Yellow Waterfalls by I.P. Freely (a.k.a. Steve Stenzel)



So a while ago I confessed my fascination with how athletes “take care of business” during an athletic competition. This fascintation generally takes the form of intrusive questions asked to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen to me. My friend and first-time triathlete P, upon being on the recieving end of my grilling, simply rolled his eyes and said, “What are you – a twelve year old boy?”

Apparently, yes.
And I finally found someone who is not only an accomplished triathlete and Ironman but is also as immature as I am. Possibly more so. (Yeah, I’m jealous.) Exhibit 1:
Steve did the running part of his half Ironman dressed as the Grim Reaper, complete with hood and scythe. Who doesn’t love that?
Peeing Into the Wind
My Great Fitness Question (unanswered lo these many months): Did you pee in the lake?
Steve: Yes! Twice!!
Me: I knew it! How could you not? I mean, that’s got to be one of the main motivations of being first, right? Clean water?? Although I suppose you could make a case for it being warmer at the back of the pack. If they fart, you’ve practically got a jacuzzi!
Steve: Plus, on the bike section, I peed in a cornfield. Wanna see?
Me: Did you drink the lake water too?? You sure are well hydrated. And photographic evidence and everything. How very National Geographic of you.
Steve: Oh, and for a bonus, my wife opted to not even get off her bike to pee and just did it right there off her seat.
Me: Thus proving that women are the smarter of the species.
It’s ridiculous how much this entertained me. You can thank me later because I know you’ve been wondering. And yes, for those of you who forgot, we covered pooping during a race already.
So – out with it: Raise your hand if you’ve done a Tri and peed in the lake. Raise both hands if you’ve ever peed off your bike. And if you’ve ever dropped trou and peed someplace random raise your leg and aim for the hydrant. (You can comment anonymously!) Now if I can just corner Michael Phelps long enough to ask him a question…

25 Comments

  1. Yeah, the ladies are totally smarter. Luckily, I’ve never had to poo on the bike. (Well, technically, I did during Ironman, but I stopped at a porto-potty).

    Nice post! Thanks for the link!

  2. Oh, wow, thanks for this. It distracted me (for a moment) from worrying about a hurricane!

    Not a competitive athlete of any sort, so never peed during anything important. Did have to pee in a cornfield on one of my first dates with my husband. Fortunately, he had tissues in his car. Also fortunately, it was before we had digital cameras, so there is no evidence!

  3. I’ve actually never “gone” on a run- outside.
    But I used to go running early in the mornings with a weak-bladdered partner. I used to wish she’d just go in the bushes…

    but she never did. We’d stop at gas stations all the time (well, the SAME TWO gas stations). But once we stopped at Hogi Yogi’s corporate headquarters – that’s as crazy as we got.

  4. Great post – I have ALWAYS wondered this about athletes.

    I’ve never had to do it myself although I did wake up in a tent at a music festival once with a near-to-exploding bladder. There were people EVERYWHERE around and the nearest portaloo was too far to reach before disaster. So I peed into a cup. Well, two cups actually, I had clearly REALLY needed to go. It was a triumph of aim and control.

    Did I overshare?

    TA x

  5. no tri’s here at all or ever BUT IP Freely every time I read anything steve writes—-does that count?

    Miz.

  6. OK, I’ve had some moments with the bears in the woods 🙂

    Large leaves can be quite useful…

  7. I have never tried a tri, but I have peed in public numerous times. Mostly while intoxicated, not high on adrenaline. This is not something I’m proud of. And yet…here I am, admitting it for all to see!

    A girl peeing off a bike = serious Kegel dedication.

  8. Lethological Gourmet

    Did I read that right? A girl peed off her bike? She didn’t even get off? Does this mean she just peed while riding and let it drip dry? Or did she stop and attempt to aim? And if the latter, I’m in awe – because seriously, how do you get your shorts down, pee, not get yourself wet, all without even getting off the bike?

  9. That’s hilarious. I’ve honestly never thought about it before… but that would be rather a necessity!

  10. I have totally peed in lakes/oceans during triathlons – and usually at least twice – once during warmup, and once during the swim. Don’t forget too most of the time you also have a wetsuit on already…I have a friend who can pee on the run – which is a skill I want to learn. Yes, we are crazy.

  11. I’m with Leslie on this one!

    That’s all I’m going to say.

  12. yay steve in a speedo! his blog is hysterical.

    i didn’t get to my tri early enough to pee in the water. i was sad. i’ve defintely peed during open water practice swims, though.

  13. The man used to be quite the triathlete… He did several half ironman. I am embarrassed to tell you that I asked the same questions Charlotte… I mean, one has got to know… And the answers were… my worst fears come true, ya know…

  14. Did you watch Steve’s vid on his blog? The dancing grim reaper? If not, please take the time to do so. You just my P freely then.

