The Halloween Dilemma: Will no one think of the children?

To see more strange children’s Halloween costumes, check out this HuffPo slideshow. If you go, let me know what you think of this one. I almost threw up.ย 

Leaves are falling, apples are everywhere, it’s a balmy 86 degrees here – all signs point to fall! (Ok, except the last one. We are having some freaky weather up here but I am definitely not complaining.) And fall means the return of the Halloween Grinch! Yay! As you may recall from my whining in years past, I really don’t like Halloween. It’s gross and I don’t do well with gross. I know that for tons of you Halloween is your favorite holiday and I’m totally cool with you liking it but please do not try to convert me to your brain-eating ways. I do not need a horror movie to make me pee my pants; after 5 children I do that just fine all on my own.

But as I explained in my post for Redbook, there is one part of Halloween I do love: teeny little children dressed in costumes going door-to-door holding out plastic pumpkins in their dimpled fists. I adore trick-or-treaters. I only have two trick-or-treat rules: they can’t be old enough to grow real stubble for their hobo costumes and, also, they have to have a costume. As long as the children meet those two criteria, I will pour sugared confections into their buckets all night long while cooing mom-isms like, “Aren’t you the prettiest little princessย ever?”

Last year, as you may recall, I had a crisis of conscience. With the obesity crisis growing (or at least the reporting of it growing) and a child culture already inundated with treat-giving occasions, is it truly in the little Tinkerbells’ and pirates’ best interests to hand out Pixi Stix which, if you think about it, are simply straight sugar packed into a tube so you don’t have to even bother chewing it? (And I’ll be honest, I don’t want bags of Halloween candy sitting around my house singing their siren call of sugar come 4 0’clock every afternoon.)

What are the options? If you’ve been in a grocery store lately, you will note that alongside the 5,000 different bags of candy lining the shelves, there are a few non-food items, like really expensive stuffed animals, marginally expensive Play-Doh tubs, and cheap pencil erasers. But what child wants a pencil eraser for Halloween? They don’t even erase! They just crumble!

So last Halloween, I went online to one of those cheap party sites and ordered dozens of plastic rings, glow-in-the-dark bouncy balls, and glittery tattoos. I threw one bag of sugar-free bubblegum in the bowl for variety’s sake. When the trick-or-treaters came knocking Halloween night, it was unmitigated disaster. The bubblegum was gone in 10 minutes, and I had to endure children whining, “No candy left??” for the rest of the evening. Eventually, I just locked the front door and left the bowl on the front porch. Come morning, it was still three-fourths full. All of which leaves me stymied as to what to do this year.

The commenters on my Redbook post made an interesting point that I hadn’t thought of before. Basically they asked why I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of other people’s kids. Shouldn’t their parents be policing their sugar intake? If they didn’t want their kids coming home with a 5-lb bag of sweet, sweet loot then wouldn’t they keep their little pirates home? Well, huh. I guess I do kind of feel responsible for other people’s kids. But is that a problem? Shouldn’t we all be looking out for the little guys? Does nixing the candy inherently mean I’m telling other adults that I don’t trust their parenting? I honestly don’t know.

Help me out – what do you do for Halloween? And do you think we should take a littleย responsibilityย for the health of children that are not our own? Or is that me being bossy again?

Not feeling Halloween-ish yet? (Costco already has all their Christmas stuff out!) Check out my other posts this week:

Ten Weird Things Toddlers Get Attached To (Writing this and reading all the comments has had me grinning all day. When adults chase you down just so they can sniff your socks it’s freaky but when a baby does it it’s a-d-o-r-b-s? Yes.)

Mom Teaches Child to Beer Funnel: When do parents cross the line? (Is it fair to judge a person’s parenting skills based solely on a 30-second YouTube clip? And yet… it’s a beer funnel.)

Did You Have a Celebrity Pregnancy Buddy? (Mine was Heidi Klum – I still feel strangely bonded to her.)

 

46 Comments

  1. I definitely understand where you’re coming from, but I say go with the tradition of the holiday and hope for the best!

