When Yoga and OCD Collide: The true story of how I almost became a yoga terrorist but was saved by a baby blanket

yogaprank

Stretch! Yawn! Crack! (Because I’m old.) This morning when I woke up I smiled because today is Yoga Day! Thanks to a great teacher, a wonderful friend, lots of nice people, and plenty of sweaty poses, this has become my favorite workout of the week. I always leave feeling mellow as yellow and loose as Jell-O. Which is saying a lot because I am not someone normally described as either mellow or loose. Although I do have a soft spot for Jell-O.

I walked in the gym and took a deep breath of chlorinated air (the room is right over the pool, not everything can be perfect!), and set up my yoga mat. I was careful to line up my mat with the one other person in there while still leaving plenty of room for the teacher and a full mat’s width on both sides of me for other people. You know, like you do.

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Ahhhh. The teacher wasn’t actually there yet so the other lady and I sat quietly and meditated. (Okay lie, I sat and watched the senior water aerobics class. They are everything I want to be someday. And there was one silver-haired lady rocking the heck out of a red-and-a-white slashed one-piece that I just spent 20 minutes searching for online because I want it.) You may draw conclusions about me from the fact I set up front and center in front of the teacher – people pleaser, perfectionist, kiss-up. I’ll own it.

Then this happened:

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Do you see that?? The next person set up her mat out of line with the rest of us. Okay, fine, her towel and water bottle lined up but now the back of her mat stuck out too far. I took a deep yoga breath and reminded myself that of any sport yoga is not about rigid rules. There are no points, no “right” or “wrong”, no lines to color in. That’s why I like it! Usually.

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A couple more people came in. I forced myself to look away as the third person also ignored the imaginary line and set up her met wrong, er I mean, rogue, er, maybe I mean… I don’t know what I mean. Also, person #4? Your mat isn’t close enough to be row 2 but it’s not far back enough to row 3, right? Am I the only one who thinks of stuff like this?

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Now do you see what you’ve done #4, with your random mat placement? People #5 and #6 are trying to create row 2 by stuffing themselves in and subtly scooching your mat back! You have no one but yourself to blame for your wrinkly scrunched-up mat, #4. I also don’t know why #5 and #6 chose to be so close together. I am not opposed to being nose-to-tail in yoga when the situation warrants it (haven’t we all been in a very small studio with a very large class?) but there isn’t any reason right now for this, right? Look at all that room! But I am NOT JUDGING because yoga is ALL ABOUT not judging!

And then this happened:

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At least everyone else thus far had managed to set up their mats in the same direction. (And look at all those people in the back, lined up along the wall! Beauty in symmetry!) But #7? What?? And your mat is touching my mat. I gripped my lotus knees harder and tried to pretend it didn’t bug me. What’s a little corner touching? And who cares if her mat is diagonal? Even if it does mean that when we’re both in Down Dog we can nose kiss? We’re all friends here! deepbreathdeepbreathdeepbreath.

I moved.

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I’m sorry, I couldn’t take it! And when my friend #8 came in, I took the opportunity to move my mat back to the next row (the real row 2!) next to her. (Look how nice and appropriate her mat is! This is why we’re friends.) But I still made sure to give #7 a friendly smile and wave so she wouldn’t think I was moving because of her. It’s not her fault I’m neurotic, right?

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BAAAHHHHH! Hi, #9? You picked a spot that is neither the real row 2, the fake row 2 nor row 3. I love Harry Potter as much as the next fangirl but you cannot do yoga on platform 9 and 3/4 outside of Hogwarts! Plus, now there’s this huge space between you and #3 which isn’t big enough for another person, even though you know this class gets crowded! #10, everyone knows that you need a good 12-inch border around all sides of your mat, why are you on my bum? One word: Stagger. And #11 I’m sorry, I feel your pain, there is no right spot anymore. You did the best you could.

My cat does not approve either.

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Finally the teacher arrived and we started class. Focus. It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. Just the yoga. I totally could not focus. My heart was pounding in my ears. I looked around. Why did no one else seem bothered by this??

