The closest I’ve ever come to a celebrity is sitting about 20 rows behind Billy Corgan at a Jazz vs. Bulls playoffs game, unless you count the time I swore I saw Pamela Anderson waiting for a shuttle at the Southwest terminal out of LAX. (My brother rightly pointed out at the time that surely Pamela Anderson didn’t fly Southwest and even more wouldn’t take a shuttle to the park-n-ride like the rest of us non-tattooed peons. It must have been a good impostor though because it looked just like her, I swear.) So you’ll understand that I must offer Reader Elizabeth my apologies on that point. I don’t know a single celebrity. Other than what I read about them, I don’t have anything on which to base a judgement about any of them.
This is not about Valerie Bertinelli.
In my not-as-funny-as-I’d-hoped April Fool’s Day post, I used the Jenny Craig spokeswoman as point number four as to why one shouldn’t take advice from fit mag experts:
4. “I run for 45-60 minutes on the treadmill every day and slashed my calories to 1200.” Valerie Bertinelli to People magazine on how she got her bikini bod back in time for her 49th birthday and their cover shoot. (Valerie: The miracle plan you are on? Is called a crash diet. It will soon betray you. Grow up and realize that if the best thing you can say about being 49 is that you can still wear a bikini, then you haven’t accomplished much in your half century on earth.)
Reader Elizabeth took offense and replied in her comment:
Ok, I don’t get what the problem is with Valerie B. So she wanted badly to be fit and look pretty. Maybe wanted it obsessively.
Are there people posting here who are religious about their workout/ calorie counting/ foods? Why is it that if Valerie does it, she needs to grow up and realize her self-worth is not dictated by her body fat composition? It seems to me a tad hypocritical and judgmental — look at the comments here: “Oh Charlotte, we know you’re too OCD to not go to the gym and just do what feels good.” No one is telling Charlotte to “grow up” and get over her desire to have a fit body and go eat gummy worms with her kids already.
I like this site, but I think given its slightly obsessive nature, that comment was out of line. Also, 1200 cals a day for a woman who is 48 and 5’4″ is not too out of whack. Check out what her BMR is — a tad over 1300. If her activity is mainly derived from that hour in the gym, she is probably right around the 500 cal deficit she needed to lose a pound a week.
I’d like to thank Elizabeth (really!) for her comment because she makes an important point and one I’d like to clarify my stance on. First, as I mentioned above, you are right about Ms. Bertinelli. She is no worse nor better than any of her H’wood peers. If I were inclined to guess, I’d say she may be even less aware of The Machine than most, having been a cog in it from such a young age. I have nothing against her. She just happened to be the most current example of a growing phenomenon that I detest: the glorification of beauty above any other accomplishment.
We saw it in Faith Hill’s October 2008 cover story in Shape magazine in which she said, “wearing a bikini on a magazine cover is my 41st birthday present to myself.”The accompanying article detailed her nutrition and exercise regime but said almost nothing about her family and nothing at all about any outside interests aside from mentioning at the outset that “her beautiful face” has sold millions of CDs. Her beautiful… face? Surely she is that but I would say it is her stunning voice that did the selling. Julia Louis Dreyfus did it again for the April 2009 cover of the same mag, celebrating turning 48 not by talking about her impressive career as an actress or her ecological work (although that was covered, slightly, in a pictorial about her Green House with actual information slipped in between sound bites about 400-thread-counts and Egyptian cotton) but by posing in a bikini and going over her eating and workout plans in more detail than NATO’s last assessment of Afghanistan. Cindy Crawford upped the ante by commemorating her 43rd birthday by posing nude for Allure magazine. Multiple other celebrities, including Valerie Bertinelli in People magazine about two weeks ago, have jumped on the same birthday bandwagon: I’m 40/50/60 and look at my greatest accomplishment – I’m beautiful!
Ms. Bertinelli may have done other things in her runup to 50 besides do Jenny Craig, lose weight and pose in a bikini but if she has, nobody knows about them. A google search for “Valerie Bertinelli charity” gets you nothing but links to her People promo material and – wait for it – a time where she did actually help out a charity… by posing in a bikini. Even her wiki page lists nothing but her film credits and her Jenny Craig work. Again, I’m not criticizing her perse. I’m angry at the media machine that keeps spewing the message that no matter what a woman does in her life it matters not unless she is beautiful. Age used to be a limiting factor. Katherine Hepburn was gracefully released from her ambiguous role as a sex symbol and allowed to do her considerable aid work until she died. But no more! You’re a grandma? You should be a GILF! Talk about demeaning women.
