You Know You’re a Fitness Nerd If… [My top 20 list!]

…if “dressing up” means wearing your silver Nikes.

Anyone who’s ever done weighted hip thrusts while having a serious conversation or watched two guys arm wrestle over the last jar of Pure Protein knows: Fitness is funny. The things we say, the things we do, and heaven help us, the things we WEAR. Every once in a while I take a step back and look at what I’m actually doing and it makes me giggle. So this weekend while I was laying on the floor doing my mandatory sets of butt clenches (excuse me, glute contractions) in the middle of the crowded gym, I came up with this list. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!

You know you’re a fitness nerd if:

1. You carry goggles, gloves, a jump rope and a change of clothes in your car at all times… and you’re not a serial killer.

2. You’ve ever spent time running around a playground… without chasing a toddler.

3. “Wardrobe malfunction” means that you got pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)

4. You can say “That’s a great a snatch!” without a trace of irony. (See also: “That’s a great rack!”)

5. You’ve ever made a meal out of jerky, trail mix and the smashed remains of a Larabar… and you weren’t stranded in the wilderness.

6. Your heart rate monitor watch accessorizes all your outfits. (Also: if you’ve ever worn the strap just to see how high your heart rate really gets during those PTA meetings.)

7. You have more LBCs (little black capris) than you do LBDs (little black dresses).

8. Someone ever said to you, “Man, Fran was the WOD and I was in zone 5 thanks to the AMRAP thrusters*” and you a) didn’t assume they were working in counter terrorism and b) answered “Yeah those kippers are the worst. I had DOMS for days!”

9. You know and can explain the difference between P90X and Insanity. (What, Shaun T is black?!)

10. You can name the BPM (beats per minute) of any pop song.

11. Your purse is stuffed with little baggies of (healthy) snacks… and you’re not a pothead.

12. Your socks come labeled with “L” and “R”… and your mom didn’t write them on with permanent marker. (Although that’s tots cool if she did. Moms are smart.)

13. Your underwear is specially designed to wick moisture away, dry quickly and hide wet spots… and you’re not a potty training toddler in a pull-up.

14. You’ve ever spent a sick amount of money on a bra designed to squish your boobs down into a flat indistinguishable lump… instead of a miracle bust-boosting cleavage-creating bra.

15. You have a story about a gnarly bike/running/lifting accident with the scar to prove it… and it didn’t happen when you were a kid.

16. You break every song into chunks of eight counts.

17.  You have an opinion about whey versus soy versus egg protein powders.

18. You can name 20 variations on the push-up… and do five every time you go to the bathroom. Even if it’s a public bathroom.

19. You’ve ever started a sentence with “Well mice aren’t humans but still the research is very convincing….”

20. You’ve ever ended a sentence by singing “Girl look at that body! Ahhh, I work out!”

Come on, I know you guys have some awesome ones to add to my list! Finish this sentence, you know you’re a fitness geek if…

Do you ever look at yourself working out and just want to laugh sometimes?

*For you smart alecks: I know that the thrusters in Fran are numbered, not as many reps as possible. It just made the sentence funnier and when it comes to fact vs. funny, I always err on the side of humor. Which may be a problem. We’ll discuss that later.

47 Comments

  1. … when your main impetus for doing laundry is that you’re out of clean gym clothes, as opposed to underwear or socks. That’d be me, only like every week!

  2. Did he really do that? I mean the picture… That’s funny! :))

  3. ooh see? IM NOT!!! 🙂

    • Not even #20?! For some reason I can totally see you rocking out to LMFAO. Or maybe that’s just how you live in my mind? 😉

  4. 19/20 – yup, I’m a fitness nerd (and proud of it! 🙂 ).

  5. I’m a total nerd. Too funny! Thanks for the laugh this Monday morning.

    As for underwear…I’m still on the lookout for the best one out there!

  6. When you schedule appointments and hair washes around your work outs.
    When your the only one at a party not drinking because booze will decrease your performance by 20% and your not training for anything.

    Thanks for a good laugh!

  7. * When you know your best 5k run time, 100y swim PR, and max bike speed but have to do the math to remember how old you are

    * When you don’t see the point of things like jewelry and flowers when that money could be better spent on race fees and running shoes

    * You upload your daily workout data without fail but can’t seem to remember to floss.

    • I love them all! You’re on a roll! Maybe you should do a post of your own… *hint*;)

  8. The L and R socks kill me. Especially when I get to the gym and realize I’ve paired two Ls together.

    My additions to the list are:

    1.) You can discuss the differences between P90X and Insanity even though you’ve never done either one. In fact, you feel like you know a lot about various workouts–Bikram yoga, Callanetics, Crossfit–that you’ve never done just because you read so many other people’s fitness blogs.

    2.) Even though you have a job that requires you to leave the house and you’re not a trainer, your laundry still consists of 80% gym clothes.

    3.) The temptation to leave your Bodymedia Fit on at all times is strong because, hey, who *doesn’t* want to know how many calories they burn during sex?

    4.) You’re flexing in 75% of the photos of yourself you have saved.

  9. Love this list! (And I’m totally with malevolent andrea (great name!) on #1. I am queen of having opinions on things I know nothing about based on 2nd hand information).

