As if it isn’t enough that a woman’s weight is intensely scrutinized for reasons ranging from medical to vanity to rank curiousity while she’s pregnant, now she has to worry about her weight if she so much as merely wants to have a baby. Last week super skinny E! correspondent Guilana Rancic (you may remember her as the red carpet crazy who grilled all the actresses about their diet and exercise regimes until Christina Hendricks put her in her place) made headlines by telling the View cabal that she refused to gain 5 pounds even though her doctor told her it might help with her struggle with infertility. Bloggers, pundits and playground mommies everywhere jumped in on both sides of the controversy, with the general cry echoing (childless (correction: I was informed by Karen in the comments that Whoopi actually does have a kid. And possibly a grandkid. Whoops!)) Whoopi Goldberg’s words for Rancic: “If she wants to have a baby, she needs to eat because the baby needs to eat! To hell with that girl!”
Rancic’s reply to the angry View host and irate fans was a rambling explanation saying that she was a victim of The View’s agenda, that she had gained “some” weight and also that it is her job to fit in sample sizes. She topped it off with a slightly irrational, “Well Nicole Richie, Jessica Alba – they both had babies!” Although she failed to account for the fact that the skinny-yet-fecund Richie and Alba are a good decade younger than her and age is perhaps the primary factor in fertility. All of this verbiage was spouted in – naturally – a restaurant in front of a ginormous plate of pasta that Guliana said she could eat all of and yet only took one bite, convincing me not that Guliana doesn’t have an eating disorder but rather this is just one more piece of the media machinations that run the reality star’s life.
However, I’m not going to take sides on Guliana’s weight gain. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion but rather it’s just not that simple. Rarely is someone’s fertility solely a function of their weight. It’s possible that gaining a bit of weight would kickstart Rancic’s ovaries. It’s also possible that it wouldn’t. Her doctor, I expect, wasn’t proposing weight gain as a cure but rather one more thing to try on a long list of supposed fertility boosters like acupuncture and laying on your back with your legs in the air after sex. How do I know this? Because it took my husband and I over 2 years to finally have our son. While our fertility issues weren’t with getting pregnant – something I seem to do if I so much as wash our underwear together – but rather with maintaining healthy pregnancies, I have a lot of sympathy for women who desperately want to have a baby and yet can’t seem to do the one thing which should come naturally. There is a lot of woman-blaming in the conception process and it is heartbreaking on so many levels.
This isn’t to say that weight doesn’t affect fertility. Estrogen is inextricably tied to body fat. More estrogen leads to more body fat and more body fat increases estrogen levels. From this vantage a little bit of gained fat would make sense to aid fertility – but only to a point. Being very overweight and therefore overly estrogenic can be just as hard on a woman’s cycle as being underweight. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a syndrome marked by obesity, is one of the leading causes of infertility in younger women and losing weight often remedies the infertility. I tell you, the more you learn about how fragile this whole conception and birthing process is, the more amazing it seems that the human species has managed to propagate as long as it has.
All of which brings me back to Guliana and her conflicting desires to have a Jelly Bean of her own and also maintain her career which happens to be dependent on her body size. Having had 5 kiddos of my own, I would tell her that it is totally worth it to do whatever you have to do to bring them here. Even on the days they drive me absolutely nuts (case in point: today my 3-year-old had to take a state mandated developmental assessment test and what did he do to start off his budding academic career? Took his shirt off, ran in circles, stole the pile of pennies and hid the rope down his pants. All of which would have been bad enough had his older brother not topped him two years ago by crawling under the table and screaming “Stop talking to me or I’ll throw up on you!” until they gave me pamphlets for the special preschool and showed us the door. We’re probably on some sort of Toddler Terrorist Watch List now. Good times!) when I tuck them into bed I still know they were worth the huge amount of personal sacrifice it took to get them here. And maybe that’s what I would most want Guliana to know: your body is just the beginning of what you will have to give up for your children. Whether that means sacrificing your hard-earned body (her) or your tenure-track professorship (me, sigh), in the end you will only wish it could have been more.
What’s your take? Should Guliana quit her whining and gain some more weight on the chance it will fix her infertility? Or is she just verbalizing the fears that so many of us think but never say? Any of you struggled with infertility and if so, was it related to your weight? And when did everyone’s ovaries get to be our business??
