5 Tips for Curing Constipation: Things That Make You Go Poop* [The uncomfortable truth about fiber]

by Charlotte on March 10, 2013 · 90 comments


Cartoon from the perpetually awesome Natalie Dee

Constipation: Lots of people have it. No one talks about it. Yet everyone needs to poop. Indeed, I daresay that a decent dookie is one of life’s great pleasures – one everyone deserves to have, er, regularly.

Spending half my life in bathrooms, as I do now that Jelly Bean is officially in that potty trained phase known as “Her highness’ bowel whims rule all”, I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate the nature of number two. Especially since now that I’ve stopped giving her a candy every time she goes off like a leaky sprinkler, she’s decided to stop pooping until I bring back her M&Ms. (Note: Has anyone ever contemplated the weirdness of giving a small chocolate candy to a child who has just pooped something the size and shape of a brown M&M? Just me?) I swear to you she’s constipating herself in the name of sugar and power struggles. And in toddler world constipation translates to lots of extra laundry. My life stinks right now. Literally. (And that’s not even counting all the times I’ve had to fish a brown barge out of the bathtub. With my bare hand.)

But it’s not just my Bean who’s having a hard time blowing the butt trumpet. I’ve had no less than four friends talk to me about their clogged-up colons in the past week. (And for all my friends who are right now having a panic attack – do not fear, I will not out you!) And these are all very health-conscious girls and guys, already eating mostly healthy diets, drinking water and doing all the “right” things. Why people get constipated is another post entirely but suffice it to say that whether it’s from stress, pregnancy, dietary changes or an M&M embargo, it happens to all of us at some point.

The problem with constipation is not necessarily the lack of poop. While occasionally you may build a brown bridge worthy of admiration (I canNOT tell you how many “brown bridges” I’ve had to “admire” before my kids would consent to flushing them), poo in and of itself is not that awesome. The real problem with not being able to drop a coin in the porcelain fountain (and making a wish, naturally) is all the crap that comes with your, um, crap. Bloating, pain, gas, indigestion and even anal fissures can result. So what’s a girl gotta do to get her rump pump dumping?

You should** probably start with the obvious things like cleaning up your diet, drinking plenty of water, exercising and not licking super glue off your fingers. But if you get to a point where, like my afflicted friends, you’re already basically doing every thing right, here are five more options to try:

Charlotte’s Tips** for a Comfy Colon (It’s a lucky girl who can alliterate her name with an anatomical function!)

1. Probiotics: I know. I suggest these for everything. They are, hands down, my fave supplement. I may be channeling my crazy hippie ancestors right now but I swear they are the one supplement that really works and works well. I became convinced of their efficacy when my 3rd son was hospitalized at 9 months old with a 108 (!!!) degree fever. They had to give him IV antibiotics for 5 days (so scary) which thankfully wiped out the infection but unthankfully also wiped out all his good gut bacteria. He got a nasty case of C. Diff and was pooping so much he squished every time I picked him up. The doctor prescribed probiotics and they worked within 24 hours. It was such a miracle I actually started crying at the pharmacy. Since then, anytime my kids even look like their tummies hurt, I either get them to swallow the pill or I break it open and sprinkle it on some applesauce for them. (Excerpt from a real First Grade Show and Tell: “My mommy loves white powder! She takes it every morning and says it makes her feel great. She makes me eat it too.” Awesome.) Good gut bacteria are necessary for proper gut functioning and that includes regular pooping. Of course you can also get your probiotics through fermented foods like yogurt, kefir, kimchi, and sauerkraut. (Although for cases of diarrhea or actual illness I find the wide-spectrum supplements work the fastest and best.)

2. Magnesium. I started taking magnesium supplements (thanks to you guys’ advice!) for my PMS. While I found they did help ameliorate my cramping (they’re a natural muscle relaxant), I was surprised to discover how much they also, um, cleaned out my basement. While I still take some around the time I play Call of Duty: Endometrial Edition, I will also pop one if the basement pipes start to back up again. I don’t know how well these would work as a long-term solution, as it seems to me that my body acclimates to the dosage and you don’t want to OD, but they’re great for short-term help!

