Here’s something you don’t see very often in our Photoshopped, airburshed and Dermablended world: stretch marks. And not just a couple discreetly tucked away on a hip or breast. Oh no, these are full-on I’ve birthed a baby and no amount of Mederma will ever fix them stretch marks.
A woman named Deelishis from, unsurprisingly, some reality show showcased her baby mama marks with pride at a private bowling party in Miami. (Side note: what in tarnation is a “private bowling party”? I thought it had to be celebrity code from something less Community Night at Larry’s Lanes and more Studio 54 with ugly shoes but all the celebs actually brought bowling balls. So, huh.) It was some semblance of a red carpet event as there was, well, a carpet involved and so Ms. D’s fashion accessory of choice is being questioned.
The Ultimate Fashion Blunder?
Every woman has them. The lucky girls have only a few courtesy of puberty and are not really noticeable. The rest of us, especially the mothers among us, look more like Deelishis. My five-year-old actually called me “the tiger lady” upon seeing mine. It would have been funnier had it not been him that caused the claw marks. So I’ll be the first to say that they’re not the most attractive feature. And yet for those of us unwilling or unable to have a tummy tuck does that mean we should be banished to muumuus for the rest of our days? What’s next, Burqas for acne scars?
The Shape of a Mother, a website dedicated to showing the reality — both beautiful and not — of stretch marks, saggy boobs, and all other accouterments of motherhood, agrees. The site owner got the idea after seeing a woman at a restaurant carrying a baby.
“As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society’s greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen.”
With the current celebrity baby boom in full swing (hi Jennifer Garner!), I predict we’ll be seeing more glimpses of these silvery scars in the future. Seriously, I know Angelina Jolie is SuperMom but nobody has twins without stretching like a human slinky. Whether they choose to embrace them (coordinate with metallic heels?) or hide them under layers of makeup (it was rumored that Pamela Andersen had a personal make-up artist on Baywatch solely dedicated to painting in her stretch marks between takes) and fabric remains to be seen. Can we accept our celebrities mamas blemished? Can we accept ourselves scarred?
I was chatting with a friend at the gym the other day when she mentioned her satisfaction at seeing a svelte mommy’s top slide up during step class to reveal not a taut-n-toned tummy but rather a handful of sagging, slashed skin and a bellybutton that looked as if it had been attacked with an apple corer. “That’s why I’m saving up for surgery,” my friend whispered conspiratorially. Now, I’m not necessarily opposed to surgery – heaven knows if it were free I’d fluff my girls back up and make them face forward and pay attention like nature intended – but it seems to me more prudent to be accepting of a condition that so many of us have. Perhaps instead of changing our bodies to fit the fashion, we change the fashion to suit our bodies? 50 years of feminism and that concept is still considered too radical.
So, what do you do with your stretchmarks? Do you wear them loud & proud in a hot pink bikini? Do you tuck them discreetly into a one piece and sarong, taking care to fold the extra skin just so? Or were you one of the few to escape childbirth & puberty with all of your collagen still intact?
well, haven’t had kids (nor am i planning on it), so i won’t have stretch marks due to that.
however, i didn’t escape a (ridiculously late – like college late) puberty spurt that made me not fit into skirts and pants over the course of a semester and gained some on the inner thighs and a little near the hip bone.
i deal with them. they’re not quite so noticeable (unlike the cellulite. *sigh*), so eh.
HA! I’m delivering within a week and when I went in today to the doctor’s, the medical assistant even commented on how many more stretch marks I had gotten since my previous visit…ONLY THREE DAYS BEFORE! I am one of the cursed!
This is one way where I’ve come to appreciate the fact that my first child was born when I was just 17.
I got stretch marks with her, and of course my breasts have never been quite the same, but otherwise my body bounced back really well. I was young, and still wanted to wear bikinis and stuff and still had the shape to do it. Fortunately, most of my stretch marks went to my butt and hips (a couple new ones on my upper thighs with baby #3), so they were mostly covered, but still. I had to deal with it all early, when I was still really confident, so I just dealt with it, and wore the bikini.
