The world’s favorite purveyor of high fructose corn syrup and/or artificially sweetened tooth-decaying fizzy drinks has come out with a new marketing campaign that makes the guys behind Axe body spray look like geniuses.
The Happiness Factory
It all begins with an innocent young lad on a date trying to buy a Coke. From his date’s mute glare, he’d better get the drink or he’s getting fast-tracked to Friendville. Which doesn’t make a ton of sense since she already has an icy Coke in her hand (in a glass bottle ’cause that’s how the kids are kickin’ it these days). So what’s her problem? She just a prima donna who wants everyone to do what she does? She feeling guilty about all those empty calories she’s going to pretend to drink in a few minutes and wants company? She just hates her date?
Drama ensues when the Coke machine light flashes empty. No Coke? What kind of hellish world is this?! We are swept inside the machine to, what I can only assume from the title (yes this commercial is so pretentious as to have a title), is The Happiness Factory. Man, if I’da known happiness could be manufactured that would have saved me a lot of hard life lessons I tell you what.
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happiness land is populated by aliens. Nary a human to be seen, which might be the most sensical part of this entire commercial. A skinny alien who reminds me strangely of this guy, goes on a quest to find more Coke. I won’t tell you what happens. You wouldn’t believe me if I did. I’ll just say it involves riding disembodied stomachs with mouths, a furry set of porno lips, and swimming with disconnected esophogeal tubes.
You want to know Coke’s magic, according to this commercial? Alien flatulence. That’s what you’re paying $1.75 a bottle for. Just thought you should know.
And oh yeah, the dude gets his Coke after which his date, having forgiven all, lays her head lovingly on his shoulder. “Slip something in my drink, baby” her eyes tease. Which is apparently what happened to Coke’s marketing department the night before.
If this isn’t enough to make you scratch your head ’till it bleeds, check out the top 5 banned commercials. You just can’t make this stuff up. Well, okay somebody must have. One seriously twisted somebody.