Oprah beat me to it. As if it isn’t bad enough that the woman rules all media outlets, now she has stolen my own epiphany right out from under me! It was my very own “A-Ha” moment! Oh wait… that is hers too. Crap. This whole time I’ve been thinking that I discovered Geneen Roth all on my own (read: a zillion e-mails from you guys recommending her finally sunk in) when lo and behold the Queen of Everything not only already read and loves Geneen but Oprah also started her own Experiment based on the books.
According to June’s issue of O magazine (which I’m just getting around to reading because I’m way too cheap to subscribe to it and I found an old copy at the gym), Oprah has given up dieting and is working on eating intuitively. Just like me! Thankfully it is going swimmingly for the both of us. Hence, I will share my epiphany with Oprah. I’m big like that.
The Truth: I feel like I’ve been let out of jail.
Rereading my farewell post from a month ago, I’m struck now how depressing it was. I didn’t see it at the time because it was just the place that I was in. I’d come to a crossroads: either I was going to spend the rest of my life trying to willpower myself through every new diet/exercise regime that comes along and then crying in my closet when I inevitably failed or I could just… give it up. Just eat and be happy.
It shouldn’t be that simple but it is.
I’m delirious with relief and happiness and, honestly, a little nervous that this euphoria won’t last. This past month has been so freeing. I worked hard (and it is hard work, at least at first) to stay focused while I ate and to pay attention to what my body was telling me and it works. I’m not broken after all! And if I’m not then I can say with confidence that you are not either.
Here’s the proof: two solid months of eating following Geneen’s food “guidelines” and my weight (yes, I’m still weighing myself – baby steps, people!) has remained within 1/2 pound the entire time. For a girl that is used to going up and down 3 or more pounds in a single week, this is huge for me. I ate peanut butter cookies for dinner (the recipe: 1 egg, 1 c peanut butter, 1 c sugar. Bake at 350 for 8 min. Do it. You will thank me.) and my weight stayed the same! I had salmon on salad with dressing and didn’t resent it for not being the peanut butter cookies and my weight stayed the same! I ate beef ribs. White bread. Homemade strawberry ice cream. And my weight stayed the same. What this all means is that my body does in fact know how to run itself.
While I do still wish that the weight I have stabilized at is about 7 pounds lighter, I have finally come to accept that what I need to work on fixing is not my weight but my head. I can’t say that everything is all fixed in my brain – decades of dieting programming will take time to unlearn – but for the first time in a really long time I am hopeful that this will not be the thing that defines me.
The result of all this has been a remarkable freeing of my soul. All the energy, both mental and physical, that I’ve been devoting to remembering food plans, research, calories and so forth I’ve been able to devote to other pursuits. I just finished reading 21 books in 21 days and not a single one was a diet book! I play the piano for an hour a day! I meditate, pray, do yoga and snuggle the Jelly Bean on a much more frequent basis! (Did you know Jelly Bean gets pit sweat? She does and it even stinks! I don’t know why that cracks me up but I adore that about her. She’s already so like her mama!) I finally signed up to take that aerial dancing/circus class I’ve been dreaming about for so long! And a power yoga class in a real yoga studio! And a dinner cruise with my hot husband!
I had to share this with you guys because you have been so integral in my progress. You have no idea how much each of your comments/blog posts/e-mails/texts/FB messages/tweets and so forth have meant to me. You all have had me in tears (beautiful, happy, cleansing tears) and then in hysterical laughter so many times, just when I needed it. I am so blessed. And so very grateful! I love you!!
So now that I’ve exceeded my monthly quotient for inappropriate exclamation marks, I will leave you with this:
Get your underage teen bikini pics, hot off the presses!! Seriously, I blogged about the Kendall Jenner (of Kardashian notoriety) scandal for HuffPo – check out how I work Lindsay Lohan into it! (You cannot write a pop culture article these days without referencing Lindsay Lohan. It’s like in the rule book and everything.)