As to your second point, Elizabeth, that I suffer from the same obsession with dieting and weight and exercise – with a heavy sigh, I will concede that point to you too. Heaven knows I spend way too much time and energy caring about how much I weigh. But here’s the thing: I don’t like that about myself. I’m trying to change it, which is a big reason that I do this blog. However, you are wrong by saying none of my readers here call me out on it. They do, regularly – see Chilerock’s comment on that same post for one example. This is something for which I am profoundly grateful, even if it does sometimes sting. You all are one of the biggest reality checks I have and I’m grateful for the times you guys call me out, masters of tough-but-kind that you are! I know I have a problem. I’m currently in treatment for an on-again off-again eating disorder and the accompanying OCD. And I daresay I’m making progress. Although it is slower than I would like most days.
You have to understand, it is my worst nightmare that I will get to the half-century mark and the only thing people will remember about me is, “Well she sure knew how to lose weight!”
Don’t get me wrong, I do think losing weight and/or getting healthier is absolutely commendable. It does getter harder as one ages and one should be celebrated for doing difficult things. Good health, proper nutrition and exercise are worthy goals. But they are not ends unto themselves. My problem with the Faith Hill, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Cindy Crawford, Valerie Bertinelli stories (not the people – remember, I don’t know a single thing first-hand about any of them) and others is that the beauty – something they arguably have the genes for to begin with – is the accomplishment. When will we start celebrating women for how they better the world rather than how they better themselves?
PS> Reader Elizabeth, this reply was in no way meant as an attack on you or your comment. You brought up a great point and I am grateful to have the chance to talk about it. Your comment has been rattling around my brain ever since you left it. I’m so glad you (normally) like my site & I hope you stick around!
I always appreciate your honesty and I totally agree with your point. Being fit and healthy at 20/40/60/80 is a great accomplishment that most people only wish for, but I think a person has to be A LOT more than a pretty face and body to be happy, it’s all about balance. 🙂
Love your blog!
I just want to totally agree with what you wrote. More and more, women and girls are getting the message that the ONLY thing that matters is how we look. Someone, I forget who, put it perfectly: they said that females, whether they’re 12 or 60, are all expected to look 25. And now we have the added pressure for women who are pregnant to NOT appear in public during their 3rd trimester (lest they be called FAT!) and to lose the weight quickly once they’ve given birth. It has gotten ridiculous, and downright dangerous.
We are expected to starve ourselves, pay exorbitant fees to surgeons so they can cut us up and inject us with toxic substances, spend hours at the gym, and sacrifice our lives at the altar of “beauty” and “youth.”
It’s sickening.
Charlotte, great post. Amen to everything you said!
You say that these actresses, Faith Hill and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, were posing for Shape magazine, so that makes sense that they would only talk about their eating and exercise habits. Valerie Bertinelli is using her body as a career comeback, and Cindy Crawford is a freak of nature. I agree on your post that beauty should not be the only accomplishment, but for some people, I guess that is enough.
I am totally, totally with you on this issue.
You articulated this so much better than I could.
In fact, for the first time in nearly two years I had no post on Friday because the one I’d written–a feminist rant on beauty and vanity and the obsession our culture has with what women LOOK like above all else–went so far over the top I had last-minute regrets and had to pull it.
(It was inspired by a Chris Matthews segment on HardBall on Michelle Obama’s popularity, and the entire discussion with two panelists was about her clothes and figure and how her looks compared to the French President’s wife).
I’m glad you wrote this and couldn’t agree more.
The one place I differ with you is that you blame “the media machine” for their obsession on weight and beauty to the exclusion of all else, implying the celebrities themselves have no responsibility in the matter. But who signs up for these birthday poses? Who agrees to pose? The women could either refuse to do it, or say, “I’ll pose only if you say x, y and z about these aspects of my life.” Blaming it on the media is a cop-out, and makes these women sound like hapless victims.