3. Miralax: It sounds like miraculous because, frankly, it is. This saved my son when he was so stressed out from potty training that we had to take him to the ER – he was in that much poop pain. After doing an abdominal X-Ray (where they shoved him inside the hospital equivalent of those air tubes you use at the bank drive-thru), they told me he had three months of poop backed up. It was so bad it had pushed his internal organs out of their proper places. Yeah, that was a proud mom moment. Anyhow, they prescribed Miralax (which you can now get over the counter, same strength) and he took it for two years. Yes, that’s how long it took to get his bowels functioning properly again. The great thing about Miralax is that it isn’t like a typical laxative. It’s safe to use every day, it’s gentle, doesn’t cause “blow-out” hershey squirts and because it’s a tasteless powder you can stir it into any food or drink. We’ve since used it in shorter stints on our other kids when they’ve gotten blocked up and it works great.

4. Herbal laxatives/teas/caffeine. There is a Gym Buddy who will remain nameless who swears by her daily infusion of a certain highly caffeinated soda to keep her regular. Likewise, my mother who is a nurse, calls coffee “the elderly enema.” Caffeine has known laxative properties. Other herbs, like Senna, are marketed as natural laxatives – usually either in pill, powder or tea form. And from my experience all of the above work… on a limited basis. You don’t want to be taking laxatives, natural or otherwise, every day. Nobody wants a complacent colon.

5. Reducing your fiber intake. Yeah you read that right. Traditional wisdom says that if you can’t bake a butt brownie on your own then you should up your fiber intake. And it’s not a bad idea to try – at least if my history with lentil soup is any evidence. (Yet another food that looks remarkably similar going out as it did going in. Thankfully it’s not as panic-worth as beets!) But a new study published last year in the World Journal of Gastroenterology found that for people suffering from chronic constipation, reducing or eliminating fiber intake not only helped them go colon bowlin’ but virtually cured them. The patients on the low- or no- fiber diet went from pooping once every six days to pooping once a day. The people who stayed on their high fiber diet? Stayed constipated. Even worse, 100% of high-fiber patients reported bloating and stomach discomfort while 48% of the low-fiber and 0% of the no-fiber group reported similar symptoms. Totally counter-intuitive, right? And I honestly have no idea why this was the case. The researchers are careful to point out that they’re not telling people to stop eating fibrous foods. Fiber is healthy and necessary. They simply concluded that for people who are already chronically constipated, fiber might be worsening their condition.

So, how do you make yourself do the dumpty dance: What are your tips to add to my list? What do you think about the fiber study findings? Anyone else ever had to pick up poo with their bare hands? And, please, please, tell me your fave euphemism for poop!

*In which I convince you I really am a 12-year-old boy by using loads (ha!) of terrible euphemisms for defecation.

** Insert warning about I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I have no medical training. I do stupid things to myself in the name of health on a regular basis. If you have any concerns you should always see your doctor. I’m just sharing some (what I think are safe and reasonable) tips that have worked for me (and my kids – their bowels are basically still my bowels).

{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }

Jess March 11, 2013 at 3:10 am

Oh my you are hilarious! Laughed so loud at the “playing call of duty” my kids thought there was something wrong. Great tips!


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:25 am

Making your kids think something is wrong with you – Then my job here is done;) Thanks Jess!


Tim Lee March 11, 2013 at 3:25 am

This is my very first time reading your blog after reading a review for The Great Fitness Experiment. Words fail me…


Shadowduck March 11, 2013 at 4:09 am

Fortunately for us, they never seem to fail Charlotte. #8-)


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:27 am

Haha – thanks!!


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:24 am

So was that in a good way or a bad way? Sorry?? :)


Tim Lee March 11, 2013 at 7:57 am

I’ll let you know as soon as I’m done bleaching my brain.

