Actually, she’s wearing white pants and as anyone knows you can’t have your period and wear white pants at the same time. Or ride white horses. Or play tennis in a white tennis dress. I’m guessing she’s the girl whose babysitter showed her Jaws at age 5.
“Hormonal” is not generally seen as a compliment. And yet, I’ll be honest, I am. Some girls seem hardly affected by the monthly ebb and flow of the Crimson Tide but me… well, let’s just say that ancient cultures would have worshiped me because of how obviously I follow the lunar cycle. Sure I get all the usual PMS crap like cravings (for like two weeks, so basically half the month I’m fighting sugar), bloating, moodiness and cramps. But I have some weirder symptoms. It took me until I was 30 to realize that the day before the Crimson Tide flows in that I have a serious “everybody hates me” day. And I mean serious. I cry to my husband that I have no friends. I tell my sister how nobody cares about me. Then I go on Facebook and cry over statuses as benign as “had eggs for breakfast – thanks for the recipe Jill!” because clearly Jill is sending out recipes to everyone but me which probably means they’re all having brunch right now and nobody invited me. The next day, without fail, Aunt Rosie comes a-knocking and I want to smack myself. It’s gotten so bad that I actually have a calendar alarm set up to remind me not to send any ill-advised e-mails for those couple of days.
The problem is that it all feels so very real. Even though it happens every month or so. (My cycle isn’t super regular which adds a whole other level of difficulty to this puzzle!)
But the most interesting symptom I have is a hormone-induced stupor. For 20 days of the month I am a writing machine, coming up with posts, working on my book, doing research, conducting interviews and enjoying every second of it. (Eh, mostly.) But then something happens to my brain and I go into this mental fog. Everything is hazy. Writing feels impossibly hard. Heck, even calling the store to order my son’s birthday cake (no, I’m not making it – hush, do you not remember what happens when I bake?!) feels insurmountable. Parent-teacher conference? I have a 3rd child? It’s not flip-flop weather?! Wha…?? I can’t remember a dang thing. It’s like depression, a stroke and a Baldwin family reunion all in one.
So what do I do? I work 10 times harder because now it takes me 10 times as long to get anything done. This necessitates staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. to finish tasks that ought to be simple but feel like eating peanuts with chopsticks. The lack of sleep then necessitates OD’ing on sugar and dark chocolate to keep moving. Then I feel compelled to hide all my crazy feelings because I know they’re crazy and I don’t want to vent my spleen all over people which turns me into an emotional volcano. That only erupts inwards. (What does “venting one’s spleen” even mean?! Weirdest idiom ever. And second grossest visual.) And the best part is that it happens about every 30 days! Yippee!
Basically everything sucks for those 10 days but then all is happy hyper-achiever again. It’s a weird roller coaster. A friend recently asked me if I’m bipolar. I was like, “No, just bimenstrual. Which might be the same thing.” I was relating this to my sister and bemoaning my hormonal fate when she said something profound. “Maybe your period is trying to tell you something.”
“Excuse me? I am not on speaking terms with Mother ‘you want to complain about fair, I’ll show you Somalia’ Nature.”
“Well you should start talking to her again. Because I think she’s smarter than you think.”
“How can she be smart when she makes my life absolutely miserable for 1/3 of every month??”
“Maybe she’s not trying to make you miserable. Maybe she’s trying to make you rest.” I harrumphed while she finished. “You are so go-go-go all the time so maybe your body is telling you that it needs to rest. Mentally and physically. You’d probably be happier if you just stopped fighting it and took a nap.”
Well, huh. My little Earth Mother sister might be onto something. Historically in many cultures women were given a break during That Special Time. While sometimes women were just forbidden from cooking or having sex or doing other “wifely duties”, many cultures gave a special power to a “moontime” and gave women extra space and reverence. But either way women were generally expected to be different during their periods. It was normal to not be your normal self.
This is a far cry from what is expected today. We’re free to make jokes about Shark Week or Chocolate Bloodletting or whatever but aside from Middle School gym class we’re absolutely not allowed to use it as a legitimate excuse. PMS is seen as a weakness, something that needs to be fixed, covered up or ignored – a disease even. Every time I talk about my horrible hormones I have a few people tell me to try the new birth control pills aimed at PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, i.e. the PMS from hell), like Yaz or Yazmin. I’m definitely not opposed to pills and if these help you then I couldn’t be happier for you. (Truly: I’m not trying to tell anyone that they shouldn’t take these pills or that they’re bad.) But when I went to my doctor and she gave me a prescription for Yaz, I never ended up filling it. The side effects felt too scary and I already have an IUD for birth control so the risk wasn’t worth it for me. And I’m not going to lie: there was an element of not wanting to pathologize something that is completely normal. Just like we’ve forgotten what real boobs look like (hint: they don’t always point straight forward), society has given us amnesia about what unmedicated hormones do. They fluctuate. And that fluctuation has effects.
Periods can be indicators of so much more than fatigue. If you lose your period it could be because you’ve over-exercised (ahem), dropped your body fat too low (learned that lesson), have an underactive thyroid, are overly stressed or even have cancer. If your period is irregular it can be a sign of fibroids, nutritional deficiencies, stress and (again) cancer. If your period is excessively heavy then you could possibly have polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, are overly stressed or (you saw this one coming) cancer. Us ladies are fine-tuned machines and perhaps our menstrual cycles are the canaries in the coal mines.
