9 am on a Random Monday Morning. Gym Buddy Allison Calls.
A: I have an idea. Let’s skip class today and go to the mall!
me: Oooh, will you make me a mix tape too? And then maybe we can hold hands?
A: Funny. I’m serious. Let’s play hooky from the gym.
me: Um, mall + 4 teeny kids = every retail clerk’s nightmare
A: I’m kid free!
me: How did that happen?!?
A: I dunno but it never does so I gotta get out of here before my husband changes his mind. Besides, you only have 1 toddler this morning. Bring suckers and a stroller, it’ll be fine.
(the sound of gears grinding in my mind as I try and figure out how this will affect our workouts for the rest of the week. Yes, I’m that compulsive.)
9:35 am on Same Random Monday Morning, Local Mall
Allison and I arrive with my two-year-old strapped in his stroller, chubby fist clutching sugary anesthetic on a stick, only to discover that the mall doesn’t open until 10. Shopping plans temporarily foiled, we join the legions of gray-haired mall walkers. We circle like the clearance-rack vultures we are for 10 minutes. The Children’s Place tricks us with their clear glass doors. They’re still not open. Strange, Auntie Anne’s: Palace of Twisted Carb Euphoria is open. And fragrant. Allison and I debate about getting a pretzel even though we haven’t worked out. Just as we are about to cave in, we hear the sound of metal grating. Our heads snap around and we see the holy grail of all sales: Old Navy. It’s open.
9:59 am, Same Monday, Same Mall, Old Navy
After all that anticipation we rush the door like Pavlov’s dogs at mealtime. Once inside we are greeted with the fabled Weekly Special – usually something so cute and so cheap that one must buy it in every. single. color. True to form, as soon as I see the special, I gasp. But this time, it’s in horror.
me: Did they lose all the non-anorexic mannequins?
Allison: How do I look?
The weird thing is – and you can’t tell this from the picture, sorry – but unlike A&F, Hollister and other teen retailers, all the other mannequins next to it were normal sized! It’s like they were just trying to mess with our heads…
PS> Isn’t Gym Buddy Allison adorable though???