From Eating Dirt to Sunning Your Ladybits: Weird Health Tips That May Actually Work [Plus, more funny Amazon reviews!]

amazon1

Reading Amazon reviews is one of my favorite pastimes. True story: I just spent a half hour reading customer reviews of DIY side table kits and I was riveted. Not only are they a wealth of practical information but reviews are a great source of human drama. You can learn all kinds of things about people and the way they think just from reading about how well they can follow directions written only in Chinese and how well they aim their hammer when they throw it. Plus, you know, you get stuff like the Flamethrower-Toting Murder Bears.

amazon2

More than once Amazon reviewers have saved me from myself — the most recent example being with the Divergent young adult book series. Everyone thought the first book was amazing. Everyone loved the second book. And then the third, and final, book in the series was so universally panned that the comment voted “most helpful” said that it would make you wish you’d never read any of the books in the first place as they’re all building up to the big reveal in book 3 which turns out to be a massive disappointment. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know because I took them at their word and didn’t read the books. (Would love to hear your thoughts though if you’ve read them!) But Hollywood doesn’t care about book 3 because they just made a movie of book 1 which they are hoping will be a blockbuster on the scale of Twilight. I’m not planning on seeing the movie either (which opens March 21 in case anyone is less judgmental than I am).

amazon3

ALL of which is the set up to tell you that I have no clue who Shailene Woodley, the star of the Divergent movie, is. Before yesterday I’d never even heard of her but now she’s my favorite celebrity ever, thanks to one of the most interesting, honest and entertaining “health tips” interviews I’ve ever read. Shailene – and I feel like I can call her by her first name because we’re about to talk about her lady business and that makes us besties – did an interview with Into The Gloss about her best healthy living advice. You know how most celebrities regurgitate the same tired tropes of “wash your face before bed”, “drink green smoothies” and “exercise”? Oh not this girl!

amazon4

Somehow Shailene ended up an actress but her heart lies in nature. She doesn’t wear makeup unless she’s doing media appearances (for which she says it’s only “respectful”, as if she were talking about visiting a small tribe in the Amazon and trying to adopt their strange-yet-beautiful customs), she doesn’t have a cellphone (say wha?) and her hobbies include making her own weapons. Oh and farming. If she weren’t an actress she says she’d be “Finding seeds, planting seeds, watching them grow, harvesting the fruits, cooking the fruits, eating them, seeing how my body reacts, and even digesting. I’m fascinated with the entire process.” ME TOO SHAILENE! CALL ME. I love someone who is as intensely interested with the minutiae of the digestion process as I am! She adds, “I would open a place like Moon Juice and have an elixir bar where people could come in and say, ‘My tooth aches,’ or, ‘I have a sinus infection,’ and I would be able to help them.” Okay, so I don’t want to own an “elixir bar” (whatever that is) but I like her whole mother-earth-healer vibe.

amazon5

As part of her self-experimentation with herbs, foods, hunting and agriculture she came up with some pretty fun health tips:

Tip: Eat dirt. 

Shailene says,

“Clay is one of the best things you can put in your body. One of my friends was making a clay toothpaste that you swallow instead of spit out. But I first heard about the benefits of eating clay from a taxi driver. He was African and was saying that, where he’s from, the women eat clay when they’re pregnant. Seriously—ask your taxi drivers where they are from and about their customs. You will learn a lot. So, I’ve discovered that clay is great for you because your body doesn’t absorb it, and it apparently provides a negative charge, so it bonds to negative isotopes. And, this is crazy: it also helps clean heavy metals out of your body. My friend starting eating it and the next day she called me and said, ‘Dude, my shit smells like metal.’ She was really worried, but we did some research together and everything said that when you first start eating clay, your bowel movements, pee, and even you, yourself, will smell like metal. You should obviously be careful about your source. Bentonite clay is good, but Mountain Rose Herbs has a great clay source.”

