This man is pretty much an oxygen savant. He breathes it and then recycles it into energy! And to think Al Gore got the Nobel…What, you think you’re doing well just by breathing the O2? Pansy. Why settle for basic respiration when there is so much more you can do with oxygen?
Top 3 Things To Do With Your Oxygen:
1. Sleep ala Michael Jackson so you too can live to “see world peace, a world without hunger, a world where children and all mankind know no suffering.” Who wouldn’t want that kind of Coca-Cola utopia? All you have to do is live in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Fun!
2. Become an elderly terrorist by insisting on smoking while toting around your oxygen tank that you must have for your inexplicable emphysema. Tell everyone loudly that oxygen is NOT flammable (which is true) but fail to mention that it will make a very pretty combustion reaction when in the presence of fuel such as, oh, clothing, hair or skin.
3. Go to an oxygen bar just so you can use the line “Want to share my oxygen, baby? I’m trained in mouth-to-mouth.” Practice in front of the mirror first for maximal effect. I’d say practice ducking too but if she’s got a canula up her nose then she probably won’t be too swift.
O2 4 U!
Or you could be boring and use oxygen to metabolize your food. Which technically isn’t an option as we all do it and, I know, it’s not funny. Sorry. But hey, at least I got to do my PSA about smoking and oxygen tanks (Hi Grandma!!). And who doesn’t love a good Michael Jackson segue?
A few years ago a diet fad came out about eating for your metabolic type. At the time I summarily dismissed it as the underlying science seemed shoddy and the press very hyperactive and anecdotal. This weekend however, I decided to take a closer look at it. Why? Because it turns out that it tells me exactly what I want to hear. Research, smesearch.
Everyone’s cells use oxygen to convert food into energy. This is called cellular oxidation. Back in the 1930’s (incidentally the era for best women’s hats ever), while everyone else was worrying about how to procure food without resorting to the Joad method, scientists discovered that the rate at which people oxidize their food varies. Researchers postulated that given this natural variation, usually attributed to genetics and climate of origin, different types of oxidizers would thrive on different types of food.
What Type Are You?
According to “Making the Cut” by Jillian Michaels – she of Biggest Loser infamy – which I was reading to scope it out for possible use as a future Experiment (more on that later), there are three basic types:
Slow oxidizers: “Also known as carbo types or sympathetic dominant. They generally have relatively weak appetites, a high tolerance for sweets, problems with weight management, “type A” personalities, and are often dependent on caffeine.”
Balanced oxidizers: “Mixed types are neither fast or slow oxidizers, and are neither parasympathetic or sympathetic dominant. They generally have average appetites, cravings for sweets and starchy foods, relatively little trouble with weight control, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness.”
Fast oxidizers: “Also known as protein types or parasympathetic dominant. They tend to be frequently hungry, crave fatty, salty foods, fail with low-calorie diets, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness. They are often lethargic or feel “wired”, “on edge”, with superficial energy while being tired underneath.”
According to Ms. Michaels, your oxidation type changes your macronutrient ratios. Specifically, slow oxidizers should eat Ornish at 60 carb/25 protein/15 fat. Balanced oxidizers go with The Zone at 40/30/30. Fast oxidizers are Atkins at 20/50/30. She then goes on to give you a complete list of foods in every category that you should and should not eat, depending on your type, complete with menus.
This was interesting to me because a) I covet Jillian’s abs and b) if I allow myself to eat how I feel best, I fall very close in line with her slow oxidizer recommendations which according to her test, is what I am. Given the hype lately around low carb and my love for Mark’s Daily Apple, I have been trying to limit my carbs. This makes me feel groggy, lethargic and all-around crappy. But as soon as I get my carb infusion (usually via healthy carbs like whole grains or fruit although a box of Junior mints will also do the trick) then I feel awesome again. I love it when people tell me what I want to hear!
Want to know your type? For fear of Ms. Michaels (have you SEEN her?) and her legal team, I am not going to post her quiz although I certainly can’t stop you from, say, going to Barnes & Noble and plopping unceremoniously on the floor for half an hour in front of the Fitness Section. Just remember to bring a pen & paper. They frown on writing in the books. Not that I know this from experience. Ahem.
Or if you prefer Internet tests, I found this one which is not quite the same but gives the general idea. There are plenty of other Internet tests but they all cost money. And because my skepticism is squealing like a stuck pig (a misfortune I have actually had the displeasure of witnessing), here is an interesting rebuttal to the metabolic typing quizzes.
Anybody tried this? Am I clouded by dreams of air-brushed abs? Or is there a grain of truth to all this? Nothing intelligent to add? Hit me up with YOUR best oxygen-bar pick-up line!