In the end, I can believe my body tries to slow me down once a month. Heaven knows I need it. But I still hate the inconvenience, the mess, the cramps and especially the brain fog. I also hate how it feels trying to live in a society that expects women to be on a perfectly even keel 365 days a year. Where’s Beyonce when I need her??
Have you ever felt like your period was trying to tell you something? What other normal female (or male!) things has society pathologized? Do you do anything special or different during your Card Game Where All the Suits Are Red? Should I rethink Yaz/Yazmin??
P.S. Thanks to some previous tips from you guys, I’ve started taking a magnesium supplement and I think it’s helped a ton with the cramps. I do 250mg a day until the week before my period then I up it to 500.
for more of my crazy antics and uncomfortable over-shares!
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
So much of this is familiar (of course!
). And it keeps changing: which, interestingly, has made me wonder over the past few days (seriously, I was thinking about this yesterday!) that maybe Aunt Flo is giving me signals.
I’m currently in the throes of PMS: cranky, bloaty, pimply, and all the other dwarves are settling in. This morning I decided to skip my yoga class. I REALLY needed to rest, and my elbow is out of joint (again. A sure sign that I’ve been subbing too many pilates classes). I eventually decided to not only skip working out entirely today, but to go ahead and eat that chocolate cookie. All 3 of them.
It’s That Time of the Month, and I’m taking full advantage!
I get super duper dizzy. It’s actually the most annoying 4 days of the month. I end up sitting in my office feeling nauseated from being so dizzy, it’s absolutely terrible. I almost wish I had worse cramps, and no dizziness, because at least I can help cramps with advil, I have no idea how to cure dizziness (more water, etc. doesn’t help).
The 2-3 days before, I just eat all the chocolate in the world, and watch terrible rom-coms (which I usually hate). :/
I don’t think I’d recommend Yaz/Yazmin. I took Yazmin for about 7 years, and it really messed with my mood (my anxiety is infinitely better since going off), but also, both are linked to blood clots, and a bunch of other heart issues (though cancer was not mentioned…). I personally don’t think that risk is worth it.
Your sister is right, just be more kind to yourself (which is really a good motto for life broadly as well…).
Your body is definitely good at telling you when to rest. If you ignore it long enough, sometimes it will force you to rest against your will. I find that during the first day or two I have to spend a good amount of time sitting down or resting or else I start feeling like I have the flu. (And I know it isn’t TSS because it happens without fail the first day of my period whether I use tampons or pads.) So maybe you – and the old cultures – are onto something and we should be allowed to take some rest once a month.
Casey Kay recently posted..Ollie The Owl
My cycle and I are NOT on good speaking terms. Since high school I’ve had periods that lasted up to 6 months at a time, ranging from light to extremely heavy depending on the day/week, accompanied by horrible cramps. My cervical exams have been fine, and most doctors have told me “it’s stress” (I’d like to “stress” them right in the face!) My sister apparently developed this problem in the last year and had to start birth control, so it looks like I’m going to have to cave. I don’t want to though – I already have an IUD and the weight gain risk freaks me out. =(
I have no advice, really, just a thank you for bringing this up. It’d be only fair to cut us some slack and not expect business as usual at a time when, in my case, the only thing I’m capable of is a gentle rocking motion and eating ice cream. I’ve made a point of letting people (even my male friends, whether they like it or not) know what’s going on because really, being teary and feverish and absurdly greedy for a week, cramping horribly for three days and bleeding for 7-8 is enough to deal with without having to hide the reason I want to bite everyone’s head off. I wish I dared take magnesium but I’m still worried that an overdose of it might have kickstarted my hypothyroidism (the only upside of which: no period). Thanks for the excuse to vent my, um, ovaries.
I don’t have any useful advice, but taking magnesium pills and a so called ‘micro pill’ (lower dose of hormones, almost zero side effects) has made my periods at least a litlle easier. I still get PMS and cramps, but they used to be much worse when I was a teen.
Thank goodness for my understanding husband, who cuts me some slack when my hormones go crazy.
Just curious, what’s the #1 grossest visual of all?
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Back in tthe olden days women did not use anything special to catch their flow, so they just bled through their skirts.
I have recently come off the pill and am back in touch with my natural cycle. The week after my period im super cheerful, very energetic and my sex drive is through the roof. I then even out for a while til the week before my period when i get sore boobs, a crankier mood and a low sex drive. After being kept at the same hormonal level for so long by the pill, im really enjoying the super positive week of the red-ruled-roller-coaster. For me it outweighs PMS week.
Yes! It’s trying to tell you to look after yourself and stopping running round like a headless chook. I was on juliet pill and took ponstan prescription tablets at that time of the month for 10 years because I had such bad periods. I would throw up from the nausea and literally crawl into a ball and cry. I can tell you now the thing that helped mine most was going plant based. I know it’s a tough area for you and don’t want to push you into restricting but all I can say is that eating a whole foods, low fat, plant based diet has made my periods SO MUCH better. I don’t want to gross you out but they’re quicker and less painful…. instead of being 7 days of agony it’s 1 maybe 2 days of heavy flow with uncomfortable but not enough to take painkillers achy cramps and then 2-3 days of really really light flow with no pain at all.
