There are so many ways to be creepy and awkward in a gym – heck that’s half the reason I love them so much – but there’s one particular situation that has me stymied of late. (Seriously, I’m embarrassed to admit how much existential angst this caused me yesterday). The problem is this:
The double drinking fountain.
After a sweaty workout I like to sidle up to a nice (warm – why are they always warm?) water bar but inevitably there’s a line. My gym, like many, has double drinking fountains: one side for humans, the other for elves. (UPDATE: Several readers informed me that it is for people in wheelchairs. I’m a total doofus and I apologize for any offense! I’m embarrassed that it didn’t even occur to me).
Normally I’ll just hang out and mess with the velcro on my weight gloves while I’m waiting but yesterday I was in a hurry. There was one gentleman drinking out of the short side (why? getting extra quad work from the deep knee bend?) and I figured hey, there are two fountains for a reason, right? So I moseyed up to the tall one and started drinking.
As soon as I bent over I realized how awkward this was as we were now basically cheek-to-cheek (on both ends) but I didn’t want to jump back like the fountains were run with an electrical current lest he feel bad. But I also didn’t want to keep invading his personal space either. So I just stayed awkwardly hunched, trying to angle myself away from him. I think he thought we were having a territory dispute so he didn’t leave either. Eventually, after both of us drank enough water to pee like elephants for the rest of the day, he finally left. I filled up my water bottle and left myself. (And then left the lid on the fountain, sigh.)
So, here’s my gym etiquette dilemma: If you wait in line for a double fountain, have you reserved the right to both sides even if you only have one set of lips? What if the second person only wants to fill up their water bottle? Who is the short side for? And am I allowed to trip anyone who hawks a loogie into the fountain??
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I always thought the short side was for people in wheelchairs, but that if the tall one is taken, someone else is free to use the other (which I often do). Where do you stand that you’d be cheek to cheek? I’m confused about that part.
Laura recently posted..Destressing Planeside at the DFW Yoga Studio
I think the short one is for wheelchairs accessible use, but I’d just use either, altho I do feel awkward when someone is right there beside me at the fountain.
geosomin recently posted..1000 Rep challenge
I’m happy to report that I’m short enough for the short side *thankyouverymuch*
Also, you should ask your Y to put in one of those handy Water bottle filler things, if they haven’t already.
Deb the CraftySFH recently posted..Owl Swear Owl Stop Making Owl’s
The short ones are for us guys who have trouble meeting chicks at the gym. We linger around them and wait for girls to be thirsty and awkwardly get down cheek to cheek with us. Yes, it’s creepy, but you already said gyms are creepy, so it should just be expected. Dangit now the secret is out.
Dr. Mark recently posted..Why Stress Will Shorten Your Lifespan
I’m too tall (and too sweaty) to use the shorter one. I wouldn’t care though if someone wanted to use it while I was at the taller one.
What DOES irk me though is that the shorter one at my gym actually has a spigot for the use of filling water bottles but some people will still stand at the taller one forever with a line forming behind them while they fill their bottle.
Amber recently posted..Excited!
The gym I go to has a lot of characters including myself. One fountain is for drinking and the other is for the water fight that starts when anybody is a fountain hog.
Cindy recently posted..Oxytocin Could Boost Social Sensitivity
Honestly, I just drink and don’t care what’s left or right of me.
evilcyber recently posted..5 Food Additives To Avoid
I think I have a smaller bubble than you….if there were two spouts in ONE fountain, I’d find it awkward. Two different fountains? Of different heights? I don’t have a problem. Your face cheeks are really not that close to each other, and depending on how pushy the line is, your butt may be closer to the people behind you than the guy beside you! My only issue is that I am tall, so when I drink at a short fountain I feel like I may as well just be waving my butt in the air going “halllooo! look at meee!” Plus, if the fountain is facing a different way, I may be flashing people.
P.S. I am not trying to mock you or claim your bubble is too small. It is just that I found this whole article funny, because I don’t see the problem. In fact, I am still confused about how you are actually cheek to cheek in any way… I mean, you’re even facing different ways? And the fountain is big! Are your water fountains tiny? Were his cheeks really big?
I don’t use them so I never even thought about this!
I just don’t like the thought – I bring 2 FULL water bottles of my own. 
Jody – Fit at 54 recently posted..Gardein Vegetarian Products & GIVEAWAY!
As other have mentioned, I’m ~90% certain that the shorter one is for individuals that use wheelchairs, but since I’m 5 feet tall, I almost always pick the shorter one anyways.
At my gym, both the lower and higher one are recessed into the wall, and surrounded by stainless steel, so it makes a weird echo and you can hear the person beside you drinking in addition to being weirdly close to them even though you’re both gross and sweaty. Suffice to say, I use the water fountain solely to fill my water bottle.
I just laughed out loud for like 5 minutes. This is SO FREAKING TRUE.
Liz @ iheartvegetables recently posted..Protein Powder Reviews
Just stumbled on your blog. So funny and so motivating for our beginning fitness journey.
I agree that the double water fountain brings up some awkward personal space issues. “Hey, fellow water-drinkin’-buddy! Nice to know ya…really well. Sorry I reek. Jeez, I’m really thirsty. Hey, you are too! Maybe let’s just hang out a while!” Anywho, thanks for the blog — I’m just starting on my fitness journey, and TGFE is a great read.
I’m astounded that all of you are spoiled enough to have two side-by-side water fountains; we only have onesies!
Naomi/Dragonmamma recently posted..Stuff-swap follow up
His fault for not knowing that he needed to angle himself at his spigot. Really, the person on the short fountain should be almost parallel to the wall. It’s not like the tall fountain person can do this (I’ve tried, you get water up your nose).
Lauren recently posted..Imagining a New Normal
The shorter one is mandated by the Americans with Disabilities Act. If anyone who is in a wheelchair reads this blog post, they may in fact be offended by your joke about the non-human elves. But I know you didn’t mean any harm; you just didn’t know.
I don’t find it awkward to use one while someone else is using the other. But to each her own. You can wait for both to free up, but that doesn’t mean you get to occupy both.
Scott recently posted..Triathlon Pants
I just wanted to pop in and say thank you again for the UA contest you hosted a few months back.
I was the super lucky winner and just recently wrote about it on my blog, if you were interested in checking it out! ( http://www.massachuseats.com/2012/08/random-asides.html )
MassachusEATS recently posted..Random Asides
Hah yes youre allowed to trip anyone who hawks a loogie!
Jess recently posted..Punch it Out!
I am giggling so hard about the elves comment that I’m worried my lead at work will ask what’s so funny. (“Uhh, just reading a blog!”) I’m just shy of 5 feet tall, so saying elves seems a perfectly acceptable answer to me. An elf.
Seriously though, I would have no issue with someone using the other fountain while I’m drinking from the short side.
Struggles with a fat A recently posted..Never Weigh Yourself in the Middle of the Week!
So glad I could give you a giggle today! My work here is done then:)