My Quest For Body Confidence [Belly Dancing Mini-Experiment!]

I never thought I’d say this but this is one Experiment that we definitely needed push-up bras for! Hard to “shimmy” when you’ve got a high-impact sports bra on! (Also: to the commenter who asked me several posts ago if I match my sports bra to my activity, here’s your answer!)

You know those women who you just can’t take your eyes off when they move? They may not be the most beautiful person in the room nor the most talented – although sometimes they’re all that too – but there’s just something about the way they inhabit their skin that is so magnetic. Yeah, that’s not me. I have spent most of my life being awkward to the point of pain and most of the time I have no idea where my limbs are in relation to the rest of me, as evidenced by my many varied bruises.

This innate awkwardness is bad enough in real life but it shows up on film even worse. Because I’m always waiting for it to betray me at the worst possible moment, I end up being very unconfident in my body. And I also think that this obvious lack of self confidence is a big reason why I ended up in an abusive relationship in college and was sexually assaulted. People who aren’t confident in themselves are more easily manipulated and controlled and looking back I can see that now with painful clarity. Needles to say I’ve spent a good portion of my life wishing that I were otherwise and so I’ve gleaned a few things about how to learn body confidence for those of us who weren’t born with it.

1. Fake it ’till you make it. Smiling even when I’m nervous is a big one. Research has shown that smiling, even for no apparent reason, can make you feel happier. And happy people radiate confidence. (Plus smiling makes you look younger and more trustworthy, useful for those times when you want to rob a Hello Kitty store.)

2. Posture is everything. Learning to tuck my chin back (but not so much that I have double chins) and up, rolling my shoulders back and down and tucking my pelvis so that my back is not arched makes a big difference in how confident I am. Standing with good posture makes me feel taller, prettier (that hip tuck does wonders for flattening your tummy!) and stronger.

3. Sexy is not in the eye of the beholder but in the mind of the behold-ee (yeah, that’s super catchy. Still working on it.) Not that everyone needs to or even wants to be sexy all the time but it took me a long time to realize that a lot of being seen as sexy is knowing that you are. Whether this is a catch-22 or a paradigm shift for me totally depends on the day.

4. Try new things. Sure you might suck! But you also never know what you’ll be good at!

It was with all this in mind that I asked (read: begged) my friend Lindsey to teach me how to belly dance. Over the years I’ve heard so many great things about how it’s a great female bonding experience, it’s fun, it’s a good workout and it can help you become more comfortable with your body and all it’s quirks. (Although now that I’ve typed that out I realize that I also just described shopping for prom dresses.) And today I finally got to live out this dream for a belly dancing mini-experiment. It did not disappoint.

Lindsey started out by telling us a little about the history of belly dancing. Apparently it is a form of dance that has been around since the 14th century and has been used both as old-fashioned stripping and as a way for women to bond with each other apart from the male gaze. Obviously we were focusing more on the latter definition. Then we moved on to the different moves at which point I discovered that I can’t body roll to save my life. Here’s Lindsey demo’ing what it should look like:

Isn’t she beautiful? Gym Buddies Megan and Daria picked it up quickly while I did a version that looked like a cross between The Robot and a cat coughing up a hairball. I’m working on it.

Then Lindsey taught us a little routine. Here it is! (Note: don’t expect much out of the rest of us as this was our first time even attempting belly dancing but Lindsey is sure fun to watch! Check out her head isolations. It’s “Walk like an Egyptian” but without the giant hair and hoop earrings.

Clearly the ululating at the end was our fave part! You know you want to try it now!

So how did it stack up? As a workout it was a lot of fun and provided some good cardio. The warm up had us all breathing hard and pulling off our sweatshirts (see, there’s the stripping element!). And holding my arms up that long really burned in my shoulders. It wasn’t super intense but then it’s not supposed to be. As a girl-bonding experience it was a freaking riot! We laughed so hard and I think we were all able to let go and dance in a less inhibited way than if we’d had men present or an audience. And did it give me more body confidence? I can see how it would, if I kept at it. Unfortunately one class isn’t enough to undo years of programming but I really enjoyed it and would jump at the chance to try it again.

