Disclaimer: If you are at all squeamish, you might want to just skip this post. I might as well have titled it “All my freaky medical conditions.” Consider yourself warned.
Q: How much longer ’till Baby Day?
A: Officially: one month. Unofficially, in a little over 1 week I’ll be 37 weeks which is considered full term and the baby can come any time after that. With my sons, the first two were early by 12 days and 9 days and the last one was 9 days overdue. Obviously I’m hoping she doesn’t take after her last brother.
Q: You’ve been exercising.
A: That was not a question. But yes, after the bleeding debacle two weeks ago, I’ve been walking and lifting some weights for my upper body. The anxiety from not exercising at all was my ticket to crazy town so my doctor and I compromised. No more kick boxing or anything else with the potential for high impact and no lower-body weights. That left me with walking and cycling and seeing as my knees hit my belly now when I ride a bike, I pretty much just walk. Thank heavens for those new TVs on the treadmills! There has been no more bleeding and my cervix (what – you don’t want to be apprised of the state of my cervix?!) is not dilated one bit so all is well.
Q: How are you managing without your normal exercise?
A: Um, ok. While I miss my endorphin highs, really the hardest part has been feeling isolated. While I do see some of the Gym Buddies on occasion, I feel like I’ve lost about half of my social circle. I need people darnnit. (Cue Barbara Streisand and then smack her because I do not feel lucky.) But my need for socializing definitely takes a back seat to my baby’s health so I’m being a good girl. I promise.
Q: Are you going to breast feed?
A: Absolutely! But not because I love it. Nursing was ridiculously hard for me to get the hang of with my first kid but now that he’s broken me in like an old mare (cow?), I want to get my money’s worth. Mostly I nurse because I’m practical. Formula is crazy expensive, y’all. The afterpains make it painful for the first few weeks but after that it’s not a big deal. Although it does introduce an element of difficulty into workouts. (PS> For those of you who wanted to hear the rest of the story after I accidentally squirted a man in the back of the head with breastmilk on an airplane: the answer is not much. He reached up and kinda wiped it off with his hand but didn’t even turn around. I think he could hear my squalling baby and decided he did not want to know. The worst part though was he had a sizable bald spot and my aim was too good. Sorry, sir!)
And no, I’m not going to take Adderall. Especially not while I’m breast feeding. Heck, I won’t even take cold medicine when I’m nursing so you don’t have to worry about that. (Although yesterday’s discussion was fascinating and I thank EVERYONE who contributed.)
Q: What is your birth plan?
A: Panic. I’m not kidding. In case you missed the memo, labor is horribly horribly painful and contrary to the popular maxim, you do not forget. I am a girl who does not like pain. However, I am lucky in that my labors are very short – my last child weighed 10 pounds and yet was born in under an hour – so I try to avoid medication. The anesthesiologist would have to be one quick dude to get an epidural in me. In the past I have (no joke) completely lost it and was convinced I was dying. So to avoid the hysterics this time around I’m using a doula. She might have to smack me.
But barring any unforeseen circumstances I should be able to do a normal vaginal delivery as I have in the past. My smallest baby was just under 9 lbs and the biggest was nearly 11 lbs and they haven’t broken me yet so I figure I can handle whatever this one dishes out. Although she is a girl so maybe she’ll be smaller! Please??
Q: I meant, what is your birth plan in relation to blogging?
A: Right. Didn’t mean to gloss over the important part. To answer your question, I really don’t know. I can tell you one thing for sure: I will not be liveblogging the birth. Nor will I be posting video. Yeah, yeah, I’m a killjoy. I will certainly let you know how everything turns out though! And there will be a hiatus on here – how long I’m not sure. I’m going to see how I feel and play it by ear. Since I discovered with my last baby that I can nurse and work on the computer at the same time (hello, boppy!) I may feel the need to knock out some incoherent ramblings during the 2 a.m. feeding. Then again, I may not.
Q: So what about that ovarian tumor with a tooth you mentioned earlier?
A: Thanks to unfortunate genetics or too much soy formula or an overt fondness for Tupperware, I’ve had 3 surgeries to remove cysts off my right ovary. The last one we found during a routine ultrasound because – true story – they saw a tooth. It’s called a dermoid cyst or tumor and is not cancerous. In fact they are pretty common for those of us prone to cyst-iness. Dermoid tumors are a random collection of undifferentiated tissue. So in addition to teeth, they can contain hair, bone, fat and skin tissue among other things. Delightful, I know. No, I didn’t keep it. I did not want to see it. Yes, there is a 50% chance it will recur and the bummer about pregnancy is that the pregnancy hormones make the little buggers grow faster. Now you have your dinner conversation for the night: run with it, friends.
Q: Anything else?
A: Yes. I’m going to get all sappy on you for a moment. I want to tell all of you thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole adventure! I was nervous to tell you about my pregnancy at first because I knew it would mean the end to my Experiments for the duration and I didn’t know how you’d take the estrogen overload in the blogging. Now I realize I should never have worried. You guys have been a huge support to me and I am intensely grateful for all the kind comments, e-mails and even a baby blanket (Bag Lady, you are SO talented!) that you have sent me. I love you guys. And if I ever meet you, I am going to give you a big sweaty hug.