I hope you find some relief!
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Aunty Flow stopped visiting me a couple of years ago, so now I’m free to be a cranky bitch (or not) whenever I want. Wheee, I’m free, I’m free!
If I remember my historical misinformation correctly, it was once thought that we were ruled by our body “humours”, and our spleens were held responsible for producing whatever it was that made us bad-tempered.
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Not on the pill myself – it made me feel SO nuts emotionally. So I asked my yoga teacher (another earth mother) about PMS stuff, and she said something similar- that basically your period is really hard on your body too, so to take a little time. Take a nap, sleep in 15 minutes late, pamper yourself really. You’d treat it differently right before and after a hard race, so kind of do the same thing at your period. She also said that the foods they say to avoid because of bloat (like salt, caffeine and bready starchy foods) can also make emotional roller coasters worse, for what that’s worth. (And Midol has a lot of caffeine in it – not sure about the others).
I get that “everybody hates me day” thing too! Courtesy of the pill, I barely have any other symptoms, but the day before my period or sometimes on the first day, I feel deeply sad and dissatisfied with myself. It sucks.
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Alrighty then
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I get more emotional the day before my period. I have to remind myself of this before I send off e-mails (because man, can I get defensive)! The other thing is I want M&M’s. Must have M&M’s!
I’m lucky, my period only lasts 2 days, so if I’m tired or feeling lazy- that’s just fine!
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Hmmm…I’m pretty lucky. The odd month on the day or two before I’ll get cramps or a bit sensitive, but most months I just get rediculous hunger cravings. I’ve been on the pill for over 13 years now and so things are so nicely mapped out and regulated…makes it easier to know what’s what. Having irregular cycles would be really frustrating for me. I’m glad I don’t to deal with it…I sympathize with you though – I had a roommate in college who was pretty much PMS bipolar…it did not look like fun. Every month was a new batch of crazy followed by regret and apology. I’ll stick to my occasional bag of cheezies
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I think sometimes our period might be trying to tell us something, but in some cases it might not be what we think. Before I had my ablation (my period is now virtually absent, although the PMS is quite present!), in addition to sobbing “the world hates me” hormones I’d also get 48 hours of carnage where I was in the bathroom every hour at minimum, and up several times during the night just to change things over. I was fortunate that my workplace didn’t blink when I spent that much time in the bathroom every month. There are some jobs where I literally couldn’t have functioned in that capacity, and many of those jobs don’t give sick days. It could have had severe financial repercussions for me.
I couldn’t take the pill because it exacerbated the “woe is me!” phase of PMS (I’m wonky that way, apparently), and I’m just grateful that I have health insurance so I was able to get the matter taken care of when I, at long last, switched to a GYN who recognized that things were a teensy bit out of hand. Bless that woman.
So sometimes your period might be telling you to find another doctor. That, in the final analysis, is what mine was shouting
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Ah, hormones. Sometimes they’re spiteful little buggers. I totally have the over-sensitive, someone-broke-my-shell, weepy moments often in the days leading up to Shark Week. It’s worse if I’ve been eating like crap or drinking too much.
I have noticed if my exercise levels are up, and my diet is optimal, that I have far less discomfort during my period. Shorter period, less cramps, fewer aches. I guess (purely guesswork) that it’s because my nutrient levels are better suited to prevent problems (maybe naturally higher in minerals like magnesium?), and that my muscles are in better shape to deal with potential problems.
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I barely remember how my normal cycle was, having been on birth control pills for so long. I did love Yaz when I was on it and I think it got a bad rap for the same issues all pills have but if it’s not right for you then don’t take it. It’s interesting though, a coworker was just telling me about her issues feeling all foggy too. And I know I get the everyone hates me thing when I’m PMSing, even on bcp. Not that I’d know anything about that at the moment. The pill I’m on gives me really light, irregular periods and I haven’t had one in almost 2 months. Why is it that not getting your period is as annoying as getting it?
Maybe you should give the Pill a go? You never know. If you have bad side effects you can always stop taking it! I have endometriosis and went on the pill for a while. My doctor said she didn’t know why people made such fuss about the pill – sure its putting hormones in the body artificially but those hormones just simulate natural hormones that would be produced in say pregnancy. Years ago, it would have been fairly unusual for people to put their bodies through repeated periods and the hassle it brings because they would have spent a fair amount of their reproductive years pregnant. Just a thought. I’m now on the Depo and have no periods. Bliss.
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Ha! I love that picture — it reminds me of my vacation with my husband to Israel (a five day layover en route to see his parents in Albania for 2 weeks). We took a day trip to Masada and the Dead Sea from Jerusalem and even though it was January and like 50 degrees in Jerusalem it was around 85 at the Dead Sea because of the elevation and such. I had my period so I stood around fully dressed (I DID change into flip flops, however) while my husband frolicked in the salt water with like 40 Russian tourists…
But anyway, regarding PMS… yeah, I totally lose my edge for the week right before my period (and sometimes for 2 weeks before) but I begin to feel normal again as soon as my period starts, so I actually prefer the week of my period to the week leading up to it. And YES! There is usually a day — and YES usually the day RIGHT before my period starts — when I feel all lonely and self-pitying and tragic.
