“Don’t Forget to Breathe!” and Other Nutty Things People Say at the Gym

Favorite Overheard Gym Conversation of the Week: 

Trainer to woman lifting heavy weights: Don’t forget to breathe!

Woman: Is that even possible? Has anyone ever actually stopped breathing on you?

Trainer: Well…

Woman: One of these days I’m going to faint just to freak you out.

Trainer: You can faint on command? That right there freaks me out.

Second Favorite Gym Conversation of the Week:

Boxing Instructor to me taking my first real boxing class (BTW, at Lifetime Fitness and it was SO FUN! I am having the time of my life trying out all their programs! I’m doing MMA on Monday!) : Oh you’ll be fine in this class! You know how to punch, right? Duck and weave?

Me: Assume I don’t know anything.

BI: I assume you know how to… Hammertime! (At which point he turned on MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” and did a pretty decent hammer dance.]

Me: Well played, sir, well played.

Also, in the same class:

Fellow student: Hey, it’s your first time! You’re doing great!

Me: Really?

FS: Um, no. That’s possibly the worst speed bag I have ever seen. (FYI: He was right. I could not figure that thing out!!)

Me: Even for a first-timer?

FS: Yeah. That was hard to watch.

Me: Yeah?

FS: Yeah. It’s okay though! You’re doing great!

Favorite Conversation With a Child:

Son #1 handing me something at the grocery store: Look mom! You should totally get this!!

Me, absentmindedly: What is it, honey?

Son #1: It says it’s a “push-up bra”! And you love to do push-ups!!

Me: Wrong kind of push-up!

Son #1: Well, what kind of push-up is this bra talking about then?

Me: Ah… nevermind. It’s a gym bra. You’re right.

Anyone else overhear a funny convo in the gym this week? What’s the funniest conversation you’ve been a part of this week? Have you ever tried the speed bag??

If you’re missing a real post, other stuff I’ve written lately:

Fitness:

Resisted Stretching: Train Like an Olympic Athlete Resistance stretching uses tension on the muscle while it’s in an elongated position, not just when it’s being contracted like in typical weight lifting.

Stretching for Strength: 8 simple moves you can do in your living room. Now you know the why, here’s the how! Try the resisted stretching workout developed for Shape.com by the talented Michael Schiemer of Frugal Fitness.

Sweating in Spanx: Is athletic shapewear a good idea? Funny story: apparently Spanx actually makes an activewear line and they kindly sent me a few pieces to try out after reading my article! LOVE the pants! So comfy and flattering.

The Best Athletic Shapewear That Really Works

*And don’t forget: You can still enter to win $500 of sweet Under Armour gear for the low low price of one comment!

Parenting

Real Moms Share: Baby Name Disasters “My wife’s grandmother would come up with her own name for our kids, and even after they were born would-for several months-continue to call them the name SHE had chosen.”

Top 12 Hilarious Tips for Moms-To-Be New mom and hilarious writer Leslie Goldman and I teamed up for this one and cracked ourselves up! Tip #12. Ask your friends invasive questions in public: “Did you really brush your teeth? Really?? Let me smell your breath!” Ask them about their underwear next.

Rosie Pope Live-Tweeted Her Baby’s Birth: Would You? I think you all probably know what I would do, er, did;)

End-of-Year Teacher Gifts: Aaaagghhhh! I recently spent an hour in the store working myself into a frenzy trying to figure out who we needed thank-you gifts for, what to get them, how much to spend, how to deliver them (kids cannot be trusted with a box of chocolates on the bus) and how to get my kids to write that heartfelt card. I’m probably overthinking this. In the end, it made me feel anything but thankful-and that’s a shame.

5 Healthy Foods for Instant Energy 550+ comments on this one and I have to say I’m a little mystified as to why it’s so popular. Not that I’m not awesome but… Eh, whatever, I’ll roll with it!

Top 10 Things Not to Say to a Woman Without Kids

Top 5 Worst Lunch Foods for Kids

Should Children Be Kicked Off Airplanes for Being “Unruly”? A 3-year-old was kicked off a flight for laying crosswise in his seat so that his seatbelt was across his neck. The stewardess said she was afraid the kid would strangle himself with it. Seriously??

Are School Nurses Really Necessary? According to budget cuts the answer is no, apparently.

Are Dads Discriminated Against in Parenting Media? There was one stay-at-home dad in our playgroup. He was awesome. He baked homemade gluten-free cookies when it was his turn for Snack. He could kiss a boo-boo, dress his daughter and do her hair, commiserate over nap schedules, and analyze a fever with the best of us mommies. As for the fact that he was a man; I’m embarrassed to admit that we barely noticed he was a dude at all. He became just like one of the girls—and we treated him that way. Oops.

 

24 Comments

  1. Alyssa (azusmom)

    You have the best experiences at the gym!!!! Seriously, no trainer of mine ever did the Hammer Dance!
    I constantly remind my clients to breathe because, well, they often hold their breathe. And while I’ve yet to have one faint on me (knock wood), a few have become pretty lightheaded.
    Today my son asked me to read him a book. When I finished, he took it and said “Good reading!”
    I was flattered.
    I also dropped both kids of at their grandparents’ house before I left for work. At first there was no one else there. I realized I had to move my car so my in-laws could get in the garage, and was outside doing so for, honestly, about 65 seconds. By the time I came back in my son was lounging on the couch with a lollipop and my daughter was eating a muffin. Make yourselves at home, kids!

