Truth: I will watch ANY show with dancing in it. I don’t care how spurious the plot, how pedantic the dialog, how vacuous the characters. I love watching people dance. And these girls are aMAYzing ballet dancers.
The ballerinas started it. There I was watching my guilty pleasure Breaking Pointe - it’s basically the Real Housewives of Ballet West and not at all like Breaking Bad (I swear I only watch it for the dancing…) – when this conversation happened:
[Two teeeeny ballerinas kneeling side by side on yoga mats and doing random arm exercises with 5-lb weights and talking]
Allison: Everyone tells me I have amazing arms. And people are like “Oh your arms look so nice, do you go to the gym?”
Beckanne (yes, that’s her real name. I think her mother must have been really fond of chicken calls): Oh yes! I say I just started and…
Allison: NO! No. You say “no”!
Allison: No you say, “I don’t work out, this is all natural.”
Beckanne [gesturing to her lithe body]: Well this is all natural!
It was a really awkward scene. First because they were kind of laughing I think it was meant to be a joke. Except that in the context of the show where shots of all the female dancers’ xylophone ribs are interspersed with long segments of them eating rich meals at fancy restaurants, it just came across as…honest. And I don’t necessarily mean their arms. I’m not body snarking them at all – they are both quite beautiful – but their arms are extremely thin and un-muscled. Definitely not the type of arms I’d look at it and ask “Wow, do you go to the gym a lot??” I mean laying bare the whole subterfuge of women – especially famous women – pretending they don’t work hard (or diet hard) for their bodies when the majority of them are killing it in the gym (or killing themselves) to look that way. (And I’m not knocking naturally skinny women. I’m just knocking women who lie about what they do, one way or the other.)
It was this conversation that I thought of when I saw this shirt, in the flesh, at the gym the other day:
My first reaction: Ugh. That is the dumbest shirt ever. Why would anyone want to proclaim that?? That is the WORST FITNESS TEE EVER. (Okay, not totally true. The worst t-shirt I ever saw at the gym had a very crude joke about nuts on it and I don’t mean the type that squirrels eat. Unless you’ve got some kind of kink and then… well, then.)
My second reaction: At least they’re honest.
And if we’re all being honest, I think everyone has a friend or two that fits this description perfectly. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the shirt. Sure, it makes the wearer look like kind of a d-bag. I mean, the rest of us have a reason we’re not in the Olympics but the dude wearing this shirt? At least he could be humble about it. But then I decided I preferred the honest (and the humor) to the humble.
Then it got me thinking of some of the most HONEST fitness/race tees of all time. I don’t have any particularly funny ones myself (apparently I run lame races?) but I’ve come across some truly genius ones. Behold the TRUTH:
Okay so this one is just funny. But anything with turkeys acting out Star Wars deserves mad style props. Especially that C3PO. Awesome.
Truth: And I hate zombies! So it’s a win-win!
Truth: Some people run for medals. Others run for cake. Neither is a bad thing.
True-Not-True: Not only did they fake an ENTIRE marathon but all the fakers got real t-shirts to prove they were fakes! I am still so sad I wasn’t in on this.
Truth: I’m a sucker for any shirt with wings on the back, fairies, and that teeny-bopper deodorant with glitter in it. This tank is basically my trifecta of perfect. (UPDATE: The super sweet girl who makes these tanks/tees contacted me and you should check her out her whole line at Pixie Power! So fun.)
Truth: Hell is a real city in Michigan. So I can say it and I’m not swearing! Hee hee.
Truth: The shirts literally say they’re the “best damn race shirts”! How do you argue with that?
Truth: You gotta be a little bonkers to run a marathon. Or even half of one.
Truth: This has happened. (Okay, the tutus were reason #1 but what good is a fab tutu costume in a run if I can’t show it off on social media?)
Truth: Yes it does! I actually saw this slogan in a race on the butt of some girl’s shorts. Loved it.
Truth: Running hurts. Yes it does.
What do you think about the ballerina’s convo? Not surprising? What’s the worst t-shirt you’ve ever seen at the gym? What’s the most HONEST shirt you’ve ever seen? Do you have a fave race tee in your drawer??