Is Vigilante Justice Ever Ok? 20-Year-Old Girl Punches Man For Rape-y Comment [What Would You Do?]

Any girl who has ever walked down the street and had to listen to jerks catcalling, joking or otherwise harassing a woman will well relate to Kelsey, a 20-year-old Minnesotan, who took matters into her own hands while walking home last weekend. Like any good netizen, she shared the whole story on her blog, along with the picture of her smiling with a bandaged hand.

According to Kelsey, as she was walking home after last call she heard two men behind her catcalling an inebriated woman across the street. The woman didn’t respond to their overtures (can’t imagine why!) and instead just tried to walk faster. One man then (allegedly) said “F***ing c***, I’d take her into the back alley and show her what I’m made of. She won’t even see it coming,” and then laughed. Before he could get another rape-y word out, Kelsey spun around and punched him in the face.

She then wrote on her blog, “I hope your mother/girlfriend/sister/friends/everyone asks what happened to your nose. I hope you have to explain that you thought it’d be funny to joke with your friend about raping the drunk girl across the street. I bet you didn’t think that the girl who was walking in front of you would turn around and punch you in the face. You’re a filthy piece of sh*t and I don’t regret this at all. “

Raise your hand if your first thought was “AMEN SISTER!” I remember one occasion after an evening out with my girl friends where some guys followed us all the way back to our car yelling stuff at us in Spanish. I didn’t catch much of what they were saying but as they closed in around us, their intent was plenty clear. The harassment didn’t stop until one friend – old enough to be their mother – stepped in and reamed them in Spanish. I’m not sure what she said to them but I’m pretty sure it involved them calling their moms, grandmothers and sisters and apologizing for being the dregs of humanity. It was a scary moment and we weren’t even alone.

I also remember when I was interviewing MMA fighter Kendra Ruff for the Shape article about her (hardcore-you-have-to-try-it-right-now!) workout that one of the most poignant moments was when she talked about her reasons for getting into MMA. She was first introduced to the violent sport by her (soon-to-be-ex) husband who told her she couldn’t do it because she was too pretty. She showed him and everyone else that you can be pretty and tough at the same time as she rocketed up to the #1 amateur in the state. And then she added, “It’s like having a secret. I can put on my cute dress and go out for a night on the town and not have to worry. I know I can take care of myself. I always feel in control.” I didn’t tell her but I desperately envied her confidence. My past traumas have left me with a significant amount of lingering fear and I would love to be able to say “I always feel in control.”

But would I punch someone in the face? Probably not, honestly. First, because I’d be afraid they’d punch me back and it’s virtually guaranteed they would hit harder than I could. (And I don’t have mad MMA skillz with which to defend myself in a physical fight.) And second, because I tend to try and avoid confrontation like that if at all possible. Instead, I’d probably feel crappy about it and then come home and post it on Facebook so my friends could give me sympathy. That said, I kind of love Kelsey’s moxie. She didn’t feel afraid. She just acted. And in a society with such as strong rape culture as ours, that takes guts.

Unfortunately, while the story inspired a million virtual fist pumps, it also inspired just as much controversy. As the story went viral, Kelsey reported receiving an alarming number of rape and death threats along with the adulations. People everywhere were divided as to whether or not her vigilante justice was even warranted, much less commendable. For me, the comments have been even more interesting than the original story.

One commenter on Jezebel.com offers a different option:

“The way to fight back against rape culture is to get out her Iphone and dial 911 and report the threat, and describe, whilst standing directly in front of said misogynist, his exact appearance, clothing, shoes, height, apparent weight, and any identifying marks, and make sure to tell the police that she will be glad to appear in court and give evidence. It does take a little more thought than punching the guy’s lights out, but she has effectively become a perpetrator in her own right by taking retribution against his physical threats against a third party. He is guilty of verbal assault and threatening: but she has in turn upped the ante by making an unprovoked assault upon a stranger who was not harming her personally. We live in a land ruled by laws, not by vengeance. It was a bad thing to do. “

Another commenter asked, “How is he guilty of verbal assault? According to this violent vigilante, the guy was talking to HIS FRIEND. He didn’t yell out to the woman he was going to rape her. he said it to his friend.”