  2. Ooh I thought the chest burster one was especially creepy. Perhaps that is because that, despite being a mommy and having carried a child, I did not enjoy pregnancy at all, and that is kinda how I felt (and yup, I had a c-section, too!). Anywhooo. . . .

    Most places around here give Tootsie Rolls and suckers, most of which we throw out. I miss the days of trick-or-treating when we got miniature candy bars! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And that is AWESOME that you used my FB comment in your Yahoo! article! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Note to self: Don’t say anything to Charlotte on FB you don’t want to find in an article someday. . .

    • Buwhahahah – it never ocurred to me how similar “Alien” is to a c-sec! Double eeek! And yes, thank you for sharing your funny toddler story – I’m sorry you didn’t realize that q I asked was for an article. Normally I say in my status (for help with an article) or some such but I just went back and checked and I totally didn’t. HUGE oversight and I’m so so sorry! That is not my usual practice to quote people without asking permission first. So sorry!!! And thanks for letting me know!

      • Yes!! I totally think of pregnancy followed by c/s as scenes from that movie!! My friends think I’m a total freak. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Oh, and no worries about using the FB comment! I feel semi-famous now! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Not for nothing, but I used to skip the houses that didn’t give out candy. For whatever that’s worth.

  4. I might be a heartless b*tch, but I don’t think that I’m responsible for the health of other people’s kids. Heck, THEY are the parents, not me! Just like every year I will give out candy again this Halloween. I’ll probably try to find smaller bars, like mini-snickers instead of the full-sized ones, or maybe even small granola bars or whole grain cookies, withouth HFCS. But I don’t fret about it, it’s just one day, and if the kids get healthy meals throughout the year, some Halloween candy won’t hurt them. Or am I wrong?

  5. Im all about the candy for halloween BECAUSE I try and live my life as do unto others ๐Ÿ™‚ and with the realization all t hings in moderation are ok.
    It isnt the minisnickers they get from me on the 31st which causes the obesity—its what comes together all other 364 days.

    simple thinking? perhaps.

    THAT SAID Im giving out minibags of pirate booty this year because it’s what the girl picked.
    Still junk ๐Ÿ™‚ no sugar though…

    • I totally see your point about it being just *1* day a year. And yet… between birthday parties, holidays and free suckers at the bank I feel like practically every day has turned into “just 1 day” if that makes any sense. And man, I love pirate booty! Where did you find mini bags? Can I use your idea??

  6. We pulled a bunch of the extra candy and saved for Christmas stockings. Son never figured it out! But, last year we offered a choice: trick-or-treating or a friend to come over for pizza and to play a ‘new’ (used) video game. He went for choice #2 and so I got to hand out candy knowing there wouldn’t be any left for us to deal with. NICE! ๐Ÿ™‚ Even though he could still trick-or-treat this year, I think we’re going to offer the same deal and expand it to a couple of kids. We can’t worry about others so much – have you seen what their own PARENTS put into their school lunches? ARGH!

  7. I also give out candy and hope for the best. When I was growing up, the houses that didn’t give out candy were egged or TP-ed. Yes, the neighborhood kids were tiny candy-terrorists. (“You have 30 seconds to bring out the fun-sized bars, or else we call in the taller kids with the toilet paper!) And while I do feel a twinge of guilt, I also love Halloween and seeing all the trick-or-treaters.
    My own kids don’t go trick-or-treating, however. They don’t really understand the concept, and are happier handing out the candy. When they were very little we’d take them to a big block party near our old neighborhood, which was GREAT! Now they have their Halloween celebrations at school and at a field trip with their behavioral therapy group. We have pictures like Spider Man and Leopard Girl riding ponies, or a little elephant and a mini vampire sitting in a pumpkin patch: SO cute!!!!

  8. A piece of Dove dark chocolate candy, (those mini foil wrapped squares aren’t too expensive if you shop around) a spider ring, a Halloween sticker, and a ball with an eye-ball painted on it, all wrapped up in a goodie bag.

