I just finished reading a fitness magazine (The one with the lady in the bikini on the cover. No, not the bikini-clad girl on the bike. Or the one on the beach. Or the 20 standing in the water. The one with the bikini-clad girl standing in the water by the beach BUT wearing a hat because, well, it’s summer? Yep, that one.) And when I got to this page, I just about fell off my Little Tykes picnic table, I was laughing so hard. I love this ad because it is the mold from which all supplement ads are created from. And that mold is so utterly ridiculous. But the biggest problem I have with supplement ads is the total lack of backstory. So I made one up for you. Enjoy:
(click to enlarge)
Buff Man: Oh hello! What are you doing here?
Set of Boobs With Blond Wig: Lil’ ol’ me? I’m just wandering around in the desert!
Man: But you are wearing nothing but a bra and booty shorts.
Boobs: Isn’t this what everyone goes hiking in? Or maybe I just felt like taking off my clothes. I have a feeling I’m not wearing shoes either! Actually I might not even have two legs! Golly!
Man: Now that you point it out, I think I have no legs.
Boobs: What you are missing in legs you make up for in hairless muscle though!
Man: Excellent point! I am so chiseled that I will power the bike with my pectorals. I must rescue you and take you to safety! Good thing I ripped off my shirt – I can use the reflection off my glistening abdominals to signal a rescue ‘copter!
Boobs: Or our teeth!
Man: In the meantime, hop on the back of my two-wheeler and I’ll give you a pump.
Boobs: Did you just offer me “a pump”? Never mind. Your mountain bike even has pegs? You must do this a lot.
Man: More than you’d think, actually. I just need you to pose at an awkward angle with your hand covering my left nipple. Don’t worry about the right one, it got photoshopped into a shadow. Now: I’ll get you down this mountain!
Boobs: But wait, I haven’t seen the pinnacle of perfection yet!
Man: Don’t worry – I have a pinnacle of perfection right here!
Boobs: Did you really just say that?
Man: Geez lady, I’m talking about this protein bar! What did you think I meant?
Boobs: Oh. Just shut up and pedal. They’re not paying you talk.
Man: Yeah well they’re not paying me to actually ride this bike either, are they?
Boobs: At least we have this protein bar to keep us going until the rescue ‘copter shows up.
And… scene.
Anyone else perpetually amused by supplement/protein powder/bar/drink advertising? Do you have a fave? Anybody else like to make up dialog for complete strangers?
for more of my crazy antics and uncomfortable over-shares!
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I didn’t even notice the bike or the desert until you pointed them out. They’ll be picking grit out of their crevices for days if they take a tumble.
Naomi/Dragonmamma recently posted..Stuff-swap follow up
Bahahaha that was gold! Made my night (as you can tell I was having an exciting friday night).
Jess recently posted..Finding your Sanctuary
Hahaha, thanks for the good laugh!
LOL. Thanks! I needed that this morning.
Charlotte, the poor girl is in your article standing in the middle of a “dessert”. But maybe that too makes sense in the context of this ad
evilcyber recently posted..FDA Approves Belviq As Weight Loss Drug
hahahaha oh my gosh, i am in stitches!
janetha [meals & moves] recently posted..three tip thursday [9].
I wonder about the test groups they use when developing these ads.
I don’t make up dialog for ads, but I do mentally make up “back stories” for totally strangers when I”m out and about.
I love making up back stories for people I see at restaurants. I can usually peg which ones are on a first date! Oh, and I also eavesdrop in public really well without others knowing I’m doing it…it’s a gift.
Heather recently posted..Race Volunteerism
Bwahahahaha!!!!
I actually do this often. At the gym the TV is often on without volume, set on cable news. When they have panel discussions I make up what they’re saying & how they say it.
(It’s amazing how many middle-aged, white male anchors speak like valley girls!)
(BTW, there’s a great scene in “Shelock” when he’s able to deduce the relationship of the couple at the next table by the sweater the man is wearing.)
I’m a bike racer and trust me nobody ever looks that good while riding a bike. I’ve actually asked people not to come to my bike races for fear and how terrible I’ll look afterwards.
It’s the same thing with infomercials for fitness gadgets. The people in the ads look like they’re in absolute ecstasy using the equipment but we all know nobody looks even close to that happy while exercising.
Great post Charlotte thanks so much!
Matt recently posted..How Progressive Kalisthenics Help You Build Insane Levels of Toughness and Strength
Hahahahahaha. Haha. Hahahahaha. That is me, reading your post. Love it, and it’s so true! I think my favourite part of the conversation is “I am so chiseled that I will power the bike with my pectorials”. GOLD!
Megan @ Weddings and Workouts recently posted..Back into a routine
Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh
Kristen Vatt recently posted..Look Like A Hollywood Star…Without The Surgery!
That ad is pretty bad. But. Ok. Have you tried Supreme’s carb conscious peanut butter bar? It tastes like a Reese’s. Healthy? Meh…. Synthetic? Yes. Full of protein? H-E-double dumbells yeah. Delicious? Yes. Balance to the bar with the bad ads.
Anyway, jumping into the following discourse a little late, I have a thought re your recent intuitive eating post. You know those base line fitness tests you and the Gym Buddies do periodically to see how well your workouts are going in general? You do pull-ups, run a mile, lots of that sort of thing, if I recall (btw, I tried to search “performance test” and the like to link to that, but I couldn’t find anything?). Maybe now would be a good time for an assessment that doesn’t involve scale or weight or looks. Simply performance. If you are doing great in the gym, you feel great and it makes you look great, inside and out.
Charlotte, that was HILARIOUS! The Lobster just asked me what I was giggling about and I couldn’t even quite explain how funny that was. Now you’ll have me inventing backstories for all the stupid fitness ads I see. Thank you… I think!
Crabby McSlacker recently posted..Healthy Recipes and Food Religions
I like the backstory you made. It is freaking hilarious. I enjoy reading the conversation. Thanks for alleviating my stress today. I really laugh on this post.
Andy Staunt recently posted..Male Sexual Problem and How to Solve it using Natural Supplements
You really have talent in writing. I enjoy reading your backstory. It makes me laugh to the extent. You give me a hint to make a backstory as well. All in all I really love your backstory.
Vanessa Moore recently posted..Eliminate That Yellow Grin And Get A Bright White Smile
Haha this is hillarious… I got a big smile on my face : D
Cristin Cogen recently posted..online backup