As if being in a gym setting isn’t opportunity enough for physical awkwardness – I have, actually, walked into the men’s locker room by accident twice – but add being pregnant on top of everything and it can make life very… touchy. Fortunately I’m not overly sensitive to touch. You’d think with my history of inappropriate touch I’d be all weird about it but for whatever reason my issues lie in other areas (like getting overly offended at burger joints suggesting I must fellate my sandwich to properly enjoy it (I wanted to do a whole post on that stupid ad but couldn’t bring myself to actually post that pic. (Hey, triple parentheses! I haven’t had this much parenthetical fun since I taught math!))). At any rate, I don’t mind at all when people pat my “bump” or throw their arm around my shoulders. In the right situation, I’m even a fan of the sweaty hug.
While there are as many Awkward Hugs as there are awkward occasions – hello Mr. Blind Date! – I think the Sweaty Hug is unique to a fitness environment. If you’ve ever crossed a finish line or completed a really difficult group fit class or even walked out of the bathroom onto the track (yes, the upstairs bathrooms at our Y actually open up right onto the track) at the wrong moment, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the Awkward Hug where at least one party but possibly both are sweaty from head to toe and yet find themselves in an occasion that warrants hugging.
What To Do If You Are A Hugger
Yesterday a girl came up to me after Hip Hop Hustle to wish me a happy birthday and to congratulate me on my pregnancy. There was squeeeeeing all around. And then the moment came. “Oh, I’m so gross!” she said by way of apology as she flung her arms out. “I’m a sweaty mess!” I declared and threw my arms around her. It was Awkward. First, because you don’t want to smell the other person or make the other person smell you and second because we were both so slippery that any aggressive hugging would have left us one kiddie pool away from a sorority Jell-O wrestling contest. And so we kind of gripped biceps and patted the damp spot in between the other’s shoulders. It was a good sweaty hug.
The ante for embarrassment ups considerably if you are going to attempt a mixed-gender Sweaty Hug. These are less common although I will say I’ve been party to more than a few of these. I recommend the one-arm-swing-and-pat method. It’s close enough to convey your goodwill and still sterile enough to prevent any accidental sharing of bodily fluids. A good loud laugh and a buddy-punch in the arm afterward go a long way in short circuiting the Gym Rumor Mill as well.
Man-on-man hugging is the most rare of all the consenting hugs. Fortunately basketball has taught us that if you are a man in a hugging situation with another man, the best thing to do is to smack him on the butt. Don’t ask me why smacking someone’s rear is more socially acceptable than hugging them; I don’t make the rules.
What To Do If You Are Not A Hugger
When two people are not matched in their hugabilities, this is when the real Awkwardness sets in. Some huggers are aggressive – there is nothing short of kicking out one of their kneecaps that will thwart them in their attempt to sweaty hug you. I’ve found that unless the person is completely objectionable and/or scary (in which case by all means, take out their knee), the best thing to do is to let them hug you and then quickly move away, putting something like a weight bench between you and them to preclude any additional hugging.
If you absolutely cannot handle the thought of someone, especially if they are sweaty, touching you, then this is a great time for a little white lie. My favorite is, “Oh, sorry! Just got spray tanned!!” This is especially funny when you consider I’m Casper. Other acceptable get-out-of-hugs-free excuses include having a contagious illness (but then why are you at the gym?), having a phobia of germs, and having a killer martial arts instinct that you just can’t control. It helps if you take a step back and wave your hands in front of you while apologizing. (Funny story: Gym Buddy Allison and I were at a TurboKick gathering one night at a restaurant that had dancing. A man came up to ask her to dance. She stepped back and waved her hands in front of her in classic “no” fashion. Which he thought was a cool new dance step and started doing it back to her! You should have seen them no-noing back and forth for the 30 seconds it took her to escape. I would have helped her except I was laughing too hard.)
Ambivalent Huggers
The most Awkward Hug of all is when you have two ambivalent huggers. They think they maybe should hug – after all, a finish line was just crossed! – and yet they’re not really huggers. So they move back and forth, maybe one of them makes a small move, until they either meet weirdly in the middle and limply pat each other or they run away screaming because they can’t handle the tension anymore.