I agree! But I also think that if you put your marriage, life, and infertility on a reality TV show, people are gonna notice and talk about it. While I understand the pressure she is under (and it REALLY messes with your mind!), if she wants to have a baby, she needs to figure put what her priorities are. If it's her career, so be it! And, hey, there are LOTS of kids out there who need loving parents.
Infertility is complicated and heartbreaking. I wish her and her husband the best.
But I wish she'd eat more.
i think that if her weight is too low to get pregnant and she doesn't want to do anything about it then she doesn't want to have children that badly and would rather put her career first. not a bad thing but i don't want to hear her complain. it's all about choices
I really don't know what to make of this whole thing. I saw that The View episode and just sort of felt sad. I feel sad that this is even being discussed in a public manner, when fertility and child-bearing should be private and sacred matters, in my book! I don't understand why she would even bring it up if she didn't want to open herself up to scrutiny.
I think your line about what you would want Guilana to know is dead on. Regardless of what I think about the weight gain issue itself, it just seems hugely ignorant to believe that 5 lbs is your biggest decision to make when deciding to have a baby. Does she really think it's that simple?
some women quit ovulating and having periods when their body fat dips below a certain point….perhaps that is what the Dr. was insinuating?
I only get my period when I'm on the birth control pill. I stopped getting it once I lost a bit of excess weight.
I don't think that it's because my body fat is too low, because I'm within my healthy range and it's easy to see just by looking at me that I'm healthy- so I'm not sure if it's to do with stress or something. Or maybe my body just never adjusted to losing the weight that I lost a couple years ago? Hm.
Anyway, I do agree with you on this. Figuring out her priorities would be a good place to start before deciding just how much she wants kids (and just how important those few pounds are).
How awful is it that if you can't fit in a certain size of dress you're out of a job? That's the worst part of the story to me – I wish celebrities could be "allowed" to be 5 pounds over toothpick size. Nobody should have to sacrifice their and their baby's health for a job! Whether she chooses to gain some weight or not, I wish her luck.
I first wanted to say thank you for posting such wonderful words about having children. I grew up in a household where my parents were great except when it came to showing affection. All I heard about was the sacrifice and annoyance of having children, I was constantly grumbled about and yelled at. It has led to a belief that children are purely a burden. So thank you for making me hope that I was a blessing from the beginning and that having children would be wonderful.
As to the topic of Guilana and her weight issues / infertility problems: I really think her attempts to have children should not be publicized. At the same time, Guilana is commenting about these things in an incredibly public forum, which seems to negate her privacy rights on this occasion. Even if she chooses to keep her body weight low, and assuming her body weight is the key factor to her infertility, she can still adopt. However I would hope she wouldn't, no child deserves to be raised in an environment where career and body image is placed before family and all else.
This is fairly tangential, but Whoopi Goldberg has a daughter (and I think at least one grandchild).
Sigh. I'm just seriously tired of this skinny-fat emaciated look. It's everywhere and it's getting old. Yes, I'm old. I loved the 80s. We had crappy clothes but we had actual bodies with body fat and everything. And get those damn kids off my lawn…
As far as Giuliana, she put it out there in the public, therefore it will be talked about. I really don't get that, but I'd never put my private life on the television for everybody to see either. I don't think you can make your living off of being a reality star then whine when people are talking about your life. Just sayin'…
i can't understand why the world cares about what this woman weighs and how her ovaries feel about it.
the only person who should really have an opinion is her husband….surely???
(i don't mean the author of this blog, it's an excellent post, i just mean the huge debate and whoopie/view weigh-in)
Im trashy enough to watch her show and the scene when her husband pretty much asked her to gain weight made me cringe (for her. for her not wanting to while she also professed the longing for a child) and sad.
Only because SHE PROFESSED she wanted a child and they were doing the fertility doc.rounds when, it seemed, the answer was SIMPLE yet she simply wanted a different answer.
sometimes i think the reason i DONT want to have kids is because i am so scared to surrender my hard-earned body. How selfish is THAT!
First off, who gives formal tests to little kids? That seems kind of mean.
And as for Guilana, there are many factors to infertility, but if your doctor is recommending something that is not highly invasive, painful or involves eating "blood pudding" (This is what my grandmother gave my mom when she was having issues conceiving and my grandmother was convinced that the blood in the pudding would stimulate her system somehow) she should give it a try.