    As someone that has competed in triathlon for money, and if I wanted the money, there was no time for stopping! The key is to wear black shorts. They are probably wet by the time you have to pee anyways. You just go! Urine is sterile folks!

    Of course, a quick change of clothes (if you cannot immediately get a shower) is required and then a shower asap! As with anything else, don’t try anything new on race day…….kidding, this is the only exception!

  15. In fact, I might just be peeing in the above photo. You can’t tell!

  16. This post is so funny I almost peed my, OK, never mind.

    VERY funny post! Glad to see there are other 12 year-old boys masquerading as grown women out there!

  17. Haha! Some of the comments are right up there with Steve’s story. You guys crack me up.

    I totally used to pee in the lake all the time when I was swimming. Not that I was competing in anything, it’s just kinda funny to pee in any body of water, you know?

  18. No triathalon stories but I have had to deal with it in the labor room. And of course if you get me laughing too hard…

  19. Of course I pee in the lake! I’m not an elite athlete like Darcy (she’s my hero), but during a tri, when else can you go? You’ve been hydrating all morning and you don’t want to miss your start time by taking a quick trip to the port-a-pot, so there’s no better time then when you hit that cold lake! This year, because the water was so stinkn’ choppy by the time us “old” ladies got to start, I drank my fill of lake water–yuk. And I KNEW everyone in front of me was peeing too! gross

  20. I am not a competitive athlete. I exercise in the privacy of my own basement…with a bathroom down the hall.

    My kids, however, seem to always need to go when there is no potty in site. On Labor Day, three of them had to pee when we were at the lake. I told them to just go in the lake. They didn’t get it and each attempted to remove their swimsuit in front of a park full of people as they waded out in the swimming area. So I clarified. All three got stage fright and just couldn’t do it. My three year old was classic. “Mommy, I can’t go potty in my swimsuit in the lake. My swimsuit will get all wet!”

    My children also have a fascination with peeing in the grass. This is due to at least one emergency with each kid where we truly had no choice. The worst time was after a bad storm at our old home in Arkansas, we had no running water for a few days and had to use the yard if we couldn’t make it to the Walmart in time. Thankfully we lived in wooded seclusion, but I still felt like a redneck hillbilly.

    My youngest started using the great outdoors just to avoid coming into the house, and even releaved himself once at the park when other kids were there. When I asked him not to pee in the yard and come in the house, he responded, “But mom, I’m CAMPING!”

  21. I’d totally pee in the lake. Running, or cycling I don’t think I’m mentally there for that one!

    Although I’m planning to do my first tri in a month and the swimming portion is in a pool and i’m always afraid that pools have that chemical in it that turns urine bright purple. Or is that an urban myth that only I fell for?

  22. I’m totally freaked out about the pool-turning-color-thing too! Otherwise I don’t think my conscience would care, and my bladder would totally oblige. 🙂 But if I have to pee and there is no toilet, I have no issues squatting behind a bush and letting go.

  23. OK, let’s clear a few things up here. First of all, as someone mentioned above, pee is sterile (unless you’ve got some sort of nasty infection going on, then that’s another story).

    Yes, I have peed in the lakes during tris countless times. The pool, not so much. During races, it seems that no matter how many porta potties I’ve visited beforehand, I’ve still gotta go when the gun fires, so I do. Plus, it saves minutes during T1 not having to wait in line!

    And yes, I did pee on the bike during my latest tri (a half iron distance). It was around mile 40 something, pouring rain, and freezing cold. My fingers no longer worked. They were totally numb. I didn’t know if I would even be able to get my two pairs of shorts down (tri shorts and bike shorts over them). Even if I was able to get the shorts down, there’s no gaurentee that I’d get them back up, I’d have to tredge through a muddy cornfield (no porta potties), and then how would I clip my numb feet back into my bike? I decided just to go right on the bike…

    I knew I had another hour of biking to do in the pouring rain, and it would be an adequate rinse, so I just let go. Gross? Yes, but I’m still alive to tell about it!

    Finally, I am married to Steve in a speedo. I don’t know how I’ve done it either 🙂

  24. Dang! Hate when I’m late getting around to reading my fav blogs and I miss something as pertinent to my life as THIS! By the by I was AT that race watching my husband and OF COURSE saw the grim reaper and now I have the story behind the story. Fabulous! As you already know Charlotte, I’m a public pee-er. I’ve peed in lakes, on a bike (but only once cuz it was kinda hard and I ruined my Power Bars that I kept on my top tube), and definitely on the run. When you see someone go by an aid station and throw water on their crotch, it’s because they’re trying to dilute the urine on their shorts.

  25. Steve – thanks again for letting me use the pics & stuff off your blog!

    Pharmie – thanks to you too for sharing your wisdom with us. You rock.

    Kara – wow, I feel much educated. My general response when talking with you:)