What’s Your Excuse… For Not Being Awesome? [Happy (Anti)Fitspo Friday!]

I know you’ve seen it. There’s been a thing going around the past few days. No, not the flu (although it might make you feel sickish) but rather a picture, of a mom and her kids. It was supercute until the mom, a fitness blogger, tried to turn it into “fitspiration” by adding text to it:

Maria-Kang

What’s your excuse? Huh??

And it all went downhill from there. (Or uphill, depending on your feelings about fame for the sake of fame.) People hated her. People loved her. People attacked her from every possible angle. People defended her. She jumped in the fray and issued a “sorry not sorry” apology which only upped the ante until it reached the apex of all Internet memes: a spot on the Today show.

Which is why I wasn’t going to say anything about this. It’s mostly all been said and I honestly couldn’t think of a way to discuss it without sounding judge-y. (Which I’m trying hard to do less of!) I don’t know this lady from any other woman sexily posing in spandex in flattering light. If you want my personal opinion, sure, this rubbed me the wrong way. But I found it no more offensive than the majority of fitspo. And hey, it even has a redeeming feature that most fitspo lacks: props made of adorable kiddos! One of which even looks as if he is exploding from his mom’s womb rightthisverysecond! It’s not quite as cool as the birthing barn at the fair (oh yes, that’s a thing) but still, babies are fun. And if she’s going to use sex to sell then I think it was very forthright of her to remind us of the end result of sexy times. Truth in advertising!

Plus, you see the face of the little dude on the right? To heck with her, I want to do whatever workout he’s doing because he looks awesome! All of which got me thinking: If you move the “What’s your excuse?” line over his head, the picture takes on a whole new meaning. What’s your excuse for not being awesome today? I love it.

Last week I had so much fun doing my “anti-fitspiration” (lifespiration?) that I decided to take this one and run with it. Maybe I’ll make it a weekly thing? Happy (anti)Fitspo Friday!

grandmayoung

 #HappyIsAnAge

Sure the fit mommy is adorbs but If I’m going to pick a model to inspire me, it’s going to be this lady! I don’t work out for flat abs or diet for a bikini – I live healthfully so I can not only make it to my 100th birthday but so I can do the Cha Cha Slide with my grandkids! Wearing a feather boa, naturally. (This is Gym Buddy Megan’s grandma, who I was privileged to include in an article for Shape.)

What about you – If you could put ANY lady (or gent!) on your inspiration board, who would it be?? What do you think of the whole “What’s your excuse” controversy?

P.S. If you’re wondering what a Singapore Sling is (like I was), it’s a cocktail that was popular around World War I made with gin, cherry brandy, grenadine syrup and club soda!

48 Comments

  1. I like your summary! And yes, when I saw this blowing up on the internet, my first thought was of your “LifeSpo” post the other day and how I found those WAY more inspiring. I think it’s great that Ms. Kang has found a fitness path that she is happy with, but I think she could have had a much more affirming quote than the condescending “what’s your excuse?” But people really overreacted to this, I think, from what I read in a CNN article today.

    I think there’s something to the Singapore Slings! One of my grandmothers lived into her mid-90s and loved those! I don’t know if she danced, but she did go for her walks and we had nice afternoon tea-times together when she would winter with us in Southern California. Definitely want to be those ladies!

    And yes – “LifeSpo” Fridays, please!!!!

  2. I think the biggest problem I have with the original image is the implication that if you don’t look like her, you must have an ‘excuse.’ Looking like that is simply not within reach for many, excuses or no. That’s my major issue with a lot of fitspo – its not actually possible to ‘inspire’ someone to do something that’s impossible for them. Its great that she doesn’t have stretch marks, but if you do, is that just an ‘excuse?’

    That’s why I love the Charlotte not-fitspo. We can all aspire to live to 100 with self-expression and having a good time.

    If I could pit up someone for inspiration, it would be Diana Nyad. That woman is tough as nails, determined in her quest even if it seems odd or out of the mainstream, and challenges our idea that one must look like Ms. Kang in order to be considered fit or athletic. Now that is someone I admire.

    • Monica — Very well said! Right now, I weigh the same as I did when I was in college 18 years ago. That type of statement makes people think that I must be skinny because the stereotype is that 19 year olds are supposed to be able to wear bikinis. But that forgets that most 19 year olds have the freshman-15 (in my case it was closer to 25), and many are overweight. Then, as now, my BMI is 28. I never have been able to wear a bikini, even during those rare years when I had a BMI of 22.

