You Know You’re a Fitness Nerd If… [My top 20 funniest answers – what are yours?]

You know you’re a fitness nerd…if “dressing up” means wearing your silver Nikes.

Anyone who’s ever done weighted hip thrusts while having a serious conversation or watched two guys arm wrestle over the last jar of Pure Protein knows: Fitness is funny. The things we say, the things we do, and heaven help us, the things we WEAR. Every once in a while I take a step back and look at what I’m actually doing and it makes me giggle. So this weekend while I was laying on the floor doing my mandatory sets of butt clenches (excuse me, glute contractions) in the middle of the crowded gym, I came up with this list. I hope you’ll add on yours too!!

You know you’re a fitness nerd if:

1. You carry goggles, gloves, a jump rope and a change of clothes in your car at all times… and you’re not a serial killer.

2. You’ve ever spent time running around a playground… without bringing a kid.

3. You’ve ever been pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)

4. Your socks come labeled with “L” and “R”… and your mom didn’t write them on with permanent marker. (Although that’s totes cool if she did. Moms are smart.)

5. You’ve ever made a meal out of jerky, trail mix and the smashed remains of a Larabar… and you weren’t stranded in the wilderness.

6. Your heart rate monitor watch accessorizes all your outfits. (Also: if you’ve ever worn the strap just to see how high your heart rate really gets during those PTA meetings.)

7. You have more LBCs (little black capris) than you do LBDs (little black dresses).

8. Someone ever said to you, “Man, Fran was the WOD and I was in zone 5 thanks to the AMRAP thrusters*” and you a) didn’t assume they were working in counter terrorism and b) answered “Yeah those kippers are the worst. I had DOMS for days!”

9. You know and can explain the difference between P90X and Insanity. (What, Shaun T is black?!)

10. You can name the BPM (beats per minute) of any pop song.

11. Your purse is stuffed with little baggies of (healthy) snacks… and you’re not a pothead.

12. You can say “That’s a great a snatch!” without a trace of irony. (See also: “That’s a great rack!”)

13. Your underwear is specially designed to wick moisture away, dry quickly and hide wet spots… and you’re not a potty training toddler in a pull-up.

14. You’ve ever spent a sick amount of money on a bra designed to squish your boobs down into a flat indistinguishable lump instead of splurging on a miracle bust-boosting cleavage-creating bra.

15. You have a story about a gnarly bike/running/lifting accident with the scar to prove it… and it didn’t happen when you were a kid.

16. You break every song into chunks of eight counts.

17.  You have an opinion about whey versus soy versus pea versus egg protein powders.

18. You can name 20 variations on the push-up… and do five every time you go to the bathroom. Even if it’s a public bathroom.

19. You’ve ever started a sentence with “Well mice aren’t humans but still the research is very convincing….”

20. You’ve ever ended a sentence by singing “Girl look at that body! Ah-ah, I work ooooout!”

Come on, I know you guys have some awesome ones to add to my list! Finish this sentence, you know you’re a fitness geek if…

Do you ever look at yourself working out and just want to laugh sometimes?

*For you smart alecks: I know that the thrusters in Fran are numbered, not as many reps as possible. It just made the sentence funnier and when it comes to fact vs. funny, I always err on the side of humor. Which may be a problem. We’ll discuss that later.

33 Comments

  1. You know you’re a fitness nerd if…

    …a stuck vehicle is just a happy opportunity to shock your muscles in a new way.

    …buses are for racing not riding.

    …you convince your friends that a piano mover is a waste of money.

    …you buy a tractor tire and you don’t have a tractor.

    … you climb the outside wall because stairs are too lazy.

    …a cross-town commute only requires a pair of shoes.

    …when your electrolytes are low, you consider chewing bees for trace amounts of honey.

    …you have two copies of WAR AND PEACE because your spouse won’t let you keep weights in the bedroom.

    … you push -start a standard transmission vehicle…even when you don’t have to.

    …you decline help when unloading appliances.

    …feng shui is a great excuse to move furniture. Again.