"sometimes i think the reason i DONT want to have kids is because i am so scared to surrender my hard-earned body. How selfish is THAT!"
I don't believe that the choice *not* to have kids is "selfish" at all. The world isn't suffering from underpopulation. And, parenthood is a lifestyle choice, not a moral obligation.
That being said, having a kid doesn't need to permanently ameliorate your hard-earned gains, particularly if you're in shape to begin with and keep working out while pregnant. (I kept lifting heavy through 7 months; I stopped only after a particularly ridiculous episode in which I rolled off the T-bar row in a crowded gym. After that, I decided I'd better stick with cardio.) Yeah, it can be hard to find the time to work out; on the other hand, you quickly learn how to use time more efficiently.
Speaking of which …
Anonymous – Your comment broke my heart! I'm so sorry that you grew up in the atmosphere that you did. I don't know you or your family (at least I don't think so, seeing as your anon) but to me the fact that your parents continued to sacrifice for you was evidence of their great love for you. At least I hope that was the case. I'm sorry that they couldn't express that to you. It's cliche but it's true: I never knew how deeply I could love another person until I had my children. It scares me how much I love them because opening yourself up to that much love also opens you up to the possibility of a great loss. Anyhow, my point is that you will be a better parent than you had because you know how to talk about love. (((hugs)))
I really just feel sad about the whole thing. She is obviously extremely skinny, and seems intent on keeping it that way. I don't know if it really is entirely job related, or if that way of thinking has completely taken over her mind, too. I hope she can get what she needs, whether it's pregnant or a way to feel comfortable with herself.
Karen – Whoopi has a kid?!?? Whoops. Will go fix that in my post now. Thanks!
It seems that our bodies are genetically programmed pretty well! Weight extremes in either direction seem to decrease fertility. Of course, modern medicine does everything it can to overcome mother nature's smarter plan. Not a good idea in my opinion, because in the end, Mother rules!
Columns running again 🙂
I've never had a problem with fertility, but never put myself out there when we were trying to conceive, because it is such a personal and trying thing to go through. I couldn't imagine being heartbroken every month I did not get pregnant, and then having to discuss it publicly…
That being said, I think that if she is not willing to gain five pounds just to become pregnant, what are the chances that she would be able to accept the 20-30 pounds she would need to maintain a healthy pregnancy, and if she had a daughter, would she be a good role model for a healthy body image? I agree with prior posters, that she needs to determine what her priorities are…
I don't have a problem with her not wanting to gain weight, it's her life and her body.
But I think she has to figure out what she wants. Does she not realize that if she does get pregnant, she will not still be a sample size? Pregnant women will gain weight, it's just a fact of life. And the smaller you are, the more weight you may need to gain for a healthy pregnancy. If she's struggling mentally this much with 5-10 lbs PRE PREGNANCY, she's going to have a mental breakdown during the pregnancy. And I think that is something she needs to think about and decide on. If she wants to have kids, she needs to become comfortable being bigger than a size 2 body for whatever amount of time it takes for pregnancy + healthy weight loss afterward. If she isn't okay with gaining weight period – then she should just accept that fact.
Or she can look into adoption. It's the only weight gain free way to have a baby I've ever heard of.
I was going to say exactly what marathonmaiden said. 😀
I agree with everything Charlotte said, but I also sympathize with her. It may seem like only five pounds, but to people who have problems with their weight and self image, it can make a world of difference. Only someone who has experienced it can understand what I am talking about. I don't think that it is because she doesn't want a baby badly enough, but when one is obsessive about the numbers on the scale, it is the priority. People with eating disorders and people who exercise obsessively want to do many things, but the fear of breaking the routine is just too strong.
I think she needs to remember that a healthy weight is necessary to carry out a healthy pregnancy too.
I haven't yet gotten to the children part of life. I may never do so, and I think it's OK to live your life either way…but to me if I decided I wanted children and my Doc said I needed to gain a bit of weight, I'd have him put together a healthy eating plan for me and get on it. But the thing is…it may just be one of the suggestions of things to try to have a baby, not the main thing. It's a common suggestion to people when they ahve trouble conceiving. My sister struggled to get pregnant with my nephew for 2 years-this was a suggestion to her as well and she was a normal size woman…thing is, when they finally stopped worrying about it and decided to jsut be healthy and just lived life he came along. Sometimes stress of life is a culprit too.