Confidential to the Barnes & Noble Book Boy: I appreciated your (unasked for) review of Ms. Michael’s book & The Biggest Loser (which I have never seen) and I was with you right up until you said, “And you know strong women can be a real bitch.” Which is not only grammatically incorrect but offensive. Jillian Michaels may very well deserve the epithet but if she does it isn’t because of her strength. Which is probably why you were working at B&N at 11 o’clock on a Saturday night.
While I don’t think anything but airbrushing will give you air brushed abs… I do fully believe that our bodies are different and therefore work best on different diets (or should I say eating lifestyles?). I have a ravenous appetite, and I eat a LOT of food. If I let myself eat things I know I shouldn’t I always pay a high price for it. BUT, if I stick to the foods I know my body needs, I don’t gain weight.
Charlotte, could you possibly cram any more fascinating information and hilarious asides into one post? Holy cow, woman. I came to make a quick stop on “blog rounds” and am going to be here at least an hour clicking links… not to mention needing to make an appointment for a field trip to Barnes and Noble.
None of the descriptions seemed to hit the nail quite on the head for me, and like you, I’m skeptical of the whole notion and the science behind it, but now of course I just HAVE to find out what type I am.
Thanks for this! (I think…)
Great information! I evolved into the “Ornish” style, and from your comprehensive explanation, I lucked out and am doing the correct way for me. Thanks!
Dr. J
According to the short descriptions, I am a fast oxidizer. But I eat like a moderate to slow oxidizer. And that ain’t gonna change. I tried the Atkins style things before and wound up binging on carbs like you’ve never imagined possible.
The important thing, I think, is to find a way of eating (healthy foods) that gives you energy to make it through your day and keep you satisfied.
Really interesting! Except this thing claims I’m a protein type (very weird as I’m obsessed with carbs:)). However, it DOES say that I need a low amount of fat, which is very true for me… I love how much there is to learn on your blog!
I have that book Making The Cut, but I don’t like that the meal plans are so strict (so I haven’t tried it, but will jump on the wagon if you do, I can be part of your experiment). I agree that I do best on a Zone type diet, which the quiz established, so it makes me think there is some truth.
*Question* for one of Jillians Online quizes (not the current one, one she had a while ago, promoting her online site) one of the questions asked if you have a strong gag reflex, which I do, but I have always wondered what that related to? Any ideas?
Hi Charlotte. I, too, cannot resist taking online quizzes and I took that test awhile ago. Turns out I’m a balanced oxidizer, so I should eat the Zone way or basically how most other diet plans work. How boring! I was expecting some revelation…. 🙂 But anyway, one of my weeknesses is exercise videos and I had heard a lot about Jillians’ new one, 30 Day Shred. It’s actually 3 workouts (all at different levels) and let me tell you they are HARD!! Level 2 is as hard as MBG, at least. They have you use weights – I used about 6 lbs handweights – and I could barely finish it (definitely HIIT territory here.) Best of all it’s only 11 bucks on Amazon. I highly recommend the video – you should definitely include it in your Jillian Michaels experiment!! (if that’s what you’re planning.) If you did it, i would totally do it with you. Really…
I just ordered this book online and hope that it is delivered sooner than Amazon made it sound. If you do the experiment and it is around the same time my copy actually arrives, I’m in. It should be interesting, but I am a little conflicted about some of her strategies. Snippets can be decieving, I guess I will have to wait to pass judgement on it.
“He, babe! Can I have some of your oxygen? ‘Cause you take my breath away!”
OK, so I won’t be hitting any oxygen bars in the near future.
I’m always a bit skeptical about diets, as well. But I LOVE Jillian’s new workouts!!!!!
(That first word was supposed to be “hey,” not “he.”)
Oooooh, interesting. I’m a fast oxidizer — will have to delve deeper into what that means, methinks.
I’m also super-curious about the blood type diet by Peter D’Adamo. Don’t suppose that’s next (or that you’ve already covered that)? 🙂 Of course, I should probably figure out my blood type before I get too excited about that idea.
Ok, according to that online quiz and your/Jillian’s guidelines I’m a fast oxidizer/protein type. (yet, according to the BloodType diet I’m a grain/veggie grazer.. that’s for Jenn).
I lost my weight and trained myself to be a veggie/grain person instead of a meat eater, and usually feel better that way now.
Crabby – your comment totally made my day, girl!
Nicole – good to know that I’ll have company if I decide to go with this workout. As for the gagging thing… I have no idea! I also wondered about the “goosebumps” question.
Rachel – thanks for the recommendation and offering to jump on board with the experiment! I have the same fascination with Jillian!
seabreeze – def. let me know what you think! I have very mixed feelings on the book.
jens – I haven’t covered the blood type diet but I just went and looked up my type & it agrees exactly with what Jillian’s book said, lol!
Debra – that’s what it’s all about: finding what works for YOU. I’m so glad you found it!
I was wondering, is this genetically fixed, or can you change which category you are? Even, does it stay the same throughout life?
Dr. J
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