  9. My biggest problem is the 100% sugar candy (ie: pixie sticks, sugar dippers etc) and off-brand low quality chocolate that tastes like wax. Don’t people know that parents just throw that stuff away as soon as they get home? IMHO a snickers bar at least has some nutritional value and won’t send them into a sugar coma after one piece.

    Our church has a great Halloween party for kids, lots of games and activities that the kids love. Plus they get to play with their friends and not worry about the weather ruining their costume (“Batman doesn’t wear a coat in the snow!”). The little bit of candy we get from that is usually enough.

  10. Why does handing out goodies that you feel good about imply that you are trying to take responsibility for other people’s children? I would argue that you are taking more responsibility onto yourself and your own choices, participating in halloween the way that aligns with your own thoughts and not that of mass marketing and a society that doesn’t often stop and think before making choices of their own. Maybe by handing out something other than candy you are making some other mom or dad stop and pause to think about why you’ve made that choice, and that’s an opportunity for them to think about it and decide for them themselves. But you haven’t preached it to them, you’ve simply created an opportunity for them to learn and decide on their own, whatever that decision may be.

  11. Glitter tattoos?!?!?!? I would have been ALL OVER that! That’s so awesome! I can’t believe they didn’t like them. I think you are totally within your right to not want to give out candy. We all need to look out for each other. On that note, any advice for trying to beat the sugar habit? I know you’ve written some posts about them. I’d like to start curtailing this daily fro-yo habit before the holidays start.

  12. One year I put mini bags of pretzels in with the mini candy bars. Sure, some of the kids totally ignored the pretzels and my husband thought I was nuts, but more than one kid was THRILLED to see those pretzels.

  13. Too bad they don’t have garbage pail kids trading cards anymore! Or pogs? Or do kids just not get excited about little oddities anymore? When I lived in Baltimore I stopped because of similar frustration…
    The kids would literally keep coming back over and over for candy and then look mad when I wouldn’t give them anymore. I love Halloween too…when did it start being about the candy and not the spookiness?
    ( you could give raisins out like my Mom- those were her solution to all candy situations!)

    Those kids costumes are hilarious–on the verge of gross- but the lobster- eek!!!

  14. One year a friend of mine gave out Halloween pencils. The next day she found them sticking out of bushes all down her block. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I give candy and mini play dohs. I love the tradition, but also think it’s a huge waste of money. My kids will go trick or treating at school, he town square, our neighborhood, church and at the zoo. They love it, but it’s an insane amount of candy. I let them gorge the first day and then it mysteriously disappears. (trash). The kids’ dentist does a candy buy back program, but I’m never organized enough to remember what day they do it.

  15. Target this week has Pirate’s booty, mini quaker granola bars, and tiny bags of Goldfish on sale for trick or treating. While I don’t think it’s your responsibility to look out for other people’s kids maybe you could find a happy medium that way? Also, I would much rather have leftover goldfish than candy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. I love Halloween and it’s always been my favorite holiday. My biggest problems is finding a candy that I think the kiddies will like that I don’t!

    I think it’s the parent’s responsibility to police their child’s candy eating. My mom used to make us sort out our candy, keep about 50% of it and give the rest away (back in those days there were always places that would accept the candy). The pieces we kept were doled out over time, never more than a piece or two a day. I always kept the chocolate so that’s what I like giving out now.

    The pre-teen boys who come to my house after the little kids have gone home are usually the beneficiaries of all the remaining candy. I look forward to dumping the entire bowl in their bags and turning out the lights for the night! That way there’s no delicious chocolate left to tempt me.

  17. It’s up to the parents.

    I really hate anything resembling a Nanny State,
    and policing what other children eat kinda falls into that category in my mind–
    along with schools telling parents what they can or cannot feed their kids.

    Let them eat Snickers, I say!

    Ooo, or Milky Way Midnight…
    those are deeeelicious.

  18. Oh, that said?

    You can hand out whatever you feel like–
    the neighborhood kids may or may not like it,
    but that’s your right,
    and it’s the right of other parents to say whether or not their kids get candy.

    Live and let live?

