What’s the Weirdest Health Food You’ve Ever Bought? [Plus: The absolute easiest recipes ever!]

recipe1

Real recipe from foodnetwork.com. My fave comment on it: “Tried this recipe last night. The bacon was great, but the paper towels tasted awful.”

“2 cups dried, unsweetened coconut, 1/2 c almond flour, 1/4 c coconut butter, 1/4 c liquid sweetener of choice (maple syrup, honey, liquid stevia etc.), 1/8 tsp vanilla and sea salt. Mix, roll into balls, refrigerate.” It wasn’t until I read this recipe for raw, grain-free macaroons and ran immediately to my kitchen to make them that I realized how much food bloggers and Pinterest have warped me: I have every one of those ingredients on hand.

First things first: these macaroons are aMAYzing. Go make them. Plus they’re so easy not even I can screw them up. Unlike, say, the chocolate avocado cake I made with chocolate avocado frosting. It looked stunning but tasted… like avocados. Drenched in chocolate. Blech. And I normally love avocados! The recipe said the avocado-y taste would go away if I refrigerated it for a couple of hours. Liars. In a strange twist however, my kids gobbled it up while I couldn’t force myself to eat more than a couple bites.

Second: That is a lot of weird ingredients to just have sitting around my kitchen on any given Thursday night. Four years ago I wouldn’t have even known what coconut butter is much less be okay with eating it and keeping it as a staple. (Hint: make your own, way cheaper! All you do is stick unsweetened coconut shreds in a blender and blend until they’re a spreadable consistency. Almost as easy as that bacon recipe!) Even better, while I was assembling my macaroons tonight, I got a huge box from Amazon that contained a sampler box of flavored stevias, dried coconut, popcorn kernels, aloe vera juice (never tried it before but the interwebs are all abuzz with how amazing it is for you) and a copy of Sally Fallon’s Nourishing Traditions cookbook (which is one of the best healthy cookbooks/educations ever, by the way). Oh and an entire case of coconut milk.

As I was putting away my weirdo grocers I started to notice other quirky health food. I have a lot of it: Maca powder. Guar gum. Nutritional yeast (a 2-lb bucket no less). Buckwheat. Teff. Chia seeds. Groats. Quinoa (does this one count as weird anymore?). 5 pounds of coconut oil. Plain, whole yogurt (again, make it yourself. Super easy!). Goji berries. Oat flour. Amaranth. Cardamom pods. Red curry paste. Miso paste. Tahini. A whole beef liver. And we won’t even get into all the crazy spices that I can only find at the Asian food market or my braid of dried chilies.

I blame you.

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Not, not Paula Deen (zomgoodness are canned peas not disgusting enough? You gotta add a stick of butter to them??). You as in all you health food bloggers/Facebookers/tweeters/Instagrammers/Pinteresters. While I’m not a food blogger and honestly, not a great cook either, I am a very adventurous eater and if you tell me something has great health benefits then it’s pretty much guaranteed I will find a way to buy some. On one hand, you all have introduced me to some foods I love. Nutritional yeast sounds nasty but it’s really delish – I put it on everything from popcorn to granola to veggies to yogurt. And coconut oil? I eat it plain off the spoon. Mmmm.

On the other hand though, I still have a pound of chia seeds just hanging out in my pantry because HOLY TINY BALLS OF GELATINOUS CRAP, how do you guys eat these? The taste is – well, they taste like nothing – but the texture is the worst cross between tapioca, snot and fruit on the bottom yogurt that’s been sitting in your car all day in the summer. I dry heaved the first time I drank a smoothie with those in it. (Although if you like bubble tea then you’ve just found your new fave food. You’re welcome.) I even tried grinding them first in my Vitamix before I made that chocolate chia “pudding” that is omnipresent on every healthy food blog out there. All the plant-sourced Omega-3’s in the world couldn’t save that one from going down the disposal. Not to mention how you’ll be flossing them out of your teeth for a week afterward. (If you leave them will you grow Chia Pet dentures?)

I suppose, thinking about it, the weird thing is not that my pantry has been taken over by “seven different ancient grains” and a 12 oz jar of Stevia that has caused more than it’s fair share of white-powder-addiction jokes, but rather that I still hang on to any of my processed “normal” junk from before. I still have a couple of vices – and they’re not what you think. For instance I still harbor a secret love for Smart Balance Lite (and hey, it’s dairy free!). I only buy real organic butter because I know it’s better for us and I no longer fear the saturated fats. And while the kids love it (True story: my six-year-old ate half a stick like an ice cream cone before I caught him. Worst part was he ate the paper too.), I still prefer the taste of Smart Balance. I grew up on tub butter! To me, butter is supposed to taste like I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

What is the weirdest ingredient you have in your kitchen right now? Be honest: Will you eat canned peas? Do you have a food that you prefer the fake version of to the real one? Anyone have a fave super-simple recipe they want to share? (I bet it can’t top this one though… 🙂

recipe3

Real recipe from foodnetwork.com. My fave comment on it: “This was just ok. Maybe if it could be simplified some because its too much work.”