I hate that this girl has to make such a private decision so publicly. I would never want the life of a public TV figure…
I've been following what's been going on with Guilana because I'm trying to put on a few myself to get pregnant. I was anorexic for several years and I now ovulate but gaining 5lbs or so might help us with conception. And frankly, the "might" part is tough to deal with! I don't have a problem with gaining weight during my pregnancy because I will have no choice really…I also feel like I will enjoy nourishing my body and my baby. And I'm looking forward to feeling less pressure about watching the scale and my diet so much. But it is certainly tough to loosen the reigns on my diet before I'm even pregnant, when I don't even know if it will help or how long it will take us to conceive.
Anyway, the fact is, I'm eating more, especially more fats. Not exercising so hard. Gradually gaining a few lbs. And my husband is so supportive so it feels more like a team effort.
I can take steps to do what's best for me/my future family but still have anorexic thoughts. And frankly, I think I will be a good role-model for my kids because I want to take extra steps to ensure they have a healthy body image.
Great, timely post!!!
LG
Whatever she wants most, work or baby, she will put her efforts into. To me, healthy is when you get pregnant. I have never had trouble getting pregnant or keeping them, but I end up in the hospital because I cannot stop vomiting. Everyone has pregnancy issues, no matter the source, because it is supposed to be hard–for everyone. It take health in all areas for a successful pregnancy. So, good luck and health to us all.
My thoughts exactly….if she has a hard time gaining 5 lbs right now, how is she going to deal with gaining weight while she is pregnant? And ideally if she is having a hard time giving up her body to weight gain, will she really be a good mom? Us mom's know how much you give up for your children. You become very selfless and live your lives for them. I think she has a lot of mental issues to work through first and see if she really wants to be a mom to a precious baby.
No comment here- but a funny post about your kids 🙂
I completely agree with you…the whole process of getting a pregnant and actually having that jelly bean develop all normal and healthy is such a crazy delicate process! It amazes me that more people don't have issues.
I haven't had any infertility issues, but the thought of having one creates some unhealthy anxiety levels. It's so ridiculous too. I'm 30 years old (and was 27 the first time I was pregnant) and of healthy weight, so it's not like I'm at a high risk for being infertile. But still I had anxiety. Before we even tried with our first, I bought Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and started doing the fertility charting thing. Well when we decided to go for it, we got pregnant in the first month…both times. Probably just good luck…
As far as Guliana goes, I don't know, it's not really anyone else's business. Lose weight, gain weight, it's all a personal choice. It's a little like the exercise while pregnant topic. I'm running over 40 miles a week and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I'm pretty sure I could spawn some debate, but my health care provider is on board and I'm comfortable with it so whatever.
Honestly, Guiliana agreed to be on this television show and agreed to comment about these things in front of the cameras. It's not like the papparazzi dug this info out of her garbage, ya know?
While I understand that her job is to fit into sample sizes, she needs to understand that even if she gets pregnant without gaining those 5 pounds. . . she'll probably quit fitting into those sizes anyway just a few weeks into pregnancy!! Plus, she is quite small–she even looks smaller than quite a few other stars and correspondents, so I doubt 5 pounds (or frankly, even 10!) would make *every single* outfit unavailable for her to wear.
Not to mention, look at all those stars who have had babies and gotten their bodies back! I doubt Guiliana gets paid in peanuts, so she will have the support and help in order to lose the pounds she does gain, should she need it.
I have seen your blog, Charlotte, around the 'sphere but I didnt click thru til my friend Deb Smoothie Girl Eats sent me here..and boy, amazing articulate, intelligent posts!
"I tell you, the more you learn about how fragile this whole conception and birthing process is, the more amazing it seems that the human species has managed to propagate as long as it has."
–Amen to that! I learned quite a bit about it myself.