      • J – I want to comment that you are very likely “able” to wear a bikini, no matter your BMI. You probably choose not to for personal reasons that have everything to do with how our society thinks we should look… been there myself, and even at 16% body fat (not sure my BMI), I have a hard time going in public in a bikini… yeah, I am messed up LOL. I wish we could all get the attitude of putting the bikini on, a boa around our nbecks and sip “singapore Slings” by the pool (in the shade for me) !! Let’s celevrate being women (I could be totally off on this onem if so, sorry)

        • Yeah, totally. I don’t have much interest in wearing a bikini, but I just couldn’t imagine wearing one unless I looked like the woman in the first picture. It’s no great loss to me. (I do really wish that I could wear all my clothes that I wore 2.5 years ago with a BMI of 22, but things happen.)

          • Or not exactly like that woman, just closer to that body type. Bikinis are really not something that I think about as relevant to me. I’m not a person who wears a bikini, just like I’m not a person who wears ankle-length skirts — not a flattering style for me!

    • She is totally my fitness inspiration, too! Diana Nyad kicks serious patootie. I would love to have the brass cajones she does. Even my hubby holds her in high esteem saying, ” She could totally kick my butt.”

  3. This reminds me of the article you posted about the crossfit pregnant woman. I had two other mom’s post the same thing…..However your caption for the post rubbed me the wrong me. Just being honest.
    S

  4. I love it! (and you’re right the kid looks like he’s popping out rightthisminute!!! :D)
    I’d put my dad on my inspiration board… he’s 63, had a hip replacement 10 years ago and still plays tennis three days a week, does all the yard work on the weekends and helped me move 2 months ago…

  5. I’m really, really tired of how easily people get offended and start throwing around the “fat-shaming” accusation. Get over it, folks, if you looked that hot in a bikini you also would be looking for any excuse to post pictures of yourself on the internet. If you don’t like it, just move on.

    • But on the flip side I am also so so tired of how as a society we have forgotten how to be nice. If she said to you in person, “What’s your excuse?” would you be offended or inspired? I am not offended that she looks so great with 3 young kids, and perhaps offended is too strong of a word, but I am at least annoyed at the tone of her caption. I, like others, am also annoyed that the implication is that if I DON’T look like her, I must need an excuse or must not be fit. I work out 6 days a week, eat fairly clean and keep general tabs on my calorie intake. However, my thighs are not perfect and never will be, unless I resort to surgery or go back to my ED days, neither of which I feel like are healthy solutions to something that is really not a problem in the first place, because really will my life be that much as a size 2 instead of my current size 4? Not really, but I do think the occasional indulgence like a few beers with friends, pizza with my family or sharing a slice of cheesecake with my husband DOES enhance my life much more than having perfect thighs ever could. Anyway, my point is that there is a vast difference between looking great and rocking it, and throwing it in other people’s faces that they don’t look that way, and in my opinion, this lady is guilty of the latter. And, in my opinion, it simply isn’t very kind.

      • I agree with you completely. I just differ with the idea that your thighs aren’t perfect. Of course your thighs are perfect. They’re your thighs! They do what you want them to do. They’re perfect for you. I know that’s what you’re saying. I just think it’s crazy that we have this implicit idea that these crazy media ideals have anything to do with us. I don’t look like any of them, and I never will, but I can be the best me that I can be. Not to sound too hokey about it.

    • Wow. Just wow.

  6. Wanna know what ad is playing live right next to her picture? Kitchen Aid’s video of a woman making black cherry and dark choc chip ice cream scones. That’s my excuse 🙂

  7. Hmm, I think I found a fun thing to do with that fitspo pic.

    Replace “excuse” with “reason”.

    Now you really like that fitspo pic with that fit woman and her three sproggen, huh? I know I do.

    I’m kind of tired of “excuse” being used so flippantly. You could have a perfectly legit REASON to not do something but that does not make it an EXCUSE.

  8. I agree with you, but as a fan of playing devil’s advocate….its a sad reality that people respond to “challenges” to their lifestyle like this much more than they do to a positive affirmation. Its the carrot vs. stick approach. Most people respond to the stick more than the carrot.

    But anyway, she’s looking good, so good for her. Did she need to post that picture at all, quotation or not? Nope. So she kind of brought it all on herself.

    That granny photo….Love it. And I love the Charlotte friday fitspo!!

  9. My excuse for what? Not putting overly revealing photos of myself on the internet? I don’t think you really need a reason for that beyond common sense and decency. Keep that in the bedroom, seriously. No matter what you look like I don’t want to see that much of you. Gross. Also if this photo is still floating around in 10 years her poor boys are going to get hell about their “hot” mom.

