What if I told you that right now you have a healing elixir inside of you, just ready for the taking? Said to enhance beauty, cure acne, heal diseases of the throat, the liver and the heart, plus a host of other benefits, urophagia may be the next biggest health trend. And yet there you go, first thing every morning, wastefully peeing yours into the proverbial great ocean in the sky every day. That’s right, this magical elixir is your own urine. Lemonade anyone?
Now, before you freak out, try and get out of your narrow Western bodily-fluids-are-only-for-celebrity-sex-tapes mind set and consider that if 3 million Chinese are doing it, it can’t be all wrong. Right? (Because that whole communism thing is working out so swimmingly…) Also, according to reports, “lots” of Japanese women use it as a beautifying face wash, holy men in India have been drinking it for millenia and thanks to Bear Grylls, you cannot have an outdoor show without someone squeezing their own juice at least once in the wilderness. Plus college kids
think it’s hawt.
But why would I, a middle-class suburban American lady, want to Experiment with something so… ooky? I mean I complain all the time about having to wipe up after my 3 boys who think the entire bathroom is a urinal. But maybe Willy Wonka was onto something with that whole “lickable wallpaper” idea… Consider:
1. It’s cheap. Free actually. And considering all the healthy stuff I put into my body, I’m betting my pee is nutritional gold. Adds The Skepdic
, ” It is much cheaper than that other “water of life,” whiskey (uisge beatha), which also has been hailed for its medicinal qualities. Unlike whiskey, however, urine is always available, everyone carries a supply at all times, and, for most people, there are no intoxicating side effects. Furthermore, the urge to overindulge is almost absent when drinking urine.”
2. It’s super portable. Like Pavlov’s dogs, all you have to do is say the word “bathroom” to me (or make me giggle) and I pee a little. One girl’s curse is another girl’s gift, I always say!
3. It cures everything. According to many, many, many websites I found in the back alleys of the Internet, “urine therapy
” cures everything from cancer to canker sores to cellulite.
4. It’s so versatile. Oh sure you could just knock back a glass of body-temperature liquid but it’s a culinary chameleon! You can do a few drops under your tongue, mix it with juice, sprinkle it over fruit, freeze it into a nice sorbet or even bathe in it (although you might have to work up to that one.)
5. It can’t hurt to try it! No, really. I have official medical approval to partake, the only warning being to drink only your own urine because, hopefully, you know where it’s been.
So for the month of April the Gym Buddies and I will be taste-testing different urine recipes, washing our faces with dirty diapers (bonus: the cotton is very soothing), refusing to wash our hands after toileting and perhaps even getting stuck in a patch of barren wilderness with nothing but our wits – and a cup! – to save us.
Who’s in with us?? What’s your favorite bodily fluid product – urine sorbet or breastmilk ice cream? Anyone have a favorite April Fool’s Day joke to share? (Huge thanks to Reader Mark for the idea!!)
Tune in Monday for April’s real Great Fitness Experiment;)