Also, I LOLed at butt brownie. :D


Sarah March 11, 2013 at 3:51 am

Some great tips there. If I have any problems myself that way, either a big glass of orange juice, or a very large handful of dried prunes seems to do the trick within 24 hours.

I also saw that fibre study recently and was intrigued – I’ve been messing with low carb on and off for a year or so now and I have wondered about whether fibre is all its cracked up to be as low carb/high carb doesn’t seem to have much effect on my bowel – providing I have at least one serving of fruit a day – that seems to be the clincher for me.

And as for euphemisms – not having kids, we don’t really talk about number 2 very much in our house. Except in reference to the cats. When they were kittens they had a few poop problems and my husband insisted we refer to it as “whoopsie”. So that’s our word of choice now, cos he wont listen when I use any other word.


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:38 am

You know, prunes don’t do a thing for me. While I think they are delish and I love them, they have no effect whatsoever on my poop. I’ve often wondered if I’ve eaten so much fiber over the years that my colon is just like “eh, been there, seen that” now. And I find “whoopsie” hilarious! But even funnier is your husband’s dedication to it;)


tae January 8, 2014 at 9:49 pm

get the prum juice an heat it up that works


Gia February 2, 2014 at 10:41 am

Half prune / half apple juice warmed up is what works many time on my patients


daq fuck December 1, 2013 at 7:19 am

Haha butt brownie sooo funny……


Shadowduck March 11, 2013 at 4:08 am

Cutting straight to the important question of favourite euphemisms: you hit most of the good ones in the post but I think I’d have to add “fishing for brown trout” or “seeing a friend off to the coast”.


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:42 am

I know, right?? This whole post was really an excuse for me to use all the funny poop-isms I’ve been storing up. Love your “seeing a friend off…” one! My brother likes to use “dropping the kids at the pool” lol.


stev February 6, 2014 at 3:30 pm

Don’t forget my favorite “dropping the kids off at the pool”


steve February 6, 2014 at 3:32 pm

Don’t forget my favorite dropping the kids off at the pool


rebecca March 11, 2013 at 5:15 am

My vote for my favorite and tastiest snack with laxative properties- dried apricots! Delicious and nutritious, but moderation is a good thing!


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:45 am

Mmmm… I love dried apricots!! Although, like prunes, they’ve never helped in the poop department. I think my bowels are just like “meh, fiber” since I eat so much of it;)


Naomi/Dragonmamma March 11, 2013 at 6:31 am

My nephew used to call it “making masses.”

I joke about having an annual colon-cleanse every June: The cherry-plum tree produces hundreds of tart-but-sweet cherry-plums which must all be eaten within a week or they go bad, and I cannot let that happen. No problem making masses around here.


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:50 am

Your nephew is very precise! I like it! And now I’m dying for cherry-plums. We used to have both a cherry and a plum tree growing up (but not a cherry-plum:/) and fruiting was my fave time of year! You never realize how bland supermarket produce stuff is until you have it fresh off the tree!!


Kim March 11, 2013 at 11:19 am

Am I the only one who finds your recent post of Hershey’s Special Dark sort of comical when you put it next to the topic here?!
Sorry, couldn’t help it!!!


Jennifer H. March 11, 2013 at 6:39 am

Does Charlotte or anyone else have recommendations for good probiotics? I’ve tried the basic, mass market ones available in the drugstore and never noticed any true benefit. Is it worth it to pay the extra money for ones available at Whole Foods or natural food places?


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:54 am

Such a good question! I will say that I’ve tried the very high-end (pricey) stuff and the supermarket kind and I found the latter to be just as effective, as long as I got wide spectrum (i.e. not having just one strain of bacteria). But I probably should have explained this better in my post: I don’t take one every day. Nor do my kids. I think if you are healthy and your gut is healthy then taking one is unnecessary – you’ve got plenty on your own. I use them only when I (or my kids) are starting to feel sick or are having problems with too-hard or too-runny poop. I keep a jar on hand in my fridge and take one if I’m feeling “off” but that’s not all that often.


