All I want right now is a big frosty glass of creamy, ice-cold milk. And I don’t even like milk! So why the sudden cravings? No, I’m not pregnant (aiiieeee!) and no it wasn’t the siren call of Heidi Klum’s milkmaid campaign working on my addled brain. It’s deprivation, plain and simple. What’s the fastest way to get someone to eat something? Tell them they can’t have it, of course!
Over the past few weeks I have discovered through much trial and error that the Jelly Bean does not do well when I eat dairy products. We tried more thorough burping (exactly as fun as it sounds), reflux medicine (have you tried giving an infant medicine??) and everything from simethicone drops to gripe water to acidophilus to lactaid to help with her apparent stomach pain and prodigious vomiting. Little girl has earned her “volcano” nickname and I’ve probably been banned from the grocery store, for all the trails of bodily fluids she has left in our wake. It’s like Hansel and Gretel, if Hansel and Gretel were both blast-ended skrewts.
The worst part, naturally, is that I have to keep a bib on her at all times thereby covering up all her adorable little girly outfits! We all have our trials to bear, I know.
After all of that drama, I finally decided it was time to turn my attention to my diet as Jelly Bean is almost exclusively breastfed. (The almost is because she has taken a bottle of formula exactly thrice from the patient childcare staff at the gym and has since refused to replicate that feat for anyone else.) I tried taking out chocolate and thankfully that wasn’t it – can you imagine depriving a new mother of chocolate?? – but after several friends’ suggestions, I decided to try removing dairy from my diet. This might not be so bad for some people but as a vegetarian (vegaquarian, actually), taking out dairy makes me just eggs shy of a vegan again. And I did not like being vegan. Unfortunately it seems to really help her.
Which brings me back to my milk cravings. Not having a glass of milk to partner with homemade chocolate cake (curse you Gym Buddy Krista!) is one thing but no ice cream? That’s a crime against humanity. In its place I have developed an unhealthy addiction to Red Mango frozen yogurt. Thanks to the suggestion of Heather Eats Almond Butter I’ve started subbing almond milk for regular. Why almond milk? I’ll be honest with you: soy milk tastes like dirt (not to mention the phytoestrogen issues with soy protein isolate.) Hemp milk is pungent dirt. And rice milk is nutritionally void. And while almond milk tastes a little dirty, at 40 calories, 3g fat, 1 carb and 1g protein, it’s livable. I have not, however, found a suitable substitute for cheese.
You’d think this would take care of My Last 10 Pounds problem lickety split (mmm… banana splits!) but it’s having the opposite effect. This idea of not being able to have something has thrown my brain into rebellion. I feel sad that I can’t have ice cream and so I OD on Fro Yo. I’m cranky that I’m having a cheeseless quesadilla so I eat a handful of chocolate chips. You see how this is going. It’s one thing to choose to not eat something – I choose not to eat meat and for the most part I don’t miss it – but it’s an entirely different story when foods are verboten. Just call me Eve – the allure of the forbidden fruit is strong!
I’m lucky though. My involuntary food restriction will only last until Jelly Bean weans in about 9 months, possibly sooner. (Any Minnesotans want to come to the cheese party I will be hosting then? What, weaning parties aren’t traditional where you are?? We’ll have tres leches cake!) I know I’m not alone in this, reportedly 60% of adults can’t digest milk. Not to mention all the other people with food allergies, Celiac’s disease (gluten intolerance) and other food issues -and they are off the prohibited items for life!
So please tell me how you do it! Do you have a special dietary restriction? What do you do to calm the crazy cravings brought on when you know you can’t have something?