True fact: You really don’t need mats to do yoga. They’re nice because they help you slide around less and contain your sweat but you really don’t need them unless you’re yoga-cizing on a field of sharp rocks or on the beach. (Tangent: Beach yoga is always held up as this awesome confluence of nature and breath and while I did very much enjoy my surroundings, the sand always sticking to my hands was a major detriment. And shells are poky. I felt very disillusioned.) I’m convinced that the main purpose of yoga mats is to delineate “your spot” so that you don’t accidentally knock the whole room down like dominoes when you divebomb out of Warrior III. (Picture it! You know you want to.)

As we did our opening breath sequence, instead of visualizing my second chakra (that’s your butt, right? So maybe I don’t want to be visualizing it?) I imagined sneaking into the yoga room during the night and laying down nice, straight lines of tape on the carpet. Beautiful, evenly spaced, straight lines! I could even post a clever little sign like “Good yogis stay aligned and in line!” Okay no. That sounds like Divergent yoga. I may have a sickness.

Thirty minutes into class we’d settled out like this:

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People. What. Are. You. Doing.

I tried to breathe through it but as I flowed, I couldn’t help a steady stream of decidedly un-yoga-like thoughts. Diagonal lady, you are not a Lexus and do not need to park across two spots – it’s yoga, no one is going to door-ding you! Lady in front of me, what is with the ring of stuff? Did you spread out your sweatshirt, towel, water bottle, yoga block and tissues around your mat as little totems to ward off people who might invade your personal space? Although on second thought, that’s a valid fear as evidenced by the person still creeping up on my backside. GET OFF MY BUM. And you two squished together on the side – are you doing yoga or drunk Twister??

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AGGGGHHHHH THE LINES. I JUST NEED ORDER. 

Upside down, in standing split, the thought occurred to me that now that everyone was upside down with one leg in the air this would be the perfect time to run screaming through the room and knock them all off their mats. Before they knew what hit them, I could neatly rearrange their mats! I could be a yoga terrorist!! But, you know, for good!!

Just as I was about to start hyperventilating, the teacher’s voice came through… “Remember yoga is about finding your balance, learning to go with the flow! As you fold, don’t hang like a ragdoll, hang like a waterfall!” Then, suddenly, I was concentrating more on what “hanging like a waterfall” might look like than what my neighbors were doing. I love me an inscrutable metaphor.

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I smacked myself. Partly it was from not paying attention when going from a Down Dog to a lunge (someone please tell me I’m not the only one to knee myself in the face doing that?) but mostly it was because I was being an idiot and I knew it. Who cares what any other mat is doing? And perhaps having my maniacal need for order disrupted was a good thing. People are always telling me I need to “be water” and this was the perfect opportunity to practice going with the flow. 

I spent the rest of the class doing what I should have been doing from the beginning – looking for my lost third eye. (Kidding! Yoga humor!) No, I was learning how to center myself in the midst of a situation that felt chaotic. I like yoga because it feels precise and orderly to me and therefore takes me out of the unpredictable world, if just for a moment. But this morning I discovered that I love yoga because it’s teaching me how to better live in my unpredictable world, for many moments.

After we were finished with final resting pose and I was all happy lemon Jell-O or whatever, I walked over to Diagonal Lady. I’d noticed she had brought a beautiful crocheted blanket to lay on during Savasana. So I asked her about it. Someone she loved had crocheted it for her daughter, a baby many years grown, and she liked to keep it close now to remind her of the love that went into it, the love that slept under it and now the love that laid on top of it. She let me hold her blanket and examine the intricate hook work.

“I hope I didn’t bother you this morning, when I came in,” she said as I handed it back. “I didn’t mean to make you move. I just need to be right in front of the teacher because my eyesight isn’t very good.”

“No, no of course you aren’t a bother,” I said humbly. “I’m so glad you came today. I hope you come again next week!” Then I added,” And you can put your mat wherever you need to!”

And I meant every single word.

(Although, I still think people need lines sometimes. Have you seen people park in snowy parking lots? I die.)

Anyone else get really disturbed when people don’t line their stuff up properly in the gym? Yoga mats, dumbbells, aerobic steps or whatever? Anyone else compulsively re-rack the kettlebells in ascending order, even if you weren’t using them? Got a funny yoga story to share??

 

46 Comments

  1. I love that you illustrated this. Honestly, diagonal mat would have bothered me like crazy, too (though her explanation makes sense).