Yet another commenter questioned the veracity of the initial report:

“This woman is so full of sh*t. “F***ing c***, I’d take her into the back alley and show her what I’m made of. She won’t even see it coming,”

Then she woke up at 3 in the morning with a Tarratino movie blaring in her eardrums.

“What I’m made of?” – What is this, 1976? No dude says that anymore.

“I’d take her into the back alley” – As opposed to the front alley? More bullsht. If a dude would have said this, he would have said alley. period. I’d take her into the alley. “back” is not needed and wouldnt have been said

“She won’t even see it coming” – More bullsht. If the guy..er..RAPISTY MALE!…had any intentions of doing this or even talking about, he wouldnt have given a sh*t is she saw it coming. It would be even better if she did see it coming. It’s more horrifying to see something coming and know you cant do jack sh*t about it.

This doesnt pass the smell test, ladies and gentleman. Your hero is a fraud.”

[Charlotte’s note: For the record, this comment made my skin crawl.]

A female commenter wondered how common this really is, asking, “This is hard for me judge considering I’ve never been catcalled in my life. Attractive people problems?”

Then a reasonable commenter pointed out:

“Engaging in violence with strangers is insanely dangerous and nobody who has anybody that cares about them should do it… excepting self defense in the case that escape is impossible. Human beings are capable of doing catastrophic damage to each other in no time flat. The truth of the matter is that there are far too many ways that her decision could have ended badly for us to laud her as a hero. Nobody’s even mentioned the fact that if her punch is off by a few inches, she could catch the jackass in the temple and catch a murder charge. No, we’re all just caught up with how cool a big overhand left hook looks when Angelina Jolie and Bruce Willis throw them in the movies.

I’m not particularly mad at her, young people often do stupid and impulsive things, what I dislike is internet commenters acting like she’s Batman. As this goes viral, it has the potential to influence others to do the same thing and there’s no guarantee that their encounters will have the same happy viral ending.”

The problem here is not that the situation happened, although that was unfortunate. The problem is how aptly it illustrates the glaring inconsistency in how we deal with sexual violence in our society. The other day in talking with a male friend, a situation was brought up where a common female friend had expressed worry about being raped. My male friend was surprised, as he thought the situation to be innocuous. He asked me, “Why would she even think that? Do girls go around thinking about getting raped all the time??” Both the other girl present and I answered immediately, “Yes!” We have to. It’s a survival skill. I’m not saying it’s at the forefront all the time or that I always pay attention to it but yes, it’s there.

To punch or not to punch, that is the question.

In the end, Kelsey answers it herself with her most recent update on her now-removed blog:

“Due to continuing threats and comments, this account will no longer be active. I have spoken to the police about the whole ordeal and all involved have agreed that this was the best action to take. Edit: I did tell the police the entire story. I turned myself in and understand the possible legal consequences.”

What do you think – is Kelsey a hero or a misanthrope? Have you ever been catcalled or otherwise harassed on the street? How did you handle it?

 

54 Comments

  1. I think what she did was totally justifiable. I was almost raped once and wish I could go back and do what she did to the guy that hurt me, I had no idea what to do at the time though and even if I could go back I think I’d be too scared of him fighting back. I definitely admire what she did.

    • I’m so sorry you had to go through such a terrifying experience:(

    • EXCEPT she didn’t punch the guy who almost raped her. She punched a stranger that made a joke. She physically assaulted him. No one has the legal right to assault another human being just because they disagree with their statement or find it distasteful (at least in the country I live in – and the country this girl lives in, also). Furthermore, her moral compass doesn’t necessarily point due north since she felt compelled to use violence to deny a person’s freedom of expression – just because she didnt agree with the statement. If we were all to follow her example, it would mean the end of freedom of speech. Most people would be too afraid to express themselves or make a joke if they are under the constant threat of violence (as seen in many countries where freedom of speech is censored).