    Let’s see, we’re on a road trip, so fitness nerdisms that come to mind are:

    You can’t just enjoy a breathtaking view of a scenic landscape without scanning for hiking, running, or bike trails and you feel annoyed if there aren’t any, even if you’ve already worked out;

    You evaluate rest stops not based on cleanliness or safety or cost, but on whether you can get something remotely health to snack on and knock out a few pushups or lunges or burpees without getting whisked off to a mental facility.

  10. When your Christmas stockings and Easter baskets are filled with new jump-ropes, stretchy bands and lifting gloves.

  11. Hmmm, well I have to say that the majority of those listed don’t apply to me…but probably because for most of my life my “fitness” routine has been biking, hiking of skiing, without exercise classes, DVDs, heart rate monitors or even gyms…but give me 5 more years and I might get there!

    Anyway, mine is: You can’t see a mountain without trying to figure out if you could hike up it- and how long the hike would take.

  12. Love this. My additions for being a tri-nerd and race-nerd:
    -You make all your other social plans around what race/training you’re doing on the weekend (sorry folks, racing Sunday, can’t go out with you Saturday night, but let’s meet up for Sunday champagne brunch…).
    -You have a full laundry basket of workout clothes between you and your spouse every week.
    -The stuff in the kitchen is all healthy, but you have a bunch of pure sugar and junk food reserved for long rides/runs.
    -Your bikes are cleaned more often than your kitchen
    -Spandex is your right AND your privilege 🙂
    -You have race numbers instead of pictures on your fridge
    -Your alarm is set for earlier on the weekend than the weekdays during the spring and summer.
    -Packing for a week vacation takes less time and you take less than packing for a 3 hour out-of-town triathlon overnight.
    -You do more before work than most people do all week.

    ….man I can go on forever. Might have to use this for a post if you don’t mind. 🙂

    • Alyssa (azusmom)

      Love these!

    • OMG love your list. You have described my life to a T. Like, I once left a friend’s Halloween party early because I had a half-marathon the next day. We were teased about it, but come on, I really wanted to break 1:45 and I can’t do that while hungover and tired!

  13. My own personal nerdism: I take my kettlebells with me on car trips and do swings at rest stops.

  14. Side effects of a life of dance – when there is music playing I cannot count past 8. I automatically start over at 1.

    The other day I kept hearing this strange noise and finally realized that my interval timer was buried in my purse and going off. All.Day.Long.

  15. Great list!! Here are some more:

    You find yourself doing Zumba moves to music playing in the stores
    You plan vacations based on how much hiking is nearby
    Your wish lists consist of all fitness related products
    You always buy workout clothes when you go clothes shopping – whether you need some or not

    • I’ve done Zumba moves in the car to amuse my hubby and my child, lol. I also get the urge to do them on the treadmill if a song comes on!! The workout clothes is totally me, too!!!

    • “Your wish lists consist of all fitness related products”

      Yep, that’s totally me.

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  17. This is hilarious, and makes me feel like a freak 😉

  18. Just too friggin funny and YES, I do resemble many of those!!! I can add that every get together has to have a conversation about health, fitness weight lifting or many of the other myriad subjects along with challenging people to a push-up contest! 😉

  19. So so funny! Thanks for the Monday laugh…
    My fitness nerd moment is a yogi lovin’ one: You are prepared with 2 towels and a change of clothes after hot yoga. Girl learned after the first time. That s**t is HOT! 🙂

  20. Alyssa (azusmom)

    Ah yes, I see myself in many of these.

    If your favorite TV shows are infomercials for fitness programs.

    You get REALLY excited when the UPS guy shows up with the brand new pedometer you ordered from Amazon. The one you can plug into your computer that tracks all your steps, activities, creates an average for you, washes the dishes, and babysits the kids. (OK, not yet, but someday…)

    You’d rather get a gift card from Lululemon than a string of pearls or a diamond.

    The only shoe shopping you do (other than for the kids) is for new athletic shoes.

  21. LMFAO is our personal Crossfit song.

    BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME.

  22. Bahahah this list is awesome! Totally cracking up as I’m sharing this with others 🙂

  23. Love this post Charlotte!

    – When you scoff at the cost of a decent used car but a $5,000 mountain bike seems very reasonable.

    – When you become a cynosure about pull up bars and weight benches.

    – When your closet is filled with foot ware and none of it would match anything beyond shorts and a T-shirt.

    – When you’re at a party and someone asks you what you think about diet, program or fitness fad X and your closest friends roll their eyes before quickly changing the subject to something less emotionally charged like race, religion or politics.

  24. I am embarrassed by how much I love that LMFAO song. I love it as much as I loved “Fergilicous” (another fitness-themed song I was embarrassed to love).

    Ways in which I am a fitness nerd:
    – I own multiple books about weight training, running, sports history and sports psychology
    – My favorite outfits consist of Lycra and wicking materials
    – I tons of shoes but most of them are athletic shoes
    – I often have wet hair because I chose running/working out over a session with the blow dryer
    – I think of food in terms of protein, carbs and fats (and I don’t freak out about eating any of them)
    – I beam with pride when trainers point to me as an example of good lifting form.

    I could probably do this all day long if you let me. 🙂

  25. When you own more running shoes than high heels.

    You own more athletic clothes than casual clothes.

    Your MIL comes to visit and uses your microfiber sweat towels (which are clearly in a separate pile from regular face towels) as a face towel and you don’t have the heart to tell her that you normally use that to wipe sweat during spin class.

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