Patricia March 11, 2013 at 6:42 am

For little ones (or adults, but unfortunately we are old enough to know it is really icky) a warm bath with baking soda will release the muscle tension and release the “stinky” right into the tub.


Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 7:56 am

Good to know! Thanks Patricia.


KDA March 11, 2013 at 8:00 am

LOL! You made me laugh! Now that we have a baby, we call it a shizzle, as in a shizzle in her dizzle, aka diaper.

My secret cure: coffee and Rudy’s Double Fiber bread. I find that pumpkin soup does a great job of cleaning me out. I agree with you about the probiotics. I find that if Baby skips her daily yogurt, her shizzles are harder and smaller.

Interesting note about constipation: I read that sometimes constipation can cause bed-wetting. I don’t remember why, maybe something about displacing organs and messing with nerve endings? Anyway, if anyone’s struggling with a bed-wetter or a child who’s having trouble with potty-training, it may be something to investigate.


KDA March 11, 2013 at 8:05 am

Here’s one article about constipation and bed-wetting. It’s very interesting.


Gbea March 11, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Here’s another article about the correlation. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2012/03/bed_wetting_the_simple_cause_your_doctor_probably_missed_.single.html
My nephew had a bed-wetting problem but once my sister read about this and explained the situation to him he, shall we say, “worked it out” on his own (sort of – she started him on a mild laxative and upped his fiber +yogurt intake)! It’s also interesting how some parents don’t even want to consider this diagnosis – I guess because nobody really likes talking/thinking about poop? Not my favorite topic either but sometimes, you do what you gotta do.


Amanda March 11, 2013 at 9:40 am

I’m still trying to figure out my stomach stuff, but seem to have figured out a combination of stuff to help heal my gut, keep my acid reflux under control and have a regular BM…it’s a nice chance!


Geosomin March 11, 2013 at 10:05 am

Hmmm…I can’t help much I’m afraid. My body is odd. If I drink lots of water and try to add more fiber to my diet (chia seeds I love you) I am OK, but most of the time my body likes to save up things for days and then make me find a bathroom rightnowthisabsolutesecondorelse. I seem to be getting better, but I must say, weaning yourself off of grad school levels of caffeine is not something that is good for the digestive system! I’m just trying to eat healthy and drink enough water and hoping it will all sort itself out as needed.


Carrie March 11, 2013 at 10:59 am

When I’ve had trouble ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’ I eat a cereal that I saw in a commercial years ago while watching SNL – ever heard of Colon Blow? Works like a charm…


Amber March 11, 2013 at 11:01 am

I wonder if the people who got better by reducing fiber intake were drinking enough water…
I’ve yet to have this problem, but I did recently go through a rough patch with my 2yo who only wanted to do his business in *his* bathroom. So he was holding it all day at daycare. I guess he finally got sick of the bedtime constipation woes on his own though. I remember the day our daycare provider text me, “He went poop here!” lol small victories.


Alyssa (azusmom) March 11, 2013 at 11:04 am

An apple a day. Works pretty well for me. Sometimes I substitute a pear or some berries, but apples tend to do the trick, ifyaknowwhatImean.
And prunes or figs work well too, if things…get stuck. Usually 2 before bed & I’m a happy camper in the morning. (Take 2 and…never mind!)
I’ve also found that doing yoga regularly helps. Especially twists. There are poses that specifically target the colon and intestines, apparently. And stress goes right to my tummy, so de-stressing always helps.
Good luck with the potty training! Always a fun time!


Que Sera March 11, 2013 at 11:19 am

I always wonder if this is highly cultural and related to your long ancestry of food use and guts. For me what works best is peppers. More specifically jalapeños and serranos. If I’m off, I chop some up or make a salsa and I’m comfortably clear the next day.


Kim March 11, 2013 at 11:21 am

I’m not sure the last time I saw so much talk about poop in one place!! Probably back in the days of babies and diapers.
Thanks for the info on probiotics (even if it isn’t the first time you have talked about them). I keep thinking that I should take them and give them to my boys.