      I am by no means belittling your experience. I can not even begin to imagine the fear and resentment that leaves behind. I will not sit here and pretend to have a solution to rape. However, what I do know is that physically assaulting anyone who is insensitive about the subject, is not going to solve anything.

  2. I think it’s very easy from the comfort of our homes (or safely lit favorite coffee shop!) to come up with a ‘right’ answer. There are so many other factors that may have been present – or something from her past – that could justify or condemn Kelsey. What is important is what you and your friend explained: be aware, be prepared. Everyone (male, female, child, teen certainly) should take a self-defense course and be refreshed often. This brings to mind that I am guilty of not taking a refresher course and will correct that soonest! I admire her confidence, but hesitate in calling her a hero for many of the reasonable reasons as listed above.

    What isn’t being commented on in this particular account is why must that woman be drunk and walking alone in the first place?! Common sense people!!

  3. I think it was dangerous and she could have ended up getting hurt…But I can understand why she did it and I wouldn’t condemn her for it. Also, the guy who made the comment in the first place should be ashamed of himself.

  4. Britta Kallevang

    HERO!

  5. Britta Kallevang

    But then again an act of heroism isn’t usually made newsworthy by the hero herself. By disseminating it on the internet she turns her honorable triumph into a brag.

    • Good point about the Internet aspect. In her defense though I don’t think she meant it to go beyond her friends that read her blog. Of course you can’t control what happens when you put something on the Internet…

  6. Hi Charlotte – I’m a long time reader, first time commenter. Having dealt with more than my share of street harassment, I have to admit I’ve thought of punching people in the face, but my flight instincts are well intact. I think the comments on her post were more telling perhaps than the incident itself. Sigh.

    • I totally agree with you about the vivid social commentary provided by all the comments. I can’t stop reading them… And thanks for de-lurking:)

  7. Well, I live in a country with no 911 calls, so it’s a bit different than in the US and you get a pizza faster than the police or an ambulance (and then again you may not want the police involved because they are, must of the times, worst than the “bad guys”).
    One night I was walking home at night. Alone. And 2 men started following me. So I started walking faster, but they grabbed me by the arm and pushed me against a wall with no nice intentions at all. I pretended I was fainting (yo can yell for help, but nobody will do anything) and when they tried to catch me I hit one in the nose with my head and I threw a punch at the other guy. And I kept hitting them until they stopped moving (no, I didn’t kill them, is just that if you hit someone and they are still moving they’ll hit you and they’ll do it VERY angry) and then ran home. I used to live alone, so I couldn’t sleep all night, but I was glad I reacted that way and that I wasn’t a victim (I was a victim once and I hate it, so I promissed myself, never again).
    And how many times, you are in danger and you wish someone would do something to help? She did, her own way and I bet that other girl really is thinking, thank you for helping me. And that is the only important thing.
    At least that’s how I think. 🙂

    • WOW. I am so impressed with your presence of mind and self defense. I’m so sorry you had to be in such a scary situation but so glad that you came through it relatively unscathed…

  8. What if she did nothing and the guy raped that girl? Now at least he’ll think twice about being a creepy jerk in the future. I don’t think it was necessarily safe, but who knows what could have happened if she did nothing, like people on our society often do nowadays?

    • I think that’s a big part of the controversy is that no one knows what would’ve happened – and in the end that context makes all the difference. But I agree, better to act than not!

    • Then I guess at that point, instead of trying to be a “hero” she should have called 911 and let the law handle the situation. It is also kind of naive to even jump to the conclusion that just because a person made a joke, they are committed to what they are saying. I guess the next time I hear a coworker say “Ugh, I’m so upset I could kill him/her” I should notify the authorities or punch him/her in the face, right?