  2. OOOh I would love it if trainers would do Hammertime. I think you and your gym buddies should do Ellen’s “dance dare” at the gym (you dance behind people unbeknownst to them) and send them the video clips.

    Anyway, yes, the first conversation is frequent at my gym, too. If I am doing ab/core exercises, like planks, or lifting super heavy, I often hold my breath till I get through it. Don’t ask why, but I do!! My trainer says a lot of people do!!

  3. I too am jealous of your hammertime 🙂

    Lately our instructor who was away to have a baby is back, and there’s a lot of random family banter in class. I have a harder time working as hard now that she is no longer pregnant 🙂 It’s rediculous I know, but I used to feel like I couldn’t let the pregnant woman kick my ass!

  4. Haha, ok I must admit that I always say “don’t forget to breathe”!! Every client I have seems to hold their breath when they lift weights, so I’m trying to teach them proper breathing patterns 😉

  5. Maybe better than saying “don’t forget to breathe” which is ridiculous at best and irritating/distracting at worst saying “use your breathing” is a good quick prompt for helpful breathing patterns.

    What gets me is the manufacturer’s warning signs on the gym equipment all seem to say “breathe normally”….really? Have you equipment sign makers ever really used your equipment because you’d see that if you are doing any remotely close to “work” your breathing has to change! I notice that line every time I am in there!

  6. hahahahahaha Awesome. I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago and Nick Tumminello took a few minutes from his presentation to stop and say how stupid the phrase “dont forget to breathe” is.

    Last night I heard two guys in a coffee shop discussing a video game they’re designing. One of their girlfriends came in and they described the plot to her as “the Civil War meets Romeo and Juliet”. I can only imagine.

  7. There are more ridiculous conversations at the gym than there are anywhere else. Try and workout near the “powerlifting” guys wearing wresting shoes and fanny packs that do one rep and then walk around the gym for 15 minutes to “recover” and you could write a damn book. But the ones that get me are when you hear people talking about how wasted they got the night before or are planning on getting that night. Perfect and productive gym talk, no?

  8. Lauren @ short circuit workout

    Too funny…I train an 86 year old who would get very faint when she was finished with an exercise and I counted how many times in a set of 10 reps she took a breath, 1x…so I now have her count out loud which forces her to exhale after each rep. Id be scared if someone actually passed out on me too! Lol!

  9. I think the best way to phrase it is: Remember to breathe through your lifts.

    My mentor is usually a pretty serious guy, but after I sent him this video clip he did an amazing job of imitating the “bicep curl” bit that occurs at the 1:45 mark:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-lcO_UNDRs&list=PLA28DC447FE6571BF&index=13&feature=plpp_video

  10. Love it! I just became a yoga instructor and I say “remember to breathe” all the time! People have a tendency to hold their breath when going into postures, but I agree, it does sound silly!

  11. When I first started doing exercise DVDs I would always find I was holding my breath whenever the instructor reminded me to breathe! All that concentration I suppose.

  12. I always hold my breath when lifting heavy or boxing, I am yet to faint, but I find it helpful to get a reminder.
    Funny conversations though!

  13. Too funny at the gym! I go when few are around so I miss a lot of this – not sure that is a bad thing! 😉

    I took that kickboxing class way back when & did use a speed bag – hard stuff & with the kick boxing – bruised calves!

    The push-up bra story is too funny!!!! LOVE!

  14. “Last night I heard two guys in a coffee shop discussing a video game they’re designing. One of their girlfriends came in and they described the plot to her as “the Civil War meets Romeo and Juliet”. I can only imagine.”

    haha

  15. It’s not quite as funny as yours, but,

    After finishing her first climbing wall session yesterday, both I and my 4 year old girl were a little tired (I’d been bouldering between her wall climbing) and as we were putting her shoes back on, I was being a little curt with her and getting frustrated with the speed of things.

    She looked calmly into my eyes and said, ‘are you a bit tired daddy?’, to which I could only smile and wonder whilst replying, ‘yes chicken, why do you ask?’.
    ‘Because your being a bit grumpy with me, but that’s ok’!

    I hope this line of understanding continues…

    All the best,
    George

  16. Hahaha, 12 tips for moms-to-be = HILAREOUS. And true.

  17. “don’t forget to breathe!” is a legitimate piece of advice for me! The other day I had to quit halfway through my squats track at body pump because the room wouldn’t stop spinning. So really I just need to focus on breathing correctly.

  18. hahaha … so funny! what was needed in the gym, people can be excited again after hearing the joke

  19. Well, I’m being the killjoy here, yet while people “don’t forget to breathe”, those that hold their breath while lifting are legion.

  20. Pingback:Ten Things You Should Never Say At The Gym | The Great Fitness Experiment

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  23. At least I could kind of understand the “remember to breathe” thing at the gym, since people tend to tense up and hold their breath while exercising….but I work with this incredibly odd woman who chants that to herself throughout the day (we work in a very low key & stress-free office!)

    She also tells us that her doctor has told her to laugh 8 times a day. REALLY?! Who would even think of counting something like that? This is the same woman who refers to everything as a “standard operating procedure” and probably needs instructions for how to get dressed in the morning. She’s now begun to label everything on her desk with elaborate neon posterboard cutouts – including one with her own name written on it, that’s positioned facing herself. On Friday she randomly told a co-worker that she can relate to how stressed celebrities must feel when walking down the red carpet. She said “they just need to remember to breathe”. There must be some sort of obsessive & delusional mental disorder at work here. Just wanted to share my “remember to breathe” story – I was cracking up when I saw the title of this post!