Doing all the experimenting that I do and being challenged in the common sense department like I am, when Chris asked me if there was anything I’d done where I’d thought “I immediately regret this decision” my reply was, “how much time do you have?”
My Life Is One Long Series of Embarrassing Stories
Starting way back in Middle School when I got trapped on a roller coaster for a half hour thanks to my over zealous locking of the lap bar and the manager’s inability to locate the release key all the way up to last night where I had Gym Buddy Megan give me an impromptu lesson in “body rolling” at the top of the gym stairs much to everyone’s amusement (or irritation – whatever), the one constant in my life is that I am often in embarrassing situations. Fortunately for me – unfortunately for everyone who hangs out with me – I do not shame easily.
This has led to some interesting Gym Moments that I immediately regretted. Except by that point it was too late.
Stripper Squats and Preparation H
Squatting by its very nature is an embarrassing moment waiting to happen. At the very least you are at risk for some “wind passing.” At the worst you get this:
I’ve never peed myself (yet – knock on wood) but it has made me rethink my affinity for the “best exercise” you can do.
Evidence #1: I was trying to demonstrate a TurboKick move that Gym Buddy Allison and I have affectionately termed “the stripper squat” whilst waiting in line for the bathroom. It’s basically a squat with a pop at the top, which I managed to hit just as a man was coming out of the bathroom right behind me. His face was classic. It was as if he didn’t know whether to clap or pretend like he hadn’t just had an awkwardly intimate moment with a stranger. Although if there had been dollar bills handy I might have been able to hit up the vending machine on my way out of the Y.
Evidence #2: Andrew (who as Lucas pointed out seems to have gone Amish and lost all Internet connections) called me “skinny fat” – a slander I simply could not bear. So in an effort to prove him wrong, I accepted his Rippetoe challenge which involved doing my 1-rep max on 5 different lifts. After doing the first 4 lifts, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. And then we hit the squat. As soon as I hit the bottom I knew that Preparation H and I were about to develop a lifelong friendship. Never again, my friends. (Note: Here’s Lucas’ response to my hemorrhoid dilemma. Be impressed that he managed to get through his entire answer without once making a joke at my expense. Not even *I* can do that!)
Bad Charlotte, No Internet
The most likely culprit, however, for getting me into regrettable situations is stuff I read off the Internet. You all may recall Kjirsten’s “Zoomers” on the treadmill. For the coordinated, this is a great sprinting exercise. For me it was a great exercise in how to become a human skid mark. The poor elderly man on the bike behind my treadmill was so afraid I was going to fly off and smack right into him that he got up and moved. Don’t worry though, the workout was saved because Gym Buddy Allison and I were laughing so hard our heart rates stayed up the whole time. And we did eventually figure the timing out. Eventually.
Another ‘net idea was t-shirt surgery. I’m a trendy gal trapped inside a frugal body so while my work out wardrobe is made up of cheap tank tops, t-shirts and shorts or pants, I long, like Leslie, to be a Lululemon Goddess as I gad about my gym. So when I found this site, I was overjoyed. Look how cute everything is! And easy! And cheap! And easy! Well, okay, only easy if you know how to sew. Which I don’t. So ignoring all substantiating evidence, I pressed forward and created something resembling their retro ’50s top.
There is one thing they fail to mention on the site. Most t-shirt material is cotton and cotton when it gets all wet and sweaty get really… baggy. Baggy is not a good thing in a halter top. Let’s just say that if it weren’t for my sports bra, my wardrobe malfunction would have been on par with Janet Jackson’s. Mercifully camera phones are not allowed at my gym.
Ah well, at least I’ve never done this.
So- have you guys ever done anything exercise related in which you thought, “I immediately regret this decision…”??
I love the kid toppling onto his dad in that video – “YOU lift the stupid weight! I wanna play Nintendo!”
My most pathetic story is from way back in my crazy days when I was frighteningly underweight, and foolishly decided that now would be a great time to pursue my life-long dream of becoming a kick-boxer.
Yours truly rocked up at the local advanced class (I read the timetable wrong, okay?) and ended up with a sparring partner who must have been at least 6′ 5″, skinheaded and 200lbs of pure raging muscles. I guess we were just the two people nobody wanted to fight – and he probably hadn’t helped himself by running round the gym roaring and punching the air for ten minutes during the warm-up. What a pair we made. I got rescued by one of the female instructors after a few minutes, but I’m pretty sure she was laughing about it with her colleagues for the rest of the week.
Great stories!
Unlike you, I DO shame easily so I try to repress my most embarrassing moments.
I do recall trying to take off my sweatshirt on the treadmill once without pausing the belt or stepping off to the side–I got the sweatshirt partway over my head, got stuck, and yes… I went flying off the back. The worst is everyone asking “are you all right?” Just to make it clear that no one in the whole gym missed it.
Charlotte, I am laughing too hard to post. I will come back when my state of hilarity diminishes and leave an actual comment. In the meantime, let me watch this video again
*howling with laughter*
Awesome post…glad my odd questions could spark inspiration.
My bad decision, one among many, was the first time I got on a stair climber (the kind that are very tall and are basically just a moving set of steps). The level option was 1-20 so I figured 10 was a nice middle ground. It should have been called ‘ground’ because that is where I ended up when the steps started- on the gym floor.
Then the steps were moving so fast I couldn’t hop back on and turn the damn thing off. So I did what any normal person would do.
I walked away.
Hey, I never called you skinny fat!
