Every year Halloween provides an opportunity to let out the parts of us that we normally keep under wraps in a nod to polite society. For one day a year however, you are encouraged to be as violent, sexual, inane or un-PC as your little heart desires. Even given these lax rules there are still ways to cross the line.
While the rest of the world is dressing up as the Octomom for Halloween (and laughing at their cleverness), this year Octomom Nadya Suleman is sporting the ever-popular-among-drunk-college-freshman Pregnant Nun costume. That costume was old and unfunny even when I was in college. 8 years ago. It ranks right up there with dressing up as a pregnant bride, a pregnant man or a feminine hygiene product. The weird part is that she made her babies into little devils. I think most of us can agree that the roles ought to be reversed. Okay, not that babies should be pregnant nuns – that would be weird – but Suleman could definitely work the horns. I mean the only way her real-life pregnancy could have been more freakish was if she really had been a nun. Is it smart to call attention to that?
With child sex trafficking being a very real and immense problem in our global society, it seems incredibly dense to me that any parent would let their child dress up as prostitute for Halloween. Sure there is an outcry every year over sluttified pre-teens in “bunny” “kitty” or “other cutesy animals that end in -y” making costumes out of lingerie and a pair of ears but Noah Cyrus (Miley’s little sister) ups the ante on this trend. First, she’s nine. Maybe I’m as old and lame as the Pregnant Nun costume but, um, she’s in elementary school. (Well, at least I hope she’s in school. For all I know she’s one of those Hollywood kidlets who is “tutored” on whatever movie set she’s currently working on.) The only time a fourth-grader should be this close to flashing her underoos is if she is hanging by her knees from the monkey bars. Second, as far as I can tell she’s not even pretending to be anything. Other than a street walker in search of a corner. Would it have killed her to put on a witch’s hat and thrown a cape over her shoulders? Or at least gave a shout-out to To Catch a Predator? (Edited: So I just noticed that she’s standing on a red carpet. What if she’s not attending a Halloween party like I assumed? What if she’s just… dressed like this?!)
Padded Underthings… For Men
This last one isn’t a Halloween trend but I’d still like to see it die. Calvin Klein jeans recently released a new line of jeans for men that promise “an enhanced profile.” As in a padded fly. Journalist Michael Miller tried out a pair, concluding, “They were a breakthrough! Such comfort, such support! And yes, my confidence was bigger! It looked bigger, at least.” While some women might be tempted to say this is just desserts for years of padded and push-up bras, girdles and Spanx, I’m going to say that I don’t think this is progress in the right direction.
What do you think? Am I just not getting Nadya Suleman’s unsubtle brand of humor? Am I being too much of a prude about wee Noah? Should men rejoice that they finally get their own line of shapewear? What’s your most hated Halloween trend?