    I went to hot yoga once and a sweaty guy next to me was dripping all over MY mat. And by the end of class, he had dripped so much everywhere that all the mats next to him were soaked. It was grossssssss.

  2. It is said of Confucius: “If the mat is not straight the master would not sit.”

    The whole philosophical p.o.v. that the world is a mess and order MUST be imposed…

    Working in harmony with life’s circumstances changes what others may perceive to be negative into something positive.

    Charlotte, this is also what you did.

    Arguably, two very opposite philosophical extremes in one yoga moment.

    And no apparent whiplash!

    And the “be like water” quote is actually from Bruce Lee.

    Professor Yip, head of Wing Cheung School told Bruce to relax and calm his mind, which frustrated Bruce, “MUST relax!!!!” Bruce went out sailing alone in a junk, and in frustration he punched the water.

    – One could strike water, but it did not suffer damage.
    – One could stab it, yet it would not be wounded
    – To grasp a handful was impossible
    – Water could fit into any shape of container
    – Although water seemed weak, it could eventually penetrate any substance in the world.

    Be like the nature of water – and you did!

    Hugs and high fives!

  3. I felt your frustration as the class filled up – all that random mat placing would have freaked me out as well. I used to love step classes because it was all so symetrical and ordered with the steps all beautifully in line and the people following a routine all perfectly in time. I doubt i would have been able to go with the flow like you did.
    You also gave my a good laugh for the day.

  4. No I did not spend 45 minutes after my workout last week moving all of the plates around the gym so that they were evenly distributed and organized amongst the different weight trees.

    I didn’t organize them by type and I most certainly did not organize all the bars and bar clips either…

  5. Sometimes people stagger mats if the class is a little crowded so you aren’t exactly lined up and won’t smack people with your hands during sun salutations. Is that what they were doing? It’s common here but maybe not so much other places?

  6. Haha, “drunk twister”, thanks for the laugh! And thanks for the reminder that other people have their own story going on that you might not be aware of…

    I found myself getting antsy just looking at your progression of drawings, not so much for the lack of straight lines and order, but the personal space thing – you had me at person no 2. I would have been silently seething “YOU HAVE THE WHOLE EMPTY ROOM TO SET UP IN SO WHY ARE YOU ONE INCH FROM ME AAARRRGGHHH”. But of course I wouldn’t say anything, just move my mat over slightly to the left… In my slight defence, I’m tall so I always felt I needed a bit more space around me in yoga and body combat classes, as I worried I’d kick people accidentally, but I confess I’m also one of those people with a slightly bigger personal space “bubble” than others.

    Willzager, I *may* also re-organise the weights in the dumbell trees too so maybe I’m more OCD than I thought

  7. I totally get your frustration. I’m all about personal space and orderliness. What is that person doing on your bum?! But I also remember quite a few times going to a new yoga class, being the first one in the room and not knowing what the normal setup is. Where’s the teacher? How crowded will it get? How many lines are we plotting for? You have to choose a spot and so you do…and then watch the rest of the room try to recreate the invisible order you’ve invariably destroyed by making the wrong first move. :/ Yoga is hard, but yoga classes are harder.

  8. This post made me feel strangely emotional and a bit chagrined – particularly the part at the end where the lady explained why she had placed her mat so closely (and crookedly) to yours. (Which, by the way, would SO ANNOY me.) I so often and so quickly judge people for doing things differently than I do – and I immediately conclude that they are (choose your adjective) stupid, inconsiderate, thoughtless, un-empathetic, careless, bad, purposely annoying, evil. When in reality they might just have bad eyesight! Thank you for the gentle reminder that there are a lot of reasons why people do what they do, and they are rarely the ones I assume they are. (And that people rarely do what they do for the sole purpose of annoying me, even if it feels that way sometimes!)

  9. I totally rearrange the dumbbells on the rack so they’re in ascending order. The worst is when people don’t just swap a set, but if there are four adjacent spots next to each other, they put a pair IN THE MIDDLE so then the final pair can’t be put next to each other.