Interesting idea about “listening” to your cycle… I never considered that there may be some larger meaning behind my irritated, tired, absent-minded bloat, but maybe… at the very least, it gives me an easy excuse for being short-tempered and unreasonable
I used to like being on the pill because I knew exactly when my period is coming, but…honestly, I always know now because two things happen: 1. I feel fat and think I look awful in everything and; 2. Everybody pisses me off.
When I start thinking…you know, I’m really sick of his/her shit or…I really can’t stand him/her..or why the hell did I ever marry him? I look at the calendar and count back & go …oh…right. OK.
Angry and fat. Totally accurate indication that Aunt Flow is coming to visit.
I wrote about it on my blog today…and I can’t wait to see what my husband thinks of this when I get home. LOL.
http://atouchofcass.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/just-write-15-now-thats-love/
For years my husband would say impatiently, “You get like this every month.” And I would snarl “Oh no I don’t! Don’t you dare say ‘whatever was upsetting me’ is due to pms.” Then a day or two later the sun would come out and all was rosy. I guess it’s part of being feminine and that’s what I wish I could have known before I crossed to the other side of the Red Sea. At 56 I’d give an awful lot for just a little bit of fluctuating hormone…sigh.
I so identify with this! I however have worse symptoms from ovulation than PMS! The days before and during ovulation I loose my mind, get insanely bloated, and am beyond irritable. It seems to resolve itself a few days later and the actual PMS symptoms are nothing in comparison. I too get the “everybody hates me” feeling. That is how I always know that my period is about to start!
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When I had it it told me that I hated it & it was a pain in the arse! It also led me to carbs & yelling!
Now, who knows as it came & went & came & went & came & went for almost a year & came back & now gone again – I hate hormones!
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skeptigirl–In the olden days, women used rags
It bothers me that menopause is treated like an illness. When did aging become pathological? As for my period, the DivaCup has changed my life.
Thanks for reminding us to be kind to ourselves. I definitely agree, women on their periods get treated like they have a terrible disease, and that is really unfair, since it’s a perfectly natural thing.
Sometimes, when I’m on my period, I go home early. I’m in grad school and I’m a bit more flexible with my work schedule, so I can do that. I go home, put on comfy pants and plunk down on the couch with hot tea. And yes, I’ll probably treat myself to a whole row of silly TV shows on hulu
and I indulge in copious amounts of expensive dark chocolate.
Btw, the week *after* my period is when I hate the world. I hate all of it, and all the people in it and I can be pretty awful. I always try to remind myself that it’s ok to hate everything, because I know it’ll be gone within one week of the end of my period. I started journaling to vent my feelings so that I don’t accidentally say wrong things to the people I love.
Try transdermal magnesium oil — you’ll get more mag in your system without the risk of the runs. You can put some on a gauze pad at night and use some medical paper tape to tape it to the soles of your feet. You’ll absorb it better that way. I know it sounds crazy but cut open a clove of garlic and rub up the sole of your foot — see how long it takes for you to taste garlic! When your hormones start fluttering, put some mag oil in a dish pan and put your feet in it. Just takes enough to cover your arches not your whole foot. Got cramps — put mag oil on a wash cloth, put it on your tummy and top it off with a heating pad. works on your back too. You can also use castor oil to relieve cramps — use it the same way but use a ratty old wash cloth that you’ll never use again — castor oil is thick and doesn’t wash out.
I’ve tried a lot of mag oils (trust me — some of them are no-so-good!) and my favorite by far is from Global Light Network (www.globallight.net). Stick with the oil vs. the gel — it’s more potent. Magnesium is so important for so many things in our bodies and most of us don’t get enough. I’ll bet your mom was low in it too — and we pass those deficiencies from generation to generation.
In the meantime — while you’re enjoying a good 20 minute footsoak — try reading The Red Tent. I think our frayed social fabric has unraveled a lot of our safety nets as women. It’s a good book but have a good-sized box of Kleenex ready if you read it any time near “the zone”.
BTW — I’ve noticed, now that I’m almost done with this whole bleed every month thing — that whatever my emotional state is going into the zone, my hormones just ramp it up to the power of 10. If I’m in a great, happy, relaxed place — ow, cramp….and everything is okay. If I’m stressed — I’m sharp, mean, and brutally honest. If I’m already dark and brooding, I become a shrew from the 8th layer of hell and anything anyone says is fair game for removing their testicles….with a dull, rusty knife….slowly….with words that will cut to the depths of someone’s soul. But other than that —
And, whoever came up with that “Have a Happy Period” campaign can bite me no matter what my DefCon rating is!
Try the mag oil. Seriously!!
I am praying for early menopause. About my period… What’s worse? The horrible cramps that wake me up in the middle of the night? The days of negativity beforehand? The days of brain fog and lethargy during my cycle? The fact that it’s completely irregular? The pill just made me worse…I actually felt kinda psycho on it, not to mention bloated like a whale…so I live with three to five days of hell each month. I’m starting to get hot flashes so maybe “the change” isn’t too far away!
