When I thought this was makeup I thought it was crazy cool but when I found out it was a tattoo all I could think about is how painful and dangerous getting your eyeLIDS tattooed would me. I mean, one wrong slip with the needle and you’re blinded! Or you just got free Lasik! This …
Signing the paperwork to buy a house is entertaining for so many reasons. First, because it’s like 2,000 pages long of legalese eventually you just stop bothering to read anything. Let me tell you, when it comes to living on the edge, skydiving has nothing on the rush you get from signing your life away …
After lots of tearful goodbyes and an 18-hour drive with my four kids, the cat and a goldfish that basically killed my will to live, we have made it to Colorado! We are officially Colorado… ites? Colorado-ans?? Whatever. We got in late last night and while I still feel like a zombie on a desert …
See?? I told you it was a superpower! Setting down my gym bag in preparation to “shake and shimmy, baby”, “get my strut on” and “shake what my mama [obviously forgot to] gave me” in Zumba the other day, I noticed one of the floor fans in the studio was turned in my direction. So …
Read more “Gym Smackdown: The Fight Over the Floor Fan [A Day in the Life of an HSP]”
So we bought a house! And I LOVE IT!! (Pics to come!) After an excruciating day of looking at dozens of progressively crappier houses (true story: one house said it “needed a little TLC” but when we got there the ceiling was caved in and there was a massive crack in the foundation… it didn’t …
Someone stole my book. Right off the dumbbell rack on the weight floor where I’d left it propped open with a 2-pounder. (Because what else do you do with a 2-lb dumbbell? Use it to crack pecans? Roll out dough? Do that weird forearm exercise where you curl it backwards??) In all my years of …
I swear I have actually done this. Like in the last week. Indecisive. If there was a word to sum up what I am these days that would be it. This is actually the fourth post I’ve started today, having abandoned all the others because… because. True story: At the grocery store yesterday the cashier …
Hi! What did you have for dinner tonight? Was it good? I hope so! Because I had butt. Well, not literal butt – rump roast is actually pretty tasty – but my dinner tasted like the south end of a northbound horse. Or the scent of the newest celebrity “designed” perfume. Or anything coming out …
Complicating easy things is kinda my life’s work. I don’t want to brag or anything but I’m pretty much a genius at making things look hard. Whether it’s this whole motherhood thing – I’ve left a child at the gym so many times that it’s now standard operating procedure to do a headcount every time …
“I hate to go and leave this pretty sight! Doot do do do doot do do do! (Which is beluga whale for ‘Run! The Nazis are coming.’) What we talk about after our workout: Butt blisters. Creepy come-on lines. Potty training. The salt content of cruise-ship food. How to make your own tutu. If pink …
Read more “What To Say When You Can’t Say Goodbye [Stupid things I have said to Allison]”
