In an art house, hermetically sealed both from germs and the passage of time, this conversation happened:
“Yo, did you see the thigh-gap on that chick last night?”
“The big space between her legs! It’s the must-have accessory of the year. All the girls want one.”
“Yeah, I kind of thought so too.”
“And kind of sad.”
“But hey, you know what would really help women feel better about their bodies? If we made a movie that objectified them! And then lopped off their heads! And took away their voices! How better to make them accept their bodies than by showing them that’s all they are? The ladeezzz are going to loooove this!”
“Ooh and let’s film it in that awesome early-70’s porn style! It’s super flattering and we can have a sun setting into the ocean BETWEEN HER LEGS.”
Okay so that may not have been how this ridiculous thigh-gap movie was born but honestly that’s the kindest way I can see this thing coming about. How else would someone have thought “I need to help women feel better about their legs” and come up with THIS?? (Watch the video below at your own peril. I am not responsible for any rage-induced aneurysms.)
I can still vividly remember her face — her dark hair curling around her face, her hands gesturing widely as she told me a very dramatic story. I nodded and grinned. Then I remember her big eyes filling with tears. Wait, what? I wiped the idiot smile off my face and wracked my brain for the English translation of the word she kept repeating. Finally, after some interesting and animated charades, I realized that my high-school Spanish teacher had failed me miserably. He never taught me the word for miscarriage.
I’d been sitting with this woman in Chiclana, Spain, for half an hour, the whole time smiling and bobbing my head like a maniacal puppet, pretending I was following her. And the whole time she’d been telling me about losing her baby. (Don’t ask me how I ended up in Chiclana, talking to a woman I’d just met about dead babies. That’s a whole different story!) My point: I felt like a total tool. My real point: My Spanish was not as good as I thought it was and not remotely as good as I needed it to be.
This is so so true for me.
Colorado is a desert. A high plains desert, but a desert nonetheless. So why are we having this geography discussion (on a holiday, no less)? Not because I doubt your eremological skillz but because apparently I forgot where I live. It turns out deserts are known for being dry places and for the past year that I’ve lived here, while I’ve been slathering on lotion and chapstick to sooth my dry skin, it seems I’ve neglected my dry innards.
Let me back up: To the bathroom. (All good stories start or end in a bathroom.) Friday I started drinking. Not booze – I’m still a Mormon – but water. Lots and lots and lots of water. I’d noticed that the previous day I’d only drank about 8 ounces of water the whole day even though I’d worked out – and that wasn’t an unusual day for me. I just never feel thirsty. Yet eight measly ounces seemed a little nuts even for me so I Googled how much water someone of my height/weight/activity level should be consuming and ended up with the nice round number of 100 ounces, or about 3 liters a day. So I sucked it down. (Not all at once. That’s dangerous. More on that later.)
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to not tell you… I just, uh, just didn’t know what to say to you,” my friend said, tucking a soft blanket around her adorable chubby-cheeked infant. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to keep her warm or hide her from me.
“But why would you think I wouldn’t be happy for you?” I stammered, still thrown by the surprise of meeting what had been a very close friend who now had a baby I didn’t even know was coming.
“Well, because you… you know.”
I know. I know I had a miscarriage.
“How old is she?” I didn’t want to ask but I couldn’t help myself.
“Two months,” she answered. It felt like a punch to the gut but I tried not to show it.
I grinned my brightest grin and told her, honestly, “She’s marvelously perfect. Congratulations!”
Leave it to Jimmy Kimmel and late night TV to be the harbinger of the next big thing in dietary science. I mean, he is the guy famous for the “I ate all your Halloween candy” videos after all. So when I read a new study about gluten sensitivity (or lack thereof, as you shall soon see), the first thing I thought of was his “What is gluten anyhow?” sketch a couple weeks ago where he asked people on a gluten-free diet what it is they’re hiding from. Jimmy makes all the science fun: (click through to see video if it doesn’t show up in your reader)
“I live in LA, eating gluten is akin to satanism.” [Truest sciencey science ever]
Gluten is a combination of two proteins found wheat, barley and rye. You’ll never be dumb again. You’re welcome.
Do you have a pet? How do you think they help keep YOU healthy?
NOTE: I had a prescheduled post about Luna for Sheba set for today, before any of this happened. (That post was written and scheduled a month ago as the third out of three posts I collaborated with Sheba on.) When she got injured this morning, I posted on social media about the accident and so I figured people would be weirded out if I put up the Sheba post with no mention of how she’s doing now. So I combined this update with that post and…. BIG MISTAKE. As several commenters rightly pointed out, it looked like I was exploiting my poor cat’s near-death experience to make a few bucks. Please believe that was never my intent! I only meant to give an update on her health as I knew many of you were worried about her and the Sheba post had to go live at the same time. It was just really bad timing. In hindsight they should have been two separate posts – both for Sheba and for Luna’s good – which is what I’ve done now by splitting them apart. I’m so so sorry about the mistake and grateful you guys were so kind about pointing it out! The whole incident really shook me up (and my kids and my poor traumatized husband) so obviously I’m not on my A game today. Thanks for your patience with me.
Successes are sunshine and failures are fertilizer but you need both to help you grow. That adage was on my mind a lot on Saturday. First, because two of my besties had flown in to visit me here in Colorado for an adventure weekend and we had Big Plans and as Big Plans are wont to do, they often go awry. Second, because I had a lot (a lot a lot) of time to think. Because we were doing this:
Friday we took it easy with some white water rafting on the Arkansas river through the Royal Gorge (mad props to all of you who guessed it right just based on the pictures!) but Saturday was going to be the main event. We were going to hike Pike’s Peak. Not only is it famous for its unique cuisine (I’ve lived here long enough to make Donner party jokes, right?) but because at 14,114 feet (4,302 m), it’s one of Colorado’s best known “14’ers” – or mountains over 14,000 feet. (There are 58 14’ers here and Pike’s is neither the tallest nor the most difficult but it’s still tough.)
Sunshine: This is us 100% hopeful and 0% experienced at the trail head at dawn.
I’m spending this weekend with some girlfriends, on an adventure trip! Today was white water rafting! (That’s me , front left, and my friend Beth playing line leader. Rachel is alll the way in the back. She didn’t feel like taking every wave smack in the face I guess. )
What goes down…..
Must come up!
We rafted under the highest suspension bridge in North America. (Which it turns out is a bridge to nowhere. Apparently it was built on a bet between two rich guys to see if it could be done.)
We had a blast but the real adventure is coming tomorrow;)
Anyone else got an adventure planned for this week??
My thoughts when I first saw this picture, as they jumped onto the hamster wheel in my head:
1. Wow, that mannequin is super skinny!
2. But aren’t all mannequins super skinny? At least this one’s anatomically correct. It (she?) even has a bellybutton and nips – clearly they sprang for the high-end model! (Model! Hahahah! Does that count as a pun? Did I just make myself laugh out loud? Yep.)
3. They should buy the best, they’re La Perla. Their stuff is so expensive that even carrying the shopping bag has caché, kind of like toting a Tiffany’s box. Are they the Tiffany’s of lingerie?? Me being so cheap that I wait until Target bras go on sale, I wouldn’t know as I sure have never bought anything from them.
4. Is that even lingerie? If it is, it doesn’t look very supportive. And for that price you ought to be able to do a double back layout and land on a pony jumping off a diving board without risking a nip-slip. (Ooooh I haven’t seen Wild Hearts in YEARS. I wonder if I’d still love it as much without the preteen hormones coursing through my veins?)