Melanie March 11, 2013 at 11:30 am

Ha ha Charlotte! I love how you can make a touchy subject hilarious! Apple juice or cider usually works for me. Sometimes just a little fat like peanut butter gets things moving, too.

Do you think our monthly cycles have any affect on our bowels? I seem to be very constipated the week before i get my period and wondered if other women were the same?


Jennifer H. March 11, 2013 at 3:36 pm

My cycle definitely affects me, and I know my sister has the same issue! For 3-4 days before my period starts my bowels are slower than usual. Add it to the reasons I’m grumpy around that time. :)


Alyssa April 18, 2013 at 2:25 pm

Oh my gosh, me too! I am usually very regular but the week or two before I start my period I get way backed up. That’s initially what brought me to this particular blog post. It’s a relatively new thing; as far as I can remember (or realized), I never dealt with this when I was in high school.
The worst part? I can’t figure out what exactly is clearly me up. I’ll pin down one thing that works, but the next time I try it, it doesn’t. Alsdjhfak!


malevolent andrea March 11, 2013 at 11:52 am

First of all, kudos on all the euphemisms. I once wrote a blog post about breasts in which I didn’t use the same word for them twice and it remains one of my finest accomplishments ;-)

Secondly, am I the only one for whom the surest way to clear up a bout of constipation is a relatively crappy meal? A greasy, spicy highly caloric meal and the next day I am golden. A friend took me out for a huge Thai food lunch a couple weeks ago to celebrate our completing a project and I had bathroom Nirvana in the morning.


Angela March 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Oh MAN I have tried EVERYTHING (short of Miralax) for constipation… those Fiber One bars, that Jamie Lee Curtis poop on the couch (tell me you’ve seen that SNL skit!) yogurt, working out more, drinking coffee, even eating foods I’m allergic to because I know they’ll give me the runs! But you know what ACTUALLY WORKED?? The chiropractor. YUP. CHIROPRACTOR. Turns out I hold a LOT of tension in my abs, lower abdomen, pelvic region and my muscles were holding everything in! He massaged out the left side of my abs and I went every day for the next five days after not having gone for five days! It was amazing and I highly recommend it.


KDA March 11, 2013 at 1:57 pm

And I must mention ground flax seeds. Mix it in OJ and down it. But, be careful, b/c a little goes a long way.


Angela March 11, 2013 at 2:02 pm

I LOVE flax seeds. Fresh & Easy makes a great blueberry granola with them. I’ve eaten more than one serving before (ahem whoops. it’s reeeeaally good!) and nothing happened. :( I’ve looked into them and some people say chewing them is better for digestion and some say don’t chew them to get your body going. Still nothing on my end (oops pun not intended!). But I highly recommend that granola!


jen March 11, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Going for a run always “moves things along” for me. I always make sure I know where the public restrooms are if I’m out for a run.


colleenzo March 11, 2013 at 4:07 pm

I actually have a completely overly dramatic aversion to ANY euphemisms for poo. In fact, I can’t even use the word ‘poop.’ (Shuddered just writing that…) In my mind, the ONLY acceptable words are ‘sh!t’ and ‘crap.’ Which makes babysitting small children awkward.


Jon March 11, 2013 at 4:28 pm

Don’t think I’ve ever read so many euphemisms for pooping in one place – very funny!

But seriously, the number one food that gets things going for me is oatmeal porridge – made with water, not milk – with the addition of some dried fruit, or fresh banana. Works like a charm every time …


Carrie March 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm

I have had horrible, unfixable constipation caused by my medication for quite awhile. None of the above was really working. My friend told me about Diatomaceous Earth. It’s basically dirt with ground up shells in it or something. Anyway, they make a food grade and it’s amazing (and completely natural). Most people use it for bugs in their garden or house or for their pets but some people also use it themselves. It completely cleanses you. My friend’s entire family of 7 and I got sick about a week after starting it. But now I’m very regular. Thank the Lord.