Also, the jingly hip thingie is awesome and I want one so bad. It made me feel sexier just tying it on. I would wear that thing everywhere! (P.S. my white sport socks make this outfit.)

Have you ever tried belly dancing? How body confident are you? Do you have any tips for me on increasing body confidence?

21 Comments

  1. Belly dancing was one of my favorite things for a couple of years–
    took a Raqs Sharqi (traditional dances as opposed to Tribal/Fusion) class,
    performed a few times, even.

    I love the control it takes to really be good at bellydancing–
    I loved how balanced and centered it made me feel.
    It’s kinda like yoga but with jingly bits on your hips.

    (One of my favorite Tribal dancers is Rachel Brice:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO_ze4DYtzU&feature=related

    Her control is *phenomenal*.)

  2. I took a belly dance class in college (10 weeks). The teacher makes all the difference. My instructor cared more about telling us where she was performing and talking to one of the frequent students than to actually teach a class. She taught us one move (the butt shimmy), and then basically said “do what I do” and the class basically flailed around. I’m still a bit bitter about the class, since a cable pub access channel in Armenian taught me more about Belly Dance than my instructor. Arm articulations are fun! And can be applied to hip hop!

    Ah, but I still want to be a belly dancer! It was on the back burner for a few years, but a few months ago I rented a few belly dance dvds and am giving it a go again. It’s one of those things you definitely gotta do with friends, because who else is going to appreciate how cute your butt looks in a shimmy belt? It’s like magic, no matter what your body type/shape/condition.

    You and the GB looked awesome!

  3. Love this!! We just bought the You Shape Fitness Evolve (or whatever the title is) for the xbox and I’m LOVING trying the Destination Bollywood and Latin Dance in the privacy of my home! I can giggle all I want at the crazy woman on the screen who looks like she’s having some sort of seizure without reservation. I just don’t have the body-confidence to attempt dance classes live. Hoping this helps. It’s fun and more work than I realized. Years ago, when I started taking aqua classes at a community center, there was a belly dance class at the same time. Their bodies were (frankly) not getting toned at all (not sure what they were doing in class all that time!!), BUT they were clearly having such a blast and grew more and more inner-sparkly as the weeks went by that we were all jealous!

  4. Yes, I took a belly dance class. I really liked it and think that it looks great if you are really good at it. Makes you feel more feminime! I would love to pick it up again to really learn it.

  5. This is so neat, Charlotte! I love it! Yes, belly dancing can be traced back to the 14th Century BC… but the women probably weren’t dancing to Beyonce/Shakira, huh?? haha I love it! I had so much fun! Thanks for letting me come in and revisit my belly dancing days! You ladies are a blast!

  6. Belly dancing is one of those things I’ve long thought I would like to try, though like you I don’t have the body confidence. I share your awkward, clutzy pain. Looks like you guys had lots of fun though!

  7. I dated a woman who was quite accomplished at Middle Eastern dance! She was quite fit, fun to watch, and was almost able to teach me some of the moves 🙂

    PS When I use Google Chrome rather than IE7 to visit your site, all the navigation struggles have disappeared! Who knew?

  8. I love belly dance! Not so much as an intense workout, but more of a way to have fun and loosen up. I love that belly dance is one of those places where having an extra pound or two actually makes you look better than the super skinny girls. Curvy girls, unite!

    And I know what you mean about the jingly belt. You can get them really cheap on Amazon and they make the experience extra fun.

    And I love Rachel Brice, too! She is stunningly beautiful and her control is amazing!

  9. I’ve done a cardio video that had belly dance elements, but never actual belly dancing. I’d be interested, as would my 4yo who is very good at isolating and oddly undulating parts of her body LOL
    Every time I’ve thought that I had body confidence down, I see a video of myself and think “geez, that’s what I look like!?” I have had terrible posture since I started growing taller than my friends ~11yo. And apparently, when I concentrate on standing up straight, I need to also concentrate on smiling, otherwise I do weird, mean looking things with my face.
    If you discover any more secrets to banishing innate awkwardness, be sure to share!