    I get very frustrated when the barbell rack is out of order, because I can’t lift the 100lb barbell if it’s not on the very bottom rung (deadlifts!), so that means I can’t fix it 🙁

    Loved this post 🙂

  10. This made me laugh so hard. I totally get it. But it also reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” (-unknown)

  11. “the thought occurred to me that now that everyone was upside down with one leg in the air this would be the perfect time to run screaming through the room and knock them all off their mats” -> made me LOL.

    I would have moved my mat too. And I don’t know that I would have waited for someone to come in and give me an excuse. I don’t need for every mat to be lined up perfectly. I sympathize with people who need a certain spot – I’m half way to being deaf, and I’m short, so I always try to be front row and to the left of an instructor (so I can see what’s going on, and so that my good ear is toward the instructor), but I wouldn’t crowd someone else to do it. Reading through your post, I found myself wondering what these people were doing – have they never been to a yoga class before? Don’t they know you need space? – so it probably would have bugged me too.

    Glad you did end up having a good class though!

  12. Another reason you should give aerial yoga a try if you get the chance – not only is it all about the inversions, but even the wildest mat-anarchist isn’t going to start rearranging the hammocks!

  13. I’m not OCD, but I would’ve been bugged, too. It also should have bugged the teacher enough to see that some people didn’t have enough room and gently suggested that some people space themselves out better.
    I bet these folks are also awful drivers.

  14. The only thing that bothers me is when people set up too CLOSE to me. I need my SPACE!

  15. Charlotte, everything I’ve read of yours (including your book) makes me think we are twins. This just pushed it over the top. Are you in my head???!! Thanks for this 🙂

  16. Ugh, that would have driven me batty and I am totally the person rearranging the dumb bells at the gym. I love your interaction with the blanket lady and the reminder that it is so easy to be annoyed by something without considering that there may be valid reasons for the person doing what they did.

    *on an OCD tangent, I have a friend who has many framed family photos on the walls in her home. All of them are slightly crooked and it drives me absolutely over the edge to be in her house and to be unable to straighten all those frames. I have to remind myself to focus in the conversation and stop obsessing over the frames.

  17. I go to a hot yoga studio where classes are full and mats need to be lined up to get everyone in while still giving everyone the space they need. We have the lines you dreamed of …”nice, straight lines of tape”, and they are a thing of beauty. Sadly we still end up with people who can not manage to put their mat & their things inside their lines. Drives me bat crap crazy all class long.

  18. I go to a studio that provides the mats (and stuff to clean them off with after) and they generally stagger the mats so people don’t bash each other during sun salutations and don’t have to have the other person’s bum in their face if they’re doing forward folds with their feet apart facing sideways (whatever that’s called). I do not hesitate to move my mat if someone is too close or it’s not staggered enough. I also need to be pretty near the front because I am hard of hearing and yoga instructors always talk all soft and soothy. I like that the mats are already out and you just pick one. Those that bring their own mats just place them on top (more padding). Clearly #7 was way out of line, though. Things neeeeed to be perpendicular or I, too, go batshit crazy.

  19. Hi, Rebel Girl here. But only during Boot Camp. If it’s yoga or mat Pilates, I line up with everyone else. Or try to.

    But in Boot Camp, we’ve got half the gym to set up on. I go over to the side (like where #3 was) and angle myself. But I have WAY more room to be away from others to do this. And then I turn on that angle, so I can see the instructor better — and that helps me hear her, too, since there are some VERY Chatty Cathys in the back row… who keep talking even when asked to stop. When I go to Boot Camp routinely, some of the others follow my angled lead.

    I like being a rebel. And I only put my dumbbells back on the tree in spots 2 and 3 when the dumbbell on spot -1 is intruding on spot 1 and mine can’t fit back in.

  20. Nothing ruins a class for me more than someone crowding my personal space. I’m all for assuming the best of people (and not that they’re just being rude and getting in my way) but if there is some specific reason that you need to be where I am, just tell me and I will happily accommodate you. If not I will definitely say something like “hey, I have long legs so do you mind moving a bit just so I don’t kick you”. It’s the truth but it’s also “get away from me”. I do sometimes take it a little far though. A couple weeks ago a pilates teacher asked me to move closer to someone so there was room for a 4th person in our row. I had no problem with that.