First, I have to say I agree with her 100% about talking to your taxi drivers. I’ve had some of my favorite conversations ever with drivers and they’ve given me some great tips. Never about diet, unfortunately. But good life stuff! And one time a driver from Bahrain gave some eerily prescient fashion tips. But as for eating clay, I first heard about it in an article about a man trying to heal himself of ulcerative colitis. It was killing him and he tried everything – including illegal fecal transplants! – to try and heal his gut. He bought $200 vials of “pure dirt” to eat as part of his efforts. It was years ago but as I recall he found them quite helpful. At the time I filed it away under “Things to remember if I ever get ulcerative colitis” which thank heavens I’ve never had to use. But Shailene’s poop story got me thinking about it again because you guys KNOW how I love a good poop story.

But does it work?

At first glance, it has the ring of pseudoscience though so I had to fact-check it, starting with that whole negative charge thing. (Obviously if clay is negatively charged then it would bond to positive isotopes, not negative like Shailene said but she was speaking off the cuff so I’ll just assume she meant positive and not negative.) According to the Department of Agriculture, “Because clays have a large surface area and negative charges, they can attract and hold positively charged ions. This characteristic is important because many positively charged ions are plant nutrients, such as calcium, magnesium and potassium.”

So she was right about the negative charge! But oops, I don’t really want to be pooping out my calcium, magnesium and potassium stores. (Especially since many people are woefully deficient in the latter two and all three are essential for basic heart function.) But methylmercury – one of the most common toxic metals that people worry about (it’s the one you always hear about in fish) – does carry a positive charge and so could theoretically bind with the clay and get pooped out? While I couldn’t find any solid research showing that eating clay can remove heavy metals from humans, I did find this Egyptian study (PDF) that showed that adding clay to soil polluted with copper and nickel led to a  reduction of the metals. I also found this study (PDF) that showed it was possible to remove heavy metals, including the Big Baddies cadmium and mercury, from water by using bentonite clay as a filter. Without human research it’s hard to make conclusions – the human digestive tract is a lot different than a landfill or a river – but I have to say I’m intrigued! Although you’d have to be careful with it as it apparently binds to a bunch of healthy stuff along with the junk.

Also, there’s the whole eating dirt thing.

Tip: Oil Pulling

Shailene says,

“You can do something called ‘oil pulling’ where you swish coconut or sesame oil in your mouth when you wake up and spit it out. It’s amazing! It really makes your teeth whiter, because the plaque on your teeth is not water soluble, it’s fat-soluble. So the lipids have to dissolve in fats, which is why oil works in your mouth. I prefer sesame oil, but they’re both good.”

But does it work?

The jury’s still out on oil pulling for me. I’m in the midst of my personal experiment with it and have yet to see any benefit from it but I’ll stick out the 30 days and let you know what I think then. As for her assertion that dental plaque is fat soluble, I am not so sure about that. Plaque is a biofilm made up of bacteria that stick on your teeth. I couldn’t find any reputable source that said it was fat soluble nor any research that showed that soaking plaque in fat would remove it. Most sources pointed out that plaque (before it hardens into tartar) is fragile so any swishing, brushing or flossing would remove it and the liquid medium didn’t seem to matter. Part of me wonders if she’s confusing it with arterial plaque, which is made up of fat?

Tip: Sunbathing your lady bits

Shailene says,

“Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D. [Laughs] I was reading an article written by an herbalist I studied about yeast infections and other genital issues. She said there’s nothing better than vitamin D. If you’re feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine. “

But does it work?

This tip made me laugh out loud. Mostly because if she is really sunning her vagina then she is a lot more, um, flexible than most humans. I think she meant she was sunning her vulva (the external apparatus). At any rate, her point about getting more vitamin D from sunshine (anywhere on your body) is well taken and the health benefits have been verified by many research studies. But as for sunlight curing vaginal issues? Shockingly I found no research directly on this. Can’t imagine study participants lining up for that one. But I did find an interesting study that found that mice that had developed a fungal yeast infection after getting third degree burns (boy was THAT a bad day to be a lab animal) could be mostly cured by a UVC (ultraviolet-c) light. Although there is this study that found that UV light actually increases the growth and reproduction of yeast. But another study found that while the UV light increased cellular growth in yeast up to a point, prolonged exposure killed it off.