  19. Oh god. My boyfriend talks every year about how he can’t wait till we have a baby and he can do the Alien baby costume thing. Although I think he has his eye set on Kuato from Total Recall. I actually think that might be worse, if you can imagine!

    As for the candy, I don’t see anything wrong with handing out the kind of stuff you’d like your kids to get. But at the same time I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving candy either. I don’t know about most kids but my brother and I had competitions to see whose candy could last the longest and sometime around the next 4th of July would throw out a large portion of it because it was all stale and nasty. And when we actually wanted to eat some my parents would have us pick a couple pieces for dessert and that was that. Halloween doesn’t have to be a sugar free for all. And at least the trick-or-treaters are getting some exercise, right?

  20. Okay, the costume you linked to was pretty gross. It might have been less offensive as an adult costume, but just wrong on an adorable little kid. But, I love the kids as iPods. Such a great way to keep track of the kids on Halloween without looking like you’re just replacing the kid leashes with earbud cords.

    The only suggestion I have for your Halloween dilemma is to get candy that you don’t really care for to give to trick-or-treaters so it won’t be tempting if there are leftovers. If there aren’t leftovers, you won’t be bummed either. Win-win!

  21. I think it’s cool that you want to help others children. It’s not like your handing a pamphlet with the toy saying how bad candy can be…

    I think the alien baby is the grossest and I LOVE the Dad with the Ipod kids!

  22. I personally prefer not to hand out candy but don’t get hung up about it. Last year was candy, but this year I think we’re going to try the mini-packs of freeze-dried fruit, because my kids adore it so any leftovers can go in their lunches –candy is not allowed at their schools, which I totally respect; their teachers don’t like what it does to their class environments. We don’t get a lot of trick-or-treaters, and we live in the oasis of healthy eating that is San Francisco, so we’ll see how that goes.

    I let my kids go trick-or-treating and they are in charge of their own candy afterward. The first year my son ate it all in one day and ended up violently sick (age 3). This was apparently a great learning experience because for the last two years, without any parental prompting, he has chosen to eat two pieces per day and give his sister (who is too little to do much candy acquisition of her own) the kinds he doesn’t like much. I was never able to self-regulate like that and I am so impressed by this! I hated my parents doling out candy to us, and I wonder now, having seen my son learn better self-control as a toddler, whether that is part of the reason I’ve had such trouble controlling my desire to eat all the candy until it’s gone. I see the same thing with food at parties; I don’t tell them what or how much they can eat and after several gorging experiences with all the foods we don’t serve at home (potato chips, cookies, cake) both of my kids now usually stop at a couple of handfuls of chips plus half a cupcake, or they just lick off the frosting. Watching my kids make these choices leaves me floating between awe and envy.

  23. I love that slideshow, apparently I like weird kid’s costumes, because I’ve dressed up my child in two of those costumes (the air freshener and the peanut – to make matters worse, my daughter is allergic to peanuts).

  24. I understand the point being made about these being someone else’s children. However, I also think that by just giving in, if it’s something you feel strongly about, you are compromising your values just to make others feel better. Ultimately, it’s YOUR home and you can see fit to hand out whatever you feel is right. After all, if you go to a Halloween Carnival put on by a church they don’t compromise their values in the name of fun/Halloween. It’s not like your going to these children’s homes and lecturing on Candy or lecturing the parents on Candy. Your simply doing what you feel is right in your home.

    Also, whatever happened to being grateful for what you get. I remember taking whatever was handed out at the door with a smile and saying THANK YOU! Yes, even if it was the crazy Circus Peanut candy. People aren’t obligated to hand out anything at Halloween, but they do it anyway. The fun part of Halloween should be the experience of dressing up and having fun. Not how much Candy you get. I remember being excited about the rings and toys. They last longer than Candy.

    I happen to LOVE the idea of playdough! I sent some to my daughter’s cousins from her when she was like 8 months old lol. I was just excited to see something on the shelves that wasn’t candy. It’s too bad it’s so expensive for occasions like Halloween where you don’t know how much you need. Then again really, what kid doesn’t like Playdough! They even make it out of Soy now for those kids allergic to regular Playdough. :o) Now I’m off to see the costumes.