  10. I am inspired by the mom or the woman who leads an awesome life–six pack or not. That, of course, might not be something easily photographed…but your picture is pretty awesome! ha! I blogged about this yesterday because the ad definitely made me feel ashamed, not empowered or inspired! keep up the awesome!

  11. I am SO happy to hear someone else say they exercise to be healthy! YAY! I want to be like my poster lady…my 105 year old Aunt Hester who still lives on her own and is active and FUN! My idol 🙂

  12. Honestly, I think this woman is just a young woman who hasn’t really figured out what makes her special yet. She still defines herself by her body. She looks great, but I don’t believe that many people can look like that. At least not without extreme methods. And it actually makes me wonder what she has to do to look like that.

    • Good point, assuming she is younger… idn’t think of that…

    • I agree. And a part of me worried that she replaced an eating disorder with a fitness obsession and wonders how she’ll feel when no matter what happens that body of hers starts getting older. Looking good is not meant to be the be all or end all to being fit.

  13. I had not seen the picture until now, heard about it, but kjsut brushed it off. Now that I se hte picture, boff (aka bleh). Admittedly, my gut reaction was a bit of jealousy that she looks “hot”, but that was after I noticed the uber-cute kiddos. I think some other commenters nailed it she could be young and defines herself by looks and may not have meant to be a “jerk”, she probably thought it was funny. I would delete the words and think it is a nice picture. YEs, our society traines us to judge and think healthy is looking hot, and also a sign of success. She could be misearble, who knows.

    I really want to age gracefully and focus on having fun and be like gym buddy’s grandma, but in all honesty, every time I see a wrinkle in the mirror or bags under my eyes, etc., I feel a bit sad.. we should accept it yet, I don’t… sigh

  14. I can’t really say that her picture speaks to me. She looks amazing with three kids, but on my best, best day I would never have her body. It’s almost like we’re not even the same species. Maybe that’s why I am so not offended by her “What’s your Excuse?” text. I think it’s a valid question in our whole lives, and everyone seems to be using it as a topic on their blogs this week.

    When I saw the picture, it made me think about my days selling swimsuits. Women who are hard on themselves wear it with neon letters, no matter what size they are. I was helping a woman with a suit, and she looked perfectly fine (not saying her size because – not important – but single digit), she told me that she was still fat because she had just had a baby. I said, “Congratulations! How old is the baby?” She said, “26 months.” That was such a sad statement to me. Especially as someone who hadn’t had kids. I thought of motherhood as magical, and my mom had never shown any shame or dislike of her body and she wasn’t *perfect* (she used to walk nude from the shower to her room to get dressed), so this notion was new to me. It also was an extremely ridiculous excuse. At some point, we have to stop using excuses and either accept ourselves or do something.

    I don’t get offended by someone asking my excuse. I don’t know her, we may or may not have the same interests. What does offend me is people who say that they don’t like feeling judged by the words of a stranger, then judge, shame, and scold in response. How do we go beyond this stuff?

    I have two inspiration pictures: one is from an old Daily Mail article, Bette Calman in crow pose at age 83. The other picture is of my youngest at ski school last year. It reminds me to get ready for ski season this year because it’s going to be tough following that guy all winter.

  15. The picture does not bother me. I think when looking at fitspiration in general, it’s more about what we say to OURSELVES than what the picture actually says (A lot of the pics don’t even say anything!) When I see a fitness model lifting weights and looking super ripped, it DOES motivate me. Not because I think I need to look exactly like the model, but because I see a STRONG woman working HARD… and that makes me want to work hard and be strong, too! The “excuse” thing does not bother me either. There is excuse fitspo all over the internet- double amputees running marathons, 100 yr old men lifting weights. And they all have the caption “What’s your excuse?” No one gets mad about those!

    • “There is excuse fitspo all over the internet- double amputees running marathons, 100 yr old men lifting weights. And they all have the caption “What’s your excuse?” No one gets mad about those!”
      Exactly. This woman is catching hell BECAUSE she looks great. Seems like reverse discrimination to me.

    • Although I don’t like any of the “what’s your excuse” fitspo, yo me the ones you mentioned are different because those people are depicted “doing” something. This woman isn’t doing anything (like running a marathon pushing 3 kids in a stroller). The focus here is on “looking” a certain way, and to me that is a distinction worth noting.

  16. This guy inspires me! I would love to look like he does and do what he does at 93. This is what we should aspire to, in my opinion.

    http://missoulian.com/news/article_687b12a0-2c21-11e3-8851-0019bb2963f4.html

    For the women in the crowd, you could go with this gal. “This is my last decade and I can’t afford to have anyone waste my time.” What a great quote.

    http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Oldest-Full-Time-Park-Ranger-Betty-Reid-Soskin-Furloughed-226775401.html

    If pushing back from the table sooner or exercising a bit more means I get to be more active in my old age, that seems like a decent trade to me.