Abby March 11, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Coffee totally does it for me, especially when it’s hot and I have it first thing in the morning! Caffeinated soda no though, maybe because I have it a lot more often. I took fiber pills for years and once I stopped taking them I found after an initial adjustment I was much happier and more regular.


Mel March 11, 2013 at 11:12 pm

Chris Kresser wrote an interesting article about FODMAP intolerance being a possible cause of gut problems http://chriskresser.com/fodmaps-could-common-foods-be-harming-your-digestive-health.


Not My Real Name :o) March 11, 2013 at 11:55 pm

I bought an ebook a while ago on Amazon called The Fiber Menace. Exactly what the last paragraph says – reduce or eliminate fiber and you will be able to go.

A friend recently told me to take Bragg’s apple cider vinegar in water with each meal. She said it would make pooping more fun. She was right.

I take powdered magnesium glycinate every day. Most of us are magnesium deficient, apparently. There’s an ebook about that, too, but I haven’t read it.

Another friend used to call it boom booms when her dogs did it. I thought that was cute.


bobbie March 12, 2013 at 6:56 am

A couple of years ago a group of friends and I worked with a yogi to do a week long cleanse. Part of the regime was to take 2 Cleansmore capsules daily. They definitely “moved” the cleanse along. I now take one before I go to sleep if I’m feeling off my poop schedule.



proactol March 12, 2013 at 7:38 am

I have never enjoyed reading a post and comments so much with my breakfast…lol


Tealist March 12, 2013 at 7:47 am

I loooooove this post! Not only because its so hilarious, but because it so liberating to hear someone talk about poop and welcome talking about poop in a culture where it’s so shameful… And because it makes me go “Hey! I go through that too!”.

I’m definitely going to take a lot of these suggestions on. I am a chronic sufferer of bloating, gas, and constipation. On and off like a light switch so I can’t pin it down to certain foods or lifestyle choices.
When I was in my late teens I had to take iron tablets. I would beg anyone not to – not only did they turn my poop BLACK when it decide it wanted out, but I had to leave college every day to go home and double up in bed because the constipation meant I was getting bloat.

It’s really interesting about the fibre! I get it whenever I eat apples, naturally thinking something high in fibre could only do me good! Definitely going to put them away for a while. I drink about 5 pints of water throughout the day so I don’t feel lacking there, as someone suggested above.

However, this article does make me not want to have kids. :)


Azrielle March 12, 2013 at 8:37 am

RE: Kids and probiotics.
Have you tried Schiff Digestive Advantage Probiotic Gummies?
I get them at Costco, http://www.costco.com/Schiff-®-Digestive-Advantage®%2c-120-Probiotic-Gummies.product.11761508.html

so I avoid them arriving in the mail in the summer time in melted into one big glob, as mentioned here, http://www.drugstore.com/schiff-digestive-advantage-probiotic-gummies/qxp386918 , among several good reviews. They really do taste and chew like gummy bears, but actually even better tasting.


Julie March 12, 2013 at 10:51 am

girl, you crack me up daily! let’s be friends! :)


Jody - Fit at 55 March 12, 2013 at 5:23 pm

:) Love this! I do eat a bit of fiber for sure BUT I drink my fluids & water. I wonder if the people in the study did not drink enough water which is a no-no with too much fiber. Coffee always helps me poop & exercising too! :)


Airbourne March 18, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Magnesium and probiotics are the most effective remedies that worked for my family. Taking at least 400-500 milligrams of magnesium is an effective way to relax the muscles of the colon and to increase bowel movement. Stress is also an underlying cause for being constipated, so taking magnesium to relax your muscles makes sense.


KdDooks April 1, 2013 at 1:28 pm

SOOOOOOOOOO true on the fiber, particularly the soluble fiber. Solubal fiber is probably one of the worst things ever, sucks up way too much of the liquids in your gut which is actually not healthy and can constipate. Insoluble fiber however like whole grains, corn, beans, those will come out of ones tush like nothing (which makes one wonder, what is the point of eating whole grains, beans, corn, if the stuff doesn’t even get digested and much of it just comes out the other end whole?).