55 Comments

  1. Weirdest Ingredient: Pimenton de la Vera Agridulce …I just came back from a trip to Spain, and this is bittersweet smoked paprika. I also brought back the hot and the sweet. I can use it with saffron to make paella. I haven’t seen it for sale in Canada yet, though I’m sure I could find a provider with a little digging. I also have a lot dried heirloom beans, I LOVE how they all taste so different.

    I know this is terrible, but I really prefer Miracle Whip to regular mayo. I don’t actually eat either anymore, but when I did, I’d always pick Miracle Whip at the grocery store for egg salad, etc. I’m now so intense about having unprocessed foods, I’ve clearly done a complete 180 with food over the past 6 years, and yet, if I was forced to eat egg salad, I’d totally want it made with Miracle Whip. I also really love Jello’s pistachio pudding. Now all I want is that pistachio pudding…. I have awful taste in fake food, I really need to up my game.

    • Oooh I loved pistachio pudding too!!! I haven’t had that stuff in years – I’d totally forgotten about it until you mentioned it. Now I’m also dying to try heirloom beans…

      • I get my heirloom beans mostly from local suppliers, but I know Rancho Gordo is big in the US, and I pick up whatever I can from them when I find them in Canada.

    • Quick secret: if you want your home made mayo to taste like Miracle Whip, add in a tbsp of white wine vinegar and a tsp of icing sugar to get that tangy/sweet hit.

  2. Looooooooooool!!!! I am SO reposting this tomorrow.

    And, my weird things are the same as your weird things (nutritional yeast, livers, maca, chia and so on), although you got me on teff and groats (umm, off to google groats). We do have a beef heart and rabbit in the freezer, however. Toooootally normal, nothing to see here.:)

    • Where did you get a rabbit?? I’ve seen plenty in my backyard here (usually devouring my garden, little vermin) but I’d never thought to eat one of them. And I LOVE groats! They’re also called buckwheat groats and I’m sure you’ve had buckwheat? There’s no wheat, it’s actually a grass that when you dry it has a great chewy, nutty flavor. I use it in place of rice in some recipes.

      • Our local farmers’ market sells rabbit. They’re very, very lean, but they’re great for braises because the meat is fall-apart tender.

        You can also eat squirrel, if you have trouble with those too. 🙂

      • Dave got it from U.S. Wellness Meats, a deeeeelicious grassfed meats company that I’m an affiliate for: http://bit.ly/WoXCyF. He ordered a vat of lard, a bunch of soup bones, and bacon from them, too. The bacon was meh (I prefer Beeler bacon from The Wedge), but everything else is fab.

      • My friend hit a rabbit once when she was starting to drive. When she got home crying about it, her mom’s first reaction was to go out and see how mangled it was. That family had rabbit soup for dinner..

  3. I kinda shudder to think what my in-laws, whose home we share, have in their cabinets. They are from the Philippines, and while much of the food is delish, some of it is…out there. Of course, I once tried to introduce them to gefilte fish, so who am I to talk?
    BTW, that sampler box sounds AMAZING!!!!!!
    After seeing these recipes I’m thinking of writing a cookbook. Of salads, sandwiches, and canned soup. Example: “Place favorite meats/meat substitutes on one slice bread. Slather other slice with condiment of choice. Feel free to choose from mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, or all of the above. Place leaves of lettuce on top of meat/substitute and cover with the bread that has chosen condiment(s) on it. Enjoy.”

    I think it’ll be a best seller!

    • I bet someone would buy it! And I bet the Amazon reviews would be hilarious!! And I’m super excited for my stevia sampler. After years of only trying the plain powder I’m excited to get “chocolate raspberry” and “creme brulee” lol. I’ll let you know if it’s worth it!

  4. I have a few very weird Asian food items in my pantry, like dried sea weed, canned sweet red beans, black bean paste, fish powder, and many more. And I use them all regularly! The perks of living with a Korean guy.

    • Ah I have sea weed too! Forgot to put that on my list. Where do you find sweet red beans?! I love Korean food – now I’m jealous. Have me for dinner okay?? 😉

  5. I’m at work right now – we have “yoga chocolate and cinnamon tea” or something in the cupboard. Don’t bother if you ever see it. It’s very strange and not that nice.