  17. I feel similarly to this picture as the crossfit mom… Go on with your bad self, I just don’t get why a person wants to splash themselves all over the interwebs. It comes across as kind of self-involved, especially with the antagonistic tagline. Change the text to something less condescending and bob’s your uncle.
    I also love the kid on the right. He looks like he knows how to party!
    Also, again, Diana Nyad for my inspiration. Her and this lady who went to my former gym. She was in her 60s and worked out every day because she loved feeling strong and seeing her gym buddies, not because she felt ‘fat’ or like she needed to fit into society. She’s awesome.

  18. I think like so many things these days it got blown way out of proportion. It seems like we can’t say anything without it offending someone. We really need to learn to let things slide once and awhile.

    It’s not necessarily my taste, but I don’t really find it offensive at all. It’s seriously one of those news stories that I look at and wonder why we’re still looking at it.

  19. I don’t see the point of the photo myself…it comes off as a big braggy, but she looks great. It was just more of one of those awkward family photos than fitsporation
    For me, I only really have one fitspiration…Linda Hamilton’s arms in T2. >:)

  20. OH YES, Geosomin – those arms & Rachel McClish when she first hit the scene! 🙂 Cory Everson too – but I know Hugh Jackman & “The Rock” wold keep me going! 😉

  21. I just saw this on Huffington Post and I think the controversy’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Yea, she’s annoying and seems self important, but that’s all she is. There’s no need to direct so much vitriol at this person or this image.

    My ‘excuse’ would probably be that a) I eat stuff like white bread, butter, and chocolate on a regular basis and b) my goal for exercising is to keep my heart and body healthy–not to define my muscles.

    As for who I’d choose as my role model–no idea. Everyone has different goals in life, I doubt there’s anyone who’s experienced life just the way I want to for me to be able to call said person a role model.

  22. Personally I’ve long battled low self esteem. One of the things I’ve found that helps is to always applaud the success and prosperity of others. So if someone has 8 kids and looks like a model then I applaud that. If a 15 year old creates an app and makes 20 million dollars then I applaud that too. The more I applaud the success of others the more I can applaud myself. If I bash the success of others then I feel worse by comparison. If someone’s success makes me feel bad then I know I’m the one with the problem.

  23. I admit I got my hackles up when I saw this. As someone who never had a “perfect” body before having kids, and is still struggling with weight and body image, I took offense.
    Because I wish we could admire people for more than their appearance. I wish we could hold up people who are generous, kind, empathetic, who are good parents, hard workers, who help other people, etc. Who do things that are so much more important than having great abs.

    Also, my answer to her question? I have 2 kids with special needs. I don’t always get to work out. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and isolated and completely exhausted and yes, sometimes that leads me to eat too much. Spend a week in my shoes and THEN see how tight those muscles are!

    I’m WAY more inspired by Gym Buddy Megan’s grandma! Now SHE is my kind o’ dame!

  24. I just keep wondering how she manages three toddlers. If I had three kids at home, I would be escaping to the gym on a regular basis.

  25. There are two ways I look at this. 1) Criticism of success, in any way, is poison to the soul. I used to talk down on folks who had what I didn’t and I realized all that did was push that sort of success further away from me. 2) It is kind of In-Your-Face the way it’s presented. Trying to get folks motivated by saying “I did it so why can’t you?” is kind of a slap in the face. I think a caption like “Anything is possible” or something might be more productive.

  26. I’d put my grandmother on it!

    She was an “it” girl her whole life! Everyone liked her. She was liberated and pro ERA before there was one. She worked for women’s politics. She was mentally sharp right to the end.

    And she never took no crap from no one, lol!

    Except maybe me, but then I was her favorite 🙂

  27. Just look at it positively and be happy for her. I honestly didn’t think anything about it until all the ‘bruhaha’ *shrugs*

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  29. I don’t know Gym Buddy Megan’s Grandma, but I love her just based on that pic!

    My husband’s grandmother, who turned 89 on Saturday, danced the polka at a family wedding this summer and still does pushups every morning so she can stay in shape enough to get around on her own. She named both her cane and her walker just to be silly. She isn’t afraid to goof around with the grandkids and great-grandkids. She’s definitely on my list of inspiring people! I hope to be like her when I grow up!

  30. You know what’s interesting? She could have inspired like 3x more people onto the path of health and fitness if she has titled that meme “WHAT’S YOUR REASON?” Way more inspiring, no shaming, and it would have uplifted her status as a person, woman, mother.

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