  9. If she really believed the girl was in danger, then good for her for punching the dude. If not, I’m not sure responding to threats of violence with actual violence is an effective deterrent.

    Unfortunately, the creep is probably an ignorant reflection of the culture he lives in. Somehow, we’ve got to raise the level of civility in our culture instead of reveling in our flouting of it.

    • THIS: “Somehow, we’ve got to raise the level of civility in our culture instead of reveling in our flouting of it.” Yes. So well said.

  10. From what I read here, the other woman did not ask for help, nor was she in any immediate danger. Therefore Kelsey wasn’t defending anyone, but just aired her own like of violence.

    Is female violence better than male violence?

    • I would say that violence is violence regardless of gender. And yes, the fact that no one really knows the man’s true intentions is one of the most muddying factors in the debate.

  11. I can’t help but want to say “brava” despite my knowledge that you really can’t go around punching people willy nilly.

    There have been times in my life when I’ve thought another woman might possibly be in danger and I’ve felt helpless, not knowing how or whether to intervene. Ever see a guy screaming at and berating his SO in public and just felt certain as soon as they got home he was going to beat the crap out of her? What do you do? What can you do?

    Or, a couple years ago, when I was new at my gym, I overheard a guy who must have been in his late 30s chatting up a 15 or 16 year old girl in the stretching area, asking her if she went to the nearby high school and saying he’d seen her there when he was helping out with the recent election (it was a polling place). It icked me out so much–there’s no reason for a guy in his 30s to ever be randomly talking to a teenaged girl he doesn’t know unless it’s to warn her she’s going to be hit by a bus if she steps off the curb–but I didn’t know what I could/should do as he hadn’t actually said anything overtly inappropriate or threatening. I think if it happened now, I’d go to one of the gym employees since I’m a regular and I know most of them, but at the time I was flummoxed.

    • This: “I overheard a guy who must have been in his late 30s chatting up a 15 or 16 year old girl in the stretching area, asking her if she went to the nearby high school and saying he’d seen her there when he was helping out with the recent election (it was a polling place).” gave me a full-body shudder. And you’re so right about how frustrating it is to not know how to help other women in potentially dangerous situations. Thanks for pointing out this side of it!

  12. Oooh. This is difficult. Intellectually I don’t feel comfortable with vigilante-ism – it leaves the most power with the strongest individuals, which almost never works out well outside a comic book. But my instinct is still to cheer a little bit when I read something like this.

    At a bar a couple of months ago, a man walked up to me and grabbed my boob. I slapped his hand away quite sharply, and when he said “Sheesh, sorry” in a not-sorry-at-all voice I said loudly “It is not okay to grope me! Touching breasts without asking is inappropriate and creepy and it makes people think you’re really weird and gross.” Or words to that effect. Unfortunately the pub was too noisy for it to be as embarrassing as I’d’ve liked, but what can you do?

    • First: “Intellectually I don’t feel comfortable with vigilante-ism – it leaves the most power with the strongest individuals, which almost never works out well outside a comic book. ” WELL SAID! And second, I’m so sorry about the bar incident but I think you handled it perfectly!

    • The big factor between your situation and the one is the article is that this guy did not grope or harass anyone at all. The woman was not in danger nor did she call for help. All the guy did was make a distasteful joke – hardly what I would consider a reason to physically assault someone. But then again, I am a civilized person and respects everyone’s freedom of expression – even if I do not agree with them. Unfortunately, I can’t expect everyone to behave the same way.