  10. I LOVE LOVE LOVE bellydance. I’ve been missing it while I’ve been in school. It’s the main thing I look forward to getting back to once I am done my thesis and have some spare time. I’m glad you guys had a blast trying it. I found it gave me a lot of confidence and coordination I didn’t have befor eI started (and I learned how to balance a sword on my head…meep!)
    Our instructor offered a fitness bellydance class and it was a good solid workout…there are some bellydance fitness DVDs I’ve picked up and they really put your through the paces…

    It’s so much fun and you just feel sexy doing it. Plus hipscarves and costumes? Hello? How is that not he best extra ever? 🙂

  11. I love belly dancing! I used to take a class at the studio I was teaching at, but it’s been quite a while. It is amazing that it does build confidence at the same time that it makes me feel silly. From a workout point of view, it did crazy amazing things for my abs. I didn’t have new definition, but I learned how to use them! I was able to take what I learned in that class and apply it to other workouts. Also, I learned the power of using your mind when learning something new. At the beginning of class we would sit in a circle and do abs exercises like stomach rolls or “pushing out” with the upper or lower abs in different sequences. It was so hard! She would always tell us to think about moving the part that we wanted to move and eventually it would happen. All of a sudden, on day, BAM! Abdominal movement.

  12. Look how fun! And that looks like some great core workout too with all the..um…gyrating.

    Having body confidence right now is a little shaky for me, but in general, it came from focusing on what my body can DO, not just what it looks like. Who really cares if I don’t look perfect if I’m going faster and further than before…

    In the short term, if I’m feeling bleh, I try to put on something that makes me feel like I look nice, do myself up, and that usually gives a temporary lift, heh.

  13. You’re in MN, so I say check out the Cassandra School. I’ve taken Belly Dance there on and off for years (read: when I can afford it). The teachers there are awesome and take the time to explain little details. I’ve taken classes from Kathy, Sarah and Jenny and I’d recommend all three!

  14. I would love to try belly dancing! It looks like a blast!

  15. I keep thinking about taking a belly dancing class. Our city rec department actually has a program, and it’s only $72 for a 12-week course (they go beginner through advanced, and there’s even an invite-only pro group!). I just have to figure out what to do with The Offspring while I’m shimmying from 6:45-7:45 once a week…

  16. I’ve tried belly dancing and I LOVE it! It is SO much fun! And it definitely helped my body confidence (I am not a naturally sexy person AT ALL!).

    It was good, because at that time, I wasn’t up for a really high intensity activity. It got my moving and it was fun, and that was all I was looking for.

  17. I used to belly dance until the birth of my son recently. It built up a lot of self confidence for me because it was such a love your body kind of art form. I guess what finally did me in was it wasn’t enough fitness for me and it was always at times I couldn’t leave my son. Like right now I am a single mom until my husband comes home from deployment. So I can’t just drop the little guy off at a sitter’s. But I really liked how it toned my arms because you had to hold them up for so long and really worked the core if you drilled movements over and over again. Would I return to belly dance? Maybe if someone had much better times for me. I like Hula more though. 😛

  18. I’m amazed at all the belly dancers here! I’ve belly danced in the past, but I don’t have the time right now. Done several performances, which I love. I call the hip scarves “jingly-janglies.” They make me happy. If you want to look at some beautiful costumes, check out missbellydance.com. Hope you get to do it again!

  19. Before I start, I use Google Chrome now too & much easier to use your site!

    LOVE the videos BTW & you guys are cute! I hear ya on the whole body stuff – bot do I – ingrained from when I was young even though I am fit now. I did try belly dancing in my 20’s. Fun but never really hooked on to it….. I think still the whole could not get past the body image thing…

  20. About 4 months ago I bought a download special off http://www.exercisetv.tv, 3 belly dance routines for $5.00. They are a lot of fun and I wish there were more. Not sure if I would ever be comfortable enough to do them in public though. 🙂

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