I am going to say that they can tell you… a lot
I actually was malnourished from a really young age and my insides never fully developed… Which, due to improper eating of my own accord later on, I didn’t find out about until I was 20… I had to go on progesterone. Now I don’t have to take it to get a period (apparently the fake hormones helped to revive my period… first fake, then slowly become real) and while I can’t say I love that time that happens about every couple of months for me I do know that I have to take care of myself to get it.
It’s a sign of health. It’s a sign that you’re able to have children… which even though I’ve never had children – when I heard that I would probably not be able to (they weren’t sure if the progesterone would work) it still made me sad.
I think sometimes in this whole “women are equal to men” movement, we forget that yes… we might be equal, but YES we are different.
Why hide those differences? Aren’t we, by hiding them, saying that they are a weakness that necessitates hiding?
//ramble
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I get what you get too – however, luckily (sorry), mine only lasts a day or 2 at most. I need major amounts of red meat, and crave chocolate (totally stereotypical but so true). I’m pretty much dragging myself around doped up on aleve wishing I could just curl up and die and not think.
While exercise helps in the moment (sometimes), it doesn’t do anything long term and I usually just take it as a rest day, or at least, do something mellow like the elliptical.
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I would wholeheartedly second KDA’s DIvaCup recommendation…but don’t use one with an IUD! I was told it was okay to use a cup…until it dislodged my IUD and I had to go to an after-hours emergency clinic to get it removed. My ob/gyn called at “learning experience.” What a fiasco.
Many years ago, when I commented on how tired I get on my period, an ob/gyn nurse gave me a couple recommendations (not based on my specific health, just general “good for anybody” type of suggestions): vitamin B6, 50 mg every day; and vitamin B12, 1000 mcg per week. They made the world of difference. I also add a glass of tomato juice on day one (an old habit from my childhood to resist dehydration in the desert; I was always told it was for the potassium but I don’t know if that’s the only thing that makes it work). At this point it may be just a placebo for me, but it makes me feel rejuvenated.
I almost forgot, one more thing: “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. A good read.
This post had me giggling. The brain fog can be so bad that I will be in the middle of a sentence and totally lose what I was going to say. Example, “The other day I was going to go to the……uuhhhhhhh….hmmm. No idea what I was going to say!” LOL
ABSOLUTELY YES! This has really been the major factor in managing my (however mild) PCOS. Since I choose not to use hormonal pharmaceuticals (I used to. And the side effects were traumatic, even long–years–after I stopped taking them), I have to listen to what my cycle is telling me every month. I take my temperatures every morning and monitor other “fertility” signs. Even though I’m not looking to get pregnant, this helps keep me in tune with what is going on in my body. For example, several tests I had last year told me I had high DHEA/DHEAS, high estrogen, low 17-OH progesterone, low cortisol, imbalanced FSH/LSH, and normal everything else. This isn’t exactly textbook PCOS stats, so I have to look at my issues differently. My OBGYN had no real answers for me, but my holistic doctor explained that one cause of my androgen dominance could be that my adrenals were overcompensating for the lack of cortisol with overproduction of DHEA/DHEAS. In turn, the imbalance in my adrenals was leading to an imbalance in my reproductive system, making my periods heavy and irregular. He suggestion a number of dietary changes to manage blood sugar, cutting gluten, and regular weight-bearing exercise.
Now I had done consistent exercise in the past, which lead to no improvement in my problems. But I had never done consistent weight-bearing exercise in tandem in these dietary changes until the last few months. And like magic, the month I started working out 2+ days per week in addition to low-gluten, managed-carbohydrate diet, I ovulated on day 15 (compared to day 19), and got my next period on day 28. Same happened the next month. And so far it looks to be that way for this month as well. And I have NEVER EVER before this year had cycles that short or regular, nor periods that light. I even had a period with absolutely no cramps–another feat.
Great information here- i wanted to add that many of my patients benefit greatly from chiropractic adjustments. Often when your lower spine is working overtime during your cycle, the muscles are screaming. My patients come in and find that they can cope much better when they get adjusted.
http://www.sherwoodchiropracticcenter.com
Thanks
Dr. C
I like this so much. This is exactly how I am! I laughed so hard I was crying. Bc I don’t feel “crazy” all month long, I forget what it is that makes me this way. (hormones) thank u for this post,
Jen.
Oh you all have made my day! I feel like im not an alien. Mine is bad the week before my period and I know it so i try not to voice my anger and keep reminding myself that I am just being over sensitive. oh and add a full moon and lord watch out but that’s another story. Also I always have “blonde moments” but do seem more during that week. My poor Bf I told him to write it on the calendar to not piss me off that week.lol I am currently on yaz well generic bc yaz is too crazy expensive and still have crazy week mode. I try to control cravings when I can, and well I hate to work out but hate the love handle more but it completely make sense the whole relax and body telling u more just which it wasn’t so persistent. I was possibly looking for some over the counter to help w mood. But for right I may have to work on taking more care of myself that week and up the vitamins. But thank you all for reminding me this is normal and maybe plan a spa day for me that week and a golf outting for the Bf for dealing w me that week Hehe.
Before i recently pegged the PMS emotional stuff to why i was always so teary, I litterally thought I was going crazy. I’d get mad and sad and start to cry at the stupidest things or the tiniest comments–even blowing some friendships horribly, but when I go “I sooooo didn’t mean that! I was PMSing,” nobody except the boys take that excuse. The girls think “You don’t get THAT emotional–you’re just a b****” When THEY don’t get that and I did…now I know to warn my friends a week before so it doesn’t look like an afterthought to cover the damages.