Other Gym Hugging Rules
– Never hug someone while they are lifting weights. Not even if you call it “spotting.”
– Never hug someone from behind. Fitness people are often very fast and strong and do not like to be startled.
– Never hug during a grapevine left or a hop-over-the-step or any other cardio move. You’ll trip up the whole class.
– Don’t hug someone in the locker room unless you are both fully clothed.
– Don’t hug someone while they are stretching – just too much potential for misplaced limbs.
So, what did I miss? Are you a hugger, a non-hugger or an ambivalent hugger? Anyone just love a good sweaty hug?
Is it stupid that I'm TOTALLY STOKED (yes, I said "stoked") that I'm the first comment?
Ahem.
Dude, if you are not my boyfriend/husband/partner/you-get-the-idea, and we have not just BOTH worked out (hence the sweatiness) AND are on our way to some "grown-up" time (ahem, again), DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME. when you/I/we are sweaty. GROSS!
Fortunately, I've learned to deflect gracefully: "Oh gosh, you don't want to hug me – I TOTALLY stink!" while backing up RAPIDLY. That usually deters people. Although I've been known to straight-up put my hand out and stop someone in the chest if they don't get it. All the while smiling and laughing sweetly, of course. (Fortunately for me, I have what I call a "Kansas" face: I pretty much look sweet and sincere ALL THE TIME, so people don't take it the wrong way.)
And now that I'm thinking about it: even if we're on our way to some "grown-up time," can we have that time in the SHOWER? PLEASE?!?!?! I'm just sayin' . . . otherwise it's still kind of gross. (Though not "GROSS," in capital letters. Lower-case letters, if the man – or woman, or whatever floats your boat – and I are close enough for that sort of thing.)
I live in France, and here there isn't so much hugging as there is kissing. Some people are pretty good about pointing out that they are sweaty, and going for some air kisses, but nothing marks a friendship like someone pressing their sweaty cheek upon your own. Good times.
people REALLy hug at the GYM!??
YEESH!!
I can't say I've ever noticed…..but now I will quietly observe…….does this happen in MY gym??!
I actually LOL'd at the 'don't hug someone in the locker room unless you are both fully clothed'. i am fascinated by the locker room – post on that Charlotte! PLEASE!! xx
how FUNNY!!
Ive never been hugged at the gym nor have I ever even had to pull evasive maneuvers to avoid huggage.
hmmm. I wonder if I wear my SERIOUSLY PEOPLE IM IN A RUSH HERE!! face too much?
(or Im with my husband all the time. that could be it :))
I do get hugged by the Tornado when she's freeded from the Daycare which binds—but I welcome that dampexcited embrace.
Too funny!
So whether sweaty or not, I'm an Ambivalent Hugger. I didn't grow up with the huggy thing, but I am up for it if the other person is.
The dance you describe when two ambivalent huggers try to figure out what's appropriate is hilariously accurate!
I'm not a big full-on hugger, mainly because I'm a 34-C or D (depending on time of the month) and I'm fairly self-conscious about mashing my breasts against someone else's chest. I've always got a suspicion that in the back of their minds they're guessing my bra size.
I am a hugger but I sweat SOOOOOOO much in the gym, I give people fair notice if they want to hug me that I smell like "you know what" and I am as sweaty as if I just went swimming! So, if they still want to hug, I am for it… although I am not sure I want to hug someone as sweaty as me!11
Mmmmmmmmmmm, got to get back to that pic you posted of the muscular guys hugging. I like that rear view! Oh, I know steroids are involved but does not mean I can't still appreciate a nice butt! 🙂
I'm more of an ambivalent hugger. I'm fine with people I know very well, but otherwise, I have a very large personal space bubble.
Marste – And I'm totally stoked that you are the first commenter too, lol! I've never heard the term 'kansas face' but I love it! Must work it into a post now somehow…
Torie and Erik- Oh, the sweaty cheek KISS!! HOw could I have forgotten that one? Laughed. So. hard.