  25. I think you should buy whatever treat you’d be happy to have leftovers of. If you don’t want to eat it, don’t buy it. Other parents can do what they want with whatever you give their kids.

    Our current location gets zero trick or treaters. I put a bowl of full size candy bars on the porch and they were all still there when we got back, so this year I’m not bothering.

    I’ve done no candy in the past, and never had a complaint. Kids in your neighborhood must be picky. ๐Ÿ™‚ When I was a kid there was one house that handed out cool cheap plastic junk and we thought it was awesome. Those little bumpy straws that made noise when you spun them around were my favorite.

    The last year at our old house I had a bowl of candy and stretch island fruit leather things, the fruit leather went first, I was impressed.

  26. And I LOVE the lobster in the pot.

  27. Preg Buddy = P!NK
    Holla!!!!!

  28. OK, the chicken alien costume was beyond disturbing. Haven’t read through the other comments, and so someone may have suggested this, but I have a friend, and every year, after taking their daughter trick-or-treating, she gets to pick out some of her favorite candy to keep, and then they leave all the rest out in the front yard somewhere for “The Good Halloween Witch”, In return, the witch leaves a little gift for their daughter when she comes for the candy. I guess it’s like leaving cookies for Santa.

  29. One year I bought play-dough (which wasn’t too expensive at Costco, and we don’t get that many trick or treaters) and my husband went and bought candy because he thought kids wouldn’t be into the play-dough (I was SO MAD). All night I heard “PLAY-DOUGH!!!!” yells of delight. It was a hit– I believe the bag I bought lasted us two years. Last year I had a case of fun sized Larabars left over (I worked for the company for awhile) and I put them on my porch. I have a feeling people didn’t know what they were…. I think this year I will go somewhere and not be home.

  30. I can’t eat more than a mini 3 musketeers without my heart getting a crazy rush (don’t know why) and I’m a neurotically healthy eater, but I’m all about that one 3 musketeers! I’m 24 and wish I could still go trick or treating to collect exactly 365 miniatures to tide me over until next year. I’m an adult and I pick when and how much candy to eat, and if I were little it’d be my parents’ responsibility to police my sugar-eating habits. But I would never want Halloween candy giving to go away – it’s so much fun, and the variety and longevity of he candy (and the hunt!) are the fun, not some crazy toddler candy binge the night of. There are some kids inclined to do that, but if there are, let those kids’ parents deal with it. Not passing out candy ruins it for the rest of us.

  31. We do both and give them the option. I buy candy (mini choc bars) and we do glo-sticks (bracelets) and the glo sticks are a HUGE hit. We’ve done them 4 years running and last year other houses joined in…. so we upped the stakes last year and bought some little finger lights. They strapped onto your finger as a mini flashlight. Cool and safety conscious too! They came in halloween colors too ๐Ÿ™‚ Those were massively popular. Must buy more of those this year!!!!

  32. I know what you mean – I used to work at Starbucks as a second job after graduating from university. No matter what you order from Starbucks, its not healthy – even the sugar-free syrup is loaded with aspartame, and even the decaf coffee is not the good swiss filtered stuff. But the hardest part I had was the already obese people coming in to buy the Venti Frappucinos, with extra whipped cream please. While I know it wasn’t my decision that they were consuming such products, I felt like I was enabling them.

    Now that I’m in nursing school (and in desperate need of a part-time job), I can’t go back to Starbucks or any other food place, because I see the end results of unhealthy living in 90% of my patients in the hospital. I think the days of people going out to eat and getting a treat are long gone, its replaced real food. Drinking a venti frappucino is not a suitable replacement for water.

    There used to be a time when I’d comment on the fast food serving sizes of Americans, but honestly, Canadian obesity is rising quickly, despite our slightly smaller serving sizes.

    So don’t feel bad about not wanting to take part in this tradition – tradition isn’t always a good reason to take part in something, especially when you know better!