I fear that if I’d been 25 (as I was when my second child was born), I wouldn’t have had the confidence, and felt like I had to hide them, or do something surgical to try to “correct” the “flaws.” Instead, they’ve been a part of me all my adult life, and I don’t notice.
Really, the ones on my thighs bother me the most. And if I gain a few pounds (where I am right now), you don’t see them, but if I tone back up, they’re there.
Women should not be hiding the evidence of their labors! It’s part of being a woman, and it needs to be normal, NOT plastic boobs and airbrushed abs.
Oh, and when my daughter was about 7 years old, she saw me naked once, and commented that I had “drippy boobs.” Not droopy, drippy. It became accurate when her brother was born and they dripped milk, but still, it didn’t make my day!
hmmm…i lucked out on the stretch marks. I have had three kids and only have them on my cleavage area…but i don’t show them. I am not embarrassed but it looks nasty to me why does anyone else want to see it. That being said, my poor stomach will never be the same and either will my chest…or lack thereof…it was worth it but they all stay hidden!
hmmm…i lucked out on the stretch marks. I have had three kids and only have them on my cleavage area…but i don’t show them. I am not embarrassed but it looks nasty to me why does anyone else want to see it. That being said, my poor stomach will never be the same and either will my chest…or lack thereof…it was worth it but they all stay hidden!
hmmm…i lucked out on the stretch marks. I have had three kids and only have them on my cleavage area…but i don’t show them. I am not embarrassed but it looks nasty to me why does anyone else want to see it. That being said, my poor stomach will never be the same and either will my chest…or lack thereof…it was worth it but they all stay hidden!
I’m 24 and haven’t had any babies, but much like t, a rather post- pubescent arrival of some hips and boobs brought with them some tiny little silver lines. Honestly, it’s not something I think twice about.
But I do entirely wish that instead of being fascinated with the magazine articles that name and shame celebs with stretchmarks, cellulite, etc, we could all just agree to accept that it’s all part and parcel of being a woman and put down the airbrush!
I have pretty bad stretch-marks from years of running up and down the dieting yo-yo. A friend of mine who had the same problem used to call them her “tiger stripes” and made them into a point of pride. And she WAS a fierce lady. That completely reframed the way I thought about mine, I really don’t mind them so much now.
If only we could do that with the WHOLE of society, huh?
Have yet to go through childbirth though….
TA x
I have purdy ones on my legs from puberty.
and I do look at them and think:
badge of honor. I grew early. I got boobs before the rest of the girls. I led the way!
🙂
what else am I gonna do but love em as loathing wont make them go away!
My stretch marks only show in a swimsuit and my blinding white thighs most likely detract from them.
I have already had to have a discussion on this subject with my precocious 7 year old. After baby #4, she kept asking why my tummy was still big. I brushed it off, saying that tummies take a long time to shrink after babies. More than a year (and 25 lbs) later, she was still saying I looked like I had a baby in my tummy. You have to love their brutal honesty, right?
So I finally got curious and asked. You really think my tummy is big, or are you teasing? That’s when it came out. “You don’t look like the ladies on the covers of your workout videos.” She showed me. They, of course, were airbrushed and had ribs removed thanks to computer enhancement. I explained. She didn’t believe me. So I showed her the real people in the workout.
“That’s not the same person!” She argued. I showed her that it was and she was confused. So mother and daughter had our first conversation about the unrealistic (and ridiculous) expectations the media tries to set forth and how crafty they are about it. We had gone over how marketing and false advertising before, so we reviewed that one, too. She was appauled.
But she listened. A month or two later, we were in the grocery store in line and were waiting very near the magazines. She picked up a picture of a lady and asked, “She’s very pretty, but she isn’t real, is she? Did they do that with a computer?” I nodded.
