Well hello there! Fancy meeting you at this park. Don’t worry I have lots of random fitness equipment to show you. No that’s not a euphemism and no I’m not trying to sell you any of it. Although this post is, apparently, sponsored by Subway. (Which is a bummer because Subway irritates me on two fronts: Jared, their spokesman who only proves you can lose a ton of weight by eating a verrry limited diet and also, how can anyone eat a normal sub after having one toasted with guacamole? Mmm… Quiznos!)
Me? A real model?? (I ask you, would a real model wear a black bra under a white tank??) Oh gosh no! It’s a photo shoot for my book that’s coming out December 1st. You want an autograph? Oops, you just want me to move out of the way so you can have your kid take a pic of you and your boyfriend… making out on the rocks… in a public park. With tongue. Seriously people, that’s your 3rd grader taking that picture – put your shirt back on! Egads.
Look away. Now look back. Look away. Now look back again. I’m on a rock. In a PINK shirt this time. I am the girl your girl could smell like! (If she sweated like a dude and wore Old Spice, of which I do the former but not the latter – I have my pride.)
Now if only I could get a person to follow me around every day with a light-reflector thingy that makes my eyes all glow-y. My kids would never dare disobey me again. Because I can shoot lasers from my eyes. BELIEVE.
And here I am feigning confidence. I was thinking about Miss Tyra telling all the America’s Next Top Models (That No One Ever Hears From Again After the Show’s Over Except on Cover Girl Commercials) how to “smize” (smile with your eyes). Seriously. That’s what I was thinking about.
Until I got distracted remembering that one photo shoot where they made the girls pose with huge spiders and venemous snakes and cockroaches. One girl had the tarantula right up by her eye. Still gives me the heebie jeebies. Thankfully all I had to do was stand in ankle-deep water and get dozens of mosquito bites while waiting for random children to stop swimming in the (public) waterfalls and photobombing my cover.
There is a reason I’ve never done a pole dancing Great Fitness Experiment and now there is photographic proof.
Don’t make that face or it’ll freeze like that!
Thank you so much to all of you for all of your help picking out my cover-shoot clothes! It meant so much to me to read all of your supportive and helpful comments (you guys were way right about those gray pants – eek!) As you can see, the shoot went really well. Michael and Sarah Novak of Inventive Media took really good care of me and I managed to not only get over my awkwardness long enough to get a few good snaps but also to have a lot of fun. I still have zero desire to be a professional fitness model (not that anyone’s asking me to) – modeling is weird work – but I feel a lot better about being on the cover of my book.
The cover art is being finalized this week and the mock-up is really cute and funny! A little teaser: they didn’t pick any of the pics above. But they did agree with you all that the pink jacket ones were the best and so it is one of those that made the final cut! I can’t wait to show you guys the finished product!!
So, what is your opinion: Subway or Quiznos? What’s the worst pose/prop you’ve seen a model have to do in a photo? (I always worry about all those high fashion photo shoots where they make the models jump in 8″ platform stilettos. Surely someone’s broken an ankle, right?) You’re not tired of the Old Spice guy yet are you??