I don’t do tearful, I get hateful and vengeful and want to be quite nasty … in fact sometimes I am when it’s a really bad month! Oddly the day it arrives, I feel a surge of happiness and optimism that cannot be matched and could adopt fluffy bunnies and kittens and love everyone But once it hits and for the next few days, I feel like Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” and want to do damage to everyone and everything. I still firmly believe that if men had this, the world be either be an awful place with more wars and destruction, or there would have been a cure for PMS by now … and yes it is that time of the month dear!
Thanks for posting a well thought out piece on this topic! I completely agree when you mention “not wanting to pathologize something that is completely normal” by taking birth control pills like Yaz or an anti-depressant to manage PMS. Our society medicalizes natural female processes such as child birth, birth control, and the hormonal fluctuations of menopause. I do not think we should take altering our bodies with pharmaceuticals and hormones so lightly as we don’t know the long term effect. On that note, I’m pleased to hear you are using a natural remedy, magnesium to help! I once heard chocolate contains magnesium, which acts as a muscle relaxant and soothes cramps. Enjoy that chocolate!
Thank you so much for writting this article. It really helped me to remember to listen to my body. I am not a freak for being super tired or emotional during my period. Even though I am 26 years old and have had it for a while, this article has finally helped me to see that I am not alone in the hormona fluctuation. This was a breath of fresh air to read. Yes society has made us forget and even though I am a feminist I do feel feminism has made it so that we are ashamed to have PMS or anything else biological that is deemed as “weak.” Thanks again so much. Next month I will def not kick myself in the ass for missing that work out and calling myself lazy. I will say my body can’t handle this right now and that is ok.
You guys are so lucky that ur periods are light and birth control works for u.
Since I was 11 and up to now 29 I have all the symptoms and they are the maximum strength. Cramps are off the charts in the pain level 800 Mg of moltrin doesn’t barely touch the pain, moods are every where depression, bloating, fatigue , sleeplessness, pimples, my flow is like niagra falls x10 and im so irregular i never know when im gonna have it. it gives me no warnings until its to late and im stuck some where without pertection. I’ve been on every pill u imagine and none worked to help, and top it off I have IBS (google it) and they make meds for that and none seem to help with that also.
First of all, thank you for writing this article and thank you other ladies for posting, too. I think it’s important that women band together and support each other in this and not make it so taboo. We are the ones suffering after all, so the last thing we need is for us to feel worse about “being pms”. Secondly, I love that most of you wrote, we need to take it easy on those days. We always feel we have to be “super women” and it’s just not realistic. We can simply be “women” some days, too, and that is just perfect. To some of the women out there that have bad cramps and bleeding, I can tell you something that works. It’s hard at first, but it’s worth it and it works. Reduce the amount of sugar and alcohol intake, and increase the exercise. Do what you can. You can’t go cold turkey, but I can tell you this, it really works. It doesn’t help with the mood swings, I’m afraid, but it helps with the actual period part. As for my PPMD, I want to scream, cry, quit my job, divorce my husband, move to a deserted island and ram my car into anyone that cuts me off. It’s bad. Then a few days later, I’m happy as a lark. I’m not exactly sure why my husband puts up with me, but thankfully he does. OH, and the brain fog…Let’s just say the fog is REALLY dense. I’m that way today. I had to tell my business partner, “okay, it’s here, just talk me through everything slowly and like I’m a small child!”. Otherwise, I swear I won’t get it. (Usually I’m very quick, but for a couple days, I make molasses look fast.). Anyway, if anyone has any natural remedies for severe PMS, I’m all ears!!!
I am so glad you wrote this post. I thought I was the only one who went through this so crazily at the age of 30. Since about 23 I have had the worst PMS like you described but no one I know seems to have it like I do. I get really moody, depressed, obsessive, a lot of self hate talk goes on and i think my world is falling apart. I make really bad decisions during that time. I argue with those close to me and pretty much almost ruin my life every month during that time. The symptoms last about 2 weeks and then its like a fog has lifted as you said and I become normal again and i can’t believe I said and done some of things I do during that time. I’m just on my last day of my red days now and the fog has just lifted but during the last couple of weeks i have been all over the place. Obsessiveness and self hate for me are the worst elements of it for me. I usually end up calling and texting an ex or guy i like over and over and over again or self hating – saying negative things to myself over and over and over. Its absolutely horrible. Like you I spend the rest of the month running around at 100mph and actually in control so I find it very hard to deal with. For 2 weeks of every month I am completely lost and just a little crazy. Really wish I new the answer because it has actually caused me to ruin relationships and even meant I have had to take time out of work sometimes because its been so bad. I try to make sure I keep exercising, socialising and taking vitamins during that time as these are the only things that I have found help to reduce the effects of PMS as they kind of shake my mind into control a little and remind me that its PMS time and its just my hormones but its hard to get out of the depressive / crazy state and actually exercise, socialise and take vitamins. I also try to remember while going through the red to take it easy on myself but this i fail at every time. But reading this post I think your sister really has a point about taking it easy during that time but for 2 weeks?? That is not possible in the modern world but I will certainly try to incorporate more rest during that time. Most months I only manage to exercise, socialise and take vitamins on the last two days, by then its too late the damage has already been done over the last two weeks at which point I just feel completely embarrassed for all the craziness I’ve inflicted. Been to the doctors about it and yes they just say its stress or take pills but I get side effects from the contraceptive pills I’ve tried in the past. The last one i tried made me have a period for months on end and made no difference to the PMS so I gave up on medicating it that way but if anyone knows the cure for this thing I am all ears too!