I wish people would choose better points, and more important aspects of a individual’s life to appreciate. Unfortunately, having such shallow views is what predominates 🙁
Charlotte, your posts always leave me thinking. I wish I had the answer and I wish we were focused on something other than what these women look like in a bikini at whatever age they happen to be. On the one hand I think it’s great that women can be sexy/feminine/sexual/attractive/etc at any age and show it off, but I hate that they have to show that with an almost naked shot of an almost perfect body on a national magazine cover. Sigh.
I understand where you’re coming from. And as someone who is frequently called “beautiful” (I’ve been approached to be a model by someone not selling something on two separate occaisions. However I don’t photograph well.), it’s more of a pain than anything: guys approaching me, only to call me a fat B***H or a slut (ironic, as I’m being called that for refusing them), when I tell them I’m engaged, people commenting about what I eat, asking where I get my hair extensions (it’s my real hair, but I had to flip my head upside-down to prove it), touching me (a man grabbed my lower abdominals to see if there was any fat there, on a different occaision, another pinched my upper arm. Both of this happened at the gym), and a stalker.
And this is all in my everyday life (not when I go to bars), although none of it happens when I’m with BK (which is probably the most depressing thing: alone, it’s fine to bother me, but not when I’m with a man).
Loved all of this, reader Elizabeth – thanks for making that comment.
Charlotte, you nailed it. I totally agree.
Man, Charlotte, Ive read this a few times and find myself more shouting AMEN!! than having a comment.
some is my cynicism (I think V did things to lose the weight which might not be shared with us the great sweaty masses.)
some is my sadness (really people? we are in 2009 and that message is still being lobbed at us about how importantcrucial our tummies look is?)
some is (and yeah. Im gonna say it) awe at your writing skills.
your insights (which I agree with entirely) and your ability to ARTICULATE THEM.
It’s not just about women or just about body fat. I’m afraid the superficiality runs deeper than that. Did you hear the big flap last week about some boy-celebrity (I think Zack Effron?) who committed the horrendous sin of having EAR WAX that was spotted when you zoomed into an extreme close-up photo of his head?
This nit-picking about ear wax, belly bumps, sweat stains, etc etc has really gotten ridiculous.
So, what’s the solution? Well, one thing that might help is if everyone stops buying these crappy magazines! You can make a statement, save trees, have more money in your wallet and more time in your day.
I think it was Joan Collins who said “The problem with beauty is that it’s like being born rich and getting poorer.” These women — their fortune is their face and their body.
I’m afraid we’re going to end up with a lot of plastic surgery’d Marlene Dietrich lookalikes wandering about.
Can I just applaud instead of make an actual comment? Because that’s TOTALLY how I feel!
Amazing post Charlotte! You hit the nail right on the head.
Jenn
Elizabeth perfectly explained what I feel after reading many of your posts. I can see that you “get” it, I agree with most of what you say, but your opinions don’t in any way match up with how you tell us you live your life, so I’m often left thinking that this blog has two different writers.
Great post!!!! Like you, I admit I am obsessed with my workouts & being fit. But, I like lifting weights & having muscles so that is good for me. Unlike the celebs, though, I do eat way more than 1200 calories a day. BUT, I do work out hard & eat healthy.
Your point on looking at women for their accomplishments in other ways than their face/bod is so true. Unfortunately the mainstream media is not there & not sure when they will be. They like to talk a good story but then do stuff like this.
You are a fantastic writer. Glad I found your blog although I read Huffington Post so I best look past some of the political stuff I always read!!!
You’ll be remembered as a witty, talented writer and a very dedicated and courageous woman (inside and outside the gym) – at least by me, and I barely know ya. 🙂
As for celebs, eh, I figure just let the pretty people be pretty people. If they want to be interesting too, then maybe I’ll pay attention. It should bother me more, sure, but I’m just so apathetic about it…
Me again. Can I address a few points brought up in the comments?
First off, I just want to say to Anonymous that I think we ALL have thoughts about how we’d LIKE to be which are often in direct opposition to how we ARE. Charlotte points out that she doesn’t want to be obsessed with her weight, food, and her workouts, and that she is trying to change that. I think it makes her more relatable. (God knows I have beliefs that are in polar opposition to my behaviors!!!!)
