August 2008

Mini-Experiment: Sweating Like Matthew Mcconaughey

August 29, 2008

Except my (pilfered) vest was way tougher than this wussy one! Yeah I eat nails for breakfast. When I say “sweating like Matthew Mcconaughey” I do not mean in the way that he does not wear deodorant. I’m a big fan of deodorant. In fact, with the way I sweat I should just roll Secret on from head to toe. But I usually just stick to my pits. Just wanted to get that out of the way. No, today at the gym, as I sat on the stretching mats and tried not to think about what kind of bacteria are [...]

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The MILF Phenomenon: Spanx Your Mama!

August 28, 2008

Yesterday at the park (where I met fellow fit mama blogger Mama Sweat who, I must say, is both super-toned and super-smart, a rare combination. If you haven’t read her stuff, you totally should. Just promise to keep reading me too!) I had one of those brief envy moments that strike all women from time to time. I was putting my children in their car seats (read: wrestling 3 live octopuses still wet from playing in the fountain) when I saw a shadow fall over my shoulder. A woman (NOT Mama Sweat in case anyone is skimming) with two small [...]

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Hungry: On (Not) Eating In Public

August 27, 2008

I hate eating in public. And I say this fully realizing that many of you who read this have had occasion to eat with me. If I invite you over, to my home, things are not so hard for me. I have control over the menu, the ingredients, and the portions. I can even control the color of the table wear. After all, there is a reason all my plates are blue. Take me out of my comfort zone and things get tricky. First of all, I need to know what is in my food. No, you don’t understand. I [...]

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Charlotte’s Guide to Embarrassing Yourself While Exercising

August 26, 2008

Or you could just cut to the chase and do this. Whether you like group fitness or running solo through your neighborhood, the cool thing about exercising is all the opportunities you get to completely humiliate yourself. So it is with some trepidation I share my top ten ways to embarrass yourself whilst exercising. Because you know I’ve done all of these. Sigh. And because I love you all so much, I’ve included my tips for covering up your faux pas. 10. Snap yourself with a resistance band. (Jump ropes also work well for this and you get bonus points [...]

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Experimenting on Other People: Fugu, Fat, and The Worst Steroid Acne You’ve Ever Seen

August 25, 2008

I can’t try everything. I am only one person after all. And so it is with great delight that I present to you three experiments lovingly conducted for your pleasure/shock/horror by other people. Puffer Fish and Real Life ZombiesYou may remember me asking if you would try eating a puffer fish – called “fugu” in Japan where the cuisine originated – knowing that there was a small chance it could kill you. Most of you said no. Some of you were more colorful but managed to convey the same message. And then there were a few who said they might [...]

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A Big Chest Does Not Make You Fat

August 22, 2008
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Dear Scarlett Johansson,You are one talented and beautiful girl. There are not many women who could simultaneously capture the hearts of both Woody Allen and Justin Timberlake. And by all accounts you seem smart and savvy to boot. Plus you manage to keep your panties on and out of rehab. But I am not writing you today to discuss your impressive IMDb profile. I am concerned about your self image. Anyone who reads the press about you knows there is one constant in every article — your supposed chub. You are often highlighted as “healthy” (Hollywood code for “likes her [...]

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Depressing News About Exercise

August 21, 2008

I’ll be honest, my number one reason for exercising is to manage my emotions. I’m both highly anxious and acutely sensitive, a combination that has spelled disaster for many a romantic relationship not to mention irritated customer service personnel around the world. Although it does make me wicked-good at playing the “What If???” Game. But perhaps I shouldn’t brag about that. Anyhow, the net result of all of my intense emotions is that I need an intense outlet for them. Enter exercise. Most people, when I explain to them my genuine need for daily sweat fests, say that they are [...]

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Women Will Rule the World

August 20, 2008

Because we’re fat. Let me back up. Much has been said over the past couple of weeks about what Olympians eat. Michael Phelps and his 12,000 calories a day has put so many people into shock that iHop is sending out emergency chocolate-chip pancake teams into all major cities. On the other end of the food spectrum, you have everyone and their Karolyi opining about what the tiny female gymnasts (don’t) eat. But my favorite money quote on the subject is from ABC’s What Olympians Eat: Says, Elizabeth Applegate, Olympian nutrition consultant: “sex, not size, matters. Pound for pound, women [...]

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What Kind of Cardio Person Are You?

August 19, 2008

My Friend P: I just finished my first triathlon! It was great!! Me: Way to, P!! I’m so proud of you! So – important question – did you pee in the lake? I like to ask people, both relative strangers and intimate acquaintances, overly personal questions. Some call it bad manners. I call it my favorite hobby. And most of the time it’s worth the weird looks and occasional huffy response I get because people – all people – are a wealth of anecdotal information. Everyone is a researcher of their own body. Pity the person who gets stuck on [...]

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Pregorexia: New Eating Disorder or Overblown Media Hype?

August 18, 2008

Nicole Kidman. Halle Berry. Nicole Richie. Angelina Jolie. I can’t remember the last time any of these women were in the news for a movie they made but all have recently graced many magazine covers. For what? For being able to walk out of the maternity ward in their pre-pregnancy jeans which, natch, were tiny to begin with. A Plague Of Pregorexia on Both Your Houses!The media has dubbed this trend of ever-increasingly skinny pregnant mothers who pop out a baby and pop on a bikini a la Trista Rehn (who really is famous for nothing but this), “Pregorexia.” Add [...]

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