March 2009

April’s Great Fitness Experiment: Hedonism!

March 31, 2009

April’s Great Fitness Experiment is going to be a little… different this month. See, when explaining my new Experiments to people, invariably someone always says to me, “Well my 80-year-old Grandpa smokes a pack a day, eats two slabs of bacon for breakfast, only runs if someone’s chasing him and he’s the healthiest, happiest man I know!” Other iterations include, “Well my neighbor lost 180 pounds by switching from soda to juice!” and “Cindy Crawford walks her dog a couple of times a week, splurges on hamburgers and she looks awesome!” and my favorite, “You worry too much! I eat [...]

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Just One Rule

March 31, 2009

I suppose “Don’t hold the gun in front of your face” is a good rule to live by. Eat a vegetable with every meal. Drink 2 liters of water a day. Meditate for 15 minutes a day. Don’t eat sugar. Hug your kids. Take 5 minutes to yourself to relax before bed. Get properly fitted for a bra. Eat real food. Live mindfully. Laugh. No grains. Dance like no one’s watching. Do cardio first. Work in what you love and love your work. Be passionate. Ask questions. All of the above are responses that people have told me over the [...]

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Is Your "Real Age" Accurate?

March 30, 2009

I got to see this costume up close! My fave part: the piano, also filled with bubbles. And her playing said piano with her clear plastic stripper stiletto. Oh yeah, the singing was fab too. For those of you who think I act like a teenager (this 30-year-old mom recently saw Lady Gaga in concert – a show otherwise filled with superfan teen girls and drag queens), apparently I have good reason. According to this test, I’m actually only 18. If you, like me, have been on the Internet since Al Gore invented it, then I’m sure you recognize the [...]

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Rihanna’s Got a Gun

March 27, 2009

Rihanna – she of the battered by Chris Brown fame (What? She’s a singer too??) – recently got some new ink done: Lots of people are questioning the aesthetics of the tiny tattoos but even more are asking what it all means. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s pretty obvious. She was recently victimized, both by her boyfriend and then by the press, and now she’s sporting permanent guns, an overt symbol of power and violence. Let’s not over analyze this. What is interesting to me is the different ways that victims use to [...]

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Survival of the Weakest

March 26, 2009

If I’ve learned anything from grading thousands of high school SAT essays – other than everyone read The Great Gatsby this year – it’s that life is all about your weaknesses and how you deal with them. There are very few 17-year-olds that are innately good spur-of-the-moment essay writers and yet the forces that be have decreed that if you want to get into a good college then you’d better be able to crank out something both quasi-meaningful and semi-literate in under 30 minutes. This conundrum forces students to confront one of their weaknesses and deal with it in a [...]

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As Obesity Rises, Our Military Shrinks

March 25, 2009

In what I think may be the most poignant picture of the obesity epidemic, it was reported today that 3 out of 4 military-age Americans are unfit for service. The reason? They surpass the weight and/or body fat percentage limits set by the government. Since 2005, over 48,000 potential soldiers have been turned away due to weight issues – more soldiers than are currently stationed in Afghanistan. What does it say about a country when the vast majority (75%!) of the citizens who are eligible to fight for it – and ostensibly are in the prime of their lives – [...]

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The Weird Fitness Equipment Workout

March 24, 2009

“What is it?” Gym Buddy Allison kicked the nubbly, hot pink, semi-inflated disk. “Breast implant!” Gym Buddy Lisseth held it up to her chest. “It’s lumpy so it feel more realistic.” “You stand on it,” I instructed, grabbing it from her (blind-leading-the-blind concerns duly noted.) “One under each foot? That seems a bit unstable,” Gym Buddy Megan rubbed her pregnant tummy and contemplated belly flopping. “It’s supposed to be unstable,” I answered, setting up two a good lunge-width apart. Lisseth jumped on. “The back one’s deflated!” “It’s supposed to be,” I answered. “Well they’re not equally deflated,” she retorted. “That’s [...]

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I Have A Gym Purse

March 23, 2009

Me with my gym purse. And my awesome hat. It was St. Patrick’s day in Turbokick! And no, I didn’t work out in the hat. (Thanks to Johnathan for the pic!) I carry a gym purse. This is separate from a gym bag – you know, the thing that normal people take to the gym. Don’t get me wrong, I do have a gym bag; I use it to carry diapers, wipes, padlock, extra socks, a neon blue sports bra for Gym Buddy Allison, that sort of thing. But I happen to be a girl with a lot of stuff. [...]

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How Young is Too Young to Talk About a Girl’s Weight?

March 20, 2009

Puppies! Kittehs! Dancing rainbows! You know I still have a soft spot for Lisa Frank. Here is your homework assignment: You are given a Lisa Frank-esque rainbow with six colors (unicorns optional); you are to cut out the rainbow, write your name on the fluffy smiling cloud end and then on each of the colors write one word that describes you. Oh, and by the way, you’re six. Tonight as I sat in a childish chair with my knees tucked up to my chin and waited for my turn to talk with my son’s first grade teacher about the wonderful, [...]

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Pregnancy Weight Gain Guidelines Revised

March 19, 2009

Nothing says fun like taking your 5-year-old in for his kindergarten checkup, i.e. The Checkup That Requires Shots. (Bonus points for bringing along a tantruming 2-year-old who is missing his nap!) So it was in this frame of mind that I was looking for a little diversion, magazine style. My choices were the regional magazine, Mnpls/St Paul, which as far as I can tell is 256 pages of advertisements with an additional 4 pages of advertisements featuring “local” models ’cause actual articles might impede all the advertising they are trying to do; Family Fun, which really ought to be titled [...]

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