Also totally with you on probiotics. Eating a lot of leafy vegetables though, definitely helps and plenty of the good fiber in them (not too harsh on your digestive system).


Kate More May 20, 2013 at 2:50 am

Hi Charlotte,

Wow! Thanks for sharing the story about your baby. I appreciate you sharing these tips because I’ve been experiencing the same thing as you. My baby, Reiane, 2 year old baby girl, and she’s been constipated for 2 days already. She doesn’t have fever but I think she’s starting to heat up. I’m really enticed to bring her to the doctor within this week but thank you for sharing your experience. Maybe, I’ll be able to get her our of this situation by visiting my doctor friend and asking him to prescribe probiotics for her.

BTW you might know if there’s dulcolax for children? Do you think, that can work?

Thank you so much!



Santos May 29, 2013 at 10:36 pm

Wont work for everyone but I know getting a regular dose of hoppy beer keeps me regular. Something about the yeast seems to help with the metabolism.


Kate More May 31, 2013 at 1:22 am
Amanda July 5, 2013 at 9:36 pm

I call it doing a “duke” or a “duker” =)


Been There Done That with kids and bath August 12, 2013 at 9:43 pm

Really funny blog. Did anyone mention “Sending a Message to Hitler” It was probably used during WWII. We’ve used “dropped the kids off at the pool.”


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Ana August 16, 2013 at 12:31 pm

Coffee and a cigarette, works every time! Hahaha.


bossa rein August 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Omg u guys are so syupid talk ing about poop


Ash August 26, 2013 at 8:22 pm

Oh, thanks for the magnesium suggestion. I haven’t tried that yet. I’ve suffered with constipation for years, but every time I think I’ve found a remedy it seems to stop working. The one thing that consistently makes me go is to have a couple of beers. And while I like having drinks with friends, drinking for poop’s sake doesn’t appeal to me.


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pam warden September 4, 2013 at 3:42 pm

“Sending a message to Hitler”, is my favorite. My sister and I have screaming diverticulitis, I just had a colon resection so I don’t have it any more, but weve called each other from every bathroom on the planet with the, Shnikes. Sh-ni-kes. Very painful, and then the next day it’s constipation again, like a swinging door. No relief, nothing helps. When I actually had a normal poop one time I wanted to take a picture of it.


Juliet October 14, 2013 at 12:35 pm

My parents like to refer to BMs as passing an act of congress – particularly timely right now LOL. And if one of them has to go but can’t at the moment because, say there is no bathroom available, they say they are filibustering.

BTW, licorice tea is a great mild laxative. And the clear juice of a boiled tomato is excellent for constipated babies.

LOVE your blog.


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clare October 21, 2013 at 4:36 pm

well, I am laughing at the fact that I needed to read this today. I am desperate to poop! I just had emergency surgery and I’ve been eating food for over 24 hours and still haven’t. So, I have some prescribed ‘stool softeners’ andI just decided to take half the daily dose of milk of magnesium (sincerely hope that works – last time I took it, I didn’t drink water with it and ended up throwing it up).

I’ve heard magnesium and vit C are good and also massaging (gently) in a downward direction on the right hand side of the abdomen to stimulate movement.

I’ve never had such anticipation of needing a poo!

BTW, for further laughs on this taboo subject, see this genuine and genuinely hilarious ad for poo-pouri. It’s golden. And they have some wonderful names for it in there (one of which is ‘your little astronauts’).

Wish me luck! And thanks for the great article. Loved it!



clare October 21, 2013 at 4:37 pm

oops. forgot the link for POO POURI: here it is!



Michelle October 24, 2013 at 10:10 pm

I’ve found that 1/2 a teaspoon of cinnamon in half a glass of hot water really helps get it going. By the way, love your white powder story! Lol.


KDub November 7, 2013 at 7:05 pm

I’ve been having problems the last couple days…I’m thinking about trying the probiotics, magnesium, and miralax…but which do I choose? Do I do all at once or try them one by one?