Tricia, unfortunately you are a victim of our society’s obsession with and depiction of beauty. Because you look the way you do, people assume A LOT about you, without even knowing you. you are perceived as property, like one of those women in a music video, who only exists for the pleasure of men. Never mind that you are a REAL person!!!!!!!! THIS is where the media’s obsession with looks, and how they treat women, becomes dangerous.
Finally, Louisa, having lived in the industry for a long time, I can tell you there is ENORMOUS pressure on these women to present themselves this way! Unfortunately, they do not have autonomy. Agents, publicists, managers, assistants, etc. all rely on them for their own livliehoods, and as these women start to get older, there is more and more pressure (often from the agents, managers, etc.) to look “hot.” And it’s very hard not to buy into that mindset. The older a woman gets, the less appeal she supposedly has to an audience. It’s a rotten industry.
Sorry this is so long! I’ll step down off the soapbox now.
I definitely think what you’re writing makes sense and is filled with tons of good points. You want to be less obsessed with your health/fitness and admonish society for imposing this obsession on everyone by reducing a woman of any age to her body in a bikini. It’s sad and disgusting and should be addressed by all women.
I thought I’d not leave a comment based on that I have nothing to add because I really have no idea to what or whom you’re referring. So I guess that I can add that we cannot let celebrities nor the media dictate how we should feel about our appearance if we don’t expose ourselves to it. Granted, it’s impossible to completely filter it out (I do live on earth most of the time,) but because it’s in such limited quantities it does little more than keep me on earth, and doesn’t overtly affect my self worth. It is exactly like limiting the TV and movies I watch because I don’t like profanity nor explicit content. The best way to limit something is to stop purchasing it, and so I am therefore doing my part.
However, I work very, very hard at staying fit, and a little appreciation for something that is not only important but also difficult is most welcome. Some people know me for photography or photoshop, some know me for sewing, some know me from church, and some know me for fitness. I don’t get upset that all of my “faces” are not known to all with whom I associate. On Shape Magazine, it’s more appropriate to discuss their fitness and diet program than their charity work. No one would interview me about photography and ask anything about my vegetable garden, my sewing machine, nor my appearance. All things in their sphere.
That said, your ability to open a dialog about these issues is admirable. It’s the discussion that is valuable.
I think you’ve got an excellent point. And it’s frustrating, because it seems that if a woman is both famous and beautiful, then the focus becomes all about her beauty. Even with Michelle Obama, it’s not her achievements that people are interested in- it’s how to get her arms.
Then you get amazing women like Louise Arbour who do wonderful work, but I can’t think of a single time anyone ever said “oh wow she’s drop dead gorgeous”. Does it have to be an either/or situation? Is beauty always going to be overriding everything else we do in life?
Thanks Charlotte. I totally share your concern that the thing will be inscribed on my tombstone is “Loving Wife, Mother, with 20% Body Fat.” Maybe it won’t even be listed in that order?
I think the tone of telling Valerie to grow up just struck me as slightly mean-spirited. Yes, commenters do remind you to be good to yourself or to relax the rigors of your fitness regimen. But they do so gently. Perhaps that’s because they know you (or feel they know you) and they treat you more kindly.
Thanks again for responding to my concerns. Like I said, I like this blog a lot and will be sticking around to see more gym adventures!
Right on, Charlotte.
I personally try my hardest to avoid all fitness and fashion magazines–it just adds to the E.D. fuel, which I certainly don’t need.
To Anonymous–oftentimes, when a person has an eating disorder, he or she will write and live as though they *are* two different people.
I have one woman in my head who has calipers, a scale, and knows the exact nutritional value of everything I put in my mouth. (We won’t even go into what she thinks I should look like.)
I have another woman in my head who is cool with my curves, and doesn’t care about what I eat, so long as it’s healthy, and in moderation. She cares about being strong, and having the ability to DO; she doesn’t think it matters if I am a size 0 or not.
And these two?
They fight.
All the damn time.
You see the problem?
I admire Charlotte for being so upfront and forthright about her struggles–she is also trying to get help, which, believe me, is one of the hardest things to do when you’re suffering from an eating disorder.
I admire Charlotte for her courage, and for being an inspiration in healing to another woman who deals with an E.D.–I hope I can be admired for the same some day.