And the part where you said do whatever it takes to have them..yes. I agree. I have a 3 yr old little girl and she is my whole entire world and I cant imagine life without her or motherhood. And honestly, I was never one of those girls that pined away for a baby 🙂
Guiliana's issues are so heavy, so complex, that speculating from the outside looking in is not really going to lend us any answers; only she is living her truth and her path and her journey. That said, it's certainly made for a very interesting week of banter 🙂
I get that she doesn’t want to gain five pounds because it would put her career in jeopardy, but I think it comes down to how much she wants a child. If she truly wants a child, she’s got to be willing to give everything of herself for it. That means gaining five pounds in order to conceive. That means giving up perky boobs or sleep or a clean house. I mean, isn’t it kind of selfish to say you can’t even gain five pounds for a child? If she can’t deal with five pounds, how is she going to handle the rest of the weight she’ll inevitably gain by carrying a child for nine months? She does realize that she’ll gain more than five pounds once she’s pregnant? If the weight is too much to handle then she shouldn’t be having a baby. Even bean poles like Angelina Jolie can handle that. I think being a mother is the ultimate in giving of yourself. If you can’t give five pounds, don’t be a mom.
Losing weight does NOT resolve PCOS under any circumstances. PCOS is what causes weight gain in the first place. Not the other way around.
"your body is just the beginning of what you will have to give up for your children. Whether that means sacrificing your hard-earned body (her) or your tenure-track professorship (me, sigh), in the end you will only wish it could have been more."
One of the most beautiful things said about parenting. Thank you.
Her job is to fit in the sample sizes!!! To me, that is the problem right there with all these actresses! A size 0 for most people is NOT healthy & the fact that TV & media insist on it… craziness!
Like Miz, she wanted a different answer.. put on the weight if you want a kid! Jeez!
she's being too selfish. five pounds really wouldn't kill her and could make all the difference in the world. do any of us really want to put on weight? no, of course not, but for the things in life that REALLY matter, it's a no-brainer.
I can understand her fear, but you're right Charlotte – it's so worth it, and is she's scared to gain just 5 more pounds…what is she thinking about the looming pregnancy weight?
I figure to have a baby, you must let a lot of things go, but it's not permanent, right? So, you may need to gain some weight or quit exercising so much, but you bounce back. I know so many women that are in better shape AFTER having a baby, and I hope to be one of them someday. 🙂
When you have a reality show and go public about your ovaries, they become everyone's business. And as much as she's complaining that everyone is talking about her weight, you know she is LOVING the publicity.
Infertility sucks. After chemo, the doctors told me I was done having kids; however, the small person on my lap proved them wrong. Of course, she took a lot of patience and a lot of work to create. Granted, it's not always as simple as gaining 5 lbs, but I would have gladly gained any and all the weight I needed if it increased our chances. If your job gets in the way of having a healthy baby (whether that job is on the red carpet or working with dangerous bacteria at the CDC), you need to take a hiatus or find a new job… or just admit that your job means more to you than a baby and move on.
IMO, she needs to gain a little weight anyways. She has the Hollywood bobble head thing going on.
I think everyone is being way too hard on Guliana. She certainly seems intelligent enough to see all the pros and cons herself. Sometimes choices like these are just not as easy for some depending on their own circumstances and it may take awhile to get to the final conclusion. When all is said and done, it's her life and her choice and I think she smart enough to know that, as well as the consequences for the choice she makes.
Just my two cents… having my daughter cured my eating disorders – after 10 years of fighting myself.
I know longer look at myself in disgust or fear. I realised my body is a beautiful and incredible thing. One year after my daughter arrived I still dont fit some of my clothes the same and I couldnt care less.
All the stupid stuff I used to obsess over, constantly checking myself on the scales or mirror, purging, all of it, it just stopped. For two reasons – one I dont have the time to be that focussed on myself – I have a wonderful little girl to focus on, and two I know longer see my body as a battleground. She saved me from a very scary future.
One things for sure – Motherhood will change you in ways you never imagined – for the better.
I have PCOS, have never been obese, and had trouble conceiving due to ovulating infrequently. PCOS is not caused by obesity, but increases the odds of being obese for hormonal reasons. 4 of the 5 girls in my family have been diagnosed, and only 1 is obese due to her own admission of too much Taco Bell. Now while losing weight increases the odds of PCOS women conceiving, I wouldn't want people to misunderstand that obese women bring infertility on themselves: it's a hormonal imbalance that can be improved by various means, of which losing weight is only one.
When my endocrinologist found out my mom died of ovarian cancer, he said, "Well, you should definitely have those removed. They don't work right, you'll probably feel better!" They worked well enough to give my 5 amazing children, and I just hope they don't follow it up by trying to kill me! The remedy for which, again, is (are you ready for it?) diet and exercise! Babies and not dying, what could be better?