  13. I am pretty shocked by some of the comments people wrote. As a victim of violence myself I feel for the girl they were calling after! She must have been petrified!
    I am lucky to live in a small town now where I don’t have to be scared to go home at night. People here now each other and I never feel alone or scared. But I lived in big cities before and had to think about my safety and the risk of getting raped or attacked before stepping out of the door / going out for drinks / taking a taxi. I had a couple of incidents here, but I told everybody I know about it and those guys are now known as “perverts”
    Sadly, when under attack or pressure I tend to freeze rather than fly or flight 🙁 I tried taking boxing lessons but ended up getting harassed by the coach!
    I think a lot of men don’t realize how frightening it can be for women when they call out. I don’t think all of them have bad intentions but how can we know?
    In the case of that particular one making a comment about rape, a punch in the face was well deserved! While I don’t think her actions were necessarily “right” I can only applaud her courage. She could have gotten hurt really badly if those guys had turned on her.

    • “I think a lot of men don’t realize how frightening it can be for women when they call out. I don’t think all of them have bad intentions but how can we know?” I totally agree.

    • A few facts that need to be corrected or that you seem to have misunderstood as you were reading the article. They were not “calling” out to the drunk girl. It says a guy was joking to his friend across the street from a drunk girl – so she could not hear them. Also, as a victim of violence, shouldn’t you feel sympathy for the man who was physically assaulted? Also, even though you have been a victim of violence, you are applauding her behavior which is only begetting more violence. If the girl were really concerned for the drunk girl’s safety, wouldn’t it be more effective to have crossed the street, helped the drunk girl up and get her somewhere safe? Or calling the police and letting them know that there is a girl in need of assistance; or she could have lingered to make sure if the guy actually followed through after stating his joke. How is punching someone – simply because they made a distasteful joke while walking – going to solve rape? It sounds like she was just lashing out towards the topic/joke in a physically violent way. But that’s my opinion…

  14. Best idea? Probably not. But we also don’t know exactly how the situation would have played out otherwise. We don’t know if the other woman was simply annoyed, or terrified. I know if I had been the drunk women, I would have liked SOME form of help…I would probably rather that girl cross the street and walk with me than punch the guy though. Punching him is just SO dangerous. If he really were the kind of guy who would rape someone, he’s just been provoked.

    However- I think this whole controversy illustrates the problems with dealing with rape and sexual assault in our culture. The commenter who suggested she call 911? If the man were really about to rape the woman, it would have deterred him. But there would have been no consequences- the police might not even come (if the men are on the other side of the street and not currently acting out what they are saying), and if they did, I don’t think they would arrest anyone unless they physically attacked the woman.

    I think that girl was responding to the frustration so many women feel at our inability to provide consequences for the non-physical aspects of rape culture. What the men was doing was wrong. It was degrading, insulting, frightening, and it supports a culture in which the victims of rape are held to blame. Perhaps simply giving her speech to the men without the punch would have got the point across- but perhaps they would just have ignored her, or they may even have assaulted her because of it.

    So hero? No. It was an impulsive move, and there were other ways she could have tried to help the woman. But to me, this is far more understandable than a guy who punches another guy for hitting on his girlfriend or insulting him etc. (the many, many reasons why men punch each other and get away with it). This wasn’t just insults- this was insults with the treat of serious physical violence, combined with most women’s worse nightmare (getting assaulted while you are drunk, especially if you are dressed to go out, is the #1 way to get blamed for your own rape). And thanks to our culture, there was no real, meaningful way for the women to respond. So the girl reacted out of frustration and threw a punch. Not smart, but I’d rather our teenage girls threw punches than joined in the slut-shaming, or ignored it.

    • This blog post and this comment in particular stuck with me all night. Because there is that frustration that there are no consequences for the non-physical aspects of this. Perfectly worded. Perfectly frustrating.

      This morning, I had an email from my running coach warning us of a “groper” that groped a team member last night on a trail we use. Then the fact that I no longer run before work because it’s too dark and I don’t feel safe to be a lone woman running in my own town.

      And Charlotte’s male friend is surprised to realize that rape/attacks are always in the back of our minds? We may be self sufficient, brave and independent women, but we are always on alert for this s#!%!

      In what situation has cat-calling ever been a successful means to hook up with a woman? Do they really think we’ll stop, look him up and down and LIKE what we see and immediately defrock? Or is it really just about power and intimidation? The men would be shocked if that happened.