  21. I love the diagram and I totally understand your frustration! I think it’s even worse in step classes where the moves are around the tool rather than contained by it.

    Love that you chatted with angled-mat and it gave you some insight into her “why.”

  22. The diagonal mat would have driven me crazy. When I teach yoga the first thing I do is have people rearrange mats into some semblance of order (lined up along the wall since I teach from the middle). If it’s crowded I do suggest students stagger their mats so they don’t touch each other during sun salutations-that to me is more distracting than unlined mats 🙂

  23. I used to want my mat to line up exactly until I bashed hands one too many times during Sun Salutations. Staggered mats are much better; the classes I go to can get kind of crowded.

    Admittedly, in my perfect world, all the mats would be perfectly offset so that there were neat staggered rows–each offset mat would be exactly one-half mat length behind the mats on either side of it. But that is never going to happen.

  24. I actually laughed-out-loud while reading your article, I can totally imagine how you felt, it would have bothered me as well.
    That’s one of the nicer things of yoga though, it’s helps me to (slowly) learn to get my peace ect. out of myself, instead of expecting the circumstances and other people to give it to me. Which, coming to think about it is quit ridiculous (expecting others to give me peace and what not).
    Awesome that you felt better about it after your yoga and the conversation with that lady, you could have walked away, instead you made it better

  25. I am the one always restacking the barbells in order! And the medicine balls…and the straps. They should pay me to work there, lol!
    I think for me it would be a personal space thing more than an orderly thing. This happens in our cardio/bootcamp classes every fall when more students come. People don’t think to move around so everyone can fit in…crazymaking.

  26. I am extremely conscious of where I place my mat and totally am OCD about it. I do stagger 6-12″ or so so that when resting with arms out that you are not hitting arms but I do respect the ability to have multiple rows. The girl with her stuff everywhere would drive me nuts. And the angle would completely make me stressed out. I like that you asked her about the blanket – it is good to take a step back and realize that there may be a very good reason for it. There is one studio I go to occasionally that has a column in the middle of the room. I always try and get a spot by it so that I know I will at least not be crowded on one side.

  27. Are you kidding me? I cannot bare it. I HATE it when the mats are not perfectly lined up! Both in the yoga studio – and at work (where everyone has a little mat outside their office).

    Tonight I went to dinner at my boss’ house. All was wonderful – except that the dinner table was not lined up with the windows. I tried to shut up, but I realized that it would ruin the dinner. So I decided to tell my boss and my colleagues about my OCD and move the table. She had already noticed at work, she said.

    But one of my colleagues turned out to be a lot worse. She told us that she even puts cans in order in the grocery store, since she cannot stand disorder!

    I never thought of myself as having OCD, until my son was diagnosed. So now we both have OCD and ED. As well as both have GAD and we both are HSP. I wonder if we also have ADHD. Perhaps we do. Are they all connected, somehow?

  28. You had me laughing out loud! SO good. The library at school is my domain, when I walk in there in the morning and things are out of place, it. drives. me. bonkers! I might have posted about my ire on Facebook. A colleague said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. To which I thought, “THIS IS BIG!” But then I laughed and realized that she was right. deepbreathdeepbreathdeepbreath! Thanks for the reminder on a different day. I may need to write that on cards and tape them all over the place…cause I failed when my husband decided to change the living room around and it was driving me crazy! 🙂

  29. i used to teach yoga and mat chaos was a regular issue. some people are unaware of the space around them. unfortunately, it really messes up the energetic balance of the class. i’m not sure if it’s because there’s always someone with OCD who’s bothered and throws of the energy or the mat chaos itself blocks the energy from flowing in the room. i considered it part of my job to fix the chaos when the energy was not right — i’ve been to a number of other teachers classes who also fix the chaos.

    so maybe you’re just more aware of the energy. regardless of any OCD issue.

  30. That would have driven me up the wall, too! More because of lack of personal space then anything, though, although the illogical set-up would have made me scratch my head. Honestly, I probably would have been out the door hyperventilating in the hall once #2 dumped her mat right next to mine, but yoga always sets off my anxiety anyways (something about being forced to hold poses and being told how to breathe).