So far, I’ve been lucky. Made it through puberty without a single stretch mark. My Mom had 2 children, good sized baby, and escaped without a single mark. I’m hoping I inherited those genes. Guess I’ll find out eventually.
charlotte, first of all the new layout rules! at first i must admit i hated it and swore I would never ever read your blog again ;-), but then I came to my senses and it now soothes my soul (no it doesn’t I dont have soul!). Second, the idea of stretch marks – very very interesting. scars, stretch marks, etc are a very interesting information carrying signal (from an evolutionary perspective, that is). I noticed however that you asked a ton of q’s about stretch marks aimed at your female readers and neglected us penis-adorned readers. another slight that makes me want to stop reading your blog, not! (yes, I actually still say NOT!, sorry). At any rate, I thought it opened a chance for me to say something about scarring and stretch marks in general. generally speaking the appearance of scars by members of the opposite (or attracted to) sex. take for example a male who has a big old scar on his face. Many (we know this scientifically) females find this really sexy. That’s strange, right? Not! (there I go again) See scarring represent a signal that this dude survived something that left him scarred. maybe it was a fight with a tiger, a terrible accident, long fake nails of an ex (ouch by the way!), or simply the survival of a night on the town after too many ethanolic beverages… whatever, it says to ladies – this dude can withstand some shit! better go get his genes in me! OK, now let’s flip it – scars on females – esp those associated with child birth. Unfortunately, not as sexy as the tiger claw induced face scars on the dude. rather, from an evolutionary perspective, tummy scars (i.e. stretch marks) signal exactly what created them. we all know – that gal has had a few pups. ok, good thing in today’s day. evolutionarily it means – this gal’s got some pups. that means if I start flirting/courting/mating with her, I might be asked/forced to invest my hard earned resourced in offspring I did not sire. in almost every species (including most homo sapiens) males will run for the hills.
I realize this is a terrible interpretation of the world, but I think this way of thinking allows us to explain or at least better understand the behaviors of some people – like for example, why tummy tucks represent one of the most prominent and most researched of the plastic surgeries.
sorry for the long comment.
another great post. I will of course continue to read my blog until my death!
No kids, so am relatively lucky in the stretch mark department.
But I can’t believe the huge disconnect between what you see in the media and real women’s bodies. You would never know that stretch marks are standard issue post-childbirth from any pictures I’ve seen in a magazine.
(Note… just wanted to say thanks for the supportive comments at CF recently. I may be pulling back from blog commenting for awhile, but know that I am a devoted lurker and will be here even if I keep my mouth shut for awhile!)
There was a post on digg the other day about Angelina’s post baby body and how good she looked. The top comment, “No excuses ladies!” I wanted to scream.
good for her for rocking that bikini. Though she did makeout with/possibly sleep with Favlor Flav, so we know the woman is brave.
I have a few on my hips from a puberty-fueled growth sprt. I’ve tried self tanner to cover them but…no. I only notice them when I wear low-rise jeans and a top that maybe lifts a bit and you can see them. But I know I’m the only one who cares. When I get pregnant, I have no idea if these little waist ones are an indicator of toger stripes to come or not. We shall see…I could always go on Falvor of Love if they do.
PS your post on every other day dieting yesterday made me pee in my pants and then filled me with jealousy over your writing talent.
I was watching a documentary on a Brasilian tribe the other day and noted that the women in the tribe look like me! They were primarily unclothed. It struck me that the media images make women look like genetic abnormalities… and not in a good way.
I was tiny when I was born, then plumped up, then got skinny again, resulting in stretch marks on my inner thighs when I was 6. Like big, purple ones. And I was teased so much that it’s only now (At 21) that I feel comfortable wearing shorter skirts. You can’t really see them now, but I can, and unlike the ones on my hips and chest from puberty, I hate them.
I’m pretty much covered with puberty and pregnancy scars. Breasts, belly, hips, thighs. I don’t feel like they are glaringly obvious but then again they are not much lighter than the ones in the picture of Deelishis.
I’m perfectly happy to wear a bikini at the beach because heck, pretty much everybody else does – all shapes and sizes. I’m overall proud of my body and the things it’s done – have children, run fast. I see no good reason to cover it up in a beach situation (except with sunscreen).
I’m not reaching for midriff-baring clothes however and it is because of the saggy skin and stretch marks on my tummy. If I ever get that six pack though I’ll reconsider it – stretch marks and all. Not because I think it’s more “acceptable” but because I’d want to be a show-off. 🙂
A resounding YES, yes, we should be proud.