Of course all of this leaves out the practical implications: Like, exactly how much legs-akimbo sunbathing would you need for “prolonged exposure”? And how would you get the sunshine far enough up your yoohoo to get all the yeasties? I’m just going to say that if you enjoy a naked Happy Baby pose on your back deck in the summer then go for it (as long as your neighbors don’t mind) but if you have a vaginal infection then it’s probably best to go see a doctor.

Tip: Skip shampoo

Shailene says, “I basically have horse hair. It’s so low-maintenance. The less I put in it, the better. I only shampoo it like once a month—the oilier, the better.”

But does it work?

This one actually works for me. I have had good luck just rinsing my hair with water. Your mileage my vary.

Conclusions

Shailene is rad. I want to hear more from her. Oh and I kind of want to try eating clay now. One naturopathic site recommended mixing your bituminous clay in with your coconut oil for your oil pulling every morning. Swishing dirty oil for better dental health? Okay, that just gave me a full-body shudder. Dirt in my teeth-crevices was my pet peeve back when I used to ride dirt bikes (you know, before I had kids and a life insurance policy and all that).

Any of you try any of these tips? Anyone want to correct my science?? Lastly, anyone read the Divergent series and want to convince me to read them – or not read them??

 

28 Comments

  1. Shailene Woodley also told the April Issue of Marie Claire “I don’t even know if humans are genetically made to be with one person forever.”

    So I know her science is off on that one.

    And the whole “eat dirt” concept is one of the consequences I promised to kids who first wanted to beat me up because they thought I was Chinese, then REALLY wanted to beat me up when they discovered I was half Indian.

    I told them that I would make them “bleed, cry and eat dirt” if they didn’t leave me alone.

    So if Shailene is telling people to eat dirt, you should be wary.

    ESPECIALLY since she makes her own weapons!!!!

    Jackie Chan has been known to turn anything INTO a weapon. Everyday objects. I know you’ve seen this Charlotte. You yourself have probably fantasized about spinning a carpenters horse or a step ladder in an impressive manner facilitating a “don’t mess with me” vibe all with a weapon you don’t need a carry permit for.

    And I am skipping DIVERGENCE as well.

  2. If you have not seen The Descendants you should. It is fantastic and she is great in it.

    As for divergent, I hated the last book but it didn’t make me regret the first two. They were good and she is a terrific heroine. I am planning on renting the movie eventually. The trailer looked terrible and I have a hard time imagining her as the heroine, but I really want to see Kate Winslet be evil.

    You should check out the Lunar Chronicles. It is a reimagining of fairy tales with the heroines saving themselves, the world and kicking ass.

  3. I officially have no opinion on eating dirt or sunning your bits, since this is a family-friendly blog, but I did read the Divergent series.

    The end of the third one (no spoilers) could’ve been done a whole, whoooole lot better. I got the feeling, reading it, that the author had been in a time crunch and wanted to do something Momentous and Lesson-Giving, but hadn’t thought it through.

    That said, the first two were really good. I was initially disappointed in the third (and I read all the Amazon reviews, so I knew what I was getting into), but then I re-wrote the ending in my head so it was better and went la la la la la off on my own again.

  4. You must have the most unusual google search history.

  5. Ok, I’m just going to “go there”.

    To get the best results from vulva sunning, should you be clean shaven? Also, should you wear a low level sun screen to prevent burning (and getting skin cancer “down there”)? Does the sun exposure do anything for the anus? Could this be a miracle cure for hemroids? What about urinary tract infections? Should you go that extra yard and part the curtains (so to speak) to expose your urethra to the sun, too? Or maybe get one of those reflecting panels to redirect the sun up into all your cracks and crevices?