    The weights at my gym are generally pretty well-organized, although I sometimes go to other LA Fitnesses and this one had the most rip-your-hair-out frustratingly disorganized set-up I’ve ever seen. I literally could not find a free weight of less than 35 pounds. I gave up and joined my husband by the strength machines, and eventually found . . . a ten-pound weigh. Under some ab crunch machine, a good 20 yards from the racks. The exact weight I was looking for. I took some deep breaths, and forced myself to use the machine next to it, because surely someone was using it. That guy, eight feet to the right? Must be. Because surely no one would LEAVE it there, right?! I eventually cracked and asked the guy if he was using it, and he said he wasn’t, so I carted the thing back to the weight rack. When I did, I found some of the other lighter weights . . under the weight rack. And under the benches. And cleverly camouflaged against the free-weight-colored floor, where they created a convenience obstacle course for people training both strength and agility. I have not been to that gym since.

  31. That would have driven me absolutely batty, too. I do Bikram yoga and about half the teachers there have their classes trained to line up mats, give people their space, and the stagger mats front row to back row if possible so that everyone can see themselves in the mirror. The dialogue solves the problem of smacking into each other during postures that require arm extensions by telling students to stagger standing on their mats. I LOVE IT. I love the order. I love that there are no surprise head stands. LOVE.

    Also, I understand where Diagonal Mat Lady is coming from, I have to do that myself now that I’m pregnant and need to be close to either a window or a socket to plug in a small fan so I don’t overheat, but it’s always best to ask people to scootch just a tad to accommodate special needs. I’ve never had anyone say No when I’ve asked. I’ve gotten a couple exasperated looks but, whatever, that’s their problem. They’ll likely need some consideration one day, too.

  32. I’m always neurotic about making sure my mat is perfectly straight. If it’s the slightest bit crooked, it makes me insane! And yet it is ALWAYS slightly diagonal when I first lay it down.
    Could it be that the diagonal yoga mat lady really cannot tell, perhaps? I know it sounds crazy, but if her eyesight is bad, there could be some neurological issues, as well. Just a thought.
    One of the best (and hardest) lessons I’ve learned comes from Bryan Kest: He says “keep your eyes and mind on your own mat.” It’s hard, but I find it keeps my blood pressure down. 🙂

  33. Haha! Thank you for the laugh this morning!

    Maybe this is exactly why we need yoga: to stop focusing on such mundane details. I know I’m trying! (but would have interesting things to say about my flaws in the OCD department)

  34. Charlotte, I love your drawings!! And this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while: “I love Harry Potter as much as the next fangirl but you cannot do yoga on platform 9 and 3/4 outside of Hogwarts!” *still giggling*

    This piece is divine. Thanks for reminding me to “be like water” and giving me the wonderful idea to “hang like a waterfall” — I can’t wait to try it next time I’m in a forward fold. xoxoxo

  35. You would enjoy my yoga studio- the entire room has mat spaces marked (tape on the floor) so everyone is neatly in rows and space is optimized. The slightly obsessive nature of the studio manager is one of the reasons I love it there. Easier to relax when everything is clearly ordered and structured

  36. Oh, Charlotte, that really had me laughing. With recognition. Sooooooo much recognition…

  37. The random placement of yoga mats would drive me insane.

    At work, I know exactly where my car needs to line up to a certain window to keep myself in the lines of my usual spot, even when it snows. I take pride in being parked appropriately in ALL weather conditions. True story.

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  41. I love this post! I came upon it while googling trying to figure out why people in the studio I have recently started going to place their mats so close together. I think there are a couple of factors in this case: to better hear the instructor, and to create a more intimate, bonding scenario. I am a bit OCD, and it bothers me to have people too close to me. Seems like no matter where I put my mat, the next person to come in puts theirs too close to mine, like inches away. And naturally, we end up bopping each other during sun salutations and leg stretches. I always seem to be the one who moves front or back on my mat to avoid this whenever possible as it seems that many people are just oblivious. There’s another difficulty here too in that the classes are in Spanish (I’m in Mexico for the winter), which I barely speak, and most of the students don’t speak English, so I can’t ask them easily to move over a bit or explain to them why I am scooching my mat away from them. Sometimes this really takes away from the enjoyment of the practice for me. Ah well, I did love this post, and it gave me comfort to realize that I am in good company!

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