When we were in Italy I was wearing short shorts and the boyfriend noticed the marks on my thighs, and he asked what they were (this was after dating me for 7 months…). I explained and he was really confused as to why I’d have stretch marks. I had to explain (backed up by the other female on the trip) that EVERY woman has them, and he was adamant that it wasn’t the case. Hehe. Silly boy. He seemed to be more fascinated by it more than anything else.
I think its good if we accept them- they show us as being REAL women. And if we’re stuck with them anyway, we might as well deal with it and accept them as a part of us, right?
I don’t have too many stretch marks, just on my boobs (I haven’t had kids yet though). My mother doesn’t have them too badly, that I remember, so maybe I got good genes. I got bad genes for varicose veins though…my mother and grandmother both have bad ones, and I already have a nice big purple one on the outside of one knee.
They had an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (for those of you who don’t know the show, it’s a couple who had twins, wanted another kid, and ended up with sextuplets). Anyway, the episode was outtakes, and in one part, she showed her tummy several years post-pregnancy. And it literally looked like kneaded dough before you put it in the oven. Having six kids at one time in the tummy just can’t get back to a regular rounded tummy (nevermind flat) without surgery.
I have stretch marks on my thighs. and cellulite and im a size 0-2. everyone does. whatever.
I was talking to my guy friends and one of them mentioned that a girl he was sleeping with had a lot of stretch marks on her boobs. (this makes us sound weird.) all the guys went on to say that they dont care, and they know they are normal, and girls should give them more credit because they dont actually BELIEVE that photoshopped girls in mags actually look like that.
also Posh Spice refuses to wear 2 peices because she has a really saggy belly. and she weighs, what, all of 3 pounda? no one is immune, especially mommies.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
I have them on my belly and some on my thighs. I don’t worry about them too much. I don’t love them, but they’re not going anywhere.
Since prof. steven mentioned other scars- I also have a fairly large scar on my forehead. I forget about it most of the time, what I don’t forget about is not having a regular eyebrow on that side. I fill it in every day- and have had a semi-permanent tattoo (which needs to be redone since it has faded so much).
I’d like to not worry about it so much, but although I’ve made peace with my stretch marks, I’m not there yet with my lack of eyebrow.
One thing that makes me feel good- my Mister has a cousin who is a model. She’s tall and fairly good looking, but she’s had two children and her hips are no longer made for skinny jeans. It hasn’t affected her ability to work too much.
I have a few faint silver ones on my hips and thighs. I can see them the best when I’m in the sunlight. I know this sounds weird, but I love the way they feel. And it reminds me that I’m no longer a girl – now a lady – approaching womanhood. I can only hope I’ll embrace my baby stretch-marks when I get them in the future.
Besides, I look like an ostrich in a one-piece!
OK, I realize I’m a bit of a weirdo, but I’m very proud of my stretchmarks. They are souvenirs of my pregnancies. My kids are growing (at an alarming rate, lol!), but those stretchmarks are reminders of the time when I carried them inside my body, and of when they were tiny and I fed them from my body.
I saw an episode of “Dr. 90210” the other day (and was reminded of why I don’t watch that show!): a woman came in for a tummy tuck after having 6 kids. She’s a go-go dancer, so I get that she needs to look a certain way in order to keep her job. But the doc kept going on and on about how much “damage” is done to the body during childbirth. He kept using that word. And all I could think was that it’s A NATURAL PROCESS, UNLIKE PLASTIC SURGERY. Getting knocked out and cut up to have silicone implants put in isn’t damaging?!?!?! Erasing so-called flaws and presenting that to the world as reality isn’t damaging?
Give me a freakin’ break!
Stretch marks are not limited to the fairer sex!! I’ve seen plenty on men 🙁 Usually the over-sized body builder, or the over-sized non body builder.