    The weirdest things I have at home are things like ground almonds, truvia and wholewheat couscous. Weird to normal people but not to healthy eaters.

    I grew up on tinned peas both garden and processed. I don’t do mushy peas. I eat frozen these days.

    I’m trying to get into butter but I was brought up on cheap margarine and unfortunately that tastes like the real thing to me. Butter has a funny taste and why is it so hard to spread? Ridiculous. I’m starting to enjoy frying in butter though especially mushrooms.

    • I love frozen peas, frozen! They’re like little balls of sweetness! And then when I cook them they’re suddenly just meh again. I could eat the frozen ones by the handful. Glad to know I’m not the only one with butter issues. This: ” Butter has a funny taste and why is it so hard to spread? Ridiculous.” totally made me laugh as I’ve thought the same!

    • Try stirring a bit of salt into the tea! I have a chocolate tea that just tastes weird brewed with a bit of sugar, but stir in a bit of salt; viola!

      • Interesting I would never have thought of that! I’ll give it a go – the packet is sitting in the cupboard gathering dust as no-one likes it!

  6. I always love seeing those ridiculous Food Network recipes like how to make ice cubes or peel a banana. Really? Thanks for that. As for weird things, I don’t have any myself. I buy a lot of the same things over and over so my pantry is full of staples (chickpeas, farro, rice, sunbutter, etc.) I know…boring. But I cleaned out my Uncle’s kitchen last month and found plain silver cans with no label but just “Cow” and “Chicken” printed on the side. Umm…not cool. They went in the trash.

    • Whoa – I missed the one on peeling a banana?? Going to have to go back and look, lol. I’m way more entertained by those than I should be. You didn’t want a can of cow??? I’m seeing an awesome white elephant gift here;) Also, farro is delicious.

  7. There’s a recipe somewhere, I forget the exact site, with a recipe for ice. The comments are hilarious.
    I currently have stevia, miso paste and nutritional yeast in my kitchen. The weirdest thing… Hmmmm. I used to think I are weird food but more and more what I eat seems normal!

    • See? You’re a trendsetter! My husband makes fun of my miso paste – says it smells like dirty foot water. I love it though! Miso paste, chopped green onions and a block of tofu heated in water – bam, easiest dinner ever.

  8. Okay I can’t for the life of me think what the weirdest thing in my pantry is and I’m not hunting. So here is my super simple recipe: you need 1 tin of condensed milk, 1 bag of desiccated coconut and a handful of dried fruit – my preference is apricots and cranberries but let your imagination run wild.

    Put the condensed milk and cut up dried fruit into a mixing bowl and slowly stir in the coconut (you may not need the whole bag), when the mixture reaches a consistency where the ingredients hold together, roll it into small balls, place on a baking tray (preferably with grease proof paper to aid clean up) and cook in a warm oven till they start to go golden brown. They usually take about 10 minutes and depending on the size of your balls you may want to turn them during cooking.

    Super easy, super tasty and ripe for substitution – chocolate chips go particularly well in these. And they are also a great on for kids as it is such a simple recipe.

  9. I’m going to be That Guy (gal) and mention that 6-8 minutes in the microwave will turn that bacon into charred cinders! Obviously a fake recipe 🙂

    I don’t know that I have anything weird in my pantry – people tend to comment more on what I don’t have. But I do have about six jars of pickled jalapeno slices, because I absolutely crave those things! I don’t eat them right out of the jar, but I put them in everything: scrambled eggs, meatloaf, sandwiches, whatever.

    I also have a 12-oz jar of stevia, which I have carefully labeled “Pure Uncut Cocaine” for whenever the DEA searches my house. The really dangerous part about stevia is how light it is – is floats around in the air whenever you try to pour any, and you find yourself gagging on sweetness in the back of your throat. Best to wear a mask!

  10. Is it weird that I enjoy canned peas? I love peas from any origin prepared by any method (they’re may fav – is that even weirder?) but the canned ones in particular remind me of childhood. 🙂

    Nothing strange in my cabinet, though does having several options of nut/seed butters (currently almond, sunflower and two types of peanut) and non-dairy milks (right now almond and coconut milk) on hand at any given time count? I’m neither vegan nor lactose intolerant, I just like them!

  11. I have no weird ingredients, but I do have an awesome recipe to share:

    http://www.food.com/recipe/ice-cubes-420398

    I make it all the time and have no problems! And I guarantee you have all the ingredients. (Comments are HILARIOUS!)