      Like others here, I just ignore the harrassment, but is that a solution? It doesn’t seem to stop it. Nicole nailed it here- we have no real, meaning to respond to it. So perhaps a sucker punch (or chasing the offender in our car!) is the answer. At least for those with the moxie to pull it off.

      • Love this comment! Especially this: “Do they really think we’ll stop, look him up and down and LIKE what we see and immediately defrock?” And thanks for backing me up with the fear always being in the back of your mind. After I published this I was like “Well, maybe I am the only one who thinks that way. I’m a little cuckoo…” 🙂

    • This: “I think that girl was responding to the frustration so many women feel at our inability to provide consequences for the non-physical aspects of rape culture. What the men was doing was wrong. It was degrading, insulting, frightening, and it supports a culture in which the victims of rape are held to blame. ” explains perfectly why this story resonated so well and so quickly with women. Thank you for the thoughtful analysis. And good point about the slut-shaming too.

  15. I absolutely hate when guys catcall. I see red and all common sense flies out the window. I’ve had to restrain myself multiple times from harassing misogynistic men – although one time I snapped. It was not my proudest moment and definitely not my smartest one, but whenever I think about it I get a sick sense of satisfaction. He was on a bike and was yelling abusive and inappropriate things at me, so I got into my car and chased him around for a little bit, trying to bump his bike with the bumper of my car (don’t worry, I never got close enough to actually hit him). I think of the fear he must have felt and GOD it feels good to know I got to one of them, and had him face the consequences for harassing women. These types of men often take pride in their misogyny, they don’t internalize the anger and fear that many women feel when they are sexually harassed. I’m glad I got him to feel something other than smug satisfaction.

    • I’m sorry but I love that you did that! I seriously laughed out loud when I read this and I totally understand why you get a sense of satisfaction from this.

    • “I’m glad I got him to feel something other than smug satisfaction.” This made me smile:)

  16. Alyssa (azusmom)

    For years I put up with harassment, catcalls, and even groping in public areas. One day I was walking up the street and a guy handing out flyers held his arm out right in front of my chest: I had to either stop and acknowledge him or keep going and let him cop a feel. But I did neither: without thinking, I grabbed his arm, twisted it, and pushed him into the side of a building. Then I kept walking.
    It’s easy to say she and I both overreacted. But when you put up with this crap every minute of every day, year after year, you get to a point where you simply cannot take it anymore. The “boys will be boys” mentality needs to be challenged. I’m not saying we all go out and punch every guy who makes a filthy remark, but I’m sick to death of the attitude that women dress solely for mens’ benefit, and therefore are responsible for whatever then happens.
    REAL men don’t harass, and they certainly don’t threaten or perpetuate rape.

    • I so so wish I could have seen you do this!! ” I’m not saying we all go out and punch every guy who makes a filthy remark, but I’m sick to death of the attitude that women dress solely for mens’ benefit, and therefore are responsible for whatever then happens.” Yes.

  17. Heroine.

    Hell, yes to punching that asshole.

    Impetuous, possibly not the smartest thing to do, also probably going to cause her legal problems out the wazoo, and all of these things lead me to say, yet again, heroine.

    Go you, lady.

  18. I’ll leave it to others to hash out whether she was right or wrong. I’m more worried about the message that her talking about sends to younger girls. What she did was dangerous. As you say Charlotte, the other guy could probably hit harder and she put herself at risk. This goes against almost all self defense tactics for women or men. You defend yourself if you have to, just enough to get away. She wasn’t the one being threatened and wasn’t defending herself. I’m more worried someone may feel empowered to take matters into their own hands with very different results. Just my opinion. 🙂

  19. The reality is there is no recourse for women (or men) that are the victim of a catcall. Calling the police would never result in a punishment. As a woman that was catcalled hundreds of times, walking from school, I quickly realized that there is no way to say or do anything to make the person stop. I have to commend her for speaking up, and risking herself to do and say something. Also, the fact that she turned herself in to the police, leads me to belive that she already knows that there will be little punishment for her actions either. We can say that violence begets violence, but our society does not do anything to stop this type of harrasment.