Thanks so much for posting on this subject. Readers’ comments have opened my eyes a bit and helped me realize that having a droopy tummy after having been pregnant is NORMAL. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I always thought I just wasn’t exercising enough and that’s why my tummy hasn’t flattened out. I felt like it would’ve been too vain of me to ask the question of anyone, and so I didn’t ask. It’s been five years since my pregnancy. It seems I should just view the flabby tummy in a different light, as a badge of motherhood. I wouldn’t trade my son for a flat stomach. No surgery for me.
Like the new look of the site. (I am a slow reader)
And congrats on inventing a new way to lose weight, it’s called ‘carry that picture everywhere.’
Stretch marks appear for a number of different reason. People think it is due to weight gain and then loss, but it is also possible due to muscle mass weight gain. A number beginner body builders get them around the shoulders and chest area.
I thank my mom for a lot of things but one of the biggies is the fact I somehow dodged the stretch mark gene. I fully expected an onslaught after carrying twins to term (not even Angelina did this). I mean I was huge. Did I escape unscathed? No way. Me gots some of that “twin skin” that hangs useless under my navel (which now looks more like an asteroid landed there). The skin was so stretched it is now numb. I dare you to try it: pinch that skin as hard as you can… can’t feel a thing. I don’t plan on “taking care of it,” I just dress accordingly, ie boy shorts and a tankini top are now my best “two piece” option. It does amuse me. So much so that once in the ladies room during a night out with other couples (the two other women had never been pregnant) they said something to me about being so fit/thin. And I whipped out my twin skin and let it hang over my jeans, ala “you never know what lurks beneath!” They were horrified…
oh yes. blessed with the stretch marks since age 12. being the tallest girl in the class is good for being picked first in gym class (ok, first girl picked….darn boys), but awkward when your shorter friends ask you about them come swim time.
no kiddies yet, but i hope to embrace them. the reward is far greater.
Hey Charlotte, I left something for you at my blog today.
Jenn
My mom had 8 kids and nary a stretch mark, but my genes unfortunately came half from my dad, and so mine are just sorta bad. I call my belly my “mommy badge of honor.” But plastic surgery in Photoshop is free, I know how to do it, and I DO!
Fashion will never suit our bodies: it’s what is rare and difficult that we consider beautiful.
I am 17, a size 0/2, and I have stretch marks on my hips, and thighs. They have mostly faded though. It was from a growth spurt and my weight fluctuating quite a bit. I have always been self conscious in a bikini, stretch marks or not. I am just modest and self conscious in general about my body, and would be even if I was thinner. I still can wear shorts, though, but for now I stick to wearing a tank over my bikini. Some people say tanning doesn’t work, but it does for me. On tan skin, I can’t see the white/silvery marks really.
But even if I had more, and even if I do when I someday get have kids, it is not something that matters *that* much. I do believe that “looking good is 80% of feeling good” but looking good is also about confidence! And you only live once. I figure I am young now, but appearance is NOT what ultimately matters. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a bikini or shorts — even if you have stretch marks or cellulite. Chances are no one will notice or care, and if they do, how much can they say against you? They’re caused by hormones, not specifically weight gain/loss, pregnancy, etc. It’s just hormones in general 🙂 why let them take away your quality of life? So what if you don’t look like you used to? Live and don’t dwell on the small stuff!
Embrace being a girl/woman, ladies 🙂 no matter shape or size or marks or bumps and lumps, haha!
My friend is a total…B word… We were both tiny before giving birth. I was 115pounds. She was about the same. After giving birth, I weighed 180 pounds. I have lost most of it now, but I am only 130 now and my son is 2. SHE however is back into her size 4 pants and wearing belly shirts. Jealous much? Yes. My stomach looks like a pink zebra!
I however am not afraid to show off my beauty marks. They should be worn with pride. I did the hardest job in the world! If any one has something rude to say, they usually get their heads bitten off, and feel like a low life jerk afterwords. I wouldn’t say I don a bikini, but the monokini is my new best friend. And the skinny girl with the belly shirt? She has pancake boobs. And I am still sitting pretty with my C cups, a little deflated but still happy with them 🙂
I have finally learned to accept mine, they really aren't that terrible at all.
You can’t hide it every time you do out. You must show who you are. Not pretending on those accessories. Using trilastin can be use to reduce the appearance of the scars.