  12. I just bought psyllium seed husks to make this bread: http://mynewroots.org/site/2013/02/the-life-changing-loaf-of-bread/. I was expecting it to be awesome, but I thought it was totally disgusting. Also, I got a weird look from the lady at Whole Foods when I was buying them. Apparently they help ya poop. Anyway, now I have a huge $10 jar of them and I’ll probably never use them again!

    Also, maybe it’s weird that most of the stuff you posted isn’t weird to me at all? But then again, I’ve eaten blood, hearts, kidneys, stomach, thymus gland, livers, you name it. I love bison, rabbit, horse, guinea hen, dove, gator, rattlesnake, crawfish, and sea urchin just as much as any “traditional” meat. Fish sauce is one of my favorite condiments (the funkier, the better). I have whole dried limes from Iran in my pantry. I’ve cured my own bacon in a closet. I think the only thing that weirds me out is balut: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_(egg)

  13. There are some things I don’t like chia seeds in, but I’ve found recipes where you don’t get gooey slime around the seeds. The best one is a strawberry sorbet. I don’t remember the exact recipe but it is basically coconut milk (the real stuff from a can, not the stuff for cereal), frozen strawberries, a bit of lemon juice and a bit of stevia blended together with ground chia seeds. Because the chia seeds are ground they just mix in with everything else.

    I am and always have been a butter person. I am young enough and my Mom was health-conscious enough that we always used butter and not margarine. However, she was also health-conscious enough that I now treat butter like a sinfully rich (not in a guilt-ridden way,) treat.

  14. I think I’ve been totally converted by internet foodies, I look at my pantry and don’t see anything “weird”. Many of the “odd” ingredients people have listed I have on hand, but I don’t think of miso, sweet red beans, quinoa, smoked paprika or or dried shrimps to be weird. Of course, I live in a fairly ethnically diverse city in Canada, where anything goes. If I want to cook Korean one week, no problem finding ingredients. If I decide to switch to Indian, Mexican, French or German cooking the next week, still no issues.

    My husband thinks it a bit mad that before I even start my meal planning each week I ask him which country we’re doing. Sometimes he’ll just respond “Canadian” and I’m all “what do you think Canadian is?. Everything!”

  15. Goodness, my pantry feels positively pedestrian compared to some of the stuff you all are talking about. I mean, I guess if quinoa is still considered weird…I also have goat cheese, almond milk, Greek yogurt and whey protein powder, but that’s really about it.

    Now I feel like I should go to the new health food store that just opened up and buy some kombucha and chia seeds, just so I can be one of the cool kids.

  16. Hahaha! love this!!

  17. Nothing too weird in my pantry, I haven’t been adventurous with cookng since my first born arrived 2.5 years ago. I have such respect for people who have “time” to cook healthy meals for their families (I never thought I’d be one of those parents who sometimes cook frozen meals). Anyway, I was wondering what you thought of articles like these on quinoa: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/16/vegans-stomach-unpalatable-truth-quinoa

  18. I definitely promote aloe vera juice – a few oz a day helped cure an ulcer I had many years ago. Mix it into iced tea or a smoothie tho – it tastes nasty on its own. Now that I feel fine I don’t drink any, but it sure made a difference in my healing up well back then.
    Wierd? Well, not odd…just a lot of diffferent baking spices. I have a few obscure ingredients like pickled pepperoncini’s, nori and nutritional yeast flakes, but mostly just odd spices and extracts. There *is* a rediculous amount of jello though (I loooooooove jello).

  19. Weird things, let’s see…

    Spirulina, hemp powder, nutritional yeast, coconut butter, quinoa (does that even count anymore), nori,… And that’s about it.

    And though this isn’t weird, per se, we do have a ridiculous amount of kale in our fridge.

  20. This is almost entirely unrelated to your post but if you have not read the reviews on this banana slicer, you are missing out:

    http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361899763&sr=8-1&keywords=banana+slicer

  21. I don’t have any weird foods that weren’t already mentioned but i do have a good chia seed recipe:

    http://www.pure2raw.com/2011/12/pumpkin-chia-seed-chocolate-chip-cookies/

    The seeds are not soaked first so they are crunchy like poppy seeds.

    Oh and i love peas in any form – fresh, frozen, canned, even raw!