This is a totally fascinating post. I’ve noticed over the years as things change in my life, and I change, so does my period. And I don’t just mean from a, well I’m so stressed and my period has now disappeared, but also my PMS (pre and post) are very different at different times. I agree that your period can definitely be telling you something. And like we say when it comes to excersing/eating/everything else, it is REALLY IMPORTANT to listen to your body. So why don’t we when it comes to our monhly visits from Aunt Flow?
Very interesting. Thanks for posting.
Yes, thank you so much for posting this. Woke with lower tummy cramp so bad this morning I could barely move let alone walk. Put a teaspoon of the magnesium citrate I now use in a bottle of water, drank the whole thing over about 15mins, went back to sleep about 45mins and had no cramp since. It is a life changer. If someone had told me earlier how we women deplete Magnesium faster than men if we drink alcohol, coffee, etc, I might have passed high school calculus!
Magnesium powder has been a life changer for me. I used to get killer lower tummy cramps, bloating, incredibly painful leg/thigh aches and pains, and almost none of that now. Just had the tears today though. Its “the world is going to end” feeling. Embarrassing as I end up crying, but don’t want to go back to my room as it feels too lonely, so shed silent tears in cafes across Asia, the US, whereever. Kinda nuts. Had some Dong Kuai this morning and that doesn’t seem to have helped. Had a hot chocolate half and hour ago and it seems to have helped! Already take tons of vitamins. From all I’ve read we only absorb around 1% of VitB tablets. There is a spray we can get which ups it to around 50%, or apparently getting more acidopholis helps us absorb all better when our digestive bacteria are better. Actually, I was doing really well when I made the homemade Yoghurt set you can get (no sugar) and ate about 4-6 huge tablespoons full each morning. Felt strengthening. Maybe thats what I’m missing now. As I write I’m getting cravings for yoghurt and kimchi or natto (all have acidophilis) which are short supply here in Cambodia. Will have to find out what the local ladies take. Yes, ….there is so much Ancient Wisdom we need to bring ourselves back to.
And no, I’ve never medicated. What I do value is being totally in touch with my true emotions, which I feel also keeps me in touch with my spirit, intuition, path, inner knowing,…I’ve dreamed things often which happened later in life. While I don’t yet know how to control any of this, I at least value these messages about when I’m on the right path for my place in the world….even with the teary days along the way,…where I let go of all sadness I hold about things I see in the world I walked past in such a rush on the other days of the month?……
Maybe these times are supposed to teach us to remember love (romantic, for people in need) which we might otherwise forget if we just powered around all the time. Is this not the beauty of the feminine? To allow in? Including the sadness.
Okay, feeling a bit better from having written this. I usually find cathartic expression helps when I’m shattered in these tears at this time of the month! At high school I would paint dark black and red pictures!
I hope my advice will be able to help some of you. I’ve dealt with all the above for….let’s see… 26 years now. (Wow – that makes me feel soooo old!). I have been diagnosed with endometriosis, which is probably responsible for much of the pain, but the rest is just the hormones (damn them!). However, I’ve read everything possible about PMS (PMT as it used to be), and now PMDD, and here’s what I’ve learned:
1. You really are what you eat. Many foods, and particularly highly-processed ones, affect our hormones. If you try to eat a diet that includes as much fresh fruit and veg as possible, has as little caffeine and sugar as possible, avoids toxins and additives as much as possible, and includes things like ‘good’ (omega 3 & 6) oils and kale, it will help. Also try to eat organic foods (fewer toxins).
2. Caffeine *really* contributes to my breast pain. It’s very very hard to balance not drinking caffiene with staying awake, because I also get insomnia for a week before my period, but I do my best to stick to tea, and NO COFFEE.
3. Our bodies need oils for our hormones to stay balanced. I take starflower oil for 2 weeks before my period.
4. Supplements can be good – and are much better than drugs – I also take 100mg vitamin B6, and dong quai for my 2 PMS weeks, and I think they help.
5. Exercise will raise your serotonin levels and make you feel better, no matter how bad your mood. Don’t skip yoga when you’re pre-menstrual! Maybe try doing some restorative poses instead of an intense ashtanga practice
6. Try to honour your body’s tiredness and sleep more than usual. (I wish I could do this – but see insonmia, above. Not yet found a cure for that one!)
7. Many people have food intolerances that can make PMS worse. I feel much better since cutting out wheat, and I my period pain’s much reduced from compared with when I used to be in agony for 4 hours before passing out.
8. When you crave sugar, it’s because your blood sugar levels are unstable. If you then go for a cake or chocolate or something very sweet, your blood sugar will recover, then go high, then you’ll crash again. That’s why you get a cycle-thing going of craving when you’re pre-menstrual. The solution is to eat small, balanced meals – and make sure you eat every 2 or 3 hours, to keep your blood sugar levels more even.
