…if “dressing up” means wearing your silver Nikes.
Anyone who’s ever done weighted hip thrusts while having a serious conversation or watched two guys arm wrestle over the last jar of Pure Protein knows: Fitness is funny. The things we say, the things we do, and heaven help us, the things we WEAR. Every once in a while I take a step back and look at what I’m actually doing and it makes me giggle. So this weekend while I was laying on the floor doing my mandatory sets of butt clenches (excuse me, glute contractions) in the middle of the crowded gym, I came up with this list. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!
You know you’re a fitness nerd if:
1. You carry goggles, gloves, a jump rope and a change of clothes in your car at all times… and you’re not a serial killer.
2. You’ve ever spent time running around a playground… without chasing a toddler.
3. “Wardrobe malfunction” means that you got pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)
4. You can say “That’s a great a snatch!” without a trace of irony. (See also: “That’s a great rack!”)
5. You’ve ever made a meal out of jerky, trail mix and the smashed remains of a Larabar… and you weren’t stranded in the wilderness.
6. Your heart rate monitor watch accessorizes all your outfits. (Also: if you’ve ever worn the strap just to see how high your heart rate really gets during those PTA meetings.)
7. You have more LBCs (little black capris) than you do LBDs (little black dresses).
8. Someone ever said to you, “Man, Fran was the WOD and I was in zone 5 thanks to the AMRAP thrusters*” and you a) didn’t assume they were working in counter terrorism and b) answered “Yeah those kippers are the worst. I had DOMS for days!”
9. You know and can explain the difference between P90X and Insanity. (What, Shaun T is black?!)
10. You can name the BPM (beats per minute) of any pop song.
11. Your purse is stuffed with little baggies of (healthy) snacks… and you’re not a pothead.
12. Your socks come labeled with “L” and “R”… and your mom didn’t write them on with permanent marker. (Although that’s tots cool if she did. Moms are smart.)
13. Your underwear is specially designed to wick moisture away, dry quickly and hide wet spots… and you’re not a potty training toddler in a pull-up.
14. You’ve ever spent a sick amount of money on a bra designed to squish your boobs down into a flat indistinguishable lump… instead of a miracle bust-boosting cleavage-creating bra.
15. You have a story about a gnarly bike/running/lifting accident with the scar to prove it… and it didn’t happen when you were a kid.
16. You break every song into chunks of eight counts.
17. You have an opinion about whey versus soy versus egg protein powders.
18. You can name 20 variations on the push-up… and do five every time you go to the bathroom. Even if it’s a public bathroom.
19. You’ve ever started a sentence with “Well mice aren’t humans but still the research is very convincing….”
20. You’ve ever ended a sentence by singing “Girl look at that body! Ahhh, I work out!”
Come on, I know you guys have some awesome ones to add to my list! Finish this sentence, you know you’re a fitness geek if…
Do you ever look at yourself working out and just want to laugh sometimes?
*For you smart alecks: I know that the thrusters in Fran are numbered, not as many reps as possible. It just made the sentence funnier and when it comes to fact vs. funny, I always err on the side of humor. Which may be a problem. We’ll discuss that later.