I found this framed picture at my local thrift shop today. It really has nothing to do with today’s post but how horrifying is this thing? It’s like the patron saint of pedophiles. Or Fabio’s night job. Either way, it would give my kids night terrors…
“Are you looking for the Easter Bunny?” “Are you girls lady Marines?” “Are you insane?!” Over the years the Gym Buddies and I have gotten a lot of weird comments from people at the gym. Granted, we do a lot of weird things at the gym so it’s not like it comes out of nowhere. The funny comments are my favorites – we’ll laugh for days over a great one-liner. The educational comments are great too; I can’t even tell you how much I’ve learned from the kindness of strangers. But there are a few comments that can be pretty annoying. Here are our Top 10 DisLikes: (And yes, we’ve gotten each one of these in real life.)
1.” That’s my weight bench. Can’t you see I marked it with my water bottle?” Sure I saw it! And I chose to ignore it! Because the gym is super busy right now and you are not a dog so please don’t mark your territory. I’m happy to share it with you and I’ll get out of your way ASAP but you don’t get to claim everything in a 20-foot radius as “yours.”
2. “You look very muscular; don’t you ever wish you could have a little dancer’s body?” First, thanks for noticing my muscles – I work very hard for those. Second, I think the tall, slim “dancer’s body” is mostly born and not made. Although you don’t need to have a typical dancer’s bod to be an amazing dancer, as evidenced by the wide range of girls on this season of So You Think You Can Dance. Third, I spent a significant amount of my life wishing I looked other than I do but where did that get me? Nowhere good. So no, I don’t.
3. “Heh, heh, hope fatty over there doesn’t break the leg machine, amiright?” No you’re not right. You’re rude. Fat jokes are never funny to me. I think it’s awesome that people of all sizes work out at my gym. Although I do hope someone breaks the leg machine because that thing is a hazard to life and limb.
4. “You smell nice.” Please don’t stand close enough to me to smell me. Ever.
5. “I hope you have someone special in your life because they will really appreciate all that.” Said while eyeing us up and down for several awkward minutes. It was actually followed with, “I hope you don’t think it’s creepy that I’ve been watching you.” Well it wasn’t creepy until you said that. Everybody looks, I get that. But you don’t need to say it. And please don’t do the full body scan either.
6. “Can I help you with that?” I do appreciate someone stepping in to help me with a weight if I am in obvious distress and/or screaming for help but otherwise I’m there to lift weights. So let me lift them. Although I do appreciate the chivalry. Related: “Are you sure you can lift that?” Well I was until you just said that…
7. “You sweat like a man.” This is true – Gym Buddy Allison and I have been known to sweat a puddle large enough that we slip and fall in it – but this is one of those things that doesn’t need to be said. Related: “You must have forgotten your deodorant.” I think deodorant is overrated in gyms anyhow. We sweat over our whole bodies so what’s the point in having a little oasis of French Sparkle Vanilla Soothing Camel Essence in each pit?
8. “Can you show me how to program this treadmill?” I’m more than happy to show you how to turn on the closed captioning for Hoarders… but not during my run. Just wait until I’m finished with my lift or sprint to ask. (And also, how can anyone watch Hoarders? I watched it for 5 minutes to day and literally dry heaved. Gah.)
9. “Nice rack!” Megan’s reply: “Do you mean the way I hold the weights or my boobs?” Me: “He means your boobs Megan.”
10. “Did you just pee your pants?” Nooooo! Uh-uh. Nope. Totally just crotch sweat! ….Okay, maybe a little. I’ve birthed 5 children – what do you expect from me? Where are the paper towels in this place??
*While the title says “girl” I will venture that most men wouldn’t like these comments either but since I’m not one, I won’t presume to speak for them. Which is to say I’m totally comfortable speaking for the entire other half of the human species. Ahem. ANYHOW. Nor am I saying that men are the only people who say these things.
What’s your least favorite comment you get at the gym? Anyone else not have the stomach to watch Hoarders or do you watch it for motivation to clean you house?