Only in the Gym: The Ridiculous Things You Can Say Only While Wearing Spandex

“Wow, you’ve got a perfect snatch!” Yes, those words actually left my lips the other day. I was helping a friend with her kettlebell moves and that was it, I swear. Before we both busted out laughing, all I could think was only in the gym.  I don’t know if it’s the relative lack of clothing or …

Eight Weird Fitness Talents I Wish I Had [What’s your secret fitness weapon?]

 Handstand toe archery! Best fitness talent ever. And hey, my gym only says no GUNS allowed on the premises. I’m sure they’d be totally cool with this. Everybody’s got a talent, right? I’m pretty sure that’s what we were all told the day they handed out our special snowflake awards, so we could put them on our …

True Story: I Got Catcalled At the Gym And I Got All Upset… Because I Thought They Were Making Fun of Me

Late for Zumba the other day, I sprinted into the gym with my shoes in one hand, my hair tie in my teeth (hair tornado-ing around my head) and checking my e-mail one last time on my phone with my other hand. I looked up just in time to miss colliding with a group of …

How I Screwed Up at the Gym, Lied About It, and Got Busted [Have you ever been caught in a lie?]

I’m sick, right? (P.S. Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions on clearing my sinuses! Not only did you guys come up with some great tips – Oil of Oregano seems to be helping but boy howdy the bread-stick burps are hard to get used to – but you made me laugh myself into a …

The Worst T-Shirt I’ve Ever Seen at the Gym [Plus: The most honest – and hilarious – fitness tees!]

Truth: I will watch ANY show with dancing in it. I don’t care how spurious the plot, how pedantic the dialog, how vacuous the characters. I love watching people dance. And these girls are aMAYzing ballet dancers. The ballerinas started it. There I was watching my guilty pleasure Breaking Pointe – it’s basically the Real Housewives …

What To Say When You Can’t Say Goodbye [Stupid things I have said to Allison]

“I hate to go and leave this pretty sight! Doot do do do doot do do do! (Which is beluga whale for ‘Run! The Nazis are coming.’) What we talk about after our workout: Butt blisters. Creepy come-on lines. Potty training. The salt content of cruise-ship food. How to make your own tutu. If pink …

Blackmailed by Black Bananas: Giving Myself Permission to Let Go [It’s Okay to… Admit When You’re Not Okay]

I told you bananas are jerks. Blackmailed by black bananas. Oh sure they look innocuous just sitting there in their fruity innocence but they’ve been torturing me – torturing me – for a week now. It all started with selling our house. (Which, good news, it’s sold! Yay!*) But the showing process was excruciating in a way …

Attack of the Killer Shoes: Women everywhere are being maimed by their footwear [Is the solution found in the kiddie aisle?]

Sarah Jessica Parker is the next step in evolution. Girlfriend recently confessed in an interview that her secret power is creating new bones. Like, inside herself and not in the form of a baby, dermoid cyst or alien experimentation! How’d did she get this magical talent? By murdering her feet with high heels. Naturally. Anyone …

Whiny Whiny Girls, Gym Edition [When Workouts Go Meh]

It’s called the “bend-over pull through” but surely it deserves a better name than that! Help me out in the comments? So many questions but I’ll start here: Where did they find a fitness model who could do this move with a straight face? Today’s lesson: If an exercise move involves the danger of castration it’s …

The Perks of Tourist Season in the Gym [My happy accident…that only partially involved head injuries!]

All the cars parked up on snowbanks should have been my first clue that something was amiss at the gym this morning. But I was fortunate to have a parking spot open up right in front of me and so I paid no attention to the fact that my spot was the only open one …