Even better, all of the genetic tests have come back 100% clean so it seems that the Turner’s Syndrome that killed our oldest daughter, Faith, will not be an issue this time around. There were tears when the ultrasound tech gave us the news. It’s not that I wanted a girl more than a boy but rather I just never thought I’d get this opportunity. My husband and three boys are very excited (although I’m pretty sure the boys don’t even know what the word “girl” means yet). I just feel extremely blessed.
And nervous. Because I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t already started worrying about how fit I am, with all of my self-image issues, to raise a daughter. The day we found out, I immediately called my sister to tell her the good news.
“Oh, yay! A little Charlotte!” she exclaimed. (It’s widely acknowledged that our boys look just like my husband – fortunately he’s the handsomest man I know.)
For a brief second I pictured a little girl with curly black pigtails, pink cheeks and a crooked grin, just like I had growing up. And then that image was erased by years of fighting said curly hair, trying to hide the ruddiness with makeup and worrying about my thin-lipped smile. Oh, and don’t forget my nose. I gasped, “I hope she at least gets his long eyelashes! And thick, wavy hair! And green eyes! Oh, and I definitely hope she gets his metabolism.”
My sister paused. “She’s the size of a banana and you’re worrying about her metabolism?”
I know. I’d just found out an hour ago that she was healthy and my insecurities were already intruding upon her life.
My sister, who has two daughters herself, heard my deep sigh and consoled me, “It gets easier. You’ll get better at it.”
I’d better because if I know one thing, it’s this: Self hate is not the legacy I’m leaving my daughter. My love for books, my gregariousness, my delicate hands – there are many good things I hope she inherits from me.
In the meantime though I really do hope she gets my husband’s eyelashes. Seriously, they’re so long he trims them with scissors because they bother him.
PS> For those of you who care about such things, back when I was 10 weeks pregnant I did use Intelligender, that new pee-in-a-cup baby gender predictor kit that you can now buy at Walgreen’s. You can use it as early as 6 weeks and they say it’s 90% accurate. It was in my case! It said girl and the ultrasound confirmed it. Unfortunately it also told Gym Buddy Allison that she is having a girl and four ultrasounds later we’re pretty sure it’s a boy. So take that for what you will!