  20. I have definitely been street harassed. It started around when I was about 10. I remember some teenager boys yelling from across the street, when I was wearing my brownie uniform, “I love brownies, you look good enough to eat” and then licking their lips.

    I was in the boys have cooties phase, so I thought it was gross.

    The harassment became more frequent, because by age 12, I was a B-cup.

    The worst offenders usually look like it too. Now, it typically starts off like “Hey sexy (or some other thing that no one would respond to)”.
    My reactions depend on where I am and time of day:
    1. ignore
    2. say I am not interested
    3. smile and walk faster

    Typical reaction: “stupid uppity b******. Are you a lesbian? do you hate men? what, are you too good for me?” And some times they’ll delve into additional insults and curse words.

    Generally, I keep on walking, and the threats remain across the street. I haven’t had an experience where someone followed me, but plenty where people cursed me out.

    That advice of calling 911? That’s BS, my city’s police force is under-funded right now and they have made it abundantly clear they will not show up unless a crime is in progress. And preferably one with a gun. Otherwise you can log your complaint online and hope they get back to you. That would be, in my book, the least effective reaction. If you lived in my city, you’d be lucky if an intern got back to you for that complaint 5 years from now.

    I am impressed she took action, although it was dangerous. I wish I had the self confidence to think I could take on the street harrasser and win.

    And probably, even more disappointing, there is are elements of racism and colorism for street harassment: for the average black woman, it is a fact of life. And it is even worse if you are on the darker end of the spectrum. [http://www.racialicious.com/2012/07/09/street-harassment-race-a-sliding-scale/]

    If you look at many stories about why women are overweight, especially women of color, you find a lot of people used the weight as armor against unwanted attention and street harassment.

    After 20 years of street harassment, I give her a standing ovation.

    • First, I am so sorry you’ve had to endure so much of this crap! And second, thank you for bring up this point; “there is are elements of racism and colorism for street harassment: for the average black woman, it is a fact of life.” That was a very enlightening post – thanks for linking it!

  21. Uggg. What she did was technically illegal and not self-defense, and I’m hesitant to condone violence or vigilante and emotionally-charged “justice” for the same reasons we don’t let family members of victims decide the punishment for perpetrators – but at the same time, a big part of me feels like the guy deserved it and the court system doesn’t really work the way it’s supposed to.

    Then again, there’s no way for us to know how close the guy actually was to DOING something like what he described (which would warrant such action to stop the assault) and how much of what he was saying was showing off for his friend and trying to act like a tough guy. Not that it makes what he said any less tasteless. And if he HAD planned to act, I would much rather he be stopped before anything happened than after, or partway through. But we don’t know that that would have happened.

    I guess ultimately I feel like I do about someone punching those Westwood Baptist soldier-funeral protestors – you’re breaking the law and giving them (and others) a reason to dismiss you instead of confronting the actual issue and their part in it, but damned if they don’t deserve it and we haven’t all wanted to do the same thing at some point.

    • Best summary ever: “you’re breaking the law and giving them (and others) a reason to dismiss you instead of confronting the actual issue and their part in it, but damned if they don’t deserve it and we haven’t all wanted to do the same thing at some point.” You described my own conflicted feelings perfectly!

  22. I’d like to ask the women on here a question: If on the street I heard a mother threaten her small child with a severe spanking, would I be justified in walking over and slap the mother?

  23. Well, iin her situation I would have completely called the man out on what he said (and have done so for similar comments on the past. Humiliation is a powerful thing) but i think hitting him was flat out wrong. Oh I’m not denying that a part of me cheered her on when I read it, and it’s something I would *like* to do in that situation, but to me, violence like that doesn’t solve anything and you won’t change a man’s opinion or attitude by hitting him. What if a guy did that to a girl who had said something similar?? We’d be all up in arms…
    It’s not the way to change that kind of mindset or behaviour. We’ve got to find a better way.