Oh, those are great stories and the video was priceless! I’m emailing it to my massive-weight lifting brother!
So, this one time I did a push up contest with a bunch of people. I think I did 60 or so before my arms gave out and I splatted down right on my face! I had to be peeled off the floor because my arms wouldn’t help me get up.
I have funnier stories about other people, though. In powerlifting, this one guy also tried to squat too much weight, and had a similar but different problem than the picture you posted. Kinda goes along with the hemorrhoids…Yeah, not kidding.
Even worse, same thing happened to a guy at a golf tournament. During a swing on about the 5th hole. He finished the whole 18 with a giant stain and smelling like, well, crap.
The only thing coming to mind (I tend to repress mine too Crabby!) is when we were playing the rival high school in soccer (coincidentally my sister played for this team) and there was a corner kick and I boobed the ball in the goal – scoring a point for the other team. It was the only goal I ever scored in two years of playing soccer, and I sat on the bench for the rest of the game (and most of the season). Not to mention that my boob hurt for weeks.
whiffing on a penalty kick (ball was NOT moving) during soccer with hundreds of people watching….years ago! Now that’s embarrassing! 🙂
regret? not really. well, maybe the time i wanted to be paired w/the cute boy in 5th grade for the fitness test and i farted in his face as he held my feet for sit-ups. or the time i was training a client and as I went to stand up i bashed by head up into the squat rack so hard I was knocked out cold…
You have the best stories, Charlotte! I have made the mistake in the past of trying to lift weights that belong to my guy friends… luckily they were always around to catch the weights before they toppled right onto me. Oops:)
I am also incredibly uncoordinated when it comes to cycling. The amount of little scars on my body that are the result of biking accidents is really ridiculous!
Probably my most embarrassing moment at the gym was when I was in college. I was talking to this girl in the weight room and I was about to ask her for her phone number. What I didn’t know was she had a huge, juiced-up boyfriend who was the jealous type.
As I’m standing there, he comes out of nowhere and shoves me as hard as he can. I fly backwards into the pec deck machine. He comes after me but, luckily, I was able to squeeze the grips together onto his head. He fell backwards and I jumped up, trying to escape.
Unfortunately, he caught my legs and I fell face first into his girlfriend, who was trying to break up the “fight”. We ended up in a compromising position on the floor, which didn’t help matters. I jumped up and he shoved me again (from behind this time) onto the bench press bench. Wanting to avoid face-planting the bar, I twisted in mid-air and landed on the bench on my back. By this time, he was coming after me again (stupid roids) so I thought I would try a double-foot kick to the chin from my laying position.
Unfortunately, I timed it wrong and kicked too early. I hit nothing but air, my legs continued on and I endo’d, landing stomach-down, facing the opposite direction. Also, my shins came crashing down on the bar and I screamed bloody murder.
The high MHz of my scream must have stunned him because he just stood there for a second. I took this opportunity to bolt. I thought I got away but he hurled a 5kg weight like a discus.
I caught it in mid-air and snapped it back at him. My aim was uncanny, though, because, unfortunately, it happened to be at just the right level to sever his head from his body. Blood was spewing all over the place and I got a big old stain on my workout clothes that never came out.
Man, that stain was embarrassing.
The good news was that while his girlfriend and I were in that compromising position, I managed to get her number. We got married about a year later.
for me it was attempting to learn how to kayak.
Im so uncoordinated and almost ended up nekid.
M.
you were my first LOL today.
i immediately regret typing “lol”, does that count?
i couldnt tell that girl was peeing until you mentioned it.
just yesterday i had some notes i was reading in order to write an article for work while i was on the elliptical. the papers fell off the little display thing, hit my moving eliptical spinning leg thingy, got caught, and shredded. you would have thought i put it through a wood chipper. and i just kept ellipticaling like i didnt notice. i think thats the part i regret, caise there was no way i couldnt have noticed.
i also suck at stairmasters and always trip and kick the step really loud and just make a fool of myself.
i also forget to shave my armpits a lot.
I can’t stop laughing. It hurts. Oh gosh. Ok… will be composed as my office mates are giving me funny looks… Nope. Still laughing. 😀
In about 5th grade we were playing some form of tag in gym class. I was running after a boy in my class. I tripped a bit and grabbed his butt. I was mortified.
OH C’mon you haven’t lived until you have a barbell of weights stuck on your chest..
Or you have been flung off the back of a treadmill like a human cannonball…
Or mis-stepped on an eliptical trainer, and looked like your having unadulterated sex with a machine!!!
LOL
Nothing funny is coming to mind, although I am a huge klutz. My most embarassing moments come when being out in public with my two small children.
Very funny post!
I’ve definitely done what that first guy in the video did. I tried to play it off, though: “No, seriously guys, I was doing a set of half-power cleans plus floor presses…”
I regret not accepting a date proposal by this lil guy http://www.richardsandrak.com/new%20pic%20005.htm I thought he was too young but now realize that with pecs like those, I’d feel safe, secure and would never fear dropping a barbell on my head.
Seriously, I regret doing inversions in my Power Yoga class four weeks and two days ago today because clearly, my neck was/is very unhappy about the whole situation.
I also seriously regret shacking up with one particular player my senior year of college…I should have known, when I returned from the bathroom to find him splayed out across my bed in boxers and coke-bottle glasses, all Playgirl-like, that this would not end of good. And it didn’t. Shoulda stuck with Little Hercules.
I read this piece of writing completely concerning the resemblance of latest and previous technologies, it’s awesome article.