9. Stress will make PMS worse, but none of us can avoid that, so try to find some coping mechanisms, like breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation, to reduce the effect stress has on your body.
I hope I don’t sound too preachy – I’m just trying to share some things that have worked for me, because I know how utterly debilitating PMS can be. I still have bad months, but on the whole my symptoms are far less intense than they used to be. I still get that one day immediately before my period when I want to cry in a corner because nobody loves me(!) but I tend to recognise it for what it is, look at myself objectively, put on my sensible hat and point out to myself how silly I’m being, and that these are phantom emotions that will be gone tomorrow
I might try magnesium – that’s one I’ve not ventured into yet. Thanks for the tip!
Beth
I have the exact same, “everyone hates me” problem. My boyfriend knows my period is coming when he hears it starting. I was having 15 day long periods and went through 9 gynos in Taiwan before finding one who gave me a hormone regulator – not birth control. What a difference!
I wish daily that we could go back to making menstration time, sacred time – and frequently mention that women should be alloted 2-3 sick days a month to deal with the horror movie scenario that befalls us on our period.
Thank you so much for your piece.
My period is definitely telling me that something is wrong. I was on the pill for a brief stint, but when I graduated I was booted from my mom’s insurance and the job I have now has no affordable options. Anway, I will say that when I was on the pill my flow was so so so much ligther and the pain was much much less intense. Now, things are pretty much back to normal (which is really not normal at all) with the pain, the heavy flow, the vomiting, the missed days from work, the fatigue, and the general achiness. Le sigh.
I am trying to naturally “cure” myself with different exercises and by taking a fistful of supplements and vitamins with the hope that I will eventually find the right combination and be able to take fewer NSAIDS during that time of the month. On top of the vitamins, I probably go through about 24 Aleve tablets just to manage the pain during the 5 to 7 days of my period.
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Girl, I have MAD respect for this blog. I’ve had people roll their eyes right in my face when I try to tell them I’m trying to stop crying or stand up or walk faster, but my symptoms are so bad that I cannot control them. The only person who has take it seriously is my ex-boyfriend. He’s lived through it. I have a profound respect for women that go through Shark Week at a 9-5 job. I wonder if I was drawn into a creative profession because I feel unreliable since the first days before shark week, I can get so upset and people take me seriously although I ask them not to. I’m an actress in Los Angeles, but I feel like all my moments of being “emotional” or a “cry baby” when I’m off screen come during this time. I’ll start crying and want to stop and know I’m fine and there’s no point, I can’t stop. I have awful cramps and headaches and crave sugar like crazy. I’ve tried three different types of birth control, and I feel like my hormones get immune to them because after 4 months, my cramps and mood swings are worst than before. what can I do? I think exercise is the only thing that helps.
Thank you for such a honest article. I love it, I typed into Google, what is it about my period that makes my brain go crazy, and this is the first thing that popped up. lol. I don’t feel less crazy, but I do feel less guilty. I will use this article to show hubby that its not just me
. I try to hard to control myself because its hard to explain why I want to punch you in your face one minute, then the next i’m crying because I love you so much. ugh. did you ever find anything that’s helped?
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Hey there,
I started my “time of the woman” when I was 11 yrs old. From the very start, it never came on a regular schedule. It would be every other month or so, for just a few days. Or every 6 months for 8 days! Then as I got older, I was too busy working 3 jobs to really care that I had actually gone almost a year and a half without a cycle!! I’ve talked with several drs. Told them I knew it wasn’t normal. But they never offered answers. They always made a comment about possibly stress or due to my weight. Which is a whole other thing! I’ve always kept busy and loved dancing and sports. Yet I have a hard time losing weight! I’ve had my thyroid checked, blood work, etc. Yet everything they said, was ok. Every time I now try to go see the dr (gyno) they won’t even do a check up, cause they say since I’m a virgin (which shocks them cause I’m now 27)…. They always tell me “it’s probably stress and your weight. Once you loose the weight, you should be fine and it will become regular!”
Umm, no… Like I said, I’m 27! This isn’t normal. I should not go a yr without a cycle. Ya know?? Does anyone have this problem?
I’d appreciate any and all advice! Thank you!
Hi Krystal! I’m NOT a doctor but based on the little info you provided it sounds like you definitely need to find a doc who will listen to you. Read up on polycystic ovarian syndrome and see if that fits your symptoms – it’s a start?
Thank you. I actually have almost all those symptoms!
Arggg I would just like to say, THANKS…. xD I know when my visit is coming but never the exact day ;-; Perfect example was today… I had a rough cut off in a relationship, usually it make me upset, but this time… I was devastated…I just couldn’t keep anything in…I was sooo depressed I wanted to commit. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been diagnosed with depression… But thats under control! So when this day/week comes… I just go into a mental insanity. it’s horrible! Long story short… after a long very hard day, aunt flow arrived…and I feel so much better and relaxed… So after my breakdown I thought to see if anyone else has these episodes…. of pure depression…and Reading your artical was fun xD…
thank you so much for relating to us all ;-; I really agree that we need this day or week of rest argg.
Thank you!
Kels (18yr old – just thought i’d mention age idk ;-;)