February 2011

The HCG Diet: Fad or Miracle? [Plus breast milk ice cream!]

February 28, 2011

In a world where losing weight is an extreme sport and the risks of failing include being socially ostracized or dying, a diet where you give yourself daily injections of a hormone culled from the blood of pregnant women can seem pretty reasonable (ancient altar and stone knife, platinum subscription only). But only if it works. And therein lies the controversy surrounding the latest diet du jour, the HCG diet. (Strangely this is not the only news story this weekend to center around alternative uses for pregnant women’s bodily fluids – the new “Baby Gaga” ice cream is made from [...]

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Mini-Experiment: Progesterone Cream [Learn from my mistakes!]

February 24, 2011

Now that’s a problematic bikini line! Repeat after me: I will not take medical advice from celebrities whose claim to fame is a Playboy spread. I’m not saying Jenny McCarthy isn’t funny, talented and gorgeous but the only medical tips I’m taking from her here on out are those regarding my bikini line. (Side note: as a child, I always thought “bikini line” meant hair on your belly, along the waistband of the bikini. It horrified me that puberty was apparently going to give me a furry tummy. When it didn’t I felt all superior to those poor women who [...]

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What The Mind Forgets, The Body Remembers

February 24, 2011

This is also a very important anniversary that Hallmark does not have a card for. September 11, 2001. Every year I can feel the vibrations of this anniversary for weeks before it approaches. When it finally arrives, it is almost a relief to cry a little and move on. No I didn’t lose a loved one in the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers but in a weird twist of fate I did lose a loved one that day. Or at least I was supposed to. That was the day I was scheduled to give birth to my daughter Faith [...]

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How Far Does a Parent’s Example Go When It Comes to Food? [Michelle Obama is not fat!]

February 23, 2011

Okay, this would definitely be taking it too far. Definitely maybe. Aw heck, I’d totally do this if I could fit in my fridge (and not suffocate). File this one under I can’t believe I’m giving this guy more press: Rush Limbaugh announced on his eponymous talk show yesterday that Michelle Obama is a hypocrite when it comes to healthy eating and then he called her fat. To wit “The problem is, and dare I say this, it doesn’t look like Michelle Obama follows her own nutritionary, dietary advice. And then we hear that she’s out eating ribs at 1,500 [...]

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Ashton Kutcher’s Apocalypse Workout [Ab-tastic Anarchy!]

February 22, 2011

Item the first: Ashton Kutcher has amazing muscles, as evidenced by his latest spread in Men’s Fitness. (I’ll wait while you ogle.) Item the second: Ashton Kutcher has amazing muscles because he is a paranoid crazy… who makes a little too much sense to be entirely written off as a paranoid crazy. Oddly neither of these facts are what initially drew me to his interview. It was his workout of choice – Krav Maga – that had me salivating over the mag. Muscles and mental health issues take a distant second to killing people in my world apparently. Touted as [...]

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PANIC! What a panic attack feels like from the inside.

February 21, 2011

The hard, cold tile played cruel counterpoint to the soft heat of my cheek pressed against it. I tried to look up at my husband crouching protectively over me but I was too weak to even lift my head. Instead I shook violently and sobbed in pain as he hovered, unsure. “Do you want to go to the E.R.?” he whispered over the sound of my anguish. Clenching my teeth against another wave of nausea, I nodded. Finally. I’d been holding out for hours, hoping this attack would pass without medical intervention but here I was again laying on the [...]

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Are Your Workouts to Blame For Your Midday Crash? [Sleep Creep]

February 18, 2011

Exercise is often touted as the antidote to everything from depression to insomnia. “Take a brisk 10-minute walk on your lunch break and power through that glass ceiling!” magazines often advise (note to mags: What does one do about the sweat on one’s power suit? Because I’m not changing into my running tights and Nikes for 10 minutes.) But what if exercise works against you? Gym Buddy Allison made an interesting observation on the stretching mats (a.k.a. the mats of ill repute) the other day as we navigated the damp spots of other people’s bodily fluids in order to find [...]

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How to Go From Blog to Book [Plus: my book signing]

February 17, 2011

Behold, my first book signing where nobody yelled at me! 7 p.m. Start time! Only problem is there is exactly one person here. Me. And a whole sea of sad empty chairs arranged around a podium with a microphone. Let me tell you there is no sadder sight than a microphone switched to “on” and an empty audience. 7:05 p.m. So I do what any insane, desperate person would do: I run up and down the aisles at Barnes and Noble asking people to come. My speech goes something like this, “Hi I’m Charlotte and I wrote this really funny [...]

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Binge Eating Disorder: What it is, what it isn’t and how to get help

February 16, 2011

Anyone curious as to what happens to the male anatomy when running in sub-zero temps? Sorry, can’t help you. How about what to do if an adorably squishy-wishy koala bear wanders into your back yard? Again, I have no idea. Even things that you’d think I’d know something about, like CPR – I am actually certified in both pediatric and adult – often fail me as evidenced by the time I was faced with a student having a stroke in my adult computer literacy class and my first instinct was to Heimlich the poor woman. Therefore, in writing this blog, [...]

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Choosing Happiness: What to do when Facebook depresses you

February 15, 2011

People disappoint you. Friends aren’t there when you need them. Family members don’t call. Kids booby trap your toilet with Legos, hide the plunger and then cry so hard over their drowned Jedi cruiser that you fish it out with, yes, your hand. I’m not saying this to guilt trip anyone (okay, maybe my kids… except only one of them can read and he’s not allowed on the Internet unsupervised) because I’ve also been that inattentive friend, that too-busy mom, that toilet-clogging plunger-hiding… oh wait, no. I am and always have been totally responsible with all bodily fluid receptacles. Today [...]

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