I like strong butts and I cannot lie! You other squatters can’t deny! That when a girl lunges deep with a really heavy weight and a round thing in your face you get… jealous of her mad pistol squat skillz which are apparently much stronger than her rhyming ability. (Can’t have it all!) These past few days in the gym have been all about our butts: specifically how much we can make them hurt.
It started out with this highly awkward gym moment. There I was doing my pistol squats when I hear a voice behind me… What do you say to that? “Well turn around so we can compare!”? “Well I have worked really hard on it so thanks for checking out my butt*”? And what a day to wear my black capris that go nearly transparent when they are stretched, especially as I was facing the wall so my butt was pointed at the whole gym. Yes, even the germies on the gym floor were checking out my arse. (And if you’ve forgotten what it looks like in non-cartoon form, you may remember that the only time I have graced the homepage of Shape.com was… with my butt.) Honestly I wasn’t sure how to reply to that compliment.
Then we moved on to our T-Tapp Experiment (results coming at you on Monday!!) and in my quest to try all the workouts available brought in Teresa’s “Diva Derriere” workout. You must try this. Seriously. Do it now.
It started off all fun and games and Yo Mama jokes. It’s deceptively short. There are only 4 moves and no weights. How hard could it be??
Really really hard. I laughed so hard because I was in so much pain and the only alternative was crying. And I might have done a little of that too. It was like someone stuck a red hot poker in my butt cheek. (And yes, Gym Buddy Allison pointed out to me that I draw my hair like pubes. I like it that way.)
All the Gym Buddies (except Beth) were freaking out from the pain. Teresa tells you in the workout that if it hurts to try spanking yourself. We found that spanking wasn’t enough. Punching ourselves in the butt cheek did help some. Counting faster helped more. (Also, my paint program freaked out on this picture and I have no idea why but I wasn’t about to redraw it so now it looks like we’re all in the throes of grand mal seizures, which isn’t too far off the mark actually.)
By the time we’d finished our butt muscles were in a permanent clench. So what do we do next? We find every friend we can and then force them to do this workout with us just so we can laugh at their pain. “This hurts soooo bad, you totally have to try it,” is exactly what you want to hear at the gym, right? (Thank you Jenn, Jeni, Beth, Jess, Megan, Krista and Allison for being such good sports!) I can only imagine what the other people at our Y think of this one…
Are you going to try Teresa’s Diva Derriere workout? (Tip: If you feel it more in your quad than your butt bend your legs more with your knees closer to your chest.) Have you ever done a workout that you were sure was going to be a piece of cake and then wasn’t? Have you ever got a really awkward compliment you didn’t know how to respond to?
*After I wrote this, I had a panic wondering if all of you are going to think I’m bragging about my butt. I’m not – I know it’s not like supermodel or anything but I do happen to really like it. How weird is it that I’m way more comfortable saying I don’t like my thighs than I am saying that I love my butt? Well now I’ve said it. I love my butt. I can’t believe I just wrote that on the Internet.