Watching and Weighting – hmph. All of this is making me wonder if my gym is just overly huggy. Other people don't hug at the gym?? Really???
Miz – Hugs from the freshly sprung kiddos are always good hugs! My baby used to lick my wet shoulder after I worked out. I think he liked the salty taste!
Crabby – Someday, my friend, we will have the opportunity to Awkwardly Hug in person:)
Dragonmama – Ooooh – hadn't considered the added awkwardness of big boobs! You have a point!
Jody – Glad I could make your day, girl:)
I am not a hugger.
I gladly make exceptions for little kid hugs, especially at finish lines, but with everyone else, I have been known to become conveniently clumsy. Can't hug while you're scrambling to pick up dropped water bottles, ear buds or safety pins.
Ah yes, the awkwardness of someone wanting to give me a hug without coming anywhere near the DDs. I've had people try the sideways half-hug, which usually means we end up touching armpits. Never tried that in a sweaty gym situation. Just as well.
HAHA! Funny post 😀
Another awkward hug: HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.
Like when my freshman year college roommate was 6' and I am 5'1"…… and basically my face was her armpit level. It was awkward at first, but then after we got to know each other I didn't notice it anymore.
In general I don't like hugs after/during/before workouts. I go to a gym that's a little further from my house on purpose because I don't want to be accosted during a workout. It just seems easier and keeps me more focused, because if I think I'll see people I know, I start feeling guarded/self-conscious. Granted, there are also times when I envy people (such as you) who have such close relationships with the gym buddies 🙂
I am not a hugger. Fortunately, I don't belong to a gym, either, so never have to worry about drowning in someone else's sweat during the excitement of a hug. *shudder*
On the other hand, when I was doing theatre, there was constant huggage going on. Some of it sweaty because of the spotlights…..
Ah, good times.
Char – with other peoples comments, I think our gym must be the only one for hugs! I know I'm not gonna stop!
I've never experienced the post-working-out-in-a-gym hug personally, but I've seen it done. It baffles me. Probably because I'm a little too OCD. Even after cutting the grass on a steamy Georgia Sunday afternoon, I'll give my two-year-old "The Heisman"* to avoid huggage. I love the little bugger, but no one touch me when I'm sweaty. I don't fault her for it; it makes me feel like I have a sign on me that says, "Hi, my name's Daddy and I'm a hugger." I does make me smile. I'm a fan of appropriate hugs, like when you haven't seen your best friend in several months, or it's someone's last day at work before leaving for a new job and you're close with them, or your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/cat/whatever and you just feel like they need a hug every day of their life. Or any other myriad situations that could arise that warrant a nice/soft/strong/warm/etc. hug.
Just don't touch me after I've spent the last hour on the elliptical. Even my wife. It's not going to happen.
*Definition (in case you don't know) — I had to use this term; I just learned it from a co-worker who has recently found herself back on the dating scene. It's named after, obviously, The Heisman Trophy. She referred to the move in terms of when she was setting up a date with a guy and he suddenly stopped accepting calls or texts from her. In short, she was coming at him and he stiff-armed her so he could go in another direction. Anyway, I thought I should explain in case anyone hadn't heard this term. I almost stopped breathing the first time she used it.
I've been gym hugged before. Of course, the other person was totally dry and I was the sweaty mess. But they leaned in for the hug anyways.
In general, not a fan of hugs when sweat, in large amounts, is present. Just a wee bit too gross for my taste.
I guess I'm an ambivalent hugger for the most part. If you're up for it, I'm up for it. My fiance and I usually do the "air kisses" and back pat hugs when we are sweaty, and I can't think of any other time recently that anyone's tried. Gymnastics days maybe? No matter how sweaty, hugs abounded after a competition routine or finally pulling a trick you've been scared to for a while.
I guess I'm an ambivalent hugger, until I know the person really well, then I'm a hugger. But that's in every day situations; I usually work out alone at the gym but under all circumstances I'm a non-hugger when sweat is involved.
I REALLY don't think they do – British reserve???? I'll get back to you…..
I know that I'm a few months behind on this (I just discovered your blog), but I really did almost pee myself reading the end of the post.