Amy November 13, 2013 at 4:20 pm

KDub, go for the natural things first. Start with probiotics. But remember to take those all the time. They’re not “take them when you need them” items. If that’s not working next go to Magnesium, but be careful. It’s natural but possible to OD. Also, look it up and make sure it doesn’t interact with any meds you may be taking. It’s a nasty one. Miralax should be the last resort. There’s many natural ways to solve your problem which should come first, especially if you don’t have a chronic problem.


Amy November 13, 2013 at 4:18 pm

I was grateful to find this post. I just started taking Magnesium Citrate again today. But I do want to warn everyone…I also take a D3 supplement because I’m critically low on D3. They interact poorly so I will have to stop D3 as long as I am on MC. And that sucks! I have tried Senna and it just made me throw up all over. So that didn’t work out. I have also tried Miralax and that didn’t work for me either. It was interesting to learn that fiber could be making things worse. Of course, I think I may be gluten intolerant, so that wouldn’t surprise me one bit!!!


Jane November 21, 2013 at 12:52 pm

I have to add that ICE COLD water…. I’m talking virtually at the point of hurting your throat, will work almost instantly! It will shock your system and you can actually feel the water working its way down your intestines. Only thing is: it’s best first thing in the AM or on an empty stomach. I do this if I’ve had too much white rice or potatoes the night before (foods I rarely eat) and everyone I’ve suggested it to has had success. You also might want to double up (I drink 2, 16 oz bottles.) just as I was giving up hope and found your site for other remedies.. It kicked in (TMI sorry!)


Charity November 27, 2013 at 11:02 pm

I absolutely agree, fiber does absolutely nothing for me. Doctor says lots of fiber, colace, prunes, prune juice. Today i even took a. T of castor oil. Almost barfed that back up. Nothing. I will try the probiotics, and the magnesium. I have suffered from constipation since my last child was born 18 years ago. I had a c-section. Wondering why.


Michelle November 30, 2013 at 6:42 am

Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl is our euphemism of choice.


john December 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm

What a load of sh1t


Anomaly December 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm

That was piss poor writing. I couldn’t make it past 3 paragraphs because of your cliche, overly clingy mom stories. You gave your child candy to bribe her to use the toilet? You’re a “shitty” parent. Your kid is going to grow up to be a brat.


CMA January 5, 2014 at 6:31 pm

For my entire adult life, I’ve been constipated. I’ve went MONTHS w/out going. It’s been rough. I’ve either had to drink miralax, or just deal with it. I’ve recently discovered that the cheapest, apple juice from concentrate works THE BEST and makes me poop :)


Alden February 4, 2014 at 3:16 am

Some of my favorites are, “Dropping the kids off at the pool”, or “Taking the browns to the Superbowl. Also, and I know they’re gross, “Having a brown baby”, and, for one that’s coming its either, ” Prairie Dogging”, or “Turtle head poking out”.


Alden February 4, 2014 at 3:22 am

I know that this is loosely related, but if you need to compare, or would just like to see odd and extreme poops, the you should check out, ratemypoo.com. I know its weird, but it is strangely interesting.


Hannah February 25, 2014 at 9:18 am

Miralax absolutely does cause “Hersey squirts” and extremely runny bowel movements. Sometimes they just come out liquid. My son has used it also for over a year. So beware, parents! It can get real gross.


Ari March 8, 2014 at 2:39 pm

I’ve been constipated for a while but it hurts Togo what should I do


jim March 29, 2014 at 12:19 pm

I found squatting after every meal the best way to avoid constipation


upper decker April 14, 2014 at 6:31 am

My wife can’t dump for over a week or two, then she uses dulcolax and stays home for up to 24hrs spending a good part of the morning 5hrs later spackling the porcelain; teaching the first family how to swim. I’m very concerned due to the fact that its been going on for about 5yrs now since she was under some major stress and it seems like the only thing that works. what can I do to help her take the Jackson 5 swimming again on a regular basis?


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