  33. Oh, and as a side note, have you read this article on Fooducate?

    http://blog.fooducate.com/2011/10/08/child-obesity-is-child-abuse/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Fooducate+%28Fooducate%29

    I’m pretty sure most parents aren’t even aware that their children are overweight, so putting this decision onto the parents’ conscience might not go very far.

  34. What about dark chocolate kisses? They’re still sweet and semi-healthyish ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I think I have read that dark chocolate is pretty healthy to eat. I mean you shouldn’t eat the entire bag but I have read I think in Oxygen that it’s good to eat small amounts of them….like two or three pieces.

  35. Well, yeah. I mean, it’s NOT your responsibility to monitor what every child in your town eats.

    It’s also NOT your responsibility to go spend your money on exactly what other children want (as opposed to what you want) when you’re giving it to them for free. And it’s NOT your responsibility to make sure other parents teach their children manners and that it’s not polite to whine or throw tantrums just because every neighbor didn’t buy YOUR favorite piece of candy.

    When I was little, our parents would let us eat about two small pieces or one big piece when we got home, and then “take and store” (or, take and occasionally give us a piece while they ate a lot of it) the rest. As I got older, I didn’t even LIKE most candy – I just went because it was fun to get dressed up and go walked around with friends and knock on doors and occasionally get scared. I gave most of the candy to my sister because it wasn’t about the candy.

    And I’m betting most kids are similar – it’s if not, if their parents don’t teach them healthy eating habits OR manners, than they probably have much bigger concerns than whether a neighbor gave them a rubber ball or a tattoo instead of MORE chocolate (and what kid doesn’t love fake tattoos? sheesh.)

    • *AND if not…. *THEN they probably have….

      sheesh, I should learn to proofread BEFORE I hit post…

  36. Bryce Dallas Howard is due the same month as me, but she is due before me. I’m due the very last week of November. I can’t wait! We are having a little boy, all natural, midwife assisted husband coaching, unless something goes wrong. At this point I’m still a low risk pregnancy and as of today I’ve gained a total of 30lbs. I was freaking out for a minute but the midwife and hubby assured me it’s all baby bump. I haven’t really noticed much as far as weight gain anywhere but my belly.

    I have a very very very strong feeling he will wait it out till December. Which okay I can still go close to 41 weeks and get my natural child birth that I want. If my bag of waters doesn’t break we are hoping to do a water birth.

  37. For me, it’s not about controlling what other people’s kids eat. It’s more about not wanting to contribute my money to products I don’t believe in loaded with artificial ingredients and sugar.

  38. I don’t think it’s about controlling what other kids eat. I think it’s about representing what you believe. That said I pass out candy that I don’t even eat. Does that make me a hypocrite?

  39. The way I see it, trick or treating was a tradition long before the obesity epidemic and not the root cause. Eating candy once a year…even gorging on candy once a year, will not cause people to become obese or probably even get a cavity if they brush, floss and mouthwash thoroughly enough afterwards. The kids who are on the fast track to a heart attack aren’t that way because of a one night tradition.

    I agree that it’s not another’s responsibility to police it; it’s the parent’s. This isn’t crack we are handing out here. It just needs moderation, not prohibition. I let my kids eat what they want on Halloween night, then it gets put away and they can pack one piece in their lunch until it’s gone. And the candy no one really loves goes in the trash. If a parent only wants their child to have a little candy, then only do a little trick or treating and plan something else fun to do for the night.

    Our neighbor’s church has a tradition that I like and have copied. Their kids “tithe” their candy, (so to speak) giving 10% to the church to ship to soilders overseas or to the women’s and children’s shelter (because those children likely don’t trick or treat at all.) We talked to our kids about the Old Testament principle of tithing, since now we mainly tithe money, not crops or sheep. You tithe the good stuff – not things you don’t want, but things you would be happy to receive. We also let them know where it’s going on an age appropriate level.

    I also have friends who have a “Halloween Fairy” that comes after bedtime Halloween night, takes all the leftover candy and leaves a nice toy instead. They love it. I’ve never tried it. I suspect you have to start at a really young age to get it to work.