  24. In the general sense, who doesn’t want to see the bad guy get his ass handed to him? The problem with this particular case is that she overheard something… something she might not have understood properly …and then lashed out recklessly. I don’t think she should be applauded at all. She’s a hothead.

  25. I am all in favour of a stranger stepping in to rescue someone. I was approached, as a 14 yr old at a train station, by someone who totally invaded my personal space, with the most leering attitude, and far too much physical contact. Given that this was the third time in as many days that I had seen him eyeing me off, I was knee shakingly scared.
    Then a good samaritan/guardian angel stepped in. He would have been small, late forties, and no physical threat, but he calmly stood there and said, “I don’t think the young lady is interested.” And he stood beside me. That’s all, he just stood there, with me. It was like he was telling this douche that he would bear witness to every single thing he did. Needless to say, the guy left. I was never able to thank that man. I fled to my train as soon as I could, and only regained enough composure to speak halfway through my train ride. I don’t think he’d ever realise what a difference he made to me, or the potential devastation he saved me from. But I HOPE fervently that karma is real. Because that man who stood beside me, deserves a very, very rich life.

    Is this different from punching a letch in the face? Probably. Would it mean less to the lady she defended? Never.

    • Your story gave me chills! Thank heavens for good Samaritans. I’m so glad that someone stood up and helped you!!

      • Thank you 🙂 See that’s the thing… Even tho punching the guy in the nose is maybe not the right thing, it’s intervention. What this girl did, was intervene in what could potentially have been devastating. Her method may have been unorthodox, but she intervened. So did the man who helped me. More people should intervene, in my opinion… In whatever fashion they see fit. Because people who intervene care. If people just stopped, to make sure a stranger was ok, then there would be far fewer problems.

        BTW… I love you, and you kickarse tenacity. In fact, I kinda wish you’d sort of possess my body for a few weeks, instill the habits I need to follow and then leave me to it, with possibly the occasional telling off if I deviate. You’re awesome Charlotte! Keep on bloggin!

  26. I wouldn’t have punched the guy. I’m strong for a girl, but I know I can be easily overpowered and would not risk it unless they were threatening her with more than words. Even then I would have been more likely to try to get them to back off with words and call for help on my phone. I fel pretty unprepared, now that I think of it.

    I’m whistled and cat-called at whenever I wear something nice and it doesn’t bother me much anymore. I find that most guys see any sort of reaction as a positive reaction, be it puling a face, flipping the finger, turning to look at them, or anything that shows you’ve heard them. But a few days ago something incredibly, utterly REPULSIVE happened: I was on the sidewalk, a car drove past and the driver called out all leery-like. There were kids in the car. That surprised me so I turned to look at the car as it drove away, and saw that a 10-year-old-ish boy in the backseat was watching me. When I looked after the car he got this gleeful look on his face, turned to face the front and said something to the driver. I can only imagine that he was happily reporting my look of disbelief and disgust.

    That is just so twisted. I still can’t quite believe it happened.

  27. I’m going to be one of those people who applauds her actions. Sure, vigilante justice certainly shouldn’t be encouraged, but so often people do absolutely nothing at all. As a female who is often on her own in a large city, it is good to know that there are still good guys (and gals!) out there who care about the safety and comfort of complete strangers.

    Were there better ways to handle the situation? Probably. That said, I really hope that she’s around the next time I am walking down a street alone late at night.

    • Well this relates to me cause after living in d.c for 7 years in one of the worst neighborhood’s i’ve gotten tired of watching muggers and catcallers. I’ve bought a bullet proof vest. Two steel batons, a taser and smoke pellets. I know you all might not agree with this but after fighting and training in krav maga for 5 years(a type of martial arts) i feel im ready. Let me know what you think of this idea