didn’t do a blasted thing.
2nd time I went I burnt to a crisp the day before the big dance. I was in such pain.
After that I swore off it forever and have never regretted it.