  22. I can’t think of anything where I prefer the fake processed version over the real thing. When I was a little kid though, I thought I was so grown when I would make my own box of kraft mac and cheese. Now the stuff makes me gag. I was also raised on the tubs of “county crock” but I love real, salted butter. I became semi-obsessed with it when I was pregnant with my almost-six year-old. My last trimester, I made things based on how much butter I could melt on it (pancakes were a favorite). And it may be why my kids can be caught eating the little servings of butter they give you at restaurants with a spoon, like it’s ice cream, just like your child!
    I have the Sprectrum organic version of Crisco so that I can make frostings and sweet fillings without hydrogenated oils. I guess that might be kind of weird.

  23. I have lucuma powder and yacon syrup–both sweeteners. I love miso paste.

  24. Eek, your sidebar has gone missing (it can be found at the bottom…) You might have accidentally added some extra code to the editor (you can see it in the text view) if you cut and pasted stuff from some other application. WP HATES that.

    Re weird health foods, I once bought hemp protein powder. It made my smoothies look like green witches’ concoctions and tasted awful. I used it maybe 2 times and had to throw it away eventually. I’m always ready to try new things. 🙂

    • In the southwest we have mesquite powder which is amazing on everything- not sure if I’ve ever seen it in the midwest, though. I also occasionally purchase cactus paddles, cactus pears (fresh), and things like jicama, cherimoya, and chayote squash.

  25. Because we have no such thing as Real Maple Syrup in the South, I prefer the fake Aunt Jemima kind to the real thing. I grew up on cloying, overly sweetened liquid that is breakfast syrup here. Real maple syrup is runny, thin, and not as sweet. I also like Fake Butter because it spreads more easily and has a stronger flavor than normal butter.

  26. I still prefer instant ice tea (regular or sugar-free) made from powder to the real thing. I know. So sue me. At least I won’t let my kids have it.

  27. Weirdest ingredient is probably kombucha scobys 🙂 several. I will not eat canned peas, not on purpose anyway. I prefer boxed brownies to homemade but i usually don’t eat either because i want the whole thing, oops.

    Can I take your chia seeds off your hands? Seriously. I miss them in my oatmeal and it isn’t an expense that is necessary for my husband and i right now. We are adopting 🙂 so no spare change for a while!

  28. Oh my those food network recipes have me in tears of laughter! Too funny!!

    I have a secret love of tin carrots. Never tried tin peas. We have a ton of weird food items too although reading food blogs makes all my items seem normal!

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  30. well one of the weirdest would be a green peas that is packed in a little package, in order to get all the health benefit from it, i need to cook it on a soysauce, it taste good though but it looks aweful.

  31. Is it bad that I don’t think those things are weird? Hahaha. Apparently I’ve been reading too many health food blogs. (Guilty look)

    Chia seeds are awesome, btw! If you don’t like the texture (I personally do, cuz I looooooove tapioca with a passion), you can actually blend a tiny bit into a smoothie to make it super super thick and to make it stay together without using guar/xanthan gum and/or too much ice. Play around with the ratios. If you blend it well, you shouldn’t notice the texture issue anymore. Also, blend and then let sit for 10+ mins before drinking, because the smoothie will get more and more thick.

  32. No odd foods beyond those listed. I always learn so much reading your posts and the comments. I didn’t know that about being able to use chia seeds to thicken a smoothie, which is great because I haven’t been able to justify springing the money for a big bag of xanthan gum when I just need a teaspoon.

    I found this recipe for a way to use chia seeds in a muffin recipe. It looks like a fun snack and a way to slowly use up your chia seed stash. Thanks for putting my tip on standing on one leg while brushing teeth in a previous post. I felt honored that someone as fitness-savy as yourself would find it useful.

    I’m always learning from you and your community. Thank you!!

  33. Haha those recipes 😛 Talk about labour intensive 😉 I’ve always wondered about nutritional yeast- why is it so good for you?

    I’d love if you could do a post on all the health foods and why they’re good for you. I’d buy more if they weren’t so goddamn expensive.

    Oh and have chia seeds in soup, on oats (with sprinkled nuts), and on toast. Have them with nut butters or whatever- so simple and I hardly notice them. That reminds me I’ve run out and a bag is like $25- send me yours yeh? 😉 Haha

  34. I’d have to say that the weirdest healthy food I’ve ever had, had to have been kimchi.
    Something about the fermentation took my by surprise. I had quite a few fermented foods before but that one is different.
    A cool easy recipe if you like spicy is something called pikliz, Haitian side dish. It’s a combination of pickled shredded cabbage, carrot, onions, shallots and habanero peppers. Quite tasty.

  35. Now Im not saying that you should completely replace fruits with chocolate, but
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    and tasty chocolate. If you can’t find these at your local supermarket, check out their website.
    s the first trademark smoothie appeared as a dairy free alternative to
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