Doing all the experimenting that I do and being challenged in the common sense department like I am, when Chris asked me if there was anything I’d done where I’d thought “I immediately regret this decision” my reply was, “how much time do you have?”
My Life Is One Long Series of Embarrassing Stories
Starting way back in Middle School when I got trapped on a roller coaster for a half hour thanks to my over zealous locking of the lap bar and the manager’s inability to locate the release key all the way up to last night where I had Gym Buddy Megan give me an impromptu lesson in “body rolling” at the top of the gym stairs much to everyone’s amusement (or irritation – whatever), the one constant in my life is that I am often in embarrassing situations. Fortunately for me – unfortunately for everyone who hangs out with me – I do not shame easily.
This has led to some interesting Gym Moments that I immediately regretted. Except by that point it was too late.
Stripper Squats and Preparation H
Squatting by its very nature is an embarrassing moment waiting to happen. At the very least you are at risk for some “wind passing.” At the worst you get this:
I’ve never peed myself (yet – knock on wood) but it has made me rethink my affinity for the “best exercise” you can do.
Evidence #1: I was trying to demonstrate a TurboKick move that Gym Buddy Allison and I have affectionately termed “the stripper squat” whilst waiting in line for the bathroom. It’s basically a squat with a pop at the top, which I managed to hit just as a man was coming out of the bathroom right behind me. His face was classic. It was as if he didn’t know whether to clap or pretend like he hadn’t just had an awkwardly intimate moment with a stranger. Although if there had been dollar bills handy I might have been able to hit up the vending machine on my way out of the Y.
Evidence #2: Andrew (who as Lucas pointed out seems to have gone Amish and lost all Internet connections) called me “skinny fat” – a slander I simply could not bear. So in an effort to prove him wrong, I accepted his Rippetoe challenge which involved doing my 1-rep max on 5 different lifts. After doing the first 4 lifts, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. And then we hit the squat. As soon as I hit the bottom I knew that Preparation H and I were about to develop a lifelong friendship. Never again, my friends. (Note: Here’s Lucas’ response to my hemorrhoid dilemma. Be impressed that he managed to get through his entire answer without once making a joke at my expense. Not even *I* can do that!)
Bad Charlotte, No Internet
The most likely culprit, however, for getting me into regrettable situations is stuff I read off the Internet. You all may recall Kjirsten’s “Zoomers” on the treadmill. For the coordinated, this is a great sprinting exercise. For me it was a great exercise in how to become a human skid mark. The poor elderly man on the bike behind my treadmill was so afraid I was going to fly off and smack right into him that he got up and moved. Don’t worry though, the workout was saved because Gym Buddy Allison and I were laughing so hard our heart rates stayed up the whole time. And we did eventually figure the timing out. Eventually.
Another ‘net idea was t-shirt surgery. I’m a trendy gal trapped inside a frugal body so while my work out wardrobe is made up of cheap tank tops, t-shirts and shorts or pants, I long, like Leslie, to be a Lululemon Goddess as I gad about my gym. So when I found this site, I was overjoyed. Look how cute everything is! And easy! And cheap! And easy! Well, okay, only easy if you know how to sew. Which I don’t. So ignoring all substantiating evidence, I pressed forward and created something resembling their retro ’50s top.
There is one thing they fail to mention on the site. Most t-shirt material is cotton and cotton when it gets all wet and sweaty get really… baggy. Baggy is not a good thing in a halter top. Let’s just say that if it weren’t for my sports bra, my wardrobe malfunction would have been on par with Janet Jackson’s. Mercifully camera phones are not allowed at my gym.
Ah well, at least I’ve never done this.
So- have you guys ever done anything exercise related in which you thought, “I immediately regret this decision…”??