    My rule of thumb is, if a body part is working THAT hard to maintain its privacy (which, in women, is basically all your crotchtal parts) then it clearly does not want to be sunned.

    • “My rule of thumb is, if a body part is working THAT hard to maintain its privacy (which, in women, is basically all your crotchtal parts) then it clearly does not want to be sunned.”
      Amen. that’s why I’m opposed to having a thigh-gap–too much exposure for the lady bits.

  6. I thought sun bathing was bad in general! Oh, and thinking of body parts I would LEAST want to have sunburned… I would say my lady parts on on the top of that list!

  7. Yes, the first two books in the Divergent series were really good and had me waiting impatiently for the third…Overall, I didn’t hate the third book, but I did hate the ending; I thought it was a cop out, and for me it just didn’t fit. So yeah, it was a disappointment…I don’t regret the first two books, but I wish we could have a do-over on the third.

  8. The first 2 Divergent books were awesome – I’ve reread them several times – I liked the 3rd on up until the end and while I wasn’t “happy” with it, I do understand why what happens happens. I am in process of rereading the series again now and I am looking forward to re-reading the last book now that the urgency of getting it and reading it is past. And Shailene was great in The Descendants – can’t wait to see her as Tris (plus Kate Winslet as the baddie has me intrigued).

  9. I totally instinctually believe that the sun will cure most of my problems. As a kid when I was sick or had a bad cut or infection I would lay on our trampoline in the sun. I got these eye infections all the time and laying in the sun was my go-to cure. I don’t know if it actually worked but I know it never made things worse. However, being that we live on a hill and all of the neighbors above us have these great balconies I think I will forgo the naked sunbathing (they’ve probably already seen more of me than they needed to.

    I won’t be going to see Divergent either but I will be going to see her in The Fault in Our Stars because JOHN GREEN!!! NERDFIGHTERS!!! DFTBA!!!

  10. So .. there’s a difference between sunbathing and baking oneself and getting some normal level exposure to sunlight and vitaminD. People go so whole-hog either direction (never be out in the sun ever ever ever or bake-until-I-glow) and no one seems to advocate a little moderate outdoor exposure. That said, I doubt I’ll be intentionally exposing my ladyparts to direct sunshine any time soon.

    The Divergent series – I thought they were worth reading. The third book petered out a little bit at the end, like she didn’t quite know how to end it. I think most people are angry that it didn’t have the happy/touchy/feelgood(ish) ending that Hunger Games had. I won’t spoil it, but it wasn’t a Happy Ever After ending.

    • I actually liked the very end and thought that fit the character but I hated the second narrator and the premise of what/why they were there.

  11. The biofilm thing…I’ve done biofilm and plaque research and you are correct…dental plaque is different than what she is thinking of. Being alive (and technically organic) does not mean it is dissolvable in an organic layer. In studies I have been involved in biofilms are disrupted by movements, pressure or pH changes. Plaques and arterial plaques are a totally different thing…the oil/biofilm connection she tried to make are an example of not having enough scientific background to understand what she is trying to link to see that they are not actually connected.
    As for the eating bentonite…well it would bind to positively charged molecules…but you could lose good ones along with not good ones. And what if it somehow blocked you up? I can’t see it being a fun time, and messing with your gut when it works just fine seems like a bad idea to me right now. Dealing with chemo impacts on my GI I figure if its OK, just leave it be 🙂

  12. I’m sorry, but I was laughing so hard at the amazon reviews that I kinda missed the reason anyone would take these Shailene tips seriously? But for amusement value, I gotta say they’re a refreshing break from the usual boring celebrity advice!

  13. Oh, those crazy hippies. Always something hilarious coming out their mouths.
    On eating clay…kaolin was an ingredient in Kaopectate until the early 2000s. It can cause constipation (thus the reason it was in an anti-diarrheal) and it causes the malabsorption of iron, too. If you have a craving for dirt or clay (pica) it’s probably your body telling you you are deficient in something important. There’s a small area of rural southern America that eats clay, especially the pregnant women there .I think it’s a small section of rural Georgia.
    Aside from constipation, eating clay or soil carries the risk of salmonella, toxoplasmosis, even tetanus. I wouldn’t ever do it, but that’s just me. People are gonna’ do what they’re gonna’ do.