    …car seats are for arm-curling kids…and they work great to secure them in vehicles also.

    …you run with a “boom-box” because an ipod is too wussy.

    …you are disheartened to learn that other people tow vehicles with other vehicles.

    …you carried your spouse over the threshold…more than once.

    …when you sleep you dream of being able to do one-finger pushups.

    …a tire swing is for climbing, not playing.

    …you think juggling tennis balls is nice…but bowling balls would work your heart better.

    …you think the FLINTSTONES had the best kind of car.

    …you classify insects into “protein” and “not protein”.

    • Darwin I am DYING laughing at these! I snorted tea all over the breakroom table at work! Thank you!! And…my face is red because I totally did buy a tractor tire…and I don’t even have a tractor. *snort, giggle*

      • It pleases my heart SO MUCH that you laughed!

        And since you have a tractor tire, that means you have the funnest house on the block!

  2. oh.
    see?
    Im not.
    but I knew 🙂

  3. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    But seriously – #17 – I want a blog post about the pros/cons of each of them. I LOVE whey – but my thyroid doesn’t (despite all the blogs etc that swear it does…), obviously I can’t use soy, soy + hypothyroid = BAD DAY! I have tried two kinds of pea protein and they both taste like gag in a glass, and I’m holding off on egg cuz $22 for 10 servings?????? What????? I’m using pasturized egg white in my smoothies right now, but geez a good protein powder would make my life easier! Any tasty pea proteins out there? (NOW was the WORST!)

    • I have tried oh-so-many protein powders, because I can’t handle whey or soy! I used egg whites for a loooong time too. Check out Dale’s Raw Foods protein. It’s pea-rice-hemp. I usually get the vanilla. It isn’t exactly “yummy”, but I’ve been able to use it for a long time. The texture is very dry and kinda sandy, but if you mix it well into a smoothie or pancake it does pretty good. It’s a bit too stevia-tasting for my liking, but even that hasn’t been a big problem. Now, the Dale’s protein bars are AHHHmazing, so so yummy if you need protein bars. Very expensive, but they are the only high protein bar I’ve found that is gf and df and soyf. I order multiple boxes every time there is a sale! Good luck

      • Oooh, excellent! Thanks for the info – I’ll go check it out!

      • Thanks also, Janelle. I have a soy, lactose issue and am hunting for a good protein powder that doesn’t taste like dirty socks. FYI…Cbuffy, I just tried the powdered egg protein and it tasted like SALTY socks! The worst yet. I think I’ll try this egg whites stuff, Janelle.

  4. You mourn when New Balance discontinues YOUR shoe (and then try and hoard them).

    You can tell it’s time for new shoes not by how much wear or how they look but how the ball of your big toe on your left foot feels. (I walk my work commute so this is a big deal to me)

    You have nicknames for your exercise clothes. (my hubby’s bike shorts are “butt pants” thanks to the padding, dirty exercise clothes are “stinkables”, low impact sports bras are “walking bras”)

    An REI clearance rack of high impact sports bras will give you the same joy you used to get on christmas morning (as a child).

    You brag (repeatedly) about the items you scored on the REI clearance rack. (yes, the Lucy brand yoga shirts I got for $12 each. TWELVE DOLLARS. You know, they are like normally $60 each, right?)

    You can have a half hour conversation on which moisture wicking fabric is the best (or what brand is the best).

    You are no longer embarrassed to yank at the crotch of your shorts in public (the shorts in my exercise skit ride up like mad!).

    • YES! Bring back my New Balance 301s

    • REI sales are THE BEST! The “As Is” sale is like a national holiday around here. 🙂 (P.S., Just ordered a new Patagonia backpack from the website: $31, down from $79!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  5. Haha love it..

    Love carrying around mysterious bags of white powder; always keeping spare underwear around, randomly eating hard boiled eggs, knowing the macros of what you order at any restaurant..

  6. #3 – Every time this happens to me now, while laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation, I think of you. Just thought you like to know. 🙂

  7. You have developed a knack for turning your workout wear into something that can pass as an intentional outfit. Because you end up wearing your workout clothes most, if not all, of the day. This has become much easier now that the 80s are back!

    • hmm, can’t help but picture someone walking around in a high rise leotard… in enon color and matching headband…let’s get physical! 🙂

      • Ha! No, picture instead an off-the shoulder half shirt thrown over a workout tank and leggings– more like Fame, but minus the head band and leg warmers (though I do wear the leg warmers sometimes… tucked into and just barely peaking out of my boots).

  8. Before looking at the benefits package of a potential job you look at it’s proximity to a decent gym. My husband looked at me like I had 2 heads!

  9. Housework is now the 20 minute workout with music, proper form and counting.

  10. You have BCAAs in the cup holder in your car and a different pair of sneakers for each workout you do!

  11. You celebrate when a new workout DVD that you thought was 45 minutes long is actually an hour. (Not that this happened to me last night or anything.)
    You troll YouTube for workout videos, rather than cat videos. Ok, ok, AS WELL AS cat videos.
    You cannot wait to log onto MyFitnessPal.
    You’re terrible at math, but you can compute the nutrient ratio of any food in your head in under 30 seconds.
    Athleta catalogues are your pornography. And not because of the models.
    You discover you can access ALL of Cathe Friederichs workout videos online for a nominal fee!!!!!!!!!!!!! (This one almost made me weep tears of joy.)
    You “borrow” your child’s scooter at the park, forcing him/her to make do with the playground equipment while you zip around the perimeter of the basketball court.

  12. AH! LOVE THIS! I always joke about how I look like a serial because I have battling ropes and boxing gloves and all sorts of equipment in my trunk at all times!

  13. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAVORITE SPORTS BRA EVER!

    http://www.zappos.com/shock-absorber-run-sports-bra-b5044-white-silver

    Comes in many plus sizes, allows zero jiggles, racer-back style AND CLASPS IN THE BACK. No more over-the-head nonsense. I’ve pulled muscles that way. F that.

    Also very expensive, but very, very worth it.

  14. This: 3. You’ve ever been pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)

    Houdini’s straight jacket escape was accomplished by popping one of his shoulders out of it’s socket.

    I don’t recommend that.

    Have you ever tried a doorknob?

    Maneuvering to get the bottom fabric of it…front or back…hooked onto the doorknob, and then slide down further?

    (I was a well read and accomplished amateur escape artist when I was young. Like 12, 13, 14.)

    • But I DEARLY hope you never tried to escape from a sweaty sports bra….. Just sayin’

      • *laughing SO hard!*

        Funny on SO many levels!

        To address your concern *chuckles* …No. I have never tried to escape from a sweaty sports bra.

        AND…upon marriage…bra mechanics initially baffled me.

        I have escaped wrists tied, feet tied, body completely enveloped in rope all while hung upside down in rafters.

        I have even picked a lock or two.

        But…

        …what others guys had done “one-handed”…

        …my wife was VERY amused to find that it took me…a few awkward moments.

        So my whole suggestion about the doorknob escape is simply based on Charlotte’s description as quoted in number 3.

        Diagram schematics…if you will.

        • Oh Darwin, I’m so glad you have joined the ranks of Charlotte Commenters… Takes the conversation (and giggles) to a whole new level.

          • *laughs*

            So Happy to oblige!

            (and perhaps something new to place on my resume!)

            Thank-you Cbuffy!

  15. Because I am not particularly scared to say what I mean, and because I mean humour, not insult (even though it may not be appreciated):

    If you are a mature man and read a blog that is mainly focused on painfully neurotic girl crap, because it’s called The Great Fitness Experiment.

  16. Trunk is packed, back seat is full, bags are packed and always ready to get outside and have some fun. Climbing, biking, crawling, jumping, paddling…man I love this stuff!

  17. wow I’m a little late to this post (was snooping through the archives) but these gave me the giggles! I’m far from a fitness fanatic (I just work with e bikes) but I’m trying my best to keep up with my gym junkie friends.

    love your blog but please keep the posts coming!