  14. I LOVE Amazon reviews! The ones for the Bic pens are brilliant. I think I may need to spend more time on Amazon. (Like I don’t already spend enough time there…)
    I’m going to skip “Divergent.” The jury’s still out on whether I’ll see “The Fault in Our Stars” (which she’s also in) but for the opposite reason. I love the book so much, and want to keep the images in my head, rather than the ones on screen. Plus, the films are never as good. (Except for the “Bridget Jones” films. Because the books were wretched, but the movies had Colin Firth.)
    As for eating dirt and sunning my lady bits, well, I think I’ll skip those, as well. Especially since we live next door to an elementary school. Those kids don’t need to see my southerly region, and I don’t particularly relish being arrested and being known as the neighborhood perv.

  15. If you could only see the look on my face as I read this. Bleah!!!
    I have a wacky neighbor she pores vinegar on her garden to kill the ants because vinegar is used to clean the house so it should clean the garden right. This winter she poured bleach on the sidewalk to melt the ice. I don’t know why, I didn’t ask.
    I don’t take advice from her, or the taxi driver with unproven theories.

    • Actually pouring vinegar on the ants is a nontoxic way to kill them, which seems somehow counterintuitive. I have also heard of vinegar on weeds in the sidewalk to kill them too….. The bleach in the winter- Um, yeah. I wouldn’t take advice from her either!

  16. I’d be hesitant to recommend the Divergent trilogy to anyone because it was….not good. Badly written, embarrassing dialogue, plot twists weren’t so much twists as minor bends, and like The Hunger Games, the second and third books suffered from being rushed to print and could have used a few more rounds of editing. That said, I enjoyed reading them for the same reason I occasionally enjoy losing afternoons of my life to tv: mindless entertainment.

  17. So much to say….where to start….

    READ THE SERIES. You know I love me some YA dystopia, and these are just that. While I don’t think the writing was as good as that in Hunger Games (let’s remember Veronica Roth was 22 !!! when she wrote Divergent) but the plot was more complex, involved, and deep. And the heroine was SO much stronger than Katniss (who bordered on whiney at times). The hatred for the third book is all (from the reviews I’ve read) based on the fact that it wasn’t your typical happy ending, but I thought it was perfectly fitting and stayed true to the story and the plot. That’s more important to me.

    So. The other stuff? Pshaw. I see a whole lot of pseudoscience up in there. I won’t be eating dirt anytime soon. At least not on purpose.

  18. I have exactly ZERO scientific back-up immediately available for this, but I have *heard* that eating clay can be beneficial for getting rid of intestinal parasites. I don’t use it for this, but I do use it in toothpaste, sometimes. And it makes a nice face mask 🙂

  19. POOPING CALCIUM?
    EATING CLAY?
    ((craws back under the rock where she be residing))

  20. The dirt eating thing: I imagine it all depends on the context. If you have toxic stuff in your system, it might be worth it to have a short term deficiency of iron, calcium, etc to get rid of it.

    First time I’ve heard of Shailene. She doesn’t have it all figured out, but it sounds like she’s at least trying to figure it all out.

  21. You should do all of these… at the same time! Oil pull a mixture of clay and coconut oil while sunbathing your lady parts. Then, use the oil pull mixture on your scalp, after spitting it out, instead of shampoo! 🙂 She sounds like an interesting lady.

    Amazon reviews are the best, but they’re a black hole–you can get stuck in there FOREVER. Oops.

  22. How do you begin your search for Amazon reviews?

  23. Couldn’t help but be attracted to that 3 wolf moon t-shirt. it’s weirdly attractive! Where can you get this? thanks.

  24. Pingback:What Are Ancient Grains and Should You Be